“Mornin’, boss. What’s up?”

  He was overly cheery and his eyes looked a bit glazed.

  “You’re late. Again.”

  He gave her the smile, the one that must have charmed girls out of their panties His words were like butter. “I was jamming with some friends and we lost track of time. We’re playing a show next weekend at the Inn of the Beginning. You gotta come.”

  He had charisma, she’d give him that.

  “Maybe I will. But right now I’d like you to go help Jamie in the kitchen. I’m not feeling well.”

  “Sure thing,” he said, opening the door to go inside. “You do look a little zapped.”

  He closed the door behind him and finally she had a moment of peace. Cathy dropped onto the wooden bench bordering the door, closed her bloodshot eyes, and let the sun warm her face. Before she could take a deep breath, Cathy heard the back door open. She swung around and snapped, “What now?”

  Jamie flinched. “Brian told me you weren’t feeling well. I just wanted to see if you need anything.”

  “Sorry. My head is pounding, and I don’t think I’ll ever want to eat again.”

  He sat down beside her. “Let go,” he said. “It’s all right.”

  Cathy closed her eyes and let the tension drain into his adept hands as they caressed her temples and ran though her hair. She leaned into his chest and heard the racing of his heart.

  “What’s going on, Cathy?” he asked.

  She wanted to tell him she loved him and that nothing else mattered.. Her eyes opened and there, standing at the back door with hands on her hips, was Jill.

  Jamie froze for a second.

  There was no escaping Jill’s knowing look. Cathy thought about playing stupid, but that was one thing she was not, no matter what her ex-husband had said.

  Jamie held his ground. “Cathy has a bad headache.” He looked down at her. “Go ahead home if you want. Brian and I can handle it today.” With that, he returned to the café.

  Jill sat down next to Cathy. “Do you want me to take you home?”

  She shook her head.

  “How about a walk then?”

  They strolled along Main Street without saying a word. The Rainbow Cattle Company bar was quiet as they passed; it wouldn’t be that night. She followed Jill to the other side of the street. They passed Rosemary’s Garden as they headed to the back street toward the historic bridge that spanned the river.

  As they crossed the footpath, cars passed, probably heading for the Pee Wee Golf Course. Cathy needed to remember to suggest they bring Amber there this summer. Jill stopped and stared over the cement barrier to the waters below. Sunlight sparkled on the green river as it curved past Johnson’s Beach and moved slowly toward the Pacific. A white egret skimmed across the water.

  Finally Jill looked up at Cathy.

  “What can I say?” Cathy fumbled. “I know how to deal with men who are jerks, but put a truly kind man in front of me and I’m clueless.”

  Jill’s eyes were steel. “I wouldn’t say ‘clueless’ is the right word for what you are doing. I would say reckless.”

  The word rang in Cathy’s ears. Reckless. A total disregard for the consequences to everyone. She wanted to yell at Jill that she was in love and deserved happiness finally, but how could she? At whose expense? She imagined Jill’s husband leaving her and the kids for some “reckless” woman and Cathy wanted to crawl under the bridge and hide.

  “You’re right,” Cathy said. “But you don’t always get to choose who you fall in love with. It isn’t always tied neatly in a pretty box with a big, satin bow. Sometimes love just grabs your heart and yanks it out of your chest and you have no choice but to follow.”

  Cathy felt naked under Jill’s penetrating stare,

  “You always have a choice, Cathy.”

  She glared back at Jill. “Hormones are one thing, the heart another. You think I would have chosen to fall in love with a friend’s husband?”

  “Do you know what love is?” Jill asked her.

  “I do now. I didn’t before I met Jamie.”

  Jill released her breath and uncrossed her tightly-woven arms from around her chest. “What about with your ex-husband?”

  “That is a low blow, Jill. You know that story.”

  She reached out and took Cathy’s hand. “I’m sorry. I just keep thinking about one of my friends falling for Dan. It’s just not right.”

  Fate? Right? Wrong? Did the heart understand those words? Did Cathy? It felt like she would die if she had to let him go. How dramatic; she hated women who said things like that, and now she was one of them.

  Families on inner tubes floated by on the river below. Their carefree laughter floated up to her ears. Would she ever be part of that?

  “You’re right. I’ll let him go.”

  Jill faced Cathy. “I hope for both of your sakes that you can.”

  ****

  Jill left Cathy at the river to contemplate her fate. Cathy thought about the possibility of telling Jamie the expansion was off. She’d promised him she wouldn’t change her mind. Perhaps he could run the upstairs and she would only come in once a week. Would that work? They would move out and everything would go back to normal. But nothing could ever be normal again after loving Jamie. She would have to tell him tonight.

  Cathy started back toward the shop and passed the Five and Dime. In the window sat a big stuffed Velveteen Rabbit. It was the perfect birthday present for Amber. She stopped in and bought it. All they had to do now was get through the Fourth of July picnic, and then they could plan a big party for Amber on the twentieth. Cathy imagined baking a cake in the shape of a rabbit with chocolate frosting and a marshmallow tail. The eyes could be gumdrops and the whiskers made of licorice.

  She put the bag with the fluffy rabbit in the car and went back inside the café. Brian and Jamie were cleaning up the last of the lunch dishes.

  “Thanks for covering for me, guys.”

  “That’s cool,” Brian said. “We’re just about done.”

  Tim came over and gave Cathy the once over. “You’re looking better.”

  “I am.”

  He handed her a hand-printed list. “While you were out having your afternoon stroll, we three boys put together our menu for the Fourth of July picnic.”

  Grilled veggie burgers with all the trimmings, red, white, and blue homemade shortcake, and strawberry lemonade. “Good work, boys. I’ll put the order in for supplies tomorrow and we can prep over the weekend.”

  They all looked relieved. And to be honest, so was she. Her head had not been into planning this event.

  Jamie finished drying some pots and laid the dishtowel down on the tile counter. “Ready to head out?” he asked her.

  She followed him toward the door. “Everyone, thanks again for covering for me. See you tomorrow.”

  ****

  On the way home, Cathy tried to figure out how to tell Jamie their dream restaurant plans were over. It wasn’t fair to offer him this opportunity and then take it back. There had to be another way. She couldn’t add to this man’s grief. Perhaps if she kept her distance, they could both win. She turned her attention to the tall redwoods whizzing by the window. The lush ferns created a fairy-like glen up the hills under the trees.

  “What’s in the bag?” he asked.

  She showed Jamie the Velveteen Rabbit. “For Amber’s birthday.”

  His face lit up. “She’s going to love that, Cathy.”

  “We’ll have to start planning soon. We can do a big outdoor party at my house, invite Jill’s kids, and maybe get a clown.”

  Jamie made the last curve and turned up the driveway. “Let’s sit down right after dinner and make those plans.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  He smiled at her and that was all that mattered. Right or wrong, Cathy knew she could not call off the café expansion. She would have to find another way to still her heart.

  CHAPTER TWENTY- NINE

  Jamie looked around for his wife and daughter, but they were not in the house when he and Cathy got home from work. A note scribbled on colored paper was propped up on the kitchen counter. “Gone swimming,” it said. Amber had drawn a picture of a green wavy river and a big yellow sun.

  Cathy put the bag with the stuffed bunny on the counter and leaned over him to read the note. “How cute,” she said. “You’re lucky to have such an adorable daughter.”

  “Do you want children someday?” he asked. The pained look on Cathy’s face made him sorry he’d asked the question.

  “I did once.” Cathy picked up the gift and started for her bedroom. “I guess I better hide Mr. Rabbit before Amber gets home.”

  Jamie followed Cathy and stood in the door of her bedroom, watching her decide the best hiding place. “Want me to put it up high in the closet?” he asked.

  “Great idea.” She handed him the bag and pointed. “Up there behind the shoe box.”

  Jamie tucked the package securely on the top shelf, well out of sight. When he turned, Cathy was sitting on the edge of her bed rubbing the back of her neck. She looked exhausted and a bit forlorn. “You look like you could use a nap,” he said.

  Cathy looked up and held him with her eyes. Jamie knew he should leave her room, knew he shouldn’t sit down on the bed and touch her soft skin. But only for a moment he told himself as he moved in beside her. He slipped the gauze shirt off her shoulders revealing the pale pink leotard against her tanned skin. His fingers moved up between her shoulder blades and down her smooth arms.

  She moaned and his pulse raced.

  He kissed away the knots in her neck, breathed in her salty scent, and felt his body quiver. “Cathy,” he whispered into her hair.

  She rolled over to face him, a tear glistening down her cheek.

  Jamie kissed it away and let his mouth linger along her jawline. Cathy’s lips parted as she whispered his name. How he loved the way her top lip curled at the sides. He wove his hands in her silky hair and pulled her to him, pressing his mouth to hers. Fireworks exploded in his head and he was floating. Floating in colors and sensations with Cathy to a place he never wanted to return from.

  He dragged himself back with a sigh and sat up, putting some distance between them. Reluctantly he slid Cathy’s shirt back over her shoulders. He searched his mind for something to say. Something that would make it right. But there were no such words.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  On the Fourth of July weekend, the whole town was always jumping with tourists. The café was no exception. Cathy could barely hear the radio playing in the background with all the chatter in the store. She’d drunk too much coffee that morning trying to make up for being late. It’s back to green tea only starting tomorrow, she promised herself. Grease and sweat coated her hair, and she felt grimy. Why, of all days, would Caroline and her husband decide to appear in her café?

  It was probably a surprise attack to assess whether to invest in the remodel. Pam must have told them all about it, even after Cathy had said she wasn’t interested in their money. She thought about hiding in the office, but it was too busy to leave Jamie alone out there. Jill was at her doctor’s appointment, and Brian was off playing his flute at the Lotus Sutra today.

  Caroline sauntered in, wearing a white linen jumpsuit with a plunging neckline. She walked arm in arm with Bentley, who was dressed totally in Armani. Their eyes took in the surroundings. Cathy watched them whisper to each other. Caroline broke out in her high-pitched laugh, the oh-look-at-me one Cathy had so hated in high school. All the bad memories of having to stand behind Miss Perfect in gym class made Cathy want to gag. Some of them had nicknamed her “Shallow Carol” and used to mimic her airs. Pam, of course, adored Caroline, and she reminded everyone that “Caroline” was pronounced with a hard “i,” like “wine.”

  They slid into one of the few open booths. It had to be the one with the crack in the vinyl seat leaking stuffing. The table was piled with plates and needed cleaning. That left only Cathy to do it. She cringed at the thought of bussing dishes in front of the royal couple. Oh damn it, she didn’t care. Cathy kept her head low, hoping they wouldn’t make eye contact with the lowly help. But Caroline’s fake drawl was loud enough for the whole place to hear.

  “Cathy, is that you?” she said, her voice rising at the end of the sentence.

  Cathy smiled with her lips, no teeth. Her eyes could kill. “Yes. Is that you, Caroline?”

  “Honey,” Caroline said, placing her left hand over Mr. Perfect’s, making sure Cathy saw her knuckle-to-knuckle diamond engagement ring on her finger. “You remember Cathy from the wedding. Remember, we were in high school together? She’s the one we came to see.”

  “Good to see you again,” Bentley said, extending his hand. “Weren’t you married to Todd, that quarterback, for a while? He was quite the football player at your alma mater.”

  How did he manage to have cold hands on a day like this?

  “Yes, I was,” Cathy said, sharing no details.

  She handed them two menus, hoping to escape.

  “It’s been a while,” Caroline said. “Can you believe it?”

  Cathy wanted to grab the big Gucci purse from Caroline’s lap and hit her over the head with it.

  “So, honey, don’t you have a waitress here?”

  Cathy bared her teeth. “Yes, Caroline. But, as the owner, I sometimes waitress too.”

  Caroline looked around, a slight frown on her face. “Oh, right, of course. We do what we have to do.” She fanned herself. “It’s a bit hot in here, but I guess that’s part of the country charm.”

  Brian chose that moment to rush by and apologize to Cathy for being late as he sprinted for the kitchen. He looked like he’d slept in his tie-dyed T-shirt and his cutoffs were ready for the trash.

  Caroline’s eyebrow shot toward the ceiling. “Lots of hippie types out here on the River. Does he work for you?”

  “Yes, he does,” Cathy shot back. “He’s a prep cook and helps us out when we’re busy.”

  Caroline rolled her eyes at her husband. “Bentley and I came up to meet with you. Pam thought we might help you all out with this little venture. And…”

  Another one of Pam’s plans, Cathy thought. I wish she would not include me in them.

  “We were coming up this direction anyway to scout for a vacation home.” When Caroline smiled at Bentley, all Cathy could see in her eyes were dollar signs. From the look of them, they must be millionaires by now.

  “You might want to consider Mendocino,” Cathy said, hoping to distract them from considering anywhere in Sonoma County.

  “We’ve heard it’s divine up there. More sophisticated.”

  “I’ll leave you two to decide what you want to order.” Cathy left the lovebirds and stomped behind the counter. Jamie gave her a “what’s up?” look.

  “Please,” Cathy said, “can you take their order and serve them? They’re the potential investors Pam invited up.”

  “I didn’t know,” he said. “Pam mentioned a surprise would be arriving soon, but I had no idea she did this, Cathy.”

  “It’s fine. Just go.”

  Jamie picked up an order pad. “I thought I recognized Caroline and her husband. I’ll take care of them.”

  Cathy kept herself busy smashing avocados and garlic cloves. Jill arrived a few minutes later. “Can I help?” she asked.

  Cathy nodded toward Brian. “Can you see what he needs? Thanks, Jill.”

  Cathy watched Jamie bring out his lunch and join them at their booth. She could imagine how they were grilling him. Customers kept pouring in and Cathy was running in every direction to fill orders. Finally, Caroline and Bentley got up to leave after lingering over the meal and making sure Cathy saw how well they all were getting along. Bentley headed up front to pay the bill, but Caroline couldn’t resist coming to the counter to say goodbye.

  “Cathy, it’s so good to see you and your quaint little place. We’ll discuss our options and get back to you two soon.”

  “Thanks for stopping by,” Cathy said. She wanted to yell, “Have a happy life,” but Cathy held back. She also did not say, “Lunch is on me.” Let Mr. Moneybags pay for it.

  Cathy turned her back and retreated into the back office, before anyone saw her blow.

  ****

  Jamie followed close on her heels. Cathy brushed past him and slammed the office door behind her.

  “Cat,” he said cautiously with a light knock on the door. “Can I come in?”

  “No.” She really didn’t want him to see her like this.

  “Are you sure?” he said, sticking his head in the door anyway.

  He walked in, took the chair next to Cathy, and waited. One look into his eyes and all she could think was, Please hold me.

  “What is her thing, anyway? I hate that woman,” Cathy said, daring him to contradict her.

  He grinned and leaned forward on the metal chair. “The one with the sparkler on her hand big enough to light the city of San Francisco?”

  Reluctantly Cathy laughed and felt a bit better.

  Jamie wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry,” he said, kissing her forehead. “They’re gone now.”

  “She’s always been a bitch. I’d rather go bankrupt than take a dime from her.”

  His light, warm kisses roamed over the top of Cathy’s head, soothing her frayed nerves. She knew Tim had seen them over the last week touching hands, staring into each other’s eyes. But she didn’t care. She was tired. Tired of doing everything alone, being strong, holding on.

  “Pam said you all were good friends once,” Jamie said.

  “Are you kidding? I think Pam had a crush on Caroline. The three of us hung out at one time. Caroline lived in the Oakland Hills, drove a fancy new car her parents bought her, and was a Queen Bee. Worker bees circled her and she took full advantage. By senior year she’d become my favorite person to avoid.”

  Jamie frowned. “She doesn’t sound like much of a friend.”

  “She actually gloated over my divorce from Todd. She, like every other girl in the school, had a crush on Todd herself. When Todd left and took his friends with him, he counted Caroline as one of them.”