“The night breeze feels wonderful after the warm day,” Pam said.

  It did, and so did the wine. A pleasant numbness was setting in and Cathy’s worries seemed further and further away.

  “I think Jamie’s going to get this job,” Pam rambled on, a bit slurred. “We’re going stay at first with Caroline and her husband in their pool house.”

  Now it fell into place with a sobering clarity. Pam must have been calling Caroline, telling her all her woes, and Caroline probably pulled a few strings to get this interview in Santa Barbara for Jamie.

  “When did you decide on Santa Barbara instead of Sonoma?” Cathy asked

  Pam topped off her glass again. “Oh, you know, nothing was working out here and Jamie can make so much money in a place like that.”

  Did Pam even care about all the work and money Cathy had put in for the remodel? Or how much the upstairs café meant to Jamie?

  “I know that job will pay more than I could have,” Cathy said.

  “Yeah,” Pam continued, “and Caroline’s husband knows so many rich people. Who knows where Jamie’s career will go?”

  Cathy could see that all the plans were already made. The interview was probably just a formality. Bile rose in her throat.

  “How are the schools there for Amber?” Cathy asked.

  “I’m sure they’re the best. Everything else there is.”

  Cathy could see it now. Pam and Caroline sticking Amber in daycare and spending their days getting their nails done, shopping, hanging out in wine bars while Jamie worked. How did she ever like this person? In high school Pam was always there, someone to hang out with. But there was a good reason they had barely stayed in touch since. Maybe Cathy was wrong, but she doubted it.

  “I’m sure you’ll be happy there, Pam,” she said without heart.

  Pam looked at her with bloodshot eyes. “We will be happy there.”

  Breathe, Cathy told herself. She poured herself a little more wine. It was drink or kill. Maybe both.

  “I know Santa Barbara is not your kind of place, Cathy,” she said.

  “What do you mean ‘my kind of place?’”

  Pam squirmed. “You know, it’s not all back to the earth, natural and stuff.”

  “Oh, I see. So my place was second choice?”

  Pam shook her head. “No, sorry, I didn’t mean…I just thought there’d be more opportunity there, for Jamie.”

  “Sonoma is not Santa Barbara and I don’t have a pool house.”

  Pam looked at Cathy like she was trying to figure out what Cathy had just said. “I know you don’t have a pool.”

  Cathy waved her arms. “No, I don’t, or a mansion in the hills or a rich husband…”

  “You could have had one.”

  Cathy couldn’t believe Pam said that. Did Pam realize how cruel that reference to Todd was? “I like my life just fine the way it is here,” Cathy spit out.

  “That’s what I meant. You belong here,” Pam said, her speech becoming progressively slurred.

  Amber appeared at the screen door. “Mommy, I can’t sleep,” she said, rubbing her eyes. “Can you read me a story?”

  Pam could barely stand and fell back down in the chair. “Go to bed, honey. Mommy will check on you later.”

  “I want Daddy,” she cried. “He would read me a story.”

  Pam tried again to stand but slumped back into the chair. She waved at Amber, “Back to bed now, sweetie. I’ll be in soon.”

  “Okay.” Amber sighed and scampered away.

  Pam mumbled. “It’s always Daddy this and Daddy that, like I’m not even there.”

  Cathy remembered when she’d met Pam in sixth grade and how she used to walk around pretending her dad was coming back any day. Why couldn’t she see how lucky Amber was to have a good father?

  “She loves her daddy. What’s wrong with that?”

  “You had a great dad too.” Pam said.

  “That’s debatable.”

  Pam laughed. “You all felt sorry for me ‘cause my dad abandoned us. But you, you had the perfect dad…like Jamie.”

  Everyone had thought her dad was perfect. Pam had stayed in denial all these years. “Open your eyes,” she said. “The perfect dad you thought I had, he was abusing my mom and me. Then he drank himself to death and left my mother nearly broke.”

  Pam covered her eyes with her arm. “I don’t want to hear this,” she said. “He was the nicest, kindest man, like Jamie.”

  Cathy raised her voice. “Didn’t you ever wonder why I never asked you to spend the night? My so-called nice father drank himself crazy at night. He yelled at us, even hit my mom a few times. I had bruises down my arms. How could you be so blind, Pam?”

  “How can you lie like that?” Pam glared at Cathy. “I’m not as blind as you think I am. You’re just jealous because you don’t have a husband like Jamie.”

  “You’re right,” Cathy said. “I am.”

  Pam grinned smugly.

  Cathy wondered if Pam had ever really been a friend. Had she always had an agenda and being friends with Cathy was part of her plan?

  “Why did you even come at the end after Todd left me?” Cathy asked.

  “You’d had everything Cathy. And you lost it. After Todd left you, no one would talk to me either because I was your friend. You were so wrapped up in your own problems you never noticed that I was all alone too.”

  Cathy’s head spun. Nothing made sense anymore. Friends or enemies, they were stuck together in this house until the drama ended.

  Pam poured herself another glass and the second bottle was now almost empty. Cathy hoped she wouldn’t have to carry Pam to bed.

  Pam spilled the wine down her shirt and started to giggle. “Whoops!” She lifted her blouse in the air. “What’s wrong with me?”

  Good question, Cathy thought. For all of them. Cathy felt a bit woozy herself. “I think we’d better go to bed now.”

  Tears rimmed Pam’s eyes then rolled down her cheek. “My dad never came back,” she sobbed. “But I know Jamie will never leave Amber. He loves Amber.”

  Pam’s body was racked with tears now. She wiped her nose and eyes with her arm. Cathy couldn’t bear Pam’s pain. She scooted in next to her and wrapped Pam in her arms.

  “Everything is fine, Pam. Jamie loves you, Amber loves you…I love you.”

  Cathy realized she still had a place for Pam in her heart. Love, or perhaps pity, forged a strong bond. She thought of sweet Amber with her fragile little heart. A daddy’s girl. She needed her dad by her side every day while she grew up. Her mom too. Cathy cleared her head and forced herself to stand.

  She reached out her hand to Pam, but Pam fell back like dead weight. Cathy lifted Pam up under her arms to support her while she leaned on Cathy’s shoulder, weeping softly.

  “You always were a good friend, Cathy,” she said, her words slow and drawn out.

  It took all of Cathy’s strength to drag Pam into her room.

  “Time for beddy bye,” Pam said, flopping into bed in her clothes. Cathy pulled the quilt up over her and set the alarm for 8:00 a.m. She could imagine the headache they both would have in the morning. Down the hall in the little room, Cathy double-checked and found Amber sound asleep with the doll tucked under the covers and the Velveteen Rabbit book on her nightstand.

  “Good night, princess,” she whispered, kissing Amber on the forehead.

  Cathy tiptoed down the hall and turned off all the lights in the house. Finally in her room, she pulled off her clothes, slipped on a nightgown, and fell into bed. Sleep, sweet sleep.

  Except it didn’t come.

  Eyes closed, she imagined Jamie beside her. His warm hands, moist lips, kind heart. He’d been coming through the fog to her for months in her dreams. Moving always closer, then almost out of reach, his penetrating blue eyes were all she could see. The dreams had stopped once he had arrived here.

  He was The One. She’d known it the minute their eyes met over the injured dog on River Road that day. People said she’d know when the Right One came along. Was it just a bunch of romantic crap? If Jamie was her One, why was he with Pam?

  Cathy never believed that existed. The one person that would fit, that got her, all of her, and still loved her. The One she would never forget, not in this life or the next. Jamie was it—her heart was sure. The world melted away when he was near. Everything was clear—pain gone, floating in bliss.

  Danger zone. Stop. Do not enter. Too late, she was already there, indulging the fantasy. The sun shone, birds sang, Jamie and Cathy lived happily ever after in their cottage in the woods. A golden-haired little girl chased a little golden puppy through the clover.

  Stop. Cut. Rewind. Who was she kidding? He may be Cathy’s The One, but he was Pam’s Husband.

  Would it help anyone if he stayed in a marriage when he loved someone else? Was it fair? Fair should not be in the human vocabulary. Fair to whom? To Cathy’s family when her father died so young and left them nothing? When her husband abandoned her? Or her unborn baby girl who died before her first breath?

  Fair to herself to feel this way for someone she could not have? To do something that she could never live with herself for?

  Fair was nothing more than a four-letter word.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  The interview was over. As the plane took off from Southern California, Jamie looked out the window at the glistening Pacific Ocean below. He saw large mansions with pools in their backyards and sculpted lawns. Everything looked like it had sprung out of a designer magazine. Picture perfect.

  Was that how their life would be if they lived here?

  It was not the sprawling apple orchards that lined River Road, the green river curving its way to Jenner. He missed the red earth of Sonoma County, the open land and gardens. The old farmhouses with dogs out front and horses in the pasture.

  He missed Cathy. His dreams waited for him in Forestville. The Upstairs Café, filled with customers eating local, healthy, gourmet food that he had created. A little house with a fenced yard for Amber, and a blue dog.

  The plane turned inland over the central valley and headed north back to San Francisco. His wife and daughter would be waiting for him there. Waiting for the news that Pam so longed to hear.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  Cathy had gone to the shop early to help Jill. They worked side by side prepping for lunch, just like it was any other Wednesday morning. They knew the routine well.

  “Oh, by the way,” Jill said. “Paula and Linda stopped by to see when you want to sample their wine. I’ve heard their little start-up vineyard here in Forestville produces some great wines.”

  “Did they leave a card?” Cathy asked.

  “It’s on your desk.”

  The Upstairs Café was still a darn good idea, whether Jamie stayed or went. If she hired a part-time chef and worked here herself, Cathy could get it off the ground. The recipes were ready, the furniture ordered. As she often said, why not? It would give her a place to bury herself, too busy to have to think. And possibly some money to pay off the debts from doing it in the first place.

  Cathy glanced at the clock: 11:30. Again she wondered how his final interview went. Had they made a decision? She was dying to call home and see what the news was, but they wouldn’t be home yet. Pam and Amber must have been at the airport by now to pick him up, and they would have to fight traffic on their way back.

  “When you come back to Earth, I need some more grated salad made up,” Jill said.

  Cathy tried to pay attention, finish the lunch service, and not chop off a finger. Brian arrived and lunch breezed by, even though her eyes were constantly glued to the clock.

  Thank goodness her mind was on something else for a while besides Jamie. Pam and Caroline must have planned this whole thing. Betrayal stung. But who was betraying whom? Good karma or bad karma, they would all have to answer for it.

  Cathy fought the nagging thought that she was not good enough for Jamie, or her café. But even so, she just couldn’t see Jamie with the Santa Barbara set. He could hold his own in the kitchen or anywhere else, but the people, the pressure, the image he would have to live up to. Pam, of course, would be in all her glory.

  “The clock moves faster if you don’t look at it every five minutes,” Jill said, giving Cathy her raised eyebrows. “Why don’t you just go home and find out what’s happening?”

  “Are you sure you don’t need me?” Cathy asked, hoping she would say, “Go home.”

  “Brian’s here, and remember, I used to handle this place most of the time by myself anyway.”

  Cathy nodded, her mind elsewhere.

  “Scat, get out of here, will you? And let me know how the interview went.”

  It was obvious Jill had had enough of Cathy dropping things and getting in the way for one day.

  Cathy took off her apron and washed her hands.

  Jill stood behind her. “How are you doing?”

  Cathy looked up. “I’m okay, for now.”

  Jill put her arms around her. “Be strong. We all love you here.”

  Cathy bit her quivering lip to hold back tears. There would be plenty of time for that if…when they left. “Thanks, Jill, what would I do without you?”

  “Probably close the shop,” she said, eyes gleaming.

  “Right,” Cathy said. “See you tomorrow.”

  She packed up, exited the kitchen, and drove home. Butterflies did battle in her stomach. What if he got it? What if he didn’t? What if he left? What if he stayed? She pulled in and turned off the car. When she saw their car in the gravel drive, she could barely face walking into her own house.

  This was ridiculous. She slammed the car door and marched up the stairs. She was not some helpless twenty-year-old. She could take care of herself. Time to get real. No one ran to meet her at the door, but Cathy could hear chatter and laughter coming from their bedroom as she entered. When she reached the door to their room, Cathy couldn’t believe what she saw. There were boxes and suitcases on the bed. They were packing. The scene faded, Cathy’s breath stopped. She could feel the click of her heart going into lockdown.

  Pam saw her first. “Cathy, we have good news!” She looked like a little girl telling her Santa had come.

  “We have a present for you, too,” Amber giggled.

  Jamie stood up and the pain in his expression did nothing to reassure her.

  “He got the job in Santa Barbara! Sous chef at the five-star Santa Barbara Inn with one of the best executive chefs in the nation! Can you believe it?” Pam was actually clapping her hands with joy.

  No, Cathy couldn’t believe this was happening. She finally managed to get out a word.

  “When?”

  Jamie stepped forward. “I start next Monday. We’ll be leaving Friday.”

  “In two days?” Cathy’s voice sounded like she was being strangled.

  Pam took a handful of clothes out of the closet and began folding them and putting them in a suitcase. She was humming. Cathy was dying, and she was humming.

  “I’m so sorry to leave you stranded like this,” Jamie said. “I can work tomorrow, and I’ll do everything I can to help get things in order before I leave.”

  “Can we give her the present now? Can we?” Amber said, moving from foot to foot in a little dance.

  “Sure, honey,” Pam said. “Let’s go get it.” Cathy watched them walk toward the laundry room and wondered what they put in there. Poison?

  Jamie took her hand. “I’m so sorry.”

  Cathy pulled back. Her face must be a mess of emotions and she didn’t want to break down. “All our plans…now what?” she said.

  He stroked her hair and for a second Cathy thought he might kiss her. She wanted to pound him and yell, “How could you?” She wanted to throw him down on the bed and make love to him.

  “Look what we got you, Auntie Cathy!”

  Cathy turned briskly to face the door.

  Amber was carrying a white metal cage with a bright-colored little bird perched on a swing inside.

  “A lub bird, for you,” she said. “He can be your friend when we’re gone.”

  The red-cheeked bird rocked back and forth. Pretty and alone. Cathy knew that love birds should always be bought in pairs. Or was that the plan? You, Cathy, are pretty, but when we are gone, you will be alone. She looked at Pam. Her face was a mask, but her eyes showed victory. Perhaps when they left, Cathy would open the cage and let her cats eat the bird. Of course she wouldn’t. But she would certainly buy it a mate.

  “Do you like it?” Amber asked.

  Cathy kneeled down and hugged her. “It’s a wonderful present, and I will always think of you when I see the bird.”

  And Jamie.

  It was like a movie unfolding in slow motion. Amber packed her books, her cute clothes, and dolls. Cathy wanted to slam the suitcase shut and scream, “You can’t go!”

  Jamie was packing his cookbooks. “I wish I could give you more than two days’ notice, Cat, but the owners were in a real jam and needed a chef to start immediately.”

  “I understand, Jamie, I do.”

  His smile was not matched by his eyes, which looked like those of a lost puppy. What else could he do? Throw away this incredible opportunity to stay out at the River with her?

  “Tomorrow,” he said, “Pam has to go back to Oakland and pack the rest of our stuff. I can work as long as you need me. As long as it takes.”

  “I appreciate that,” Cathy said.

  “I mean it.” She knew right then that he did not want to leave.

  “Mean what?” Pam said sharply.

  Jamie rose to face her. “I mean I’m grateful for all she has done for us and I will help her any way I can.”

  Pam put her hands on hips and cocked her head. “Maybe you better think about helping your family first.”

  “I think that fact is obvious,” Jamie said.

  “And think about not having to raise Amber among all these hippies and gays here on the river.”

  Jamie put up his hand. “That is uncalled for Pam.”

  Hands on hips, Pam held her ground.