She didn’t know what to say. What she wanted to say seemed too bold and scary.

  “We don’t have to be in a hurry,” he went on. “But I’d like to see you more often. That’s why I moved here, but with my new schedule it’s like I see you less than before.”

  You moved here for me? The thought gave her a warm feeling. She looked down at his fingers covering hers. It was the first time he had ever touched her that she could recall, and she found the sensation pleasing. She wanted to tell him she had been feeling some things for him too, but--.

  No decent guy will want you. Her mom’s words echoed in her thoughts. Scott apparently did want her, so her previous fears of him rejecting her were no longer valid, but what if he changed? What if he became like her dad and started knocking her around? Who knew what the stress of marriage and two kids could do to a man, especially one as young as Scott? Her father had probably been a nice guy at one time too, until the problems started, until the drinking.

  She pulled her hand away and tried to get her bearings and decide how to respond. Thinking Scott could become like her dad seemed ridiculous, and she wasn’t sure what made her think that. Look how great he is with Madeline? Have you ever once seen him mad?

  “What are you thinking?” he asked. “Am I being completely crazy here, Holly?”

  “No,” she whispered. “I like you, Scott, really. It’s just--”

  He reached out and laid his hand on her cheek. She couldn’t move. He brushed her hair away from her face and leaned forward to kiss her, but she turned away and rose from the couch. There wasn’t really anyplace to go, and she went to stand by the window. He left her alone for a moment but then came to her and tried again, gently turning her to face him and pulling her into his arms. He didn’t try to kiss her again, but he held her, and it felt nice.

  “Scott, I don’t know,” she said, stepping away. “I’m not sure--”

  She couldn’t finish the sentence, but he seemed to understand her need for some space right now.

  “I’m going to go now, but think about it, okay?”

  She watched as he stepped back, turned away, and walked out of the room. A few moments later she heard the front door open and close behind him, and she stood there, feeling numb and elated at the same time. But mostly elated.

  He likes me.

  ***

  Holly left Deb’s by five every day that week. Two sets of siblings they cared for were usually picked up by four-thirty, along with one of the infants, so there was no official reason both she and Deb had to be there once their numbers were reduced. But she had often stayed later, playing with the remaining ones out of sheer enjoyment, not obligation. But Scott was usually home by five-thirty, and she wanted to be gone before he got there. Deb didn’t seem to notice. Holly didn’t think Scott could have said anything to his mom about what he’d told her on Sunday. Deb was too transparent to hide her feelings on the subject--whatever they would be.

  That weekend Sarah had a slight cold, so she stayed home from church on Sunday. The next week she continued watching the clock and always left on time. But she began missing Scott. She wanted to see him, but she didn’t.

  She got a letter from Tamara on Friday. From the feel of the envelope it appeared to be a long one, and she waited until after dinner before reading the contents. Tamara talked about her new classes, her new roommate, and of course, Brian. After another summer away from each other, their relationship had grown and they were happily making up for lost time.

  Once she had Sarah tucked in for the night, Holly went down to the living room with a note pad in hand and replied to Tamara’s letter. She didn’t have a lot to say, just the normal stuff about work, Sarah, and other bits and pieces of her predictable life. She told her Molly hadn’t been to church since she’d left.

  She thought about sharing about Scott and what had happened the night of the storm and the following evening, but she couldn’t bring herself to write the words. Doing so would make it too real and harder to ignore. Plus, Tamara was sure to ask her for updates and want to know her reasons for keeping Scott at arm’s length. She couldn’t tell her any of that.

  So she kept the letter short and simple, mailing it from the box the next morning. On Saturday evening she decided to sit at the computer and write a story she’d had in her head the last few days. She had already gone to bed but couldn’t sleep and got back up. Everyone else had gone to bed. The quiet surroundings made it easier for her to get her thoughts onto the screen. Two hours later she had the first draft finished and saved her work, then closed the document.

  Another icon in her folder caught her attention. The story she had written last winter had faded from her memory. She had worked on it several more times but had never been able to come up with the right ending. She had turned her attention to other things, sending off another story in April to The Difference that had been accepted in addition to one more poem and a nonfiction article she had written on teen parenting.

  She decided to take a quick look at the old story, not remembering the changes she had made the last time. Her heart began to beat faster at the thought of revisiting the main character. The story had been based on Scott and his situation as a single father.

  In the story the guy’s name was Josh. His daughter’s name was Annie. The two of them were inseparable and each other’s whole life. Annie’s mom had died of a rare blood disease when Annie was two. She was now seven. Josh was happy, but he wanted a wife and a mother for Annie.

  One day Josh met a woman at the auto repair shop he owned in a small coastal town. Julie had brought her car in for some work, and he had been instantly attracted to her. He asked her out and everything was going well until she found out he had a seven-year-old. Then Julie got scared. She wasn’t ready to be a mother and didn’t want to get involved with someone who could force her to be one sooner than she had planned.

  Josh was crushed. He thought Julie would make a great mother for Annie. She seemed really sweet and giving.

  Holly felt good about the story up to that point, but then everything she tried didn’t seem right. She tried brainstorming exercises she had learned in creative writing, she’d outlined, she’d done full scale character development charts, nothing had worked. She couldn’t think of anything good at the moment either. Her mind felt like mush, but she hoped something would spring to mind in the coming days. That’s usually the way it worked for her.

  Without an excuse to skip church the next morning, other than feeling tired from staying up so late, Holly got ready and drove herself and Sarah there for the eleven o’clock service. Sometimes she went to the young adult Bible class held earlier, but Scott had been coming since moving to Hood River, and she didn’t want to be there with him today. Avoiding him during the worship service would be easier.

  She took Sarah to the nursery and headed for the sanctuary. At the bottom of the stairs she saw him standing in the foyer. He was alone. They made eye contact, and he came to meet her. The red highlights in his hair stood out with the overhead skylights bathing them in a warm glow. He had dressed in his usual Sunday attire: a blue denim shirt and black jeans.

  “Good morning,” he said. Even the sound of his voice made her heart surge.

  She returned the greeting and intended to keep moving toward the double doors. The first song had already begun. He grabbed her hand and pulled her in the opposite direction before she could turn away from him. He led her down the hallway and into an unoccupied classroom. His gentle touch made it impossible for her to refuse his silent request to speak with her privately. He didn’t let go of her hand once they were standing face to face.

  “You’ve been avoiding me.”

  He sounded disappointed. She didn’t reply.

  He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. “I’ve missed seeing you.”

  I’ve missed you too.

  At her silence he let go of her hand. She felt like crying. She didn’t know how to do this.

  “I don’t want to lose your friendship, Holly. If you don’t have any feelings for me beyond that, we can go back to the way things were. We can pretend I never said anything. Is that what you want?”

  She took a deep breath and slowly nodded, feeling relieved he was willing to let her off the hook. “I do want you as a friend, Scott.”

  “But you don’t have any desire to be anything more.” It was a statement, not a question. She supposed if she remained silent he would assume that was the case. She didn’t want to lie to him.

  “Do you?”

  So close. Why did you have to ask me that?

  He reached out and touched her cheek, turning her eyes to meet his gentle brown ones.

  “Do you?” he repeated, a hint of hope rising in his voice.

  She swallowed the lump in her throat. She couldn’t lie to him, and she couldn’t walk away or he would know the truth anyway.

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  His mouth twitched in an attempt to hold back a smile. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

  She closed her eyes and felt him take her hand. He stepped closer, wrapping his other arm around her waist. She opened her eyes to see him lean forward and kiss her on the cheek. He smelled nice.

  “Did I hear wrong, Holly Stevens, or did you just say yes?”

  She took a step back but didn’t pull her hand away. “I’m not ready,” she said. “Yes, I have feelings for you. But I’m not ready, Scott. Not yet.”

  “I can live with that,” he said. “As long as you don’t avoid me anymore.”

  “I can’t promise you anything. I can’t promise you things will ever change. I may never be ready.”

  He took her words seriously. “Can you tell me why?”

  She didn’t want to tell him about her insecurities about herself or her fears of him being like her dad. Remembering something he had said about Melissa a few weeks ago, she felt the same words applied to her.

  “You know how you told me that Melissa didn’t have anything to give Madeline because of the way her parents neglected her?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, I sort of feel that way about being in a relationship. I don’t know if I have anything to give, and I don’t want to end up hurting you.”

  “All I want is a chance, Holly.” he said. “I’ll take things nice and slow, and if things don’t work out, I’ll let you go, no strings attached, all right?”

  She wanted to say yes. She wanted to believe things could be wonderful between them. But the thought of having him for awhile and then losing him later troubled her. She knew all too well that letting go would not be that simple, especially since his mother was her employer and his daughter was one of her favorite people in the world. She didn’t want things to change.

  “Can I make one request?” she said.

  “What’s that?”

  “Can we keep this between us for now?”

  “You mean not tell anyone that we’re together?”

  “I’m not ashamed to be seen with you or anything like that,” she explained. “I just don’t want your mom and Aunt Dana and people here at church making a big deal out of it--not yet.”

  “For how long?”

  “I don’t know. It depends on how things go.”

  “Does that mean I can’t take you out on a date?”

  “Not yet. I know it sounds bizarre. But that’s all I can give you right now. If that’s not enough, then--” Her voice trailed off. She knew it sounded stupid. Well, he might as well know me for who I am right now. Then we won’t have to go through this whole mess, and he can reject me now instead of later.

  “How do you propose that we get to have any time together?” he teased. “Sneaking out for a midnight rendezvous in the woods?”

  She laughed. “I was thinking more like I could hang around until you get home each night and start accepting your mom’s invitation to stay for dinner more often, and we could take the girls to the park on Saturdays or after church, stuff like that.”

  “I could get my own place. That way you could come over in the evenings and no one would know.”

  “No. I don’t want to do that to your mom. She just got you and Madeline back here in town. Besides, being alone at an apartment is probably not a good idea, and I’d have to lie to my aunt and uncle about where I’m going every night.”

  “You’re right. We’ll find moments when we can. That will be better than what I have now.” He smiled like he was teasing her, but she seriously wondered if she could be what he needed. Maybe she was too young for him, too needy, or too cautious to let anything happen.

  “I actually like the sound of that,” he said more seriously. “It will be like I’ve got this really good secret.”

  Knowing that harebrained idea had only made Scott more excited about pursuing her, she supposed nothing was going to deter him. Now she had to trust that he would stick to the plan.

  “I suppose we better get into the service before anyone notices that we’re both not in there,” he said, squeezing her hand. “You go ahead while they’re still singing and then I’ll follow in a few minutes. Do you want to meet me in the park this afternoon? The girls can play, and we can sit and talk.”

  She smiled. “Okay. Four o’clock?”

  “I’ll be there.”

  Stepping away from him, she smiled and turned to enter the hall. She walked to the sanctuary and found her aunt and uncle in their usual spot before the worship time ended. I can’t believe I agreed to start seeing him. What happened to that speech I had prepared? Oh, God. I hope I didn’t make a huge mistake.

  Holly felt like she needed to pray, and she did. During the time when the pastor prayed for the needs of others who were sick, going through hard times, or in need of spiritual intervention, she prayed for herself. God, whatever happens, please don’t let me hurt him. He’s already been through enough.

  She didn’t have any trouble getting away from the house that afternoon. She often took Sarah to the park on Sundays after her nap, followed by a special treat at a nearby ice cream shop. She tried not to worry about Madeline saying anything to her grandma. She and Scott running into each other at the park wouldn’t be that strange, as long as they didn’t do it too often.

  Even though they didn’t hold hands or act like anything more than friends to onlookers, Holly knew things were different between them, and she liked the special feelings his companionship brought to her heart. He appeared to enjoy her company also.

  After having their ice cream cones, Holly knew she needed to get back. She had told Aunt Dana she’d be home by dinnertime. Doing otherwise would have been out of the ordinary.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked, walking her to the car.

  She nodded. “I’ll be around.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Over the next week Holly found Scott to be far more sneaky than she thought he was capable of. Whenever he came home, he played the part of the aloof man very well, mumbling a hello to her and focusing his attention on Madeline as usual. On Tuesday and Friday she stayed for dinner when Deb invited her. Scott talked to her as he always had. Casually. Never hinting at anything.

  After dinner on Tuesday he said he needed to get something out of his truck when she went to leave. He walked with her to her car out of sight of any windows from the house and whispered a few intimate words about how beautiful she looked and how he had barely been able to contain himself all through dinner. On Friday night they made arrangements to meet at a park along the river the next day, this time without the girls.

  On Saturday afternoon she told her aunt she needed to go shopping for a few things in town, which she planned on doing before going to meet Scott. He often went fishing on Saturdays, so leaving Madeline with his mom for part of the day wasn’t unusual.

  “Don’t you think she’ll wonder why you didn’t catch anything?”

  “That’s not unusual either,” he laughed.

  They didn’t stay too long, but they didn’t rush either. She had felt nervous about meeting him and being completely alone with him for the first time like this, but only a few minutes had passed before she felt totally at ease. She had always thought of herself as shy, and Scott wasn’t much of a socialite himself, but together they couldn’t seem to stop talking. Opening up to one another felt like the most natural thing in the world, and Holly found herself enjoying their secret date more than she ever thought possible.

  The following week the surprises started. A Thinking of You card he left in her car; The small bouquet of yellow roses she found on the dash above the steering wheel with a card attached that read, The woman at the flower shop told me that yellow is for friendship. I hope ours lasts for a long time; The tiny bottle of perfume with the note attached saying, This is the way I see you, as a fragrant burst of fresh air in my life.

  She had no idea an auto mechanic could be so romantic.

  On Friday when Scott came home from work, he asked Madeline if she wanted to go to Dairy Queen for dinner, something they did every couple of weeks for their special night out together.

  “Hey, maybe we can talk Holly and Sarah into going with us,” he added after Madeline’s enthusiastic yes. Deb was in the room at the time.

  “Pleeeze, Holly,” Madeline begged. “You can share my ice cream if you don’t have enough money to get one for yourself.”

  Holly smiled. “That’s very sweet of you, but I think I have enough to get my own.”

  “You want to come too, Mom?” Scott asked.

  “No. You young ones that don’t have to watch your cholesterol go ahead. I’ll make myself a Lean Cuisine.”

  “Okay. We’ll be back soon.”

  Scott’s truck had an extended cab with enough room for all four of them, so they went together. Madeline was delighted with the special treat of having Sarah in the back seat with her, and she talked to her nonstop for the first few minutes.

  “Thank you for the perfume,” Holly whispered to Scott when he reached over to hold her hand. “I put some on this morning.”