“But he said he hadn’t decided yet. Then, like an idiot, I said, ‘Aren’t you going with Jenna?’ I about died after I realized what I had said. He got this funny look on his face and asked me how I knew that.”

  Tamara buried her freckled face into her hands, and Holly laughed. She could imagine her cousin turning red during class. Brian had moved here a few months ago, and Tamara had fallen for him. He also attended the same church they did. Holly had no doubt every girl in the youth group had her eye on Brian.

  “What did you say?”

  Tamara tossed her reddish-brown hair over her shoulder and smiled again. “You would have been proud of me. I was so smooth.”

  “This I have to hear.”

  Tamara sat up straight and play-acted the line. “I know much more about you than you might think, Brian Andrew Knight.”

  “No way! You didn’t.”

  “I did!”

  “What did he say?”

  “He smiled and said, ‘But you didn’t know I turned her down.’ I said, ‘You did? Why?’ He said, ‘Because I was already planning to ask someone else.’”

  Holly could predict what happened next, but she let Tamara have the excitement of reliving the moment.

  “So, I asked him who it was, promising not to blab, and he leaned over the desk and whispered, ‘You,’ right in my ear.”

  Holly felt happy for her cousin. Caring, fun, and sweet, Tamara deserved a guy like Brian, assuming he was nice as everyone seemed to think.

  “Are you going to buy a new dress?”

  “Yes. I already have one picked out. I’ll probably get it on Saturday if it looks as good on me as it does on the rack. You want to come with me?”

  “Sure. I’d love to.”

  After Tamara left her to study for her French exam, Holly wondered if she would ever date anyone again. Right now she didn’t have any desire to, nor have anyone she was interested in. She couldn’t imagine any guy at school or church wanting to go out with someone that had a baby.

  She didn’t feel ready or anxious to get involved with anyone anytime soon. Faith had talked with her about getting to know God and finding satisfaction and security in her relationship with Him before she tried to open her heart to another guy. Deep down that’s what she wanted, to know God and love Him with all of her heart and be convinced of His love for her.

  ***

  “Does this color look okay on me?” Tamara asked, standing in front of the full-length mirror in the dressing room of the clothing store.

  Holly gazed at Tamara’s reflection. The baby-blue dress was adorable, but Holly didn’t think it did much for Tamara’s figure or brought out her beautiful green eyes. “I think you should try the navy one.”

  Tamara wiggled out of the dress, and Holly helped her lift the deep blue one over her head, shifting it into place and zipping up the back. The fabric hung nicely on Tamara’s slim torso, and the straight skirt went all the way to her ankles. Holly thought she looked stunning.

  “What do you think?” Tamara asked, appearing skeptical.

  Holly had her turn in a full circle before she voiced her initial impression. “Now that is a dress worthy of Tamara Thorpe.”

  “Really? You don’t think it’s too simple?”

  “If you don’t like it, then don’t get it, but I think it’s perfect, especially if you wear your hair up like you were showing me.”

  Tamara pulled her hair up, letting a few loose curly tendrils fall beside her face. Holly’s smile widened. “Yes. This is definitely my favorite.”

  Without further scrutiny Tamara took her word for it and bought the dress, then they went looking for the perfect shoes and some earrings. Aunt Dana’s assessment of her daughter’s selection echoed Holly’s. She agreed that the simple style accentuated Tamara’s long, lanky figure and the deep blue brought out her contrasting green eyes.

  Tamara remained giddy throughout the following week, giving Holly the daily report of what Brian had said to her during math class and the other times she saw him at school. He had given her a ride home twice that week. Once on Tuesday when he had basketball practice and she stayed after school to help with the decorations for the dance, and again on Thursday when she had flute lessons from four to four-thirty.

  On Friday evening Holly helped her aunt with dinner and then fed Sarah. They held dinner until she could come too, and afterwards she helped Tamara load the dishwasher.

  “Do you want to come to the game with us?” Tamara asked.

  “Who’s us?”

  “Molly and Carrie and Leila.”

  “I don’t know if I could stay the whole time. Sarah will need to eat again at nine.”

  “You could leave early and take the car. I could get a ride home with Molly. Come on. It will be fun.”

  Holly decided it was about time she went someplace besides school, church, and work. She had never gone to a basketball game before, except the ones she had played in during junior high. She liked the sport but didn’t have a natural talent for ball handling or the height for shooting and rebounding.

  She had gotten to know Tamara’s three closest friends somewhat during the two months she’d been here, and they had always been nice to her. They sat together on the wooden bleachers and cheered for the home team, specifically Brian, one of the starters. He played very well.

  Holly had to leave before the game ended, but they were winning, and she didn’t think they would lose their lead in the remaining time left. She told Tamara and her friends good-bye and drove home to find Sarah awake and happy, but she was hungry and ate well for her final feeding of the day. After she laid Sarah down, she went to the den to work on a creative writing assignment on the computer.

  “What time did you tell her to be home by?” Holly heard Uncle Jack ask her aunt. They were in the family room adjacent to the den.

  “Eleven.”

  Holly looked at the clock. Ten forty-five.

  “Is Molly giving her a ride?” Uncle Jack asked.

  “I don’t know,” her aunt replied. “She said Brian might.”

  A long silence followed. Holly heard the unusual tension in Uncle Jack’s voice and knew he was getting worried. Tamara was usually home much earlier.

  Uncle Jack went into the kitchen, poured himself another cup of coffee, and then went back to the family room.

  “She’s growing up, Jack,” Aunt Dana spoke again to her pacing husband. “She’s almost eighteen.”

  Uncle Jack didn’t reply. Holly looked at the clock again and saw her uncle do the same from his position beside the window. Ten fifty-five.

  “He’s a nice boy. Don’t worry. Tammy has set some strict standards for herself. We have to trust God to help her make the right choices.”

  Holly heard the front door open just as Aunt Dana spoke, and Holly felt relieved. She didn’t want Tamara getting yelled at, although she had a hard time imagining Uncle Jack yelling. But then again she’d never seen him so tense either.

  Tamara said a cheery hello to her parents and then went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. Holly snuck around the back way to the kitchen and held up her wrist, tapping her imaginary watch and whispering.

  “And where have you been, young lady?”

  Tamara smiled. “We sat outside the gym after the game and talked. Then he drove me home. He is so sweet. I can’t wait until tomorrow.”

  Holly smiled at her cousin’s giddiness, hoping she would be feeling this good about an evening with Brian twenty-four hours from now.

  The following morning Deb called and wanted to know if Holly could come over for a little while to help her with some stuff on the computer. Deb had recently purchased one to use for her business, and her son Sean had set everything up for her and showed her how to use the programs, but she was still learning how to keep everything straight.

  Holly had taken computer classes and had worked with similar programs before, but helping Deb while the children were there was impossible. She had offered to come over on a Saturday whenever Deb felt like catching up.

  After a couple of hours Deb made them some lunch and then they continued working for another two hours. Holly enjoyed helping her and hadn’t expected Deb to pay her for her time, but when she began entering her hours for the week on the payroll schedule, Deb insisted she put four hours down on Saturday too.

  “I should pay you double for today,” Deb said.

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re taking care of this technical stuff plus keeping me company. Saturdays are usually my least favorite days. Too quiet around here.”

  Holly smiled. She enjoyed bringing a bit of cheer to the woman’s day. Deb had certainly done the same for her during these last few weeks.

  “It must have been nice having Madeline here. How often does she usually visit?”

  “They come almost every Sunday afternoon. I talk Scott into letting Maddy stay a couple extra days once in awhile. I know he’s lonely without her too, so I don’t do it as often as I’d like.”

  “Is Scott divorced?”

  Deb nodded and sadness filled her eyes. Holly wondered if she had asked something too personal and almost apologized, but Deb went on.

  “Melissa left when Maddy was six months old.”

  “Left?”

  “Ran off with another guy. All Scott has is a note saying she doesn’t love him anymore. Doesn’t want him. Doesn’t want Madeline.”

  “How awful. Does Madeline ever see her?”

  “No. Melissa filed for divorce and gave Scott full custody. She never came back. He doesn’t know where she is.”

  Holly had never heard anything so sad in her life. She thought about the reunion she had witnessed between Madeline and her daddy the other day, and she knew why Scott had been so happy to see her. Madeline was all he had left.

  Deb changed the subject, and Holly headed for home a short time later. Thunder and Lightning greeted her with friendly barks in the driveway as usual, and she hurried inside to get out of the brisk winter air. She could feel snow on its way again. Holly kept thinking about Scott and Madeline off and on for the rest of the afternoon until she began helping Tamara get ready for the dance that evening. She had never seen her cousin so nervous.

  Holly put some clear polish on Tamara’s short but smooth fingernails while they listened to Rebecca St. James’ latest CD. Tamara had been determined to let her nails grow out a bit ever since Brian had asked her to the dance, and Holly was proud of her for doing so well.

  After Tamara had put on her dress, Aunt Dana came in to check on their progress. Holly needed to go feed Sarah. When she returned, she found Tamara ready. Her aunt had helped with her hair, and Tamara had finished her light application of make-up.

  “You are going to take his breath away,” Holly said after Aunt Dana left the room. She sat down on the edge of Tamara’s full-sized bed and stared in awe at her transformed cousin.

  Tamara smiled shyly. “What perfume do you think I should wear?”

  Holly tested several on her own arms, deciding on the one that had a faintly sweet, but not too sweet aroma. Tamara sprayed her neck and wrists, then let out a nervous sigh.

  “I can’t believe I’m actually going. This seems like a fairy-tale.”

  “And you look like a princess.”

  Tamara started to bite her fingernail, then stopped, remembering the fresh polish. “Can I tell you something, Holly?”

  “Sure. Anything.”

  “I haven’t dated very much, no one seriously, but I have a special feeling about Brian. More than just a crush, I think.”

  Holly could have guessed that. She sensed Tamara had something else to say. “What are you thinking about?”

  Tamara’s eyes dropped. She sighed and leaned against the closet door. “I’ll be eighteen in two weeks, and I’ve never even kissed a guy. Do you think that’s weird?”

  Holly had envied Tamara many times since moving in. She envied her beauty and her easy-to-like personality and her loving family situation. But she had never envied her more than she did right now.

  She rose from the bed, closed the distance between them, and reached for Tamara’s trembling hands. Tamara’s innocent green eyes lifted and met her gaze.

  “You are a rare treasure, Tamara. Don’t waste those beautiful lips on anyone, not even Brian until you know he’s worthy of them. And no matter how much you think you love someone, don’t you dare do anything more until your wedding night. Promise me?”

  Tamara smiled and hugged her tightly. Holly blinked back tears at the loving gesture. She hadn’t been hugged much in her life.

  “Thanks, Holly. I promise.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Holly read over her poem one more time, feeling her heart beat faster at the thought of reciting it in front of the class in less than a minute. Mr. Tate had assigned them to write a poem that described the way they saw another person. Physically or personally; good or bad; someone they knew well or little. She had chosen to write about her mom.

  She took a deep breath and waited for the girl currently reciting her poem to finish. Mr. Tate asked for positive comments from the class, and two people shared. Holly considered one of the comments to be more of a criticism than an encouragement and wondered if anyone would have anything good to say about her work. She knew she shouldn’t care. It had come from her heart, and for this particular assignment Mr. Tate said he wasn’t looking so much at form and style, but whether or not the words were moving. Since Holly couldn’t read the poem herself without a lump rising in her throat, she knew they at least meant something to her.

  Walking to the front of the class, she felt her knees tremble. The paper shook in her hands. She set it on the podium and tried to relax. Reading the words, she was surprised at how different they sounded spoken out loud:

  What happened to your heart

  That you can’t have any love for me?

  Did I cause your pain,

  Did I hurt you so?

  What happened to your eyes

  That they only see the bad?

  Do you even see me,

  Do you even care?

  What happened to your smile

  That I see in pictures from long ago?

  What can I do to bring it back?

  Please, just let me know.

  What happened to you, Mama

  That you think no one sees,

  The love I know you’re capable of

  The love I really need?

  Silence hung in the air for several moments. Finally Mr. Tate cleared his throat.

  “Thank you, Holly,” he said, almost reverently. “Any comments, class?”

  No one said a word. They can’t think of one good thing to say! I didn’t think it was that bad. Boy, I must be in the wrong class.

  She began to step away from the podium when a girl from the back said in a soft voice, “Can you read it again?”

  No one else had been asked to read theirs twice. Holly looked at Mr. Tate. He nodded. Taking another deep breath, she read the poem again. Still no comments were made.

  “Thank you, Holly,” Mr. Tate said again. “You have moved us beyond words, I think.”

  Holly returned to her seat. Other teachers had told her she wrote well, but no one had ever said her writing moved them. She wasn’t sure, but she thought that was a special thing.

  The words of the poem and the class’ reaction remained on her mind for the rest of the day. For her it wasn’t just an assignment. It wasn’t just words on a page. Those were real questions for her mother from the depths of her soul.

  After leaving Deb’s that afternoon, she went home and found the house empty. Jack and Dana weren’t home from work yet, Tamara had flute lessons, and Ty had basketball practice. She knew they would all be home soon and decided to make a phone call while she was alone.

  Holly knew her mother wouldn’t be home now, the best time to call and leave a message. Other than a handful of letters she had written to her mom that she doubted had ever been read, she had left her mother alone. She’d been hoping they could move toward reconciliation with Aunt Dana working as the mediator, but today Holly needed to say what was on her heart. For better or worse, she had to.

  “Hi, Mama. It’s me,” she said. “I just wanted to call and tell you that I love you. I’m not saying that to make you feel bad or to get you to talk to me. I’m just saying it because it’s on my heart. I wrote a poem for my writing class, and I want you to hear it.”

  She read the words. Soft cries came from her throat about halfway through, but she managed to finish. She hung up without saying anything else.

  The following afternoon at day care Holly was in the living room, playing with John Michael and the twins when she heard the front door open. Supposing it was one of the parents coming to pick up their child early, she waited for the visitor to emerge from the front hall.

  Scott and Madeline peeked into the room. Holly knew their visit must be a surprise or Deb would have been checking the front window every two minutes. Scott’s eyes fell on her. Pressing his index finger to his lips, he silently told her to not give their arrival away.

  Holly pointed toward the kitchen, letting them know where to find Deb, and the two mice quietly walked past her and into the next room. Seconds later Holly heard a delightful squeal.

  “Maddy!”

  “Did we surprise you, Gramma?”

  “Oh, my big girl, what a surprise!”

  Holly got distracted from the reunion by John Michael saying he needed to go potty. He was in the middle of toilet training, and Holly knew that when he said he needed to go, she had to get him there ASAP.

  When she returned from the bathroom holding John Michael on her hip, she saw Deb sitting on the couch holding Madeline in her lap. Scott had disappeared. More than three weeks had passed since Holly had seen Madeline, and the little girl acted shy at first, hiding her face against Deb’s shirt when Holly went over to say hello to her. Madeline had on black leggings and a white top covered with yellow honey bees.