He smiled. “I noticed.”

  She almost told him they could go ahead and make their relationship known to others. She was in deep, and she knew it. Her fears about what her mom had said had little effect now. She saw absolutely no evidence that Scott was anything but sweet and kind and loving. And she had no doubts about his feelings for her. Even with the limited amount of time they’d had together, he had let her know how important and special she was becoming to him.

  Recalling what Josie had told her about God wanting to bless her, she could easily see Scott as the answer to her prayers, and she knew she didn’t want to push such a special gift out of her life. But she also felt like she wanted to keep things as they were for awhile longer. As Scott had predicted, they were sharing a good secret. Something wholesome and innocent that she wasn’t ashamed of in any way, and she knew her aunt and uncle and Deb would approve once it was out in the open. But for now this was giving their relationship some time to develop slowly instead of plunging them into dating--something neither of them had done for a few years.

  When they arrived back at the house, Scott helped Madeline out of the cab, and Holly freed Sarah. “You go on inside, honey,” Scott said to his daughter. “It’s starting to rain. I need to put Sarah’s car seat back for Holly. Then I’ll be in.”

  “Okay, Daddy,” Madeline said, skipping away toward the front door.

  “Can you meet me at the river again tomorrow?” Scott asked once he had transferred the seat and she’d put Sarah into the car.

  “Yes.”

  “How about one o’clock? I’ll bring lunch.”

  “All right.”

  He took her hand and kissed her fingers.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, my Juliet.”

  She smiled, got into the car, and drove away. He called her that evening. His mom and Aunt Dana usually went to the Friday night football games at the school. Ty was on the team that Uncle Jack coached. With nothing to keep them from doing so, they talked for more than an hour. The only thing she could compare it to was when she had done the same thing with Tamara, and yet it was different too. She’d never imagined talking to someone on a heart level who could relate to her feelings and daily life as a single parent like Scott could, and she knew she was doing the same for him.

  The following day they met at “their spot,” and Holly enjoyed their time together once again. They talked, they laughed, they shared thoughts and feelings about the past, the present, and their hopes for the future, especially concerning their daughters.

  They wanted the same things, and although they didn’t specifically say so, Holly knew they were both thinking that sharing the burdens of parenting together would be better than going it alone. But her feelings went beyond wanting Scott as a daddy for Sarah. He touched her heart in a way no other person ever had. She wanted this for herself and her own desire for love and companionship; and if Scott was being truthful about her friendship being so valuable to him, she wanted to keep providing that however she could.

  “I suppose we should get going,” Scott said, checking the time. He didn’t sound like he wanted to go, and she didn’t either, but she agreed. Walking up the path from the river toward the parking area, Scott held her hand and asked her something.

  “How much longer do you want to keep us a secret?”

  Holly liked hearing Scott refer to themselves as us. Everything had been going so well, she didn’t have any reason to believe their relationship would be ending anytime soon. Letting others in on the news didn’t scare her, and she knew she would love to have more time with him than their secret-dates allowed them to have now.

  “What do you think?” she asked him, having a pretty good idea of what he was going to say.

  He stopped under a large tree and set down the small cooler that he’d packed their lunch in. Placing both of his hands around her waist and pulling her close to him, he spoke the words softly in an honest but nondemanding way. He was willing to leave the decision up to her, but he made his feelings on the matter perfectly clear.

  “I want to tell the world, Holly. I liked you before we started this, and now I just want more. I want you to stay for dinner every night and to have some time with you after a long day. I want to come pick you up on Saturday evenings, take you someplace, and kiss you good night at the door. Even with Melissa, our relationship never had that kind of quality to it, but I want that for us. I want to do things the way I should have back then but I didn’t have the right head for.”

  “I’d like that too,” she said.

  He smiled and made another forthright request. “And I’d really like to kiss you. May I do that now?”

  “Yes,” she said without reservation. There hadn’t been a time since he had told her how he felt about her that she hadn’t longed for his closeness and to know how it would feel to be kissed by him. She couldn’t imagine it fully, but she knew it would be wonderful. Scott’s touch always made her feel something she couldn’t describe with words.

  She wasn’t prepared for his tenderness, however. His soft lips and warm breath on hers transported her into another dimension of time and space. A place where she was loved and cherished and desired by a wonderful man that she wanted to love in return. His lips were trembling by the time he pulled away, and he sighed with longing for her that she knew couldn’t be contained.

  “How about if you tell your aunt and uncle tonight, and tomorrow after church I’ll invite you over to the house for lunch and we can tell my mom together. I know she’s been praying for someone for me for a long time, and I know she’ll be thrilled that you’re the answer to those prayers.”

  She agreed to that, and he kissed her some more, whispering some gentle words in between their lips separating and reconnecting several times. “Holly Stevens...you are everything I’ve ever hoped for...prayed for...longed for...more than I ever imagined...please tell me this is real.”

  She smiled. “It’s real,” she whispered back. “Unless I’m the one that’s dreaming.”

  “If you are, is it a good dream?”

  “Yes. I don’t want to wake up.”

  Scott’s words and kisses were still very much on her mind when she pulled into the driveway at home. Going into the house with Thunder and Lightning begging for dinner along the way, she stepped into the kitchen with some bags of groceries she had picked up and wondered when would be the best time to tell Uncle Jack and Aunt Dana where she had spent the rest of her time today.

  “Oh good, you’re here,” her aunt said, coming into the kitchen. “I have something to tell you.”

  She waited for Aunt Dana to go on as she began putting the refrigerated items away.

  “Your mom called.”

  Holly froze. Slowly she turned toward her aunt. She hadn’t spoken to her mother for a year and a half.

  “Paul is home.”

  “Paul? My brother, really? He’s in Portland?”

  “He came a few days ago and is only going to be here until Tuesday. Your mom thought you should know in case you want to see him.”

  “Sure. I’d love to. How come he’s leaving on Tuesday?”

  “He’s going to Afghanistan.”

  Holly sighed. She’d known this was a possibility at some point, and she knew she had to go. “I’d love to see him,” she said.

  “I thought maybe we could go tomorrow,” Aunt Dana said.

  “We?”

  “Sure. Me and you, and Sarah too if you want to bring her. Although Jack already said he’d watch her if you’d rather not take her on the long drive.”

  Without another word she stepped into Aunt Dana’s arms and held her tight. “Thank you,” she said. “I can’t go there alone.”

  “I know. I wouldn’t want you to.”

  “When do we leave? In the morning?”

  “I told her we’d be there by noon so we can take Paul to lunch and give the two of you some time in the afternoon together while I spend a few hours with Jana.”

  Holly pondered whether or not to take Sarah. She would love for Paul to see her, but she’d be a handful. She supposed her brother would be satisfied with just pictures. That would make it easier to talk with him.

  They left at ten the following morning and arrived in Portland at eleven-thirty. Holly felt anxious, nervous, and curious about seeing Paul again. She hadn’t seen him in a long time.

  Now he would be twenty-two and probably much altered after four years in the Army. Would they have anything to say to each other? They had been close as children but had lost some of that during their teen years, although she did love him with all of her heart.

  With her aunt at her side, Holly didn’t feel too apprehensive about seeing her mother. If she had come alone it would be an entirely different situation. She silently thanked God for her aunt’s willingness to come with her as they ascended the stairs to the second floor.

  Paul answered the door. Holly could only stare. He had a short crew cut, and he looked much more like a young man than the teenager she remembered. His clothes were simple, a pair of jeans and a pale gray t-shirt, not the kind he used to wear with heavy-metal bands or a skull and crossbones on the front, but a plain one without a hint of rattiness.

  He looked at Aunt Dana first, then to her, doing a double-take as his hazel eyes grew in size.

  “Holly? Is that you?”

  She smiled and stepped forward to give him a hug. “It’s me,” she said. “Your little sister.”

  He stepped back and looked her over from head to toe and back again. “No. This is not my little sister. This is a woman I would try to date if she wasn’t my sister.”

  He invited them in and asked if they wanted anything to drink. Her aunt needed to use the bathroom and disappeared down the hall. Holly didn’t see any sign of her mom and hoped she wouldn’t appear while Aunt Dana was out of the room.

  “Mom went to the store. She should be back any minute,” Paul explained without her having to ask. “How have you been? How’s Sarah?”

  “She's good. We’re both good.” She took some pictures out of her purse she had brought for him to keep.

  He smiled. “She’s very cute. Look at that blonde hair. Has she been using Mom’s hair color?”

  Holly laughed. “I suppose she got that from Ian. Certainly not from any of us.”

  Aunt Dana returned as the front door opened and her mother came in. “Oh, you’re here,” she said. “I had a few things to pick up with you coming on such short notice.”

  Holly ignored her comment and turned her attention to Paul again. Mom and Aunt Dana went to the kitchen, leaving them alone. They talked about Paul’s upcoming deployment and what he’d been doing over the last couple of years. He sounded good, like the military life had been good for him, and he enjoyed his work. It sounded dangerous but very important and worthwhile.

  They went to lunch at a nearby restaurant. Her mom came too, making the conversation and atmosphere less than easy, but Holly knew her mother would be on her best behavior with her sister at the table and her son, whom she appeared to be proud of and was reluctant to see heading off to a war zone. They all were, but Paul expressed a genuine willingness to go and serve others in this way.

  After they finished their meal, Aunt Dana suggested she and her mom go back to the apartment and give Paul and Holly some time together. Holly wondered how much they’d have to say once they caught up on each other’s lives, but they had plenty.

  Paul loved to talk. She remembered that about him now. There were other things about him that she had either forgotten or never realized before. He looked a lot like their dad too, she noticed. She wasn’t sure what it was. The eyes maybe, or the strong jaw. Or maybe his mannerisms, or his voice. Yes. He had Daddy’s voice, his quiet one anyway. She hoped he didn’t have his loud and angry one.

  “I know things are pretty strained between you and Mom,” he said. “That’s why Aunt Dana’s here, to keep the peace?”

  “Yep. Mom and I can’t seem to get along these days. Thank God for Aunt Dana and Uncle Jack. Do you remember them much from when we were little? I didn’t.”

  “I remember Uncle Jack. He and Dad would take me down to the river. Dad would be bragging about whatever he’d been doing lately, and Jack would mostly listen. I remember thinking he was so quiet and wondered what was wrong with him. He never got mad, even one time when I accidentally spilled a can of soda on his lap. That seemed strange to me. Dad was as angry as a hornet, and Uncle Jack just dried himself off and told me it was okay.”

  “Yeah, that sounds like him,” Holly said. “There’s been plenty of times when Sarah has spilled something or gotten into something she shouldn’t, but he never even scolds her. Just picks her up and holds her in his lap.”

  “Definitely opposite of Dad. Man, I was afraid of him. I know this sounds awful, but I was so glad when he left. I didn’t care if I ever saw him again.”

  “Did he ever hit you, Paul?”

  “Not that much, but enough that I knew I didn’t want him to do it again. I used to hide under my bed when he was drunk so he wouldn’t find me.”

  “I’m sorry, Paul. I was so little, I don’t remember much.”

  He stared at her curiously.

  “What’s that look for?”

  He looked away. “Nothing.”

  “Paul, what? What was that look you just gave me?”

  He took her arm and traced the long scar that ran up her forearm. “Do you know how you got this?”

  She felt confused. What did her scar have to do with their conversation? “I don’t remember it, but that’s from when I cut my arm on that piece of glass in the broken kitchen window. Mama told me.”

  “There’s a bit more to it than that. Do you really want to know this?”

  “Know what?”

  Paul sighed. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Forget it. It doesn’t matter.”

  “Paul? Tell me. How did I get this scar?”

  “Dad shoved you through a plate-glass window. I can’t believe you don’t remember that. You almost died, Holly.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  “How old was I?” Holly asked, feeling shocked by her brother’s statement.

  “It wasn’t that long before Dad left. Seven maybe?”

  “Seven? How can I not remember something like that?”

  “It’s called repressing traumatic memories. They teach us about it in the Army. Lots of guys who’ve lived through wars and other traumatic events block it all out, or only remember when they dream.”

  “What happened? How did I almost die?”

  The glass hit an artery. I remember seeing blood everywhere. The paramedics came and rushed you to the hospital. The doctor told Mom that if you had bled for another minute or two, you might have died.”

  “And Daddy pushed me? On purpose?”

  “He was drunk. I don’t know exactly what happened. I was trying to stay out of his way and had run into the hall when I heard the glass break. At first I thought he threw something, but then I heard Mama screaming your name.”

  Holly felt stunned. My own father almost killed me? She knew Paul wasn’t lying or not remembering it right. She was the one that had blocked things out. What else didn’t she remember?

  “Do you remember him hitting me too?”

  He thought for a moment. “I don’t think so. At least not that I ever saw. I think he meant to only shove you out of the way to get to Mom, not actually to push you through the window.”

  Holly walked to a bench and sat down. She felt scared and didn’t understand how she could have blocked out such a horrible thing.

  “Why did Mama ever marry him? How could anyone ever marry someone that awful?”

  “She probably didn’t know what he was like when he’d been drinking until it was too late.”

  “I suppose,” she said.

  “Well, that’s all behind us now, Sis. We can’t dwell on it.”

  “I know, but it still scares me. It makes me afraid I’ll marry someone like that. Someone that will push Sarah through a window.”

  “Not all men are like that, Holly.”

  “Enough.”

  Their conversation returned to lighter topics and before they knew it, they were saying their goodbyes. Holly wished they had more time but knew she would have to settle for those few short hours. He promised to write her more than he had in the past, and she promised to keep sending pictures of Sarah.

  Holly fell asleep on the car ride home. With Paul’s shocking news still on her mind along with where he was headed, she didn’t feel much like talking. Her aunt seemed to understand and didn’t talk just for the sake of breaking the silence.

  Holly’s disturbed thoughts swam around in her dreams. She would see Paul and then he would change into her dad. Her dad was coming after her. She heard glass breaking.

  “Holly?”

  Holly opened her eyes and felt her aunt’s hand touch her arm. She flinched.

  “Holly, are you all right?”

  She looked around, realizing where she was.

  “Just a dream,” she said, trying to shake out the cobwebs. She was determined to stay awake for the rest of the drive.

  That night the dreams came again. She got up twice, once to get a drink of water and another to walk down the hall and peek into her aunt and uncle’s room to make sure she wasn’t alone like she had been in her dream. Her dad had been here, in this house, yelling and stomping around looking for her.

  The next day she was a mess. She was tired and jittery. Every whine or little mishap from the children brought out the worst in her. Deb noticed and asked if she was feeling okay. She lied and said she thought she might be coming down with something. Deb sent her home early to rest.

  That night before she went to bed, she prayed, asking God to take the nightmares away. She needed to get some good rest, and she didn’t want to feel choked by fear all night. She slept soundly and woke the next morning feeling much better.

  Scott cornered her that evening to see if she was okay. She had stayed until he came home and then accepted Deb’s invitation to stay for dinner.