Uncle Jack drove to the freeway that took them past downtown Portland and headed east out of the city. The buildings and homes got more sparse gradually, and within forty-five minutes they were driving with only the wide Columbia River on the left and a forested hillside on the right. They stopped briefly at Multnomah Falls to use the bathroom and view the magnificent waterfall. She remembered being here with her mom and dad and her brother, Paul, a long time ago. They must have gone to visit Jack and Dana a few times when she had been young. She remembered being up on the bridge, held in Daddy’s arms as the spray from the water tickled her face. Good memories of her father were few.

  Holly found the hour-long drive through the Columbia River Gorge peaceful. Jack and Dana talked some to one another and to her, but not excessively. More than once Holly noticed them holding hands. She supposed they must have been married for twenty years or more. What would it be like to be with one person for that long? She marveled that they obviously still loved each other and got along well. Did she dare to hope for a future like that with someone she loved and would love her in return?

  A couple of times during the journey Holly wanted to ask if she could put in a CD. She loved listening to music, especially the albums Faith had given her in the last few months. But Holly didn’t want to impose and decided to enjoy the quiet. She had a personal CD player with headphones, but the batteries were dead, and she hadn’t wanted to ask Faith to buy her more.

  They arrived in Hood River just as Sarah woke from her long nap. Holly felt relieved she had slept the entire trip. Located a few miles outside of town, her aunt and uncle’s beautiful log home sat on a plateau overlooking the Hood River Valley. They pulled into the driveway, and Uncle Jack parked in front of the closed garage door. Holly climbed out of the SUV into the cool air. They were greeted by Thunder and Lightning, the family dogs: A black Lab and a yellow one. Holly liked animals in general, although she’d never had any pets of her own.

  Holly removed the car seat and carried the fussing Sarah into the house. Nicely furnished inside, the lovely home had a woodsy smell. She set the carrier down on the tan carpet in the formal living room and unfastened Sarah’s safety strap to free her from the confined space. Lifting her daughter into her arms, she walked to the large bay window overlooking the valley and felt at peace. Sarah stopped crying. A gray cat came to rub against her legs and mew at her. She couldn’t remember the cat’s name.

  “Your room is all set up if you want to change Sarah up there,” Dana said from behind.

  She turned and followed her aunt up the wooden staircase and to the end of the hall. Dana opened the door and stepped aside to let her pass by. Holly gasped. All the furniture looked brand new. When she had come to visit, a double bed with an older wooden headboard had been in the corner and a small portable crib had been set up for Sarah.

  Standing frozen in the doorway, Holly scanned the much altered room. A white daybed with a lovely blue quilt sat in the corner. The large window had new mini blinds and lace curtains, accenting the honey-colored log walls. A white, full-size spindle crib sat along the opposite side of the room, and a matching changing table stood to her right. A rocking chair with another quilt draped over the back was nestled in the far corner.

  “A woman at church gave us the crib and changing table and all the sheets and blankets you will need and more. There’s also a stroller in the basement and several boxes of baby clothes. I figured you could go through them and pick out what you need.”

  Holly didn’t know if she could speak. “Thank you for going to all this trouble,” she managed. “I-I don’t know what to say.”

  Dana smiled. “If there’s anything you want to change or add, feel free. This is your room and we want you to be comfortable here.”

  “Everything is fine,” she said, taking Sarah to the changing table and laying her down on the clean pad. She set down the diaper bag and reached inside, noticing a large unopened package of Pampers leaning against the wall and a tub of wipes on the middle shelf. Several blankets, sheets, and small towels had been stacked underneath. She blinked back tears and grabbed a diaper from Sarah’s bag. Unfastening her daughter’s clothing, she continued with her task, feeling overwhelmed.

  She heard footsteps on the stairs, and seconds later her tall, slim cousin appeared. “Hi,” Tamara said, tossing her wavy reddish-brown hair over her shoulder. “Oh! Look how much bigger she is!”

  Holly smiled. To her Sarah hadn’t changed a bit, but everyone else saw the difference a few weeks had made. “Her feet do reach the end of this outfit now,” she conceded. “Pretty soon she’ll be into the next size, I suppose.”

  Holly lifted Sarah from the pad and went to sit on the bed.

  “We’ll go make some lunch,” her aunt said. “Come on down when you’re finished, and we’ll have something to eat before we bring up the rest of your things.”

  “Thank you,” she said. Aunt Dana and Tamara slipped away, closing the door behind them. Once Sarah had begun to nurse, Holly gazed around the room again, noticing a mobile with pastel bunnies dangling above the crib, a white eyelet bumper pad and matching comforter, and a picture behind the rocking chair of a little girl holding a basket of wild roses. A prayer spilled easily from her heart.

  God, thank you for meeting all of my needs and more. Patrick and Faith were great to me and helped me more than I ever dreamed, and I can already see that Dana and Jack are going to make me feel welcome here too. I continue to place myself and my baby girl in your hands daily. Without you I’d hate to think where I’d be right now.

  Thank you for rescuing me from the depths of despair, depression, and guilt. All I want is to live the life you have for me here and now: to finish school, get a good job, and take care of my daughter the best I can. Please help me to do that and to never stop trusting you.

  After a simple lunch with the rest of the family, Holly began unpacking her things. She put her clothes away in the dresser drawers and hung a few items in the large closet. Taking her clock-radio from her bag, she plugged it in and searched for a Christian music station. Thinking she recognized a familiar song, she tried to get it to come in better but the reception had too much static. Tuning to a country station instead, she continued with her task.

  Sarah began fussing and she had to stop, not that she had that much to do. Her belongings were few. She’d only gone to her mom’s apartment once to pack her things after Sarah had been born. Other than her small CD collection, a handful of books, and some personal items, she didn’t have much that she considered to be her own. Not wanting her mom to accuse her of stealing things, she had left everything else except her clothes. The clock-radio and the personal CD player had been birthday gifts.

  Tamara came into the room and asked if she needed any help.

  “Would you like to hold Sarah?” she asked, glancing at her fussing daughter in the crib. “I don’t think she’s hungry, she just wants some attention.”

  “Sure,” Tamara said, leaning over the crib and taking Sarah into her arms. Sarah gazed up at Tamara’s face and calmed immediately.

  “I think she likes you,” Holly said, hoping she wasn’t taking advantage of her cousin’s offer to help. She didn’t want to be a burden.

  Tamara seemed delighted with Sarah and walked her around the room while Holly finished unpacking. Holly put her CD collection on the small desk beside her bed, and Tamara looked through them.

  “Oh, I want this CD,” Tamara said, holding up one of Holly’s favorites.

  “You can borrow it,” Holly said.

  “Thanks,” she replied, setting the case aside. She saw two others that she asked to listen to also. Since Holly didn’t have any batteries for her player, she didn’t have any reason to say no, not that she would have anyway. She wanted Tamara to like her, and she enjoyed sharing what little she had. Holly had the feeling Tamara would do the same.

  It didn’t take long for Holly to feel settled in her new surroundings. Sarah seemed happy in their new home. Holly’s days fell into a routine, mostly controlled by Sarah’s eating schedule. For the first week, with everyone else at school, she and Sarah had the house to themselves during the day. Tamara was a senior, Ty a sophomore. Uncle Jack taught math at the high school, and Aunt Dana taught fourth grade. Holly wanted to do anything she could to help out. In between feeding and caring for Sarah, she did laundry, picked up around the house, and washed the breakfast dishes after the others had left.

  One day Aunt Dana had a late meeting, keeping her from arriving at her usual time. Holly decided to get dinner started. She was putting some canned corn into a pot when her aunt arrived at five-thirty.

  “Holly,” she said, tucking her golden blond hair behind her ear. “You didn’t tell me you knew how to cook.”

  She shrugged. “With Mom working swing shift most of the time, I had to learn or else have peanut butter and jelly every night.”

  “This looks and smells wonderful,” Aunt Dana went on, lifting the lid on the simmering spaghetti sauce. “Thank you. On my way home I was thinking about what to make tonight and dreading the thought of having to chop and dice and stir and be on my feet for another hour.”

  “This is the least I can do. You and Jack have been wonderful to me--” she couldn’t go on.

  Her aunt gave her a hug, thanked her again, and went to change out of her work clothes. By the time she had dinner ready, Sarah’s cries came from the bassinet in the family room that someone else from the church had given to them. Holly told the others to go ahead and eat. She listened to the family conversing at the table while she fed Sarah in the adjacent room where she spent the majority of her days.

  By the time Sarah finished eating, so had the rest of the family, and Uncle Jack took Sarah while Holly went to dish up a plate for herself. Tamara sat at the table doing some homework and chatted with her while she ate. After adding her own plate to the dishwasher, Holly started the load and returned to the cozy family room nestled at the back of the house. It had a wood stove that always made the room feel warm and inviting. Uncle Jack sat in the rocking chair, holding Sarah. She had fallen asleep in his arms.

  Their rocking time had become a regular habit. Holly found her uncle’s behavior with Sarah amazing. In addition to teaching math at the high school he also coached football, wrestling, and track. He was a large man with thinning brown hair, huge shoulders, and a muscular build, but when he held Sarah he became like the Marshmallow Man. Silly sounds and coos came from his mouth. Content smiles formed without effort. She even heard him singing lullabies.

  Holly’s father had yelled a lot, and her mother’s boyfriends since then had never paid much attention to her. In her history, men were mean, distant, and selfish. Ian had treated her well, until he left her too. She supposed it was too much to hope for a man like Patrick or Uncle Jack to ever want her, and she could live with that, but for Sarah’s sake she did pray for someone they could share their lives with: For Sarah to someday have a daddy who made her feel special and loved--something she’d never had.

  On Sunday morning she went to church with the rest of the family. The week before she had stayed home because Sarah had been up several times in the night and she felt too tired, but she wanted to go as often as possible. With Christmas coming up later that week, the service focused on the celebration of Jesus’ birth. Many women had worn red dresses or sweaters, and she saw a lot of red ties on the men. She felt underdressed in her jeans, but she didn’t have any dresses or skirts. Her nicer slacks didn’t fit her in the waist anymore.

  Most of the people she met there were friendly and welcoming, although she did see a few disapproving faces amongst the small crowd. She tried to ignore them. They didn’t know her. They didn’t know how far she had come in the last year. Her old life seemed strange to her now. She had been a good student, but everything else had been a mess. Her relationship with her mom, her secluded social life, her self-esteem. Ian had been her first steady boyfriend and a ray of light in her otherwise dreary world.

  Fun to be with and sweet, Ian had been an easy person to talk to and get to know. With her mom working in the afternoon and evenings, they had the apartment to themselves, and they spent most of their time away from school together. After dating him for a couple of months, having sex seemed like the natural thing to do. Ian had used a condom without complaining, most of the time.

  But a couple of times he hadn’t had one with him, or they didn’t bother. When they hadn’t used protection she felt worried about getting pregnant, but she never thought it would actually happen to her. But the month her period didn’t come, she knew right away. She was never late.

  She’d kept the news to herself for a few weeks, trying to decide what to do. When she finally told Ian, he shrugged and said, “Get an abortion. I’ll get the money from my dad.”

  She supposed that was the only option. Keeping it was totally out of the question, going through with the pregnancy and giving it up for adoption was an inconvenience. She would have to miss part of her senior year if she did that. She had made the appointment a few weeks later when Ian gave her the money. His casualness about such a large sum made her wonder if he’d done this before, but she pushed the thought from her mind. No. Ian wasn’t like that. He loved her. He only wanted to help because he cared.

  She hadn’t told her mom or anyone besides Ian and felt scared to go to the clinic by herself. Ian agreed to go with her, but as they drove to their destination, she began to feel sick. She didn’t know anything about what would be done to her. Would it hurt? Would the doctor be male or female? Would Ian be allowed to stay by her side the whole time?

  Numbly she had climbed from the car, walked toward the front entrance, and tried to relax. This was done all the time, right? Nothing to be afraid of.

  Holly saw a young woman approach her on the sidewalk, and she made eye contact. The woman smiled.

  “Don’t talk to her,” Ian hissed in her ear. “Keep walking.”

  She felt confused at Ian’s sharp tone. She averted her eyes, but the woman’s words drew her back.

  “Can I talk to you before you go inside? I’d like to make sure you understand what is about to happen to you.”

  She met the woman’s caring eyes once again.

  Ian grabbed her arm. “Keep walking, Holly.”

  Holly’s mind began to spin. Who is this woman? Why is Ian against me listening to her? What’s the harm in hearing what she has to say?

  “Please,” the woman said. “Just a few minutes. I’m not trying to harass you. I only want to help.”

  “We don’t need your help,” Ian spat. “Leave us alone.”

  Holly stopped in her tracks, partly from the woman’s words and partly from Ian’s strange behavior. She had never seen him like this.

  “Ian, wait. I want to listen.”

  “No, Holly. You don’t,” he said, grabbing her more firmly and pushing her forward. His strong grip made her wince.

  “Ian! You’re hurting me. Let go!”

  He released her, and she rubbed the spot on her arm. He sighed, stepped toward her, and put his arm around her. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Let’s go inside, okay? This woman is making me nervous.”

  She held her ground and glanced back. The woman waited for her to make the next move. Holly couldn’t take her eyes from the woman’s face. She seemed so concerned, like she was begging for her to listen, even for a moment.

  “Come on, Holly, we don’t have time for this. There will be someone inside you can talk to.”

  She had tried to be strong and not let Ian know how terrified she felt, but she wanted to talk to the woman, whoever she was. For some unexplained reason she felt drawn to her.

  “Holly, come on. We’re already late,” Ian said, pulling her toward the front entrance.

  She broke away from his grasp. “Why are you doing this?”

  He sighed and stepped away. “Are you going in or not? If not, then I’m leaving. I mean it, Holly.”

  She didn’t want Ian to leave her. She needed his support, but something kept her from taking another step toward the door. Instead she turned away slowly and walked back to the woman. Ian had stepped past her, leaving her there like an abandoned child. Holly’s eyes remained on Ian as he walked to the car, got inside, and drove away.

  She started crying. The woman put her arm around her.

  “Holly, I’m Amanda. Let’s go talk, okay?”

  Not quite believing what had happened, Holly didn’t hear much of what Amanda said for a few minutes. But the picture of the unborn baby in the pamphlet caught her attention.

  “How far along are you?”

  Holly didn’t know for sure. “A few weeks, I guess.”

  Amanda asked if she knew when her last period had been. She told her, and Amanda took out a wheel chart from her pocket. “Let’s see, that means you’re ten weeks.” She pointed to the picture of the baby. “This is what your baby looks like about now.”

  Holly could only stare. Surely the woman must be mistaken. “But it already has fingers and toes.”

  “Your baby does too.”

  Holly had listened more intently after that. Amanda told her a lot of things she hadn’t known or considered, and with each passing moment she knew having an abortion was not the simple solution she thought.

  Amanda said there were other options. She worked at a place that could refer her to a doctor that wouldn’t charge her anything if she couldn’t afford prenatal care. The center could also help her with decisions about adoption, if that’s what she chose to do.

  Most important to Holly, Amanda said she could talk to someone at the center, get all her questions answered, and make sure she had all the information to help her make the best choice. Amanda’s kindness overwhelmed her. No one had ever treated her with so much respect and genuine concern in her entire life.

  She thanked Amanda for talking with her and left to catch a bus with a pamphlet and a phone number in her hands. Two days later she had called the Westside Pregnancy Center and talked to someone else over the phone that answered more of her questions and told her to come to the center anytime. The woman’s words echoed Amanda’s from the other day.