“You certainly have tried your best,” she said.

  He returned her smile. His understanding attitude made her be completely honest. She didn’t want him to think her decision had anything to do with his shortcomings--he didn’t have any.

  “Before I moved to Portland I was involved with someone else. I left here because I got scared. I thought I could forget about him.”

  “But you haven’t?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t even know if he still has feelings for me or if he’s involved with someone else, but I know he still has my heart, and trying to give it to you, like I have been, isn’t going to change that.”

  He stopped and took her hands. Looking down at her as a friend, he asked, “Why don’t you know?”

  “Why don’t I know what?”

  “Why don’t you know if he still has feelings for you?”

  “Because I haven’t talked to him in almost a year.”

  “Please tell me you’re planning on finding out.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know--”

  He put his finger to her lips. “Go talk to him, Holly. I’m not leaving you alone until you do.”

  She laughed. “Well, aren’t you the bossy one.”

  “Hey, I’m not losing you to some imaginary guy. If he still feels the same way about you as you do about him, I can live with that. But I can’t live with you being unhappy. You deserve the best of everything, Holly. There’s a reason I’ve been hanging around all these months, and I can understand if he feels the same way.”

  ***

  On Christmas Eve Holly enjoyed helping her aunt prepare a special dinner for the rest of the family. Brian had been invited for the feast, and so had Ty’s girlfriend, Jennifer. They had been dating for about four months before Ty had left for the Air Force Academy. Apparently the separation hadn’t ended their relationship. Holly tried not to feel like the only one without a sweetheart, even though she was. She focused her attention on serving the others and enjoying time with her little girl.

  In another week she would be heading back to school and not be seeing Sarah as much again. She tried not to think about going back. It made her feel depressed. She had promised Bryce she would talk to Scott before she left town again, but she didn’t know if she could or when would be the best time.

  After dinner Holly helped clear the table while Brian and Tamara loaded the dishwasher. They decided to have everyone open one present tonight, with Brian and Jennifer opening a few more since they would be with their own families tomorrow morning.

  Holly opened one from her aunt and uncle, a new hair dryer she desperately needed. Her other one had died a couple of weeks ago. Sarah opened something from Papa Jack and Nana, as she had come to call them: a stroller for her dolly.

  After everyone had opened their gifts, Tamara stood from her place on the sofa to help Holly pick up all the Christmas wrap. Neither Holly nor Tamara noticed Brian stand and walk over to the fireplace. They had lit an open fire for the special night instead of using the wood stove.

  Suddenly all the lights went out in the room except for the ones on the Christmas tree and some others Aunt Dana had strung around the windows. Holly looked around to see what was going on. Tamara looked just as perplexed. Aunt Dana and Uncle Jack were standing by the Christmas tree with knowing looks on their faces. Ty and Jennifer were still sitting on the floor where they had been opening their gifts. Holly noticed Brian standing across the room with his eyes on Tamara.

  “Hey, who turned out the lights?” Tamara asked. “I dropped one of those little plastic tabs, and I can’t see a thing.”

  Brian strolled to her side, took her hand, and walked back to the fireplace. “Come here, sweetheart. I have something to ask you.”

  Tamara followed and sat down on the hearth as Brian motioned for her to do. Holly felt her heart begin to race, and she sat down to enjoy the moment that everyone seemed to be aware of except Tamara.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, looking up at him.

  Brian knelt down on one knee, uncurled his fingers, and opened the small velvet box in his hand.

  “Tamara. I love you with all my heart, and I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me?”

  Tamara’s hand went to her mouth, and her eyes grew larger than Holly had ever seen them before. She giggled and then started crying. Falling to her knees and throwing her arms around Brian’s neck, she finally spoke.

  “Yes. I will.”

  Brian kissed her briefly and took the ring from the box. Tamara held out her trembling fingers, and Brian slipped the band onto her hand.

  After another kiss between the happy couple, everyone gathered around to congratulate them. Holly held her cousin tight for a long time. She didn’t think she had ever been so happy for anyone in her entire life. She had seen this relationship take shape from the beginning, and there was no doubt in her mind that the two of them were going to be very happy together.

  Holly heard from Tamara later that they had discussed dates and tentatively come up with sometime in July. They would pick an exact weekend for the big event after they had a chance to look at their families’ schedules.

  “Did you have any idea?” Holly asked.

  “None. I mean, we’ve talked about it before, but we were planning to wait at least another year.”

  “I guess Brian is tired of waiting.”

  “I guess so,” Tamara said. “It’s funny because if he had talked to me about it beforehand I probably would have said ‘Oh, we should wait until we graduate next year,’ and ‘It might seem like a big deal now, but in five years it’s not going to matter that we waited.’ But when he asked me and he had the ring and everything, I just knew it was right.”

  “You sound like Faith,” Holly said. “A couple of months ago she was telling me about how she and Patrick met and when they got engaged. She said the same thing about how they had planned to wait but then when the right time came, they just knew.”

  “Mmmm. That sounds suspiciously like something God might do to our hearts. I think there’s a verse in Song of Solomon that talks about awakening love at the right time.”

  Tamara reached for her Bible and searched for the verse. Before she found it, another one caught her eye and she read the words out loud.

  “One night as I lay in bed, I yearned deeply for my lover, but he did not come. So I said to myself, ‘I will get up now and roam the city, searching for him in all its streets and squares.’”

  Tamara found the one she had been looking for moments later and read that one as well, but Holly didn’t hear her. Another voice was speaking to her heart.

  Go see him.

  Holly told Tamara she was tired and went to her room. Once in her pajamas and under the blankets, she opened her heart to God, wanting to obey the words she had heard clearly so many times now.

  God, I want to see Scott more than anything. But how can I? If I go see him, I’m going to have to tell him about my dad and my fears, but I don’t think I can do that.

  Go see him. Tell him everything. You must do this. Trust Me. Everything will be all right.

  Holly rolled onto her side and clutched the blankets close to her chest. She closed her eyes and knew she had to see Scott before she left next week. She couldn’t endure another three months in Portland until she spoke with him. Maybe he wouldn’t want her back, but she had to try.

  Okay, Jesus. I will go.

  Instantly a peace settled over her heart. She didn’t know when or how, but she knew she must.

  Tomorrow, Holly. Don’t wait any longer.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Christmas morning brought the same joy Holly had experienced each year since her first Christmas in this house three years ago. Not only because of the gifts she received, but also from the love she felt surrounding her. This was her family. These were the people that had welcomed her and Sarah into their home and had made them feel that they belonged.

  They decided to go out for brunch together since this was going to be the last Christmas Tamara would be a Thorpe. Holly knew her cousin had next year on her mind: her first Christmas as a married woman. Tamara must have looked at the gleaming diamond on her finger at least a dozen times in the hour-long meal.

  They had driven two cars into town because the family didn’t have one vehicle large enough to seat all six of them. When Tamara and Holly got into their car with Sarah in the back seat, Holly knew what she had to do.

  “Can I talk to you, Tam?” she asked before Tamara had backed out of the parking space.

  “Sure. What’s up?”

  Holly plunged ahead before she lost her nerve. “I think I’m in love with Scott Christiansen.”

  Tamara’s green eyes stared at her and she laughed. “What?”

  “I’m serious, Tam.”

  “Scott Christiansen? Deb’s son?”

  “Yes. I’ve felt this way for over a year.”

  Tamara looked like she’d just heard Martians had landed on Earth. “Holly! Over a year! Why haven’t I heard any of this before?”

  “Because I’ve been trying to forget about him.”

  “Does he know you feel this way?”

  “Yes.”

  Tamara turned off the radio. “All right. I need to hear the whole story. Spill it.”

  Holly did. Tamara’s reaction continued to be one of wonder and disbelief. “So what happened? Why didn’t you stay and see where things went? Did you really want to go to school that badly?”

  “I didn’t want to go to school at all.”

  Tamara stared at her in confusion. “I don’t get it.”

  “I got scared.”

  “Of what?”

  Holly took several deep breaths and then spoke the words she had never spoken out loud to anyone. Not even herself. “I’m afraid he’s going to be like my dad.”

  “Your dad? Why would you think that?”

  “How much do you know about my father?”

  “Well, I know he wasn’t very nice to your mom. I don’t know that many details, but I think I have the general idea. Why do you think Scott would be anything like that? Did he hurt you?”

  “No. Never. And I’ve seen him with Madeline enough to know he doesn’t lose his temper.”

  “Then why?”

  She started to cry. “Because my mom told me that no decent guy was ever going to want me and that I’d end up with someone just like my dad.”

  “Oh, Holly,” Tamara said, pulling her into a hug. “That is so not true. You are not your mom, and Scott is not your dad. You can’t let their messed-up life keep you from being happy.”

  “But what if I don’t know how to do that?”

  Tamara stroked her back for a few moments and then released her. “Holly, I don’t understand. If you love him, how can you be anything but happy?”

  Holly blew her nose and decided to tell Tamara the only thing she had left out. “One day when I was at Deb’s, Scott came home from work, and he was angry about his paycheck. He wasn’t punching the wall or anything like that, he was just upset like anyone would be, but I’d never seen him that way before and I didn’t know how to handle it. Since then I’ve been having nightmares about him getting angry at me and coming after me like my dad used to. Did you know that my dad gave me this scar?” she said, holding out her arm. “He almost killed me, Tam. How do I get over that?”

  Tamara pulled her into an embrace again and held her tight, letting her cry and murmuring to Sarah in the back seat that Mommy was all right, not to worry.

  When Holly calmed down, Tamara took her trembling hands in her own and said, “You need to get some help, Holly. You can’t handle this by yourself. I don’t know how to help you, but we’ll find someone, okay? Maybe Pastor Stone or a counselor or something. You do not have to live with this fear, and you do not have to keep the man you love out of your life because of your dad.”

  Holly nodded, wanting to believe her words. She felt a tremendous sense of release at finally sharing the truth with someone.

  “I need to go see Scott now.”

  “Right now?”

  “Yes. Right now, before I change my mind.”

  “Okay,” Tamara said reaching for her seat belt.

  The Lord is close to all who call on him.

  “Wait. Can you pray with me first? I’m not going over there alone.”

  Tamara smiled, took her hand, and prayed, asking God to be with her and give her the strength to tell Scott everything on her heart.

  “Do you know where his house is?”

  “Yes. I have the address right here.”

  Tamara took the slip of paper from her. “Oh, I know where that is. Molly lives on that street.”

  They drove to the neighborhood and found the right house. She didn’t see Scott’s truck anywhere, but he had a garage so she went to the door, leaving Sarah in the car and asking Tamara to wait in case he wasn’t home. No one answered, and she hurried back through the frigid air and climbed into the warmth of the car.

  Without hesitating she said, “Let’s check Deb’s.”

  Tamara drove a few streets over. Scott’s truck was sitting in the driveway. Tamara reached over and grasped her hand.

  “You’re sure about this?”

  “I’m sure,” she said.

  Tamara pulled up to the curb. “Do you want me to wait?”

  “No. You go ahead. Brian’s probably at the house waiting for you.”

  “I’ll stay if you want. This is more important.”

  “I don’t know how long I’ll be. And if you’re here, it will give me an excuse to back out.”

  Holly got out of the car, grabbed Sarah from her car seat, and headed for the door. She took a deep breath when she stepped onto the porch and rang the doorbell.

  Deb appeared within moments. “Holly! Sarah! What a nice surprise. Come in.”

  She stepped inside and heard Tamara drive away. She hoped this wasn’t a mistake. Her fears that Scott might have another girlfriend and that she would be here made her feel nauseous.

  Deb gave her a hug. “Merry Christmas. Here, let me take your coat.”

  “Thank you,” she said, setting Sarah down and removing her warm hat and jacket. “I hope we’re not interrupting anything.”

  Deb waved her hand as if swatting a fly. “Only a basketball game. You have rescued me, my dear, I assure you.”

  Holly didn’t say she hadn’t come only to see her. Following Deb into the living room, she could feel her legs trembling, and her stomach felt like a million butterflies had just hatched, but there was no turning back now.

  “Look who’s here!” Deb announced. Everyone in the room looked up and smiled. Deb’s other son, his wife, and apparently their new baby were sitting on the couch. Madeline leapt from her spot on the floor where she was playing with a new doll house and came running.

  “Holly!” she said, giving her a hug around her hips.

  “Hello, Madeline,” Holly replied.

  “Hi, Sarah,” Madeline said.

  Sarah didn’t remember Madeline and acted shy.

  “Come see my new doll house. It has a washing machine and a dryer!”

  Madeline grabbed her hand, leading her across the room. Sarah followed along, her eyes wide with wonder at the house that stood almost as tall as herself.

  Holly heard Scott coming down the stairs before she saw him. She turned, aching to see his face again.

  “I found some ba--” Scott caught sight of her, and their eyes met. “Some batteries,” he finished.

  Madeline cheered and handed him a play piano she had received. Scott took it from her and sat down in a nearby chair to put the batteries in. Holly turned her attention to Madeline who had begun pointing out all the rooms and furniture in the small house.

  “Here you go, honey,” Scott said after she and Sarah had gotten the full tour, kneeling down beside them to give Madeline the keyboard.

  Holly glanced at him. Scott’s eyes flitted her direction. Madeline began playing some notes on the piano and asked them to listen. Holly kept her eyes on Scott’s.

  “Can I talk to you?” she asked.

  “Now?”

  She nodded.

  He looked around the room.

  Holly reached out and touched his knee. His eyes snapped back, first to her hand and then to her face.

  “We don’t have to hide it,” she said.

  His expression changed from uneasiness to near amusement.

  She laughed.

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “Daddy! Holly! Listen!”

  The both turned toward Madeline. She played a song for them. Holly kept her hand on Scott’s knee. This felt right. Sitting here with Scott on one side and Sarah and Madeline on the other. Thank you for getting me here, Jesus.

  Holly felt Scott touch the ends of her hair.

  “You cut it.”

  She had forgotten he hadn’t seen her since the home hair session with Tamara. Brushing it back with her fingers, she turned to see his reaction. “I lightened it too. Do you like it?”

  He smiled. “Yes.”

  They gave Madeline their attention once again and clapped when she finished with the second song.

  “I know another one too.”

  “Why don’t you go show Grandma,” Scott suggested.

  “Okay,” Madeline said, picking up the small pink keyboard and running over to Deb. Sarah stayed behind to play with the fascinating doll house.

  Scott helped Holly to her feet, and they turned to see Deb watching them curiously. Scott kept a hold of her hand as they crossed the room.

  “We’re going to go for a walk,” Scott said.

  “O-Okay,” Deb replied, looking like she had just found out Martians had landed on Earth.

  “Do you mind watching Sarah?” Holly asked Deb.

  “No, we’ll be fine. You go ahead.”

  “Can I come too?” Madeline asked.

  “Not this time, honey,” Scott said. “You stay inside where it’s warm and play with Sarah, okay? Holly and I have something to talk about. We’ll be back soon.”

  He led them to the door and helped her with her coat. She put on her mittens and matching stocking cap for this very cold day.