“So you’re pissed at yourself for coming after me. That’s not my fault.”

  I sat down hard on the steps and kind of wished I had stopped to put my underwear back on.

  “This whole relationship runs on your terms and I’m starting to lose myself. We eat when you say, and we have sex when you want to have sex.”

  “I thought you wanted to have sex. You grabbed me, and I was just following your lead.”

  “It’s not just about the sex. It’s everything. We never do anything together. We never go anywhere. The only time we connect is during sex, but it wasn’t there for me tonight, and it made me realize that maybe that’s all we had.”

  “It’s not all we have.” Josh knelt in front of me and rubbed a hand up and down my calves. As soon as he touched me, that familiar chill ran through me. I loved the way he touched me, but it wasn’t enough anymore. “Would you feel better if I invited you home with me for Thanksgiving?”

  “It depends on why you are inviting me.”

  “I don’t want to spend even a second away from you,” he murmured as he leaned over and kissed me.

  I kissed him back—but it didn’t make me feel better.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Joshua Elijah Griffin, IV

  Carrington and I were an official couple. It was all going according to plan, maybe a little faster than planned. We spent all our free time together. The more time we spent together, the more I trusted her, which was huge for me.

  After our little fight after the karaoke bar, I had to invite her to Thanksgiving. She would never understand that keeping her away from my family was a good thing. Besides, Father expected me to attend, and he was determined to portray his family intact and happy.

  Bringing Carrington wasn’t the best idea, but I figured at the party everyone would be on their best behavior—a low-risk way to introduce her to my father. He wouldn’t do anything to embarrass me at his own party.

  We turned off the road and Carrington squealed as we entered the gates. My family home impressed everyone who saw it like this, in full-on party mode.

  The mansion was huge, but we only used about one fourth of it on a regular basis. When I was home, I never left my side of the house. No surprise; it was on the opposite side of the house from my father’s suite.

  I rolled down the window and the smell of food wafted over the grounds. I slowed down to avoid running over the staff sprinting back and forth between the main house and the guesthouse where they were setting up. My sister’s voice was amplified over the foray as I pulled into my usual parking space.

  Carrington looked around wide-eyed, and I had to pull her along to get her inside the house. I wanted to spend time with her before subjecting her to an evening at Griffin Manor.

  “Your home is beautiful,” she said as we climbed the stairs to my room.

  “It’s my dad’s home.”

  “Come on, Josh. Even you can’t be matter-of-fact about this place. It’s a palace.”

  “I spent most of my time in this part of the house.”

  I opened my bedroom door and recoiled, as I imagined what she might think of my childhood room. It was not much different than when I was twelve years old. Carrington didn’t seem to notice. She looked around and touched everything.

  The room was separated by two sets of stairs. At the far end, the theater and entertainment center stood against the wall.

  My bed and closet sat next to the inside wall and on the opposite wall was a door that opened into the backyard.

  As soon as you walked into the room, a small kitchen and dining area stood in the corner. I took Carrington’s bag to my closet and left her to explore on her own.

  When I returned, I found her sitting on my bed, giving me a look. I loved that look. It was her I am so turned on by you right now look.

  Her eyes grew dark, and she pulled her shirt off over her head. Her hair fell across her shoulders as she grinned up at me. I couldn’t deny that I wanted her.

  I pulled off my shirt and ran to the bed, slowing down to pull off my jeans as she worked on the rest of her clothes.

  She scooted up onto the bed, and the comforter and pillows swallowed her. I gained immediate access to her lower half, pulling her panties off and licking her. A giggle and moan emitted from the pillows, and it made me laugh. I dove back in and tasted her until she came.

  I climbed up the rest of her, removing pillows and throwing them to the floor, anxious to see her post orgasm face.

  I removed the last pillow from over her face and caught her in mid-gasp with a sexy ass grin. I said a silent prayer of thanks to have her in my bed.

  I kissed her deep and hard as she reached down for me. She pushed the rest of the pillows off the bed. I grabbed a condom from my nightstand and rolled us over, so she was on top. As we kissed, I somehow managed to put the condom on. She lifted herself and sat down on me, taking me inside of her and settling on my lap. She made small movements back and forth and studied my face to see how I would react. I wanted to show her how much she meant to me—no hiding, no games, and no tricks. She moved faster, and I matched her pace, meeting her halfway. She leaned over and kissed me, and I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her close to me as I moved inside of her. The feel of her moaning vibrated off my neck. God, she turned me on. I wanted to last for her, but she was so hot, and it felt so good. I sat up and brought her down on me at the same time and released. It hurt and felt amazing at the same time.

  We both collapsed back on the bed, her in my arms, trying to catch our breaths. My heart pounded so fast. She ran her hands through my hair and down my neck. She placed small kisses every place her fingers touched. She kissed my forehead and my cheeks and reached my mouth. She hesitated for a second, then her tongue opened my lips, and we kissed while staring into each other’s eyes. The closeness kind of freaked me out.

  “Hey,” she whispered. “Thanks for bringing me here.”

  Her gratitude expressed in her eyes and her facial expression made me smile. It hit me—all she wanted was for me to let her into my life. It had proved painless so far. I hoped it lasted.

  We hurried to shower and dress for the party. She wouldn’t let me see her until she emerged fully done, sequestering me to the theater area to dress.

  Nothing prepared me for the way she looked when she came out. It took my breath away. She wore a garnet dress with gold accents. Her hair was pulled up on the sides and left long in the back. She wore garnet lipstick, which matched the shade of her dress and tall black sandals.

  I groaned when I saw her. She looked gorgeous and her bright smile completed the outfit.

  One of the house attendants waited for us outside to drive us around to the front of the house for our entrance—over-the-top and obnoxious. At least they didn’t announce every guest like at a state dinner. I turned to watch Carrington, and her face made it worth it. She loved all this shit.

  “You look beautiful,” I said and grazed her lips.

  “I thought your dad would like the garnet and gold.”

  “And, here I thought you dressed up for me,” I said, half joking.

  “I did, but I want him to like me.”

  “He is going to love you.” I kissed her, placed her hand in the crook of my arm, and led her to the party. “Just like I do.”

  My father spotted us as soon as we entered the foyer of the house. This room always reminded me of the lobby of an insanely expensive hotel. We only used this entrance for special events.

  “Joshua, my son,” my father said as he pulled me into a spine-crushing hug.

  “Hi, Dad,” I said and noted how small my voice sounded after his.

  “What did you bring?” he whispered in my ear as he let me go and greeted Carrington. His eyes traveled up and down her body and Carrington stared away, rubbing her arms.

  “Dad, this is Carrington Butler.” Carrington lowered her eyes and reached out her hand. “Carr, this is my dad.”

  “Hi, Mr. Griffin.” Her voice sounded small, too. I figured she would be nervous, but I wondered what happened to the confident, assertive, gorgeous woman who had just seduced me in my room.

  “Well, aren’t you cute,” Dad said. “What a lovely dress.”

  “Thank you, sir,” Carrington said as she ran her hands over her dress.

  Dad turned to me. “Son, you should have brought this lovely thing by sooner. She sure brightens up the place.”

  My dad’s eyes took one more pass over Carrington and then turned and placed his arm around my shoulder and left Carrington to follow as we walked further into the party.

  Her head tilted down, she wouldn’t meet my gaze, and her eyes darted around taking in the party’s atmosphere.

  She seemed like a scared kitten, but I had no time to comfort her; my father wanted me by his side.

  I recognized everyone at the party, but my father introduced me anyway.

  “Hi, Carter. You remember my son?” he asked, and everyone nodded and shook hands, clamoring for my father’s attention.

  I wanted to stop my father, grab Carrington’s hand, and show her off, but my father’s firm grasp on my shoulder clued me in. My place was with him and her place was to blend into the background. That was what she did. It was almost like she knew her role, too.

  He slighted her, and she noticed it, but brushed it off. She handled it like she’d expected it. I swore to myself that I would make it up to her when we returned to my room. My father might treat her like garbage, but she had to know she meant the world to me.

  I lost track of Carrington when my dad’s new fiancée made her entrance. The media covering the party needed a family photo. We posed for photos—playing the happy, solid, and supportive family.

  I found myself enjoying it. I enjoyed the way my father acknowledged me and asked me questions. He had never treated me like this. Even if it was only for the cameras, I’d take it—happy to be on my father’s good side for once.

  Carrington spoke to my sisters. She smiled and wandered around the room, shaking hands and waving. I heard her laugh her fake laugh, and I stopped worrying and enjoyed the rest of the night by my father’s side, laughing and joking as he bragged about his latest adventures.

  With the party in full swing, my dad pulled me aside. “Son, let’s go have a chat.”

  I followed him into his study, and the proud father act came to an abrupt end as he closed the door behind me.

  In his office, he poured two drinks and handed me one. I shook my head at the drink and turned around and sat on the edge of his desk.

  “Oh, that’s right. You don’t drink anymore,” Dad said. His sarcasm punched me in the gut. My father thought my addiction was a sign of weakness. I wondered what he considered his addictions.

  “What is it, Dad?”

  “I wanted to spend a minute alone with you to see where your head is. See how you’re doing.”

  “I’m fine. Don’t I look fine?”

  “Yeah, you look fine. You look healthy and wide-eyed. Ready to change the world.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Your little girlfriend there.”

  “What about her?”

  “I don’t know. She doesn’t seem to be the kind of girl you normally go for.” Dad threw back his drink and picked up the one he poured for me, and downed that one too. “I mean, sure, she’s beautiful. She’s fucking hot. But if you brought her here to get to me, well, it worked. You have my attention.”

  “I didn’t bring her here to do anything to you. She’s my girlfriend.”

  “Come on, Josh. You can’t be serious.” He chuckled. “Sure, have some fun. Date her, fuck her, do what you want to her, but you don’t introduce her at a family event.”

  “This is ridiculous.” I jumped off the desk.

  “Don’t walk away from me, son.”

  “I don’t have to listen to this.”

  “Yes you do.” His booming voice stopped me in my tracks, but when I turned, his face and his demeanor remained calm and in control. “I understand you’re mad at me and maybe you have a right to be, but bringing your black girlfriend to my engagement party is not the way to get back at me.”

  I hated the way he said black girlfriend, as if Carrington was a lab animal.

  “What the fuck, Dad? It’s 2013 not 1860.” I walked up to my father. “You know they even gave black people the right to vote.”

  “You can’t be this naive,” Dad said as he walked back behind his desk and sat down hard in his chair. He positioned himself in his most authoritative posture in order to make a point. Position and perception meant everything to my father—his favorite mantra.

  “Son, have your fun, but I don’t want you to bring her around this house ever again.”

  “Fine.”

  “Son, do you understand me.” He leaned forward in his chair.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “I’m doing this for your own good. You show her all of this, and when you’re ready to get rid of her, she gets clingy, thinking she has a chance to have this for herself. All she needs to do is capture some Griffin sperm, and she’s set for life. Be careful, Son. Women these days . . .”

  I stood listening to my father, but I didn’t hear a word he said. I was concentrating on preventing my brain from exploding. My urge to use again was growing, if only to quiet the pounding in my head.

  My dad’s gold digger rants were as famous as his son this is your legacy speech. His opinion on the color of my girlfriend’s skin didn’t surprise me either. What shocked the hell out of me was how little progress I’d made moving away from his influences.

  The more he talked, the further I regressed into the child. I will never live up to his expectations; I might as well stop trying.

  ***

  Carrington Olivia Butler

  All my doubts and fears disappeared in the couple of hours we spent in his room, getting ready for the party. We began the evening with mind-blowing sex. My dress got the exact reaction I hoped for. Josh loved it, and I loved the way he looked at me.

  We entered the party arm and arm, and in a matter of minutes, all my doubts returned and the insecurities I had all throughout high school came back, too. I was the dumb little black girl playing dress-up at the grown-ups party.

  The way people were staring me down, I kept checking to make sure nothing had popped out. I tightened my grip on Josh’s arm, but somehow, when I squeezed a second time, he was gone. His father had pulled him into an embrace, and I stood there feeling out of place.

  Mr. Griffin stopped talking and looked me up and down. He reached out to shake my hand, but his eyes never left my chest. I fought the urge to cover up. Josh shook his head as he stood a little out of the way, watching. I tried to catch his eyes, but he rubbed the back of his neck and looked away.

  His father shook my hand and complimented me on my dress. I refrained from dropping in a deep curtsey. Then his father guided Josh farther into the party and farther away from me. I followed for a minute, but soon broke away from the Griffin procession and wandered around the room on my own. I spoke to a few people. I smiled and waved at Amanda and Erin, who were whispering, but snapped to attention whenever their father needed something. When Mr. Griffin’s fiancée made her entrance, the entire party fell in silent awe. I half expected to turn around and see the Queen of England.

  She was tall and blonde, and her chest entered the room before the rest of her. She seemed embarrassed by the ceremony and a little out of place.

  When we found ourselves standing next to each other at one of the buffet tables, I introduced myself, but she dismissed me.

  After a glass of champagne and more idle chitchat with an older woman who asked about how much I charge for my nanny services, I decided to wander the halls of the house and find my way back to Josh’s room.

  I headed down the hallway and stopped when I heard familiar voices coming from a closed door.

  Josh and his father spoke in muffled tones, not arguing, but rather Mr. Griffin lectured, and Josh whined.

  “It’s okay to fuck her but don’t bring her around anymore,” his father said.

  Is he talking about me?

  “Ms. Carrington, anyone ever tell you it’s impolite to eavesdrop?”

  My body stiffened when I heard another familiar voice behind me.

  He snaked his sleazy arms around my waist and pressed himself into me.

  “Don’t worry, I won’t tell,” Brian whispered in my ear and then kissed my shoulder.

  A whimper escaped from my lips.

  “Shhhh, it’s me. Brian.”

  Did he think I would find some comfort in knowing that?

  I tried to push away from him, but my ass just pressed against the front of his pants, and he groaned from the pressure. He tightened his grip and pulled me closer.

  “Let me go.” The smell of bourbon and cigars wafted from his pores. He buried his face in my hair, and my stomach rolled.

  “You look so fucking hot in that dress.” He slurred his words. I tried to get away from him, but had nowhere to go.

  “Brian, please let me go.” I placed my hands on the wall.

  With his lips on the back of my neck and his pelvis grinding into my ass, he whispered, “I can’t wait to fuck you.”

  I whimpered and prepared to scream, but someone entered the hallway.

  “Brian?”

  Brian dropped his head and whispered, “Shit.”

  Amanda stood at the end of the hall. I tried to hold in the tears, but a couple dropped and rolled down my cheek.

  “Carrington. Sweetie, I haven’t seen you all night.” Brian stepped away from me with his head down, and Amanda came over and grabbed my arm and pulled me down the hall away from her husband.

  As we walked down the hall, she opened a door, and we found ourselves out back between the main house and Josh’s room.

  “Carrington, I think it’s best if you just wait for Josh in his room.”

  She turned back around and headed back to the party.

  “Amanda.”

  She turned back around with an unexpected amount of grace. I wanted to confront her. Ask her why she put up with that. Her husband was a pig, and no one cared, but when she turned around, I saw tears in her eyes. My voice caught in my throat, and I bit my lip. She made a choice to put up with his bullshit, and she had her reasons. She understood exactly what her husband was capable of, but she loved him anyway.