I found Carrington sitting on a bench out side of the stadium with her head in her hands.

  She looked fine. She wasn’t crying or having an anxiety attack. I didn’t know if she still experienced episodes like after the attack.

  I walked over to her making my steps loud on purpose. I didn’t want to scare her.

  “Hey, you ok?” She snapped her head up and glared at me, I ran my hand through my hair and crossed them over my chest. I pictured myself in my head and thought how stupid I must look, I dropped my hands.

  She starred at me the whole time, then started laughing.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You’re just as uncomfortable about this whole situation as I am.”

  “Is it that obvious?” I walked over and she slid down the bench and made room for me to sit down. Our legs touched and I wanted to reach out for her, pull her to me and make her remember how good we were together.

  “Really, are you ok?”

  “Well, I’m not having a break down in case your were wondering.”

  “I didn’t think that.”

  “I needed to get some air.” She exhaled. “Seeing you, seeing you with Jack is going to take some getting use to.”

  “He is such a great kid. You should be proud of how you’ve raised him.”

  “Thank you. You don’t think he’s weird?”

  “What do you mean weird?”

  “Like he’s a little too normal, too well adjusted.”

  “No, he’s great.”

  “I don’t know. I keep waiting for the ball to drop. I mean look at who his parents are, were.” She bit her lip and I put my hand on her knee. “I’m sorry. I still don’t know how to say that.”

  “Have you told him about Josh?”

  “No and he hasn’t asked either, which is even more strange.”

  “Kid’s don’t questions stuff unless somethings missing in their life. He obviously doesn’t miss having a father.”

  “It’s only a matter of time.” She moved her knee away from mine and I removed my hand and ran it through my hair.

  “Can I ask you a questions?”

  “Sure.”

  “Are you still mad at me?”

  I waited for her to answer, but she didn’t say anything and I panicked.

  “No.” She turned to face me, “But-“

  “No wait. No but. Just leave it at no and let’s move on from there, ok?” She smiled and stare off into the parking lot.

  “I wish it was that simple.”

  “It can be. We don’t have to make some grand declaration of devotion, we can hang out together. Get to know each other again. Start over. ”

  “Start over?” she asked. “After everything we have been through, the shit we have said and done to each other, you think we can start over?”

  “We can try.”

  “So we hang out.”

  “Yeah, you know go to the movies. Hang out at your place. Help me find a place.”

  “And if someone asked me what’s going on between us, I say …”

  “Where just hanging out?”

  “Just hanging out, huh.”

  “Yeah, exclusively hanging out.”

  “Exclusively?”

  “As in we only hang out with each other.”

  “You sure about that.” She stood up. “You just moved into town. I’m sure there is a line of Phoenix girls waiting to get a piece of Jackson Mitchell.”

  “A line, huh?”

  “Yeah, and the women here are aggressive.”

  “Oh yeah.” I stood up.

  “And kind of slutty.”

  “Well,”I scrunched my brow and stepped closer. “I guess I owe it to them to get out there and see what the city has to offer, right?” I willed myself not to laugh at the disappointed look on her face. I couldn’t stand it any more. I had to kiss her.

  “I guess, if that’s what you-“ I didn’t give her a chance to finish. I snaked my hand around her neck tilted her head up and my lips landed on hers. It felt familiar and nice, but at the same time exciting and new. At first she didn’t kiss me back. She reached up and grabbed my wrist and pulled them from her neck as she step out of my grasp. I smiled, stepped with her as I pulled on her hair as a warning to not even think about.

  She wasn’t convinced, yet.

  I reached down and grabbed her other hand, interlaced our fingers while grabbing her bottom lip between my teeth and giving her a little tug. Coaxing her into a deeper kiss. She moaned.

  I twisted her arm behind her back with my other hand, and pulled her closer. She opened her mouth and my tongue took it as an invitation to explore. I deepened the kiss, but something was off. My mind raced trying to figure it out before the moment ended, but the kiss could not end until it was perfect.

  Then, it happened.

  She grabbed the collar of my shirt and stood on her toes at the same time her tongue glided over my lips and I let out a moan. I needed a hint that she wanted this as much as I did. She gave it to me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I pressed into her. I was two second away from picking her up and having her amazing legs wrap around my waist.

  “Yo, Mitchell. Where’d you learn that move?”

  “Yeah, I don’t remember that in the play book.” Two of my teammates chuckled as they headed out the facility.

  Damn.

  Carrington pulled away and turned her back. They continued on the parking lot, laughing their asses off. I looked down at Carrington, and my heart skipped a beat as she smiled up at me.

  Even thought it ended way too soon, her smile told me all I needed to know.

  I laughed as I kissed her on the forehead and lead her back into the stadium.

  I had left Jack with the group, but when we came back he sat across the room talking to a couple of my coaches.

  “Oh my God. The kids makes himself at home anywhere,” Carrington said as we watch Jack telling some story and having my coaches crack up.

  “I’ll go get him.”

  Carrington grabbed my arm.

  “Can we take this slow and keep what ever is happening between us,” she paused, looking for the right words, “between us for now. I don’t think either of us needs any undo distractions at the moment.”

  “Do I still get to kiss you?”

  “When we are alone and not in front of your office,” she dipped her head and said, “Oh yeah.”

  “What ever you need.” I winked as I headed over to gather Jack.

  Chapter Six

  Jackson Latre Mitchelle

  I played if off, but the fact she wants to keep our … whatever, quiet, threw me. Not that I wanted to announce it on the video board, but why keep it a secret? After everything, she still made everything difficult.

  I hugged her goodbye when they left, but a few days passed and no word from her.

  I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to check on her. See how her day went. Hell, I wanted to hear her voice, but I was chicken shit about what I would hear. I remember when I used to call her, back when we were friends, her voice made me smile. The way she said my name, it felt good. Like I knew seeing my name on her caller id made her day better. She did the same for me. To the point where I would be disappointed for a minute when it wasn’t her calling my phone. Now, I let out a sign of relief when I looked at my phone and it wasn’t her. I didn’t have the time, patience or energy to pursue her.

  That’s what I told myself daily, but in reality. I didn’t want to hear her rational about why we shouldn’t be together.

  I spent a lot of time working with Towson after practice, but with him on the first team, when I got into the game, the second team guys weren’t as sharp or precise with their routes. It made my throws look inaccurate. As I adjusted, my time was up. The first preseason game, I played well. Not a good as I hoped, but good enough.

  I expected to hear from Carrington the morning of the game. Back in school, I looked forward to hear game day pep talks. Jack called and while I enjoyed hearing from him, it wasn’t the same.

  After the game, I got a text message.

  Carrington: Congrats on the the game.

  I took a while to answer. I didn’t know how to respond to the most non-emotional, non-committed response to a moment in my life ever. I wonder how long it took her to come up with it. The next day I replied.

  Jackson: Thanks

  The Monday after the first pre season game, Coach named me starter for the second. Towson and I developed our timing and rhythm quick due to the extra work after practice. We tried to get the other receivers to join us, but they some how found it disrespectful to Sampson and declined. Even thought I was excited about playing, I couldn’t get Carrington out of my mind all week. I wanted to invite her and Jack to the home game, but would she even want to go?

  As the week continued, my work in practice grew more unstable. Towson and I became automatic, but not so much with the other guys. I knew I wouldn’t be successful unless I spread the ball around. Thursday after practice, Towson and I started our extra work, a few guys stayed out to watch, but none of them wanted to get involved. Even the first team guys who I still hadn’t developed my timing with.

  When I overthrew Towson on the second throw, an easy up and out, he stopped and headed back to the line of scrimmage, but not in position, he headed straight for me.

  “You letting that shit get in your head out here, what’s it going to be like at the game?”

  “It was one throw. I’m good.”

  “Seriously, you’re going to give me the it’s one bad throw excuse. Forget it. I’m done.”

  “Dude, where you going?”

  “If you’re not hear, why should I be here?”

  My head dropped and I shrugged my shoulders. My brain wasn’t in it. I felt sorry for myself. It wasn’t one things. It was everything. My confusion over Carrington messed with my head. I wanted to go back to the time when I didn’t feel like I had to prove myself to each and every person, at each and every step.

  “Towson, wait.”

  He stopped and turned towards me. I rifled a pass right at his numbers. He dropped his helmut and caught it. The guy had some good instincts.

  He jogged towards me.

  “You have to give the guys time to adjust.”

  “I don’t get it. Isn’t the goal to get better. Why are they letting some misplaced loyalty prevent them from succeeding?”

  “J, what would you do if you were them. You have Brent and Parker trying to secure their position, and two rookies trying to make the team. Maybe if you’d been around during OTA’s they would be quicker to see what was going on, but you got here two weeks ago.”

  “Why did you pick a side so early?”

  “Well, because I’m a the best wide receiver in the league.” He grinned. “I need a passing quarterback. It’s purely selfish.”

  “Modest, too.”

  “None of the greats are?”

  “Good point.”

  “Is this all about the guys?”

  “Oh, we’re sharing now.”

  “Listen, I’ll put up with what ever girly shit we need to if it get’s my quarterback back in the game.”

  “You married, have a girl friend?”

  “Married? Are you serious. I’m twenty two.” He grinned, “But, yeah, I have a girl friend.”

  “How long you two been together?”

  “Four years.”

  I looked up surprised.

  “Yeah, I know,” he said. “Why?”

  “You can’t relate.”

  “Try me.”

  “You ever met someone who you wanted to be with and they wanted to be with you, but they still can’t find their way together.”

  “This is some serious romance novel type shit.”

  “Shut up. I’m serious.”

  “We talking about the cutie with the kid.”

  “Carrington, yeah. We’ve known each other for eight years. We knew we wanted to be together from the first minute we meet, but I fucked up and it didn’t work out and even now when nothing is preventing us from getting together, its still not happening.”

  “Have you asked?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean. Have you asked her to be your girl?”

  “It can’t be that simple.”

  “Wouldn’t it be funny if it was.” He stood with his hands on his hips grinning, “What’s the worst that could happen. She says no and then you’re no worse off.”

  “We’re not in elementary school. It’s a little more complicated then will you go steady with me.”

  “Yeah, of course, but it has to start with a decision, which is simple and then you work out the complicated stuff after that.”

  I looked him with wide eyes and his chest all puffed up like he laid some wisdom on me.

  “You want to run some routes or you have more girly wisdom to impart on me.”

  “Yeah, that’s probably all you can handle for now. We’ll get into more in our next session.”

  He shoved the ball in my stomach. “Ugh.”

  He ran back to get his helmut and got set.

  “Hut.”

  Towson ran and go route and I placed the ball in front of him and he caught it in stride for a touchdown.

  It was simple.

  After practice, I had a few hours until curfew. I drove over to Carrington’s house. I should have called first, but I didn’t want to give her the chance to make an excuse or say no.

  I stood on the porch and rang the bell. She peaked around the corner and ducked back into the kitchen. She knows I saw, her, right. A few moments, she came around the corner with a fake smiled plastered across her face and my heart dropped.

  This wasn’t easy, but all I had to do was ask her a questions.

  “Hey,” she said as she opened the door.

  “Hi.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Uh, Jack here?” That wasn’t the right question.

  “No, he’s spending the night with a friend.” I ran my hands threw my head and looked of the right of the porch. “You want to come in?”

  “Sure.”

  She stepped back and I caught a whiff of tomato sauce coming from the kitchen.

  “You hungry?”

  “Yeah. It smells good.”

  “Well, you’ve had it before. My famous spaghetti.” She smiled at the memory and I felt relieved to discover she had good memories of us together.

  “I remember.” I followed her and sat a stool next the counter.

  We didn’t talk, I watched her move. She rinsed the pasta and stirred the sauce and despite all we needed to talk about and all we needed to settle, her every move turned me on and in an obvious way.

  If I hadn’t been wearing jeans that kept my situation under control.

  “Jackson.”

  “What?” Pay attention, Jackson.

  “What do you want to drink?”

  “Water is fine.”

  “I have beer.”

  “No alcohol the night before a game.”

  “Aren’t you supposed to be in meetings or something.”

  “Coach said we’ve been working hard, he gave us some time off until curfew.”

  “What times curfew?”

  “Lights out at 11:00 pm.”

  “You have,” she looked at the clock in the wall, five hours.”

  “Plenty of time,” I said. She bit her lip and turned her head.

  She handed me two glasses of waters and our fingers touched and I almost dropped them. I stood for a minute looking at her and wonder what to do with them. She pointed to the table and I walked over, she followed with two plates of spaghetti. I sat the glasses down and took a seat. She sat the plates down, one in front of me and although the table had six chairs she sat the other plate in front of the chair right next to me.

  She headed back to the kitchen, got the garlic bread out of the oven, cut it and brought it to the table. She slide in the seat next to me and our legs touched and she placed her hand on my knee.

  “Sorry.”

  “No problem.”

  We ate and I tried to think of something to talk about. Anything to get my mind off of watching her lips suck on noodles. Pure torture.

  “I heard you were starting tomorrow,” she said.

  “Yeah. I’ve been practicing with the first team all week.”

  “How’s it feel? Getting to know a new team and all.”

  “It’s strange. Fighting for a job. Humbling.”

  “Well, you looked pretty good last week.”

  “That’s with the second team offense against the second team defense.”

  “I heard some piece on the news about how you and Towson are putting in a lot of extra work after practice.”

  “Yeah, he’s great. Freak of nature talented. It’s the other guys who are proving to be a little hard to convince.”

  “Well, they’ll come around. You just go out there do what you know how to do.”

  “That’s what James said.”

  “He’s a smart kid.They are going to name you the starter for the season. You deserve it, besides Sampson has too many limits. He’s no where near as talented as you are?”

  “Wow. I need to come around you more often. I always loved your pep talks.”

  “Doesn’t it seem like a life time ago.”

  I reached out and touched her arm, she looked at me and I stared into her eyes.

  I waited for her to pull away or look away or both. I figured she would start in on how I need to slow down or she wasn’t ready. One of a million excuses she used in the past, one of a million tactics she had employed to avoid the topic of us.

  I held her gaze and she smiled. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Her face softened and she placed her hands on top of mine. Then, she did something I would have never expected in a million years.

  ***

  Carrington Olivia Butler

  When Jackson placed his hands on my arm, I gritted my teeth to keep from pulling away. We were moving to fast, but the look on his face made me pause. I didn’t know what came over me. I wanted to feel him next to me.

  I placed my hand over his and he tensed. He must have thought the same thing. I ran my hands up his arm. I stood and placed my hands on his shoulders as I straddled his lap. He spoke, but I cut him off when my lips sought out his. I didn’t want to talk. Didn’t want to dissect. Didn’t want to figure out whether what I was doing was a good idea or not. I didn’t care where the need came from. All I knew, I needed to feel his hands on me.