“Can you take me home?”

  “Sure.”

  When we arrived at his truck, he opened the door for me and I climbed in. He shut the door, and stood there. He made no attempt to walk to his side of the car.

  “I know the answer already, but I need to ask anyway. Do I have a chance at all?”

  “Richard.” His hand sat on the open window, and I reached out and touched it. “I don’t know how to answer that. Right now, no?”

  “So, you’re going to wait for him to come to his senses and realize what he’s missing out on.”

  “No, I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure he stays right where he is at because I’m not ready to be with anyone.”

  “Carrington—” I squeezed his hand.

  “Can you please just take me home?”

  We didn’t say another word, besides a whispered goodbye when we arrived at my house.

  I stood in my foyer. My new home felt empty and hollow. Or maybe it was my heart that felt empty, and I felt so alone. No one was home. The silence gave me a chill. I headed back out the door and over to Kayla’s house.

  I knocked on the door. When she opened it, I ignored her concerned expression.

  “Hey, how was your date?”

  I walked past her and found Jack asleep on the couch, his arms wrapped around his Seminole stuffed animal. I wanted to pick him up, hold him, and remember why it was all worth it, what I went through. I needed to be strong for him. I sat down on the floor next to him and rubbed his back. He stretched and drifted into a deeper sleep.

  Kayla stood across the room watching me with her arms crossed. I smiled at her. She approached and sat down on the other end of the couch and waited for me to speak. I wasn’t sure what to tell her.

  That Richard was a great guy who liked me a lot, but I pretty much blew that.

  Tell her that Jackson and I were in love with each other, but after what he saw tonight, there was no way he would want me.

  Although I spent eight months in therapy, I sometimes felt like the assault happened yesterday. I was naive to think being with Jackson would be the best thing for Jack and me. It was selfish to put that on Jackson. He had so much going on in his life. His career, his own hopes and dreams, and my issues could mess that all up for him, and I wouldn’t let him do that even if he wanted to.

  I couldn’t control what happened to me then, but I could sure as hell prevent it from ruining anyone else’s life now.

  “You okay?” She was the third person to ask me that tonight.

  “Yeah, why?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. You have this creepy wide-eyed determined look on your face.”

  My face softened, and I made myself smile.

  “I’m okay. Tonight was very … educational.”

  “Oh, yeah. That’s romantic.”

  “I’m just saying I learned a lot about myself tonight.”

  “Like what.”

  “Like I’m so not ready to date.”

  “Don’t say that, but maybe pick someone who isn’t one degree of separation from the love of your life.”

  Kayla had a way of breaking it down. She was right about that.

  Josh was Jackson’s best friend, and though I liked Jackson back then, I dated Josh. Richard was Jackson closest friend on the team. Maybe I should widen my search for companions to guys who didn’t know Jackson Mitchell. Considering he was less than a year away from being one of the most famous people in the sports world, it would be a difficult task.

  “I learned that this little guy is the most important person in my life, and I needed to focus on making sure he has the best life he can.”

  “Okay.”

  I ignored her confused expression.

  “I learned that Jackson deserves to be with someone who can be one hundred percent of what he needs. He doesn’t need a girlfriend in college with a kid and a slightly precarious mental situation.”

  “Oh, Carrington.”

  “It’s okay. Like you said, I’m being mature about the whole situation.”

  “Well, yeah, but you’re not giving up and letting Tiffany have him,” Kayla said.

  “Well, let’s not go crazy here. I don’t deserve him, but no way in hell does she deserve him, either.”

  She laughed and leaned over to hug me.

  “That’s my girl.”

  I was joking, of course. It didn’t matter whether Jackson stayed with Tiffany or not. If she had any amount of self-respect, she wouldn’t put up with Jackson’s behavior. She was a beautiful woman from a great family and could have any man she wanted.

  It didn’t make me a bitch to hope she came to her senses and left my Jackson alone.

  ***

  Jackson Latre Mitchell

  Tiffany refused to cause a scene. She plastered a smile on her face and said her goodbyes. I followed. We exited the house five minutes later.

  On the walk home, I took her hand, and she didn’t pull away. We walked in silence, the house only five minutes away from my apartment. As we headed toward my door, she stopped and faced me, placing her hand on my chest.

  “I’m going to be the bad guy for saying this, but I don’t want you seeing Carrington.”

  “Tiffany—”

  “No, let me finish. I know you said there was nothing going on between you two, and I believe you, but you’re going to have to give me something here. I don’t think I can deal with another scene watching you exchange looks or seeing you disappear into empty rooms and emerge with no explanation.”

  “Carrington needed me.”

  “She doesn’t need you. She is stronger than both of us put together.”

  “Tiffany, you don’t know. You didn’t see …” I almost told her about tonight but stopped. I couldn’t break Carrington’s confidence.

  “I saw you, Jackson. She doesn’t need you. She was doing fine with Richard, and you grabbed her.”

  “It wasn’t like that.”

  “Tell me the truth, what would you do if she started seeing Richard?”

  I lowered my head and refused to meet her eyes.

  “That’s what I thought,” she said.

  Tiffany dug in her purse for her keys and headed to her car.

  “Tiffany, you don’t know how hard this is for me. I could have prevented Josh from hurting her, but I didn’t. I feel responsible.”

  She stopped walking but didn’t turn to face me. Her shoulders shook, but she didn’t make a sound.

  “I could have warned her about Josh, and I didn’t because I chose to believe he had changed, but he almost killed her and she’s not over it. I don’t know how to live with that.”

  She turned to face me.

  “What am I supposed to do, Jackson?” Tiffany asked. “Sit by and watch my boyfriend show more concern for some girl than he does for me?”

  “That’s not true. I’m always there for you.”

  “No, you’re not. You allow me to be here for you. It’s not the same thing.”

  “You’re not making sense, Tiffany.”

  “I am making perfect sense. You’re choosing not to hear me.”

  “Why are you with me?”

  She paused before she answered. She dropped her shoulder and held her hand out, face up.

  “Because I love you.”

  Simple answer. I was sorry I asked.

  I couldn’t think of anything to say in return. I crossed the yard and hugged her, wrapped my arms around her waist and squeezed her to my body. I buried my head in her neck and tasted her, rubbing my tongue against her skin. Her body stiffened, and she didn’t hug me back. I lifted my head, and she had tears falling from her eyes.

  She didn’t push me away and leave, but I couldn’t read her thoughts. I figured she had reached her limit. If she walked away, I wouldn’t stop her. Maybe she needed another push.

  “Tiffany, I don’t want to hurt you, but I’m not going to stop seeing Carrington. All I can tell you is that I won’t disrespect you or our relationship. My connection with Carrington has nothing to do with us.”

  Why couldn’t I end it. Stand up, be a man, and tell Tiffany we didn’t belong together? My deep-seated need to take care of everyone messed with my head. I wished I wasn’t that guy, but I was.

  I am pathetic.

  The argument sounded horrible even to my own ears. Why didn’t she leave? Pushed me away, cursed my name, and left me standing there with her scent lingering in the air.

  Instead, she collapsed into my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me close. She sobbed—gut wrenching sobs. I was afraid the neighbors would think I was killing a moose in my driveway. I felt her tears on my neck. I held her close. I could deal with a few tears if it meant she would leave me alone.

  Her sobs settled after a few moments. She turned but not toward her car; she pulled me toward my apartment.

  We reached the door and she blinked, surprised to find her keys in her hand. She unlocked the door and led me upstairs and into my room. A moment of deja vu hit me and the realization hit my chest. I suppressed the urge to push away and run out of my house screaming in frustration. What would it take to get this girl to leave me alone?

  Instead of pushing away, I pushed her down on the bed and kissed her hard. She responded to my kisses and pulled my shirt over my head. I pushed my tongue in her mouth, as I lifted her dress up over her head and ran my hand down her body. I found her underwear and placed my hands between her legs. She gasped in my mouth and reached for my pants. My eyes shot open, and I sat up when I felt her reach into my waistband. The overhead light in the room was on, and I couldn’t think of a legitimate reason to stop and turn it off. She tried to pull me down, wanting to kiss me as her hands explored, but when she wrapped her hands around me, I pushed her away. I didn’t bother to look at the hurt look on her; I rolled her over on her stomach, closed my own eyes, and kissed her on the back of her neck and down her back.

  I took my time and tasted every inch of her. I removed my jeans, put on a condom, and buried my face in her neck as I entered her. She remained quiet but responded to my touch. I moved slowly inside of her, waiting for her to come, and then I released inside of her.

  I rolled off her and collapsed on my side. When I opened my eyes, she was staring at me. My chest tightened. She had the same satisfied look on her face she always had after sex. She was so much like a guy in that respect. Everything was okay because the sex was good. When did the roles reverse in this relationship? I felt alone and empty.

  I sat up in bed and headed into the bathroom where I locked the door behind me. I discarded the condom and jumped in the shower. I waited for the water to get as hot as I could stand it. I let the water pound me. My fingers slick from touching her, I grabbed the soap and washed every inch of me. No matter what I did, I couldn’t remove the smell from my nose or the taste of her from my mouth.

  In the shower, my muscles tensed, and I tried to push the thought out of my mind, but all I could think about was she didn’t taste or feel like Carrington. She didn’t smell or sound like Carrington, and she didn’t look like my Carrington.

  I needed to do something. I couldn’t go on like this anymore.

  After my shower, I found Tiffany sound asleep, snoring under the covers. I gathered my stuff. I grabbed my computer and headed to the living room to study game tape for Saturday’s game. I fell asleep sometime that night but woke up around six am. I headed to the facility, prepared to get my mind right for the game tomorrow. I made a promise to myself to deal with Tiffany later.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Carrington Olivia Butler

  Jackson’s normal Saturday morning phone call happened, but my feelings after Thursday night were anything but normal. He respected my wishes and didn’t ask me about it, but I could tell he was concerned. Wake Forest was heading into town today. Not a football powerhouse, but I admired Jackson for preparing for each opponent the same.

  “Do you know where Wake Forest got its name?” I asked.

  “Not if my life depended on it.”

  I laughed out loud.

  “Wake Forest is the name of the plantation where the university now sits.”

  “Really? So, like they used to have slaves and stuff. What kind of plantation was it?”

  “I don’t know. Cotton, I guess. It was owned by a physician named Calvin Jones.”

  “Was he a bad guy?”

  “No, he wasn’t. He was a mason.”

  “You have to give me something to go on here. I got nothing.”

  I grinned and pictured Jackson in bed in a hotel somewhere in Thomasville, Georgia, a few miles north of Tallahassee. He roomed with the backup quarterback, but he told me during our morning talks that his roommate got in a workout in the hotel gym before the team left for the game. It was his ritual. This was ours.

  “Oh, I got it. He was engaged to a woman who died of TB. Ten years later, he married the girl’s sister. That’s just not right.”

  “Okay.”

  “Oh, and his oldest child, he named Montezuma.”

  “You’re lying.”

  “No, it says so right here. His children’s names were Montezuma and Octavia.”

  “That’s just wrong.”

  “I know, right?”

  Jack sported his Jackson Mitchell number eight, garnet and gold jersey. He pulled it out of his closet this morning and carried it around until I put it on him after breakfast. He was gearing up for game day. Kayla and I headed toward campus an hour before kickoff.

  Every open surface of green on campus was occupied by trucks and caravans and buses covered in FSU stuff. Every person heading in was covered in FSU gear from head to toe.

  I wasn’t going to bring Jack to the game. It would be too many people and too chaotic. He would have plenty of time for FSU games when he got older.

  Mr. Griffin insisted we watch the game with him in his suite. I reminded him all the people would freak Jack out. When we arrived, the suite was empty except for Mr. Griffin and his assistant, Ashlei.

  “Carrington, Kayla, welcome.” He was dressed in a golf shirt with an FSU logo on the left chest and black slacks. He kneeled down to Jack’s level, and Jack walked over and gave him a hug. This was only the third time they had seen each other, but they were fast friends. Mr. Griffin scooped Jack up and took him toward the front of the suite to show him the stadium.

  The stadium was impressive. The Griffin Suite sat next to the president’s box near the forty-five yard line. Glass lined the front. The suite had two rows of stadium seats about six seats, eight on each side divided by an aisle in the center. The brown leather couches and chairs in the back made it homey and comfortable and food covered every available surface; elevated stadium food and a built-in cooler had beer and wine chilling on ice.

  A flat screen television adorned both walls, tuned to the television coverage of the game.

  Kayla and I stood in the back watching Mr. Griffin with Jack.

  “This is so weird,” Kayla said.

  “What?

  “I don’t remember him even speaking to me as a child,” she whispered.

  Jack giggled as Mr. Griffin pointed at stuff. He was so patient with him. Jack changed people. Hell, he changed me.

  We watched the game. Jackson and the team built a sizable lead by the end of the third quarter and Coach Fischer put in the backup quarterback. When the game was in hand, Jack sensed the excitement was over and passed out in the middle of the third quarter.

  I placed Jack in his stroller and returned to sit next to Kayla.

  “Carrington, can we talk?” Mr. Griffin asked.

  “Sure.” I sat next to him with a seat between us. He shifted toward me but continued to face forward.

  “How’s it going?”

  “It’s good. Thank you.”

  “Classes are good?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Are people bothering you?”

  “Bothering me, how?”

  He turned to face me.

  “You’re purposely being evasive because you don’t trust me.”

  “I’m not purposely being evasive.” I shrugged my shoulders. “It just comes out like that sometimes.”

  He grinned and turned back to the game.

  “Thank you for bringing Jack today.”

  “You’re welcome. You didn’t have to clear out the whole suite for us.”

  “Well, since it’s my only time with my grandson, I eliminated the distractions.”

  “How do your people feel about that?”

  “What people?”

  “Your associates, boosters. All those people you used to have around you who told you how great you were?”

  “I got rid of them, all of them. I needed to simplify my life, refocus on what was important.” He reached out to touch my hand. I didn’t flinch, but it felt wrong, him touching me. “Be someone my grandson can be proud of.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Nothing. Nothing at all. I’m making sure that when you get ready to trust me, I’m ready.” He let go of my arm. “So. How are things between you and Jackson?”

  I giggled, but it turned into a loud and out of control laugh.

  “Why is that so funny?”

  “It’s not funny. It’s unexpected and none of your business.” His eyes narrowed, and I sighed. “It’s complicated.”

  “Why complicated?”

  “Jackson has a girlfriend.”

  “Oh, that Tennessee girl. Yeah, I met her. She’s someone to scratch his itches, if you know what I mean.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean and gross.”

  “Well, he is a young red-blooded American male. She was a placeholder. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

  “This conversation is totally bizarre.”

  “It is, isn’t it?” He laughed. “But could you give me a break. I’m learning how to relate to young people.”

  “Okay, I’ll keep an open mind. Your intentions are good.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” I reached out and touched his arm this time, and it was weird, but I did it anyway. “How are Amanda and Erin? Do they know I’m back?”