And, with one voice, the chiefs replied that she was worthy to share the nuptial couch of the Great Khan.

  “Be it so,” replied he, “I am no judge of beauty. Let the encampment be broken up — this evening we move southwards.” And the Tartar chief entered the northern provinces of the celestial empire, with his hundred thousand warriors, destroying all with fire and sword, proving his sincere wish to unite himself to the Chinese nation by the indiscriminate slaughter of man, woman, and child; and his ardent love for the peerless Chaoukeun, by making a nuptial torch of every town and village.

  Ti-tum, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, ti.

  But we must return to the celestial court, and astonish the world with the wonderful events which there took place. The astrologers and wise men had consulted the heavens, and had ascertained that on the thirty-third minute after the thirteenth hour, the marriage procession must set out, or the consummation would not be prosperous. Who can describe the pomp and glory of the spectacle, or give an adequate idea of its splendour? Alas! it would not be possible, even if it were attempted by ten thousand poets, each with ten thousand tongues of silver, singing for ten thousand years. Such, however, was the order of the procession.

  First walked ten thousand officers of justice, with long bamboos, striking right and left to clear the way, to the cadence of soft music, blending with the plaintive cries of those who limped away and rubbed their shins.

  Then marching, ten abreast, one hundred thousand lanthorns to assist the sun, partially eclipsed by the splendour of the procession.

  Next appeared, slowly keeping time to a dead march, five thousand decapitated criminals, each carrying his own head by its long tail of hair.

  * * * * *

  “Staffir Allah! What is that but a lie?” exclaimed the pacha. “Did you hear what the dog has dared to breathe into our ears, Mustapha?”

  “Mighty pacha,” replied the Chinaman, with humility, “if your wisdom pronounces it to be a lie — a lie it most certainly must be; still it is not the lie of your slave, who but repeats the story as handed down by the immortal eastern poet.”

  “Nevertheless, there appears to be a trifling mistake,” observed

  Mustapha. “Is the procession to proceed, O pacha?”

  “Yes, yes; but by the Prophet, let the dog tremble if again he presumes to laugh at our beards.”

  * * * * *

  After the decapitated criminals, which your highness objects to, came in procession those criminals with their heads on, who were to suffer for their offences on this day of universal happiness.

  First came two thousand robbers, sentenced to be hung up by their heels, emblematic of their wish to turn everything upside down — so to remain until they were pecked to death by the crows, or torn to pieces by the vultures.

  The banner of innovation.

  One of the robber chiefs, ordered to be choked with an abacus, which was suspended round his neck.

  Another of the robber chiefs. This man, although a follower of the court, and sunned in the celestial presence, had dared to utter vile falsehoods against the celestial dynasty. He was sentenced to have his skin peeled off, and to eat his own words, until he died from the virulent poison which they contained.

  The most important of all the criminals next appeared, who being great in favour at court, and appointed to the high office of physician to the celestial conscience, had been discovered in the base attempt of drugging it with opium; he had also committed several other enormities, such as being intoxicated in his mandarin robes, and throwing mud at the first chief mandarin; also of throwing aside his robes, mingling with the lower classes, and associating with mountebanks, jugglers, and tight-rope dancers. His enormities were written on a long scroll suspended round his neck. His sentence was the torture of disappointment and envy, previous to a condign political death.

  After him came a disgraced yellow mandarin, who had been a great enemy of the criminal who preceded him. He was seated upon a throne of jet, and his arms supported in derision by two prize-fighters. His crime was playing at pitch and toss with the lower classes. His punishment was merely exposure.

  Such were the criminals who were to suffer upon this day of universal happiness and delight.

  Then came fifty thousand archers of the blue dragon battalion, carrying in their hands chowries of horses’ tails to clear away the blue-bottle flies.

  Next appeared ten thousand virgins, all modest, lovely, and in light drapery, singing hymns in praise of Ganesa on the Rat, the god of pure Love;

  Attended by ten thousand youths, who tickled the said ten thousand virgins, singing hymns in praise of the upright Fo.

  Fifty thousand archers of the green dragon battalion, each carrying a long peacock’s feather in his right hand, to ascertain how the wind blew.

  Five hundred physicians attending the celestial court, each carrying a silver box with golden pills.

  The head physician to the celestial wits, and always in attendance upon a crisis. He carried in his right hand a bladder-full of peas at the end of a wand, to recall his majesty’s wits when they wandered; and was followed by

  Fifty thousand fools marching five abreast in union,

  And fifty thousand rogues, marching off with everything they could lay their hands upon.

  Then came a notorious faquir and mendicant, who was leader of a celebrated sect. He wore but one tail instead of the two usually worn by our nation, but that tail was of forty feet. He was followed by numerous devotees, who threw their worldly goods at his feet, and in return he presented them with writings and harangues, which he declared were infallible in all diseases.

  Ten thousand young married women, each hushing an infant to repose upon the left breast to the sound of clarions and trumpets, emblematical of the peaceful and quiet state of matrimony.

  The banner of impudence.

  Five thousand political mountebanks, contradicting each other, and exerting themselves for the amusement of the people, who, however, suffered rather severely from their mad tricks.

  The second in command, explaining their system in an unknown tongue.

  The emperor’s juggler, who astonished the whole empire by his extraordinary feats, and the rapidity with which he relieved them of all the money in their pockets.

  The banner of Love.

  The celestial secretary, with goose-wings on his shoulders, goose-quills in each hand, looking very much like a goose mounted on a mule, gaily caparisoned in colours quadripartite, and covered with jingling brass bells.

  Five thousand old women, singing the praises of the said secretary and taking snuff to the flourish of hautboys.

  The prosperity of the celestial empire, carried by the court fool, in a basket beautifully carved out of a wild cherry-stone; and guarded by

  Fifty thousand archers of the red dragon battalion, picking their teeth to soft music.

  Ten thousand poets, each singing at the same time, and to a different tune, his ode upon this joyful occasion.

  The immortal poet of the age, attired in velvet to his feet, and superbly ornamented with rings and chains of gold and precious stones. He carried his silver harp in his hand, and was mounted on a beautiful white jackass with his face towards the tail, that he might behold and be inspired by the charms of the peerless Chaoukeun, the pearl beyond all price.

  Then came the magnificent Youantée, and the peerless Chaoukeun, seated in the massive car of gossamer richly studded with the eyes of live humming birds, drawn by twelve beautiful blue loadstars, presented by the heavenly bodies to the brother of the sun and moon.

  Twenty thousand young men, beautiful as angels, clad in the skins of the black fox, and playing upon ivory jews’-harps, all mounted upon coal-black steeds.

  Twenty thousand niggers, ugly as devils, clad in the skins of the white polar bear, and sounding mellifluous cat-calls, all mounted upon pure white Arabian horses.

  All the first-class mandarins of the celestial empire, turning up their eyes to heaven, and wishing that the procession was over.

  All the second-class mandarins of the celestial empire, choked with dust, and wishing the procession at the devil.

  Twenty millions of the people, extolling the liberality of the great emperor, and crying out for bread.

  Ten millions of women, who had lost their children in the crowd, and were crying out bitterly in their search.

  Ten millions of children who had lost their mothers in the crowd, and were crying out bitterly till they found them.

  The remainder of the inhabitants of the celestial empire.

  Such was the grand and pompous marriage procession, which employed the whole population, so that there were no spectators except three blind old women, who were so overcome with delight that, when it had passed, they bowed their heads and died.

  Ti-tum, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, ti.

  The procession arrived at the palace, and the pearl of price was now his bride, and the heart of Youantée was oppressed with love. Upon a jewelled throne they sat, side by side; but what was the blaze of the diamonds, compared to one glance from her lightning eye? What were the bright red rubies, compared to her parted coral lips — or the whiteness of the pearls, when she smiled, and displayed her teeth? Her arched eyebrows were more beautifully pencilled than the rainbow; the blush upon her cheek turned pale with envy every rose in the celestial gardens; and in compassion to the court, many of whom were already blind, by rashly lifting up their eyes to behold her charms, an edict had been promulgated, by which it was permitted to the mandarins and princes attending the court, to wear green spectacles to save their eyes. The magnificent Youantée was consumed with love as with a raging fever, and the physicians of the emperor were alarmed for his celestial health; by their advice, Chaoukeun consented only to receive him in a darkened chamber. All was joy. The empire rang with the praises of the pearl beyond all price. The gaols were ordered to be levelled to the ground — criminals to be pardoned — the sword of justice to remain in its scabbard — the bastinado to be discontinued. Even the odious lanthorn-tax was taken off, in honour of the peerless Chaoukeun, whose praises were celebrated by all the poets of the country, until they were too hoarse to sing, and the people too tired to listen to them.

  Ti-tum, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, ti.

  * * * * *

  “I’m sure I don’t wonder at their being tired,” observed the pacha, yawning, “if they were like you.”

  “God is great,” replied Mustapha, with another yawn. “Shall he proceed?”

  “Yes, let him go on; wake me when the story is ended,” replied the pacha, laying down his pipe.

  * * * * *

  Alas! how soon was all this delirium of happiness to be overthrown: how soon was the prophecy to be fulfilled, that there should be not only joy in life, but also sorrow! The magnificent Youantée was roused from his dream of delight by courier after courier coming in, and laying at the celestial feet tidings of the advance of the hundred thousand warriors. A solemn council was summoned, and the imperial edict was passed, that the barbarians of the north should be driven back to their lands of eternal frost and snow. The imperial armies departed from the capital, each individual composing its hundreds of thousands, vowing by his two tails that he would eat all that he killed. This bloody vow was accomplished, for they killed none; they returned discomfited, without their bows, or arrows, or their swords, fleeing before the rage of the Tartar chief. Then rose the great Youantée in wrath, and issued another edict that the barbarians should be driven even into the sea which bounds the empire of the world. And the armies were again sent forth, but again they returned discomfited, saying, “How can we, who eat rice with chopsticks, combat with barbarians, who not only ride on horses, but eat them too?” The celestial edict was not attended to by the Tartars, for they were barbarians, and knew no better; and they continued to advance until within one day’s progress of the celestial capital; and the brother of the sun and moon, the magnificent Youantée, was forced to submit to the disgrace of receiving an envoy from the barbarians, who thus spoke, in sugared words: —

  “The great khan of Tartary greets the magnificent Youantée; he has slaughtered some millions of his subjects, because they were traitors, and would not defend the celestial throne. He has burnt some thousands of his towns, that the great Youantée may order them to be rebuilt in greater beauty. All this has he done with much trouble and fatigue, to prove his regard to the magnificent Youantée. All that he asks in return is, that he may receive as his bride the peerless Chaoukeun, the pearl beyond all price.”

  The great Youantée spoke from his celestial throne— “Return my thanks to the great khan your master, for his considerate conduct, and tell him, that he well deserves a bride from our celestial empire, but the pearl beyond all price is wedded to the brother of the sun and moon. Any other maiden in our empire shall be sent to him with gifts worthy to be offered by the great Youantée, and worthy to be accepted by the great khan of Tartary. Let it be an edict.”

  But the Tartar replied, “O great monarch, the great khan my master does not require an edict, but the peerless Chaoukeun. If I return without her, he enters the celestial city, and spares not man, or woman, or child.” Then fell at the celestial feet all the princes and mandarins of every class, performing solemnly the great kow tow, and the chief minister of state spoke thus:— “Lord of the universe, brother of the sun and moon, who governs the world with thine edicts, whose armies are invincible, and numerous as the sands upon the shores of the four seas, listen to thy faithful slaves. Surrender up to this barbarian the pearl beyond all price, so shall we all live to humble ourselves before thee.” And all the princes and mandarins cried out with one voice, “Surrender up the pearl beyond all price.” And all the brave generals drew their swords, and waved them in the air, crying out, “Surrender up to this barbarian the pearl beyond all price.” And all the army and all the people joined in the request.

  Then rose up Youantée in great wrath, and ordered that the prime minister, and all the mandarins, and the princes, and all the generals, and all the army, and all the people, should be disgraced and decapitated forthwith. “Let it be an edict.” But as there was no one left to put the great Youantée’s edict into force, it was not obeyed. And the brother of the sun and moon perceived that he was in the minority; concealing therefore his bile, he graciously ordered refreshments for the envoy, saying, “Let the dog be fed,” and retired to the apartment of the peerless Chaoukeun.

  Ti-tum, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, ti.

  Now the beauteous empress had listened to all that had taken place in the great hall of audience, and she threw herself at the celestial feet, saying, “Let me be sacrificed — it is my destiny. Send your slave to the great khan to do with me as he pleases — I am all submission. They say he is a handsome man, and of great size and strength. It is my destiny.”

  Then did the great Youantée shed bitter tears at his bitter fate; but he knew it was his destiny — and O destiny, who can resist thee? He wiped his celestial eyes, and leading forth the peerless Chaoukeun, put her in the hands of the barbarian envoy, saying, “I send your master the pearl beyond all price. I have worn her for some time, but still she is as good as new. And now let your master the great khan return, with his hundred thousand warriors, to the confines of our territories, as it was agreed. Thou hearest. It is an edict.”

  “It is enough that my great master hath given his word, and the great Youantée hath given the pearl beyond all price. There needs not an edict,” replied the envoy, departing with the peerless Chaoukeun. Thus was the magnificent Youantée left without a bride.

  Now when the envoy had brought the peerless Chaoukeun in a close litter to the tent of the great khan, he forthwith commanded his army to return. Much to the mortification of the peerless damsel, he did not express any curiosity to behold her, but commenced a rapid retreat, and, in a few days, arrived at the confines of the celestial territory, which was separated from the Tartar dominions by an impetuous river. As soon as he had forded the river, he encamped on the other side, and sat down with his generals to a sumptuous feast of horseflesh and quass. When the liquor had mounted into his brain, he desired that the litter of the pearl beyond all price should be brought nigh to his tent, that he might send for her, if so inclined. And the peerless Chaoukeun peeped out of the litter, and beheld the great khan as he caroused; and when she beheld his hairy form, his gleaming eyes, his pug-nose, and his tremendously wide mouth — when she perceived that he had the form and features of a ghoul, or evil spirit, she wrung her hands, and wept bitterly, and all her love returned for the magnificent Youantée.

  Now the great khan was drunk with quass, and he ordered the pearl beyond all price to be brought to him, and she replied trembling, saying, “Tell your lord that I am not fit to appear in his sublime presence until I have washed myself in the river.” And those who had charge of her took the message to the great khan, who replied, “Let her wash, since she is so dirty.”

  Then was the litter of the peerless Chaoukeun taken down to the banks of the river, and she stood upon a rock which overhung the black waters. “How callest thou this river?” said she to her attendants.

  And they replied, “This river, O princess, divides the territory of

  Tartary from China, and it is called the river of the Black Dragon.”

  “Then is the prophecy fulfilled,” cried the pearl beyond price. “It is my destiny; and destiny, who shall resist?”

  She raised up her arms to heaven, and uttering a loud shriek at her unhappy fate, she plunged headlong into the boiling waters, and disappeared for ever.

  Thus was the prophecy fulfilled. The brother of the sun and moon had wed — beauty had been laid at the golden feet — the pearl beyond price had been found and lost. There had been joy and there had been sorrow in life — and sorrow in death. The Black Dragon had proved the foe to the celestial empire, for it had swallowed up the pearl beyond all price.

  Ti-tum, ti-tum, tilly-lilly, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, ti.