“First, to my dearly beloved niece, Clementina Montagu, I leave the sum of one hundred and fifty pounds, three and a half per cent consols, for her sole use and benefit, to be made over to her, both principal and interest, on the day of her marriage.” (Edward withdraws his arm from Clementina’s waist — turns half round from her, and falls back in his chair with a pish!)

  “To my nephew, Thomas Montagu, I leave the sum of nineteen pounds nineteen shilling and sixpence — having deducted the other sixpence to avoid the legacy duty.”

  (Thomas turns from the lawyer with his face to the front of the stage; crossing his legs.)

  “To my nephew, John Montagu, I leave also the sum of nineteen pounds nineteen shillings and sixpence.”

  (John turns away in the same manner.)

  “To my nephew, once removed, James Stirling, I leave the sum of five pounds to purchase a suit of mourning.”

  (James turns away as the others.)

  “To my nephew, once removed, William Stirling, I leave the sum of five pounds to purchase a suit of mourning.”

  (William turns away as the others.)

  “To my kind and affectionate housekeeper, Mrs Martha Jellybags—”

  (Mrs Jellybags sobs loudly, and cries “Oh dear! Oh dear!”)

  Mr Seedy. Silence, if you please. (Reads.)

  “In return for all her attention to me during my illness, and her ten years’ service, I leave the whole of my—”

  (Mr Seedy having come to the bottom of the page lays down the will, takes out his snuff-box, takes a pinch, blows his nose, snuffs the candles, and proceeds.)

  “I leave the whole of my wardrobe, for her entire use and disposal; and also my silver watch with my key and seal hanging to it.

  “And having thus provided for—”

  (Mrs Jellybags, who has been listening attentively, interrupts Mr Seedy in great agitation.)

  Jel. Will you be pleased to read that part over again?

  Seedy. Certainly, ma’am. “I leave the whole of my wardrobe, and also my silver watch, with the key and seal hanging to it.”

  (Mrs Jellybags screams, and falls back in a swoon on her chair — no one assists her.)

  “And having thus provided for all my relations, I do hereby devise the rest of my property to the said Solomon Lazarus and Hezekiah Flint, to have and to hold for the building and endowment of an hospital for diseases of the heart, lights, liver, and spleen, as set off by the provisions in the schedule annexed to my will as part and codicil to it.”

  Seedy. Would the relations like me to read the provisions?

  Omnes. No! no! no!

  (Mr Seedy is about to fold up the papers.)

  Gum. I beg your pardon, sir, but is there no other codicil?

  Seedy. I beg your pardon, Mr Gumarabic, I recollect now there is one relative to you.

  Gum. (nods his head.) I thought so.

  (Seedy reads.)

  “And whereas I consider that my apothecary, Mr Haustus Gumarabic, hath sent in much unnecessary physic, during my long illness — it is my earnest request that my executors will not fail to tax his bill.”

  Gum. (rises and comes forward.) Tax my bill! — well that is odd, very odd! I may as well go and look after my patients. (Exit.)

  (James and William come forward.)

  James. I say, Bill, how are you off for a suit of mourning?

  Will. Thanky for nothing, Jem. If the old gentleman don’t go to heaven until I put it on, he will be in a very bad way. Come along, it’s no use staying here.

  (John and Thomas come forward.)

  John. I say, Tom, how are you off for nineteen pounds nineteen and six? Heh!

  Thos. Let’s toss and see which shall have both legacies. Here goes — heads or tails?

  John. Woman for ever.

  Thos. You’ve won, so there’s an end of not only my expectations but realities. Come along, Mrs Jellybags must be anxious to look over her wardrobe.

  John. Yes, and also the silver watch and the key and seal hanging to it. Good bye, Jemmy! Ha! ha!

  (Exeunt, laughing.)

  Clem. For shame, John. (Turns to Edward.) My dear Edward, do not appear so downcast. I acknowledge that I am myself much mortified and disappointed — but we must submit to circumstances. What did I tell you before this will was read? — that nothing could alter my feelings towards you, did I not?

  Edw. (with indifference.) Yes.

  Clem. Why then annoy yourself, my dear Edward?

  Edw. The confounded old junks!

  Clem. Nay, Edward, recollect that he is dead — I can forgive him.

  Edw. But I won’t. Has he not dashed my cup of bliss to the ground? Heavens! what delightful anticipations I had formed of possessing you and competence — all gone!

  Clem. All gone, dear Edward?

  (Mrs Jellybags, who has been sitting very still, takes her handkerchief from her eyes and listens.)

  Edw. Yes, gone! — gone for ever! Do you imagine, my ever dear Clementina, that I would be so base, so cruel, so regardless of you and your welfare, to entrap you into marriage with only one hundred and fifty pounds! No, no! — judge me better. I sacrifice myself — my happiness — all for you! — banish myself from your dear presence, and retire to pass the remainder of my existence in misery and regret, maddened with the feeling that some happier mortal will obtain that dear hand, and will rejoice in the possession of those charms which I had too fondly, too credulously, imagined as certain to be mine.

  (Takes out his handkerchief and covers his face; Clementina also puts her handkerchief to her face and weeps. Mrs Jellybags nods her head ironically.)

  Clem. Edward!

  Edw. My dear, dear Clementina!

  Clem. You won’t have me?

  Edw. My honour forbids it. If you knew my feelings — how this poor heart is racked!

  Clem. Don’t leave me, Edward. Did you not say that for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, you would be mine, till death did us part?

  Edw. Did I!

  Clem. You know you did, Edward.

  Edw. It’s astonishing how much nonsense we talk when in love. My dearest Clementina, let us be rational. We are almost without a sixpence. There is an old adage, that when poverty comes in at the door, love flies out of the window. Shall I then make you miserable! No! no! Hear me, Clementina. I will be generous. I now absolve you from all your vows. You are free. Should the time ever come that prosperity shine upon me, and I find that I have sufficient for both of us of that dross which I despise, then will I return, and, should my Clementina not have entered into any other engagement, throw my fortune and my person at her feet. Till then, dearest Clementina, farewell!

  Clem. (sinking into a chair sobbing.) Cruel Edward! Oh, my heart will break!

  Edw. I can bear it myself no longer. Farewell! farewell! (Exit.)

  Jel. (coming forward.) Well, this is some comfort. — (To Clementina.) Did I not tell you, Miss, that if you did not change your mind, others might?

  Clem. Leave me, leave me.

  Jel. No, I shan’t; I have as good a right here as you, at all events. I shall stay, Miss.

  Clem. (rising.) Stay then — but I shall not. Oh, Edward! Edward! (Exit, weeping.)

  Jel. (alone.) Well, I really thought I should have burst — to be forced not to allow people to suppose that I cared, when I should like to tear the old wretch out of his coffin to beat him. His wardrobe! If people knew his wardrobe as well as I do, who have been patching at it these last ten years — not a shirt or a stocking that would fetch sixpence! And as for his other garments, why a Jew would hardly put them into his bag! (Crying.) Oh dear! oh dear! After all, I’m just like Miss Clementina; for Sergeant O’Callaghan, when he knows all this, will as surely walk off without beat of drum, as did Mr Edward — and that too with all the money I have lent him. Oh these men! these men! — whether they are living or dying there is nothing in them but treachery and disappointment! When they pretend to be in love, they only are trying for your money; and even when they make their wills, they leave to those behind them nothing but ill-will.

  (Exit, crying, off the stage as the curtain falls.)

  The Sky-Blue Domino.

  It was a flue autumnal evening; I had been walking with a friend until dusk on the Piazza Grande, or principal square in the town of Lucca. We had been conversing of England, our own country, from which I had then banished myself for nearly four years, having taken up my residence in Italy to fortify a weak constitution, and having remained there long after it was requisite for my health from an attachment to its pure sky, and the dolce far niente which so wins upon you in that luxurious climate. We had communicated to each other the contents of our respective letters arrived by the last mail; had talked over politics, great men, acquaintances, friends and kindred; and, tired of conversation, had both sank into a pleasing reverie as we watched the stars twinkling above us, when my friend rose hastily and bid me good night.

  “Where are you going, Albert?” inquired I.

  “I had nearly forgotten I had an appointment this evening. I promised to meet somebody at the Marquesa di Cesto’s masquerade.”

  “Pshaw! are you not tired of these things?” replied I; “that eternal round of black masks and dominos of all colours; heavy harlequins, fools and clowns by nature wearing their proper dresses there, and only in masquerade when out of it; nuns who have no holiness in their ideas, friars without a spice of religion, ugly Venuses, Dianas without chastity, and Hebes as old as your grandmother.”

  “All very true, Herbert, and life itself is masquerade enough; but the fact is, that I have an appointment: it is of importance, and I must not fail.”

  “Well, I wish you more amusement than I have generally extracted from these burlesque meetings,” replied I. “Adieu, and may you be successful!” And Albert hastened away.

  I remained another half hour reclining on the bench, and then returned to my lodgings. My servant Antonio lighted the candle and withdrew. On the table lay a note; it was an invitation from the Marquesa. I threw it on one side and took up a book, one that required reflection and deep examination; but the rattling of the wheels of the carriages as they whirled along past my window would not permit me to command my attention. I threw down the book; and taking a chair at the window, watched the carriages full of masks as they rolled past, apparently so eager in the pursuit of pleasure. I was in a cynical humour. What fools, thought I, and yet what numbers will be there; there will be an immense crowd; and what can be the assignation which Albert said was of such consequence? Such was my reflection for the next ten minutes, during which at least fifty carriages and other vehicles had passed in review before me.

  And then I thought of the princely fortune of the Marquesa, the splendid palazzo at which the masquerade was given, and the brilliant scene which would take place.

  “The Grand Duke is to be there, and everybody of distinction in Lucca. I have a great mind to go myself.”

  A few minutes more elapsed. I felt that I was lonely, and I made up my mind that I would go. I turned from the window and rang the bell.

  “Antonio, see if you can procure me a domino, a dark-coloured one if possible; and tell Carlo to bring the carriage round as soon as he can.”

  Antonio departed, and was away so long that the carriage was at the door previous to his return.

  “Signor, I am sorry, very, very sorry; but I have run to every shop in Lucca, and there is nothing left but a sky-blue domino, which I have brought with me.”

  “Sky-blue! why, there will not be two sky-blue dominos in the whole masquerade: I might as well tell my name at once, I shall be so conspicuous.”

  “You are as well hidden under a sky-blue domino as a black one, Signor, if you choose to keep your own secrets,” observed Antonio.

  “Very true,” replied I, “give me my mask.”

  Enshrouding myself in the sky-blue domino, I went down the stairs, threw myself into the carriage, and directed Carlo to drive to the palazzo of the Marquesa.

  In half an hour we arrived at the entrance-gates of the Marquesa’s superb country seat. From these gates to the palazzo, a sweep of several hundred yards, the avenue though which the driver passed was loaded with variegated lamps, hanging in graceful festoons from branch to branch; and the notes of music from the vast entrance-hall of the palazzo floated through the still air. When I arrived at the area in front of the flight of marble steps which formed the entrance of the palazzo, I was astonished at the magnificence, the good taste, and the total disregard of expense which were exhibited. The palazzo itself appeared like the fabric built of diamonds and precious stones by the genii who obeyed the ring and lamp of Aladdin, so completely was its marble front hidden with a mass of many-coloured lamps, the reflection from whose galaxy of light rendered it bright as day for nearly one hundred yards around; various mottoes and transparencies were arranged in the walks nearest to the palazzo; and then all was dark, rendered still darker from the contrast with the flood of light which poured to a certain distance from the scene of festivity. Groups of characters and dominos were walking to and fro in every direction; most of them retracing their steps when they arrived at the sombre walks and alleys, some few pairs only continuing their route where no listeners were to be expected.

  This is an animating scene, thought I, as the carriage stopped, and I am not sorry that I have made one of the party. As soon as I had descended, I walked up the flight of marble steps which led to the spacious hall in which the major part of the company were collected. The music had, for a moment, ceased to play; and finding that the perfume of the exotics which decorated the hall was too powerful, I was again descending the steps, when my hand was seized and warmly pressed by one in a violet-coloured domino.

  “I am so glad that you are come; we were afraid that you would not. I will see you again directly,” said the domino; and it then fell back into the crowd and disappeared.

  It immediately occurred to me that it was my friend Albert who spoke to me. “Very odd,” thought I, “that he should have found me out!” And again I fell into the absurdity of imagining that because I had put on a conspicuous domino, I was sure to be recognised. “What can he want with me? We must be in some difficulty, some unexpected one, that is certain.” Such were my reflections as I slowly descended the steps, occasionally pausing for a moment on one, as I was lost in conjecture, when I was again arrested by a slight slap on the shoulder. I looked round: it was a female; and although she wore her half-mask, it was evident that she was young, and I felt convinced that she was beautiful.

  “Not a word,” whispered she, putting her finger to her lip; “follow me.” Of course I followed: who could resist such a challenge?

  “You are late,” said the incognito, when we had walked so far away from the palazzo as to be out of hearing of the crowd.

  “I did not make up my mind to come until an hour ago,” replied I.

  “I was so afraid that you would not come. Albert was sure that you would, he was right. He told me just now that he had spoken to you.”

  “What! was that Albert in the rose-coloured domino?”

  “Yes; but I dare not stay now — my father will be looking for me. Albert is keeping him in conversation. In half an hour he will speak to you again. Has he explained to you what has occurred?”

  “Not one word.”

  “If he has not had time — and I doubt if he will have, as he must attend to the preparations — I will write a few lines, if I can, and explain, or at least tell you what to do; but I am so harassed, so frightened! We do indeed require your assistance. Adieu!” So saying, the fair unknown tripped hastily away.

  “What the deuce is all this?” muttered I, as I watched her retreating figure. “Albert said that he had an appointment, but he did not make me his confidant. It appears that something which has occurred this night occasions him to require my assistance. Well, I will not fail him.”

  For about half an hour I sauntered up and down between the lines of orange-trees which were dressed up with variegated lamps, and shed their powerful fragrance in the air: I ruminated upon what might be my friend’s intentions, and what might be the result of an intrigue carried on in a country where the stiletto follows Love so close through all the mazes of his labyrinth, when I was again accosted by the violet-coloured domino.

  “Hist!” whispered he, looking carefully round as he thrust a paper into my hand; “read this after I leave you. In one hour from this be you on this spot. Are you armed?”

  “No,” replied I; “but Albert—”

  “You may not need it; but nevertheless take this, — I cannot wait.” So saying, he put a stiletto into my hand, and again made a hasty retreat.

  It had been my intention to have asked Albert what was his plan, and further why he did not speak English instead of Italian, as he would have been less liable to be understood if overheard by eavesdroppers; but a little reflection told me that he was right in speaking Italian, as the English language overheard would have betrayed him, or at least have identified him as a foreigner.

  “A very mysterious affair this!” thought I; “but, however, this paper will, I presume, explain the business. That there is a danger in it is evident, or he would not have given me this weapon;” and I turned the stiletto once or twice to the light of the lamp next to me, examining its blade, when, looking up, I perceived a black domino standing before me.

  “It is sharp enough, I warrant,” said the domino; “you have but to strike home. I have been waiting for you in the next walk, which I thought was to be our rendezvous. Here is a paper which you will fasten to his dress. I will contrive that he shall be here in an hour hence by a pretended message. After his death you will put this packet into his bosom; — you understand. Fail not: remember the one thousand sequins; and here is my ring, which I will redeem as soon as your work is done. The others will soon be here. The pass-word is ‘Milano.’ But I must not be seen here. Why a sky-blue domino? it is too conspicuous for escape;” and as I received from him the packet and ring, the black domino retreated through the orange grove which encircled us.