THE EARTH’S SHAME

  THE EARTH’S VIGIL

  THE END OF FEAR

  THE ENGLISH GRAVES

  THE ENGLISHMAN

  THE FISH

  THE GOOD RICH MAN

  THE GRAVE OF ARTHUR

  THE GREAT MINIMUM

  THE HAPPY MAN

  THE HIGHER UNITY

  THE HOLY OF HOLIES

  THE HOPE OF THE STREETS

  THE HORRIBLE HISTORY OF JONES

  THE HOUSE OF CHRISTMAS

  THE HUMAN TREE

  THE HUNTING OF THE DRAGON

  THE JUDGMENT OF ENGLAND

  THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN

  THE LAMP POST

  THE LAST HERO

  THE LAST MASQUERADE

  THE LOGICAL VEGETARIAN

  THE MARCH OF THE BLACK MOUNTAIN 1913

  THE MARINER

  THE MIRROR OF MADMEN

  THE MODERN MAGIC

  THE MODERN MANICHEE

  THE MONSTER

  THE MORTAL ANSWERS

  THE MYSTERY

  THE MYTH OF ARTHUR

  THE NATIVITY

  THE NEW FICTION

  THE NEW FREETHINKER

  THE NEW OMAR

  THE OLD GENTLEMAN IN THE PARK

  THE OLD SONG

  THE ONENESS OF THE PHILOSOPHER WITH NATURE.

  THE OUTLAW

  THE PEACE OF PETROL

  THE PESSIMIST

  THE PHILANTHROPIST

  THE PORT OF LONDON AUTHORITY

  THE PRAISE OF DUST

  THE RED SEA

  THE REVOLUTIONIST: OR LINES TO A STATESMAN

  THE ROAD TO ROUNDABOUT

  THE ROLLING ENGLISH ROAD

  THE SARACEN’S HEAD

  THE SECRET PEOPLE

  THE SHAKESPEARE MEMORIAL

  THE SKELETON

  THE SONG AGAINST GROCERS

  THE SONG AGAINST SONGS

  THE SONG OF QUOODLE

  THE SONG OF RIGHT AND WRONG

  THE SONG OF THE CHILDREN

  THE SONG OF THE OAK

  THE SONG OF THE STRANGE ASCETIC

  THE SONG OF THE WHEELS

  THE STRANGE MUSIC

  THE SWORD OF SURPRISE

  THE TRINKETS

  THE TRIUMPH OF MAN

  THE TRUCE OF CHRISTMAS

  THE TWO WOMEN

  THE UNPARDONABLE SIN

  THE WIFE OF FLANDERS

  THE WILD KNIGHT

  THE WILD KNIGHT

  THE WISE MEN

  THE WOOD-CUTTER

  THE WORLD STATE

  THE WORLD’S LOVER

  THOU SHALT NOT KILL

  THREE DEDICATIONS

  TO A CERTAIN NATION

  TO A HOLY ROLLER

  TO A LADY

  TO CAPTAIN FRYATT

  TO EDMUND CLERIHEW BENTLEY

  TO F. C. IN MEMORIAM PALESTINE, ‘19

  TO HILAIRE BELLOC

  TO M. E. W.

  TO THE UNKNOWN WARRIOR

  TO THEM THAT MOURN

  TRANSLATION FROM DU BELLAY

  UBI ECCLESIA

  ULTIMATE

  VANITY

  VARIATIONS ON AN AIR: COMPOSED ON HAVING TO

  VULGARISED

  WAR POEMS

  WHEN I CAME BACK TO FLEET STREET

  WHO GOES HOME?

  WINE AND WATER

  The Non-Fiction

  Chesterton with his wife Frances

  THE DEFENDANT

  CONTENTS

  IN DEFENCE OF A NEW EDITION

  THE DEFENDANT

  INTRODUCTION

  A DEFENCE OF PENNY DREADFULS

  A DEFENCE OF RASH VOWS

  A DEFENCE OF SKELETONS

  A DEFENCE OF PUBLICITY

  A DEFENCE OF NONSENSE

  A DEFENCE OF PLANETS

  A DEFENCE OF CHINA SHEPHERDESSES

  A DEFENCE OF USEFUL INFORMATION

  A DEFENCE OF HERALDRY

  A DEFENCE OF UGLY THINGS

  A DEFENCE OF FARCE

  A DEFENCE OF HUMILITY

  A DEFENCE OF SLANG

  A DEFENCE OF BABY-WORSHIP

  A DEFENCE OF DETECTIVE STORIES

  A DEFENCE OF PATRIOTISM

  IN DEFENCE OF A NEW EDITION

  The reissue of a series of essays so ephemeral and even superfluous may seem at the first glance to require some excuse; probably the best excuse is that they will have been completely forgotten, and therefore may be read again with entirely new sensations. I am not sure, however, that this claim is so modest as it sounds, for I fancy that Shakespeare and Balzac, if moved to prayers, might not ask to be remembered, but to be forgotten, and forgotten thus; for if they were forgotten they would be everlastingly re-discovered and re-read. It is a monotonous memory which keeps us in the main from seeing things as splendid as they are. The ancients were not wrong when they made Lethe the boundary of a better land; perhaps the only flaw in their system is that a man who had bathed in the river of forgetfulness would be as likely as not to climb back upon the bank of the earth and fancy himself in Elysium.

  If, therefore, I am certain that most sensible people have forgotten the existence of this book — I do not speak in modesty or in pride — I wish only to state a simple and somewhat beautiful fact. In one respect the passing of the period during which a book can be considered current has afflicted me with some melancholy, for I had intended to write anonymously in some daily paper a thorough and crushing exposure of the work inspired mostly by a certain artistic impatience of the too indulgent tone of the critiques and the manner in which a vast number of my most monstrous fallacies have passed unchallenged. I will not repeat that powerful article here, for it cannot be necessary to do anything more than warn the reader against the perfectly indefensible line of argument adopted at the end of p. 28. I am also conscious that the title of the book is, strictly speaking, inaccurate. It is a legal metaphor, and, speaking legally, a defendant is not an enthusiast for the character of King John or the domestic virtues of the prairie-dog. He is one who defends himself, a thing which the present writer, however poisoned his mind may be with paradox, certainly never dreamed of attempting.

  Criticism upon the book considered as literature, if it can be so considered, I should, of course, never dream of discussing — firstly, because it is ridiculous to do so; and, secondly, because there was, in my opinion, much justice in such criticism.

  But there is one matter on which an author is generally considered as having a right to explain himself, since it has nothing to do with capacity or intelligence, and that is the question of his morals.

  I am proud to say that a furious, uncompromising, and very effective attack was made upon what was alleged to be the utter immorality of this book by my excellent friend Mr. C.F.G. Masterman, in the ‘Speaker.’ The tendency of that criticism was to the effect that I was discouraging improvement and disguising scandals by my offensive optimism. Quoting the passage in which I said that ‘diamonds were to be found in the dust-bin,’ he said: ‘There is no difficulty in finding good in what humanity rejects. The difficulty is to find it in what humanity accepts. The diamond is easy enough to find in the dust-bin. The difficulty is to find it in the drawing-room.’ I must admit, for my part, without the slightest shame, that I have found a great many very excellent things in drawing-rooms. For example, I found Mr. Masterman in a drawing-room. But I merely mention this purely ethical attack in order to state, in as few sentences as possible, my difference from the theory of optimism and progress therein enunciated. At first sight it would seem that the pessimist encourages improvement. But in reality it is a singular truth that the era in which pessimism has been cried from the house-tops is also that in which almost all reform has stagnated and fallen into decay. The reason of this is not difficult to discover. No man ever did, and no man ever can, create or desire to make a bad thing good or an ugly thing beautiful. There must be some germ of good to be loved, some fragment of beauty to be admired. The mother washes and decks out the dirty or careless child, but no one can ask her to wash and deck out a goblin with a heart like hell. No one can kill the fatted calf for Mephistopheles. The cause which is blocking all progress today is the subtle scepticism which whispers in a million ears that things are not good enough to be worth improving. If the world is good we are revolutionaries, if the world is evil we must be conservatives. These essays, futile as they are considered as serious literature, are yet ethically sincere, since they seek to remind men that things must be loved first and improved afterwards.

  G. K. C.

  THE DEFENDANT

  INTRODUCTION

  In certain endless uplands, uplands like great flats gone dizzy, slopes that seem to contradict the idea that there is even such a thing as a level, and make us all realize that we live on a planet with a sloping roof, you will come from time to time upon whole valleys filled with loose rocks and boulders, so big as to be like mountains broken loose. The whole might be an experimental creation shattered and cast away. It is often difficult to believe that such cosmic refuse can have come together except by human means. The mildest and most cockney imagination conceives the place to be the scene of some war of giants. To me it is always associated with one idea, recurrent and at last instinctive. The scene was the scene of the stoning of some prehistoric prophet, a prophet as much more gigantic than after-prophets as the boulders are more gigantic than the pebbles. He spoke some words — words that seemed shameful and tremendous — and the world, in terror, buried him under a wilderness of stones. The place is the monument of an ancient fear.

  If we followed the same mood of fancy, it would he more difficult to imagine what awful hint or wild picture of the universe called forth that primal persecution, what secret of sensational thought lies buried under the brutal stones. For in our time the blasphemies are threadbare. Pessimism is now patently, as it always was essentially, more commonplace than piety. Profanity is now more than an affectation — it is a convention. The curse against God is Exercise I. in the primer of minor poetry. It was not, assuredly, for such babyish solemnities that our imaginary prophet was stoned in the morning of the world. If we weigh the matter in the faultless scales of imagination, if we see what is the real trend of humanity, we shall feel it most probable that he was stoned for saying that the grass was green and that the birds sang in spring; for the mission of all the prophets from the beginning has not been so much the pointing out of heavens or hells as primarily the pointing out of the earth.

  Religion has had to provide that longest and strangest telescope — the telescope through which we could see the star upon which we dwelt. For the mind and eyes of the average man this world is as lost as Eden and as sunken as Atlantis. There runs a strange law through the length of human history — that men are continually tending to undervalue their environment, to undervalue their happiness, to undervalue themselves. The great sin of mankind, the sin typified by the fall of Adam, is the tendency, not towards pride, but towards this weird and horrible humility.

  This is the great fall, the fall by which the fish forgets the sea, the ox forgets the meadow, the clerk forgets the city, every man forgets his environment and, in the fullest and most literal sense, forgets himself. This is the real fall of Adam, and it is a spiritual fall. It is a strange thing that many truly spiritual men, such as General Gordon, have actually spent some hours in speculating upon the precise location of the Garden of Eden. Most probably we are in Eden still. It is only our eyes that have changed.

  The pessimist is commonly spoken of as the man in revolt. He is not. Firstly, because it requires some cheerfulness to continue in revolt, and secondly, because pessimism appeals to the weaker side of everybody, and the pessimist, therefore, drives as roaring a trade as the publican. The person who is really in revolt is the optimist, who generally lives and dies in a desperate and suicidal effort to persuade all the other people how good they are. It has been proved a hundred times over that if you really wish to enrage people and make them angry, even unto death, the right way to do it is to tell them that they are all the sons of God. Jesus Christ was crucified, it may be remembered, not because of anything he said about God, but on a charge of saying that a man could in three days pull down and rebuild the Temple. Every one of the great revolutionists, from Isaiah to Shelley, have been optimists. They have been indignant, not about the badness of existence, but about the slowness of men in realizing its goodness. The prophet who is stoned is not a brawler or a marplot. He is simply a rejected lover. He suffers from an unrequited attachment to things in general.

  It becomes increasingly apparent, therefore, that the world is in a permanent danger of being misjudged. That this is no fanciful or mystical idea may be tested by simple examples. The two absolutely basic words ‘good’ and ‘bad,’ descriptive of two primal and inexplicable sensations, are not, and never have been, used properly. Things that are bad are not called good by any people who experience them; but things that are good are called bad by the universal verdict of humanity.

  Let me explain a little: Certain things are bad so far as they go, such as pain, and no one, not even a lunatic, calls a tooth-ache good in itself; but a knife which cuts clumsily and with difficulty is called a bad knife, which it certainly is not. It is only not so good as other knives to which men have grown accustomed. A knife is never bad except on such rare occasions as that in which it is neatly and scientifically planted in the middle of one’s back. The coarsest and bluntest knife which ever broke a pencil into pieces instead of sharpening it is a good thing in so far as it is a knife. It would have appeared a miracle in the Stone Age. What we call a bad knife is a good knife not good enough for us; what we call a bad hat is a good hat not good enough for us; what we call bad cookery is good cookery not good enough for us; what we call a bad civilization is a good civilization not good enough for us. We choose to call the great mass of the history of mankind bad, not because it is bad, but because we are better. This is palpably an unfair principle. Ivory may not be so white as snow, but the whole Arctic continent does not make ivory black.

  Now it has appeared to me unfair that humanity should be engaged perpetually in calling all those things bad which have been good enough to make other things better, in everlastingly kicking down the ladder by which it has climbed. It has appeared to me that progress should be something else besides a continual parricide; therefore I have investigated the dust-heaps of humanity, and found a treasure in all of them. I have found that humanity is not incidentally engaged, but eternally and systematically engaged, in throwing gold into the gutter and diamonds into the sea. I have found that every man is disposed to call the green leaf of the tree a little less green than it is, and the snow of Christmas a little less white than it is; therefore I have imagined that the main business of a man, however humble, is defence. I have conceived that a defendant is chiefly required when worldlings despise the world — that a counsel for the defence would not have been out of place in that terrible day when the sun was darkened over Calvary and Man was rejected of men.

  A DEFENCE OF PENNY DREADFULS

  One of the strangest examples of the degree to which ordinary life is undervalued is the example of popular literature, the vast mass of which we contentedly describe as vulgar. The boy’s novelette may be ignorant in a literary sense, which is only like saying that a modern novel is ignorant in the chemical sense, or the economic sense, or the astronomical sense; but it is not vulgar intrinsically — it is the actual centre of a million flaming imaginations.

  In former centuries the educated class ignored the ruck of vulgar literature. They ignored, and therefore did not, properly speaking, despise it. Simple ignorance and indifference does not inflate the character with pride. A man does not walk down the street giving a haughty twirl to his moustaches at the thought of his superiority to some variety of deep-sea fishes. The old scholars left the whole under-world of popular compositions in a similar darkness.

  To-day, however, we have reversed this principle. We do despise vulgar compositions, and we do not ignore them. We are in some danger of becoming petty in our study of pettiness; there is a terrible Circean law in the background that if the soul stoops too ostentatiously to examine anything it never gets up again. There is no class of vulgar publications about which there is, to my mind, more utterly ridiculous exaggeration and misconception than the current boys’ literature of the lowest stratum. This class of composition has presumably always existed, and must exist. It has no more claim to be good literature than the daily conversation of its readers to be fine oratory, or the lodging-houses and tenements they inhabit to be sublime architecture. But people must have conversation, they must have houses, and they must have stories. The simple need for some kind of ideal world in which fictitious persons play an unhampered part is infinitely deeper and older than the rules of good art, and much more important. Every one of us in childhood has constructed such an invisible dramatis personæ, but it never occurred to our nurses to correct the composition by careful comparison with Balzac. In the East the professional story-teller goes from village to village with a small carpet; and I wish sincerely that anyone had the moral courage to spread that carpet and sit on it in Ludgate Circus. But it is not probable that all the tales of the carpet-bearer are little gems of original artistic workmanship. Literature and fiction are two entirely different things. Literature is a luxury; fiction is a necessity. A work of art can hardly be too short, for its climax is its merit. A story can never be too long, for its conclusion is merely to be deplored, like the last halfpenny or the last pipelight. And so, while the increase of the artistic conscience tends in more ambitious works to brevity and impressionism, voluminous industry still marks the producer of the true romantic trash. There was no end to the ballads of Robin Hood; there is no end to the volumes about Dick Deadshot and the Avenging Nine. These two heroes are deliberately conceived as immortal.

  But instead of basing all discussion of the problem upon the common-sense recognition of this fact — that the youth of the lower orders always has had and always must have formless and endless romantic reading of some kind, and then going on to make provision for its wholesomeness — we begin, generally speaking, by fantastic abuse of this reading as a whole and indignant surprise that the errand-boys under discussion do not read ‘The Egoist’ and ‘The Master Builder.’ It is the custom, particularly among magistrates, to attribute half the crimes of the Metropolis to cheap novelettes. If some grimy urchin runs away with an apple, the magistrate shrewdly points out that the child’s knowledge that apples appease hunger is traceable to some curious literary researches. The boys themselves, when penitent, frequently accuse the novelettes with great bitterness, which is only to be expected from young people possessed of no little native humour. If I had forged a will, and could obtain sympathy by tracing the incident to the influence of Mr. George Moore’s novels, I should find the greatest entertainment in the diversion. At any rate, it is firmly fixed in the minds of most people that gutter-boys, unlike everybody else in the community, find their principal motives for conduct in printed books.