Or she just wants you to get along better with her friend and you’re reading too much into it.

  Yuriko would like it, because she loves me.

  Fuyuko would like it, because she loves both of us.

  I would like it, because they both love me.

  Isn’t that fine?

  Did I need to have love?

  Don’t think about it.

  Is two years really too much time? Is that too much of a gulf between us? As you get older, a two-year age gap shrinks into complete irrelevance. But for kids our age, two years is a long time. In two years, both Fuyuko and Yuriko will have grown up so much.

  But what about me?

  Where will I be in two years?

  Don’t think about it.

  In the end, thinking about it didn’t help at all. The only conclusion that I could come to was that I couldn’t come to one. As always, I chose to run away. Putting it off, whether I accepted it or not, would only hurt both of us more. Yet, I chose that anyway.

  I’m sorry you fell in love with a piece of shit like me...

  Once we arrived at the station, I jostled Yuriko awake and walked her home. We didn’t say another word to one another except for when we finally parted ways in front of her house.

  “See you tomorrow.”

  “See you tomorrow.”

  My duty now complete, I turned around to head home myself. I was stopped by one more comment from Yuriko.

  “Thanks for taking me, even though Fuuko couldn’t come...I had fun.”

  “No problem.”

  ‘I had fun.’

  I’m glad somebody did.

  Upon returning home, I immediately went to check on Fuyuko. The light in her room was still on. Inside, I could see her sleeping peacefully on her bed. Her desk chair was pulled up next to the bed and Shinji was sleeping in it.

  Seems like he fell asleep watching over her. I’m sorry for doubting you. You seem like a good kid.

  I didn’t think I would be able to carry him to the guest room without waking him, so I just covered him with a blanket, then turned the lights off when I left.

  Part 3 - Growing Feelings

  1 - Good Morning

  I had trouble going to sleep last night, so I tried to write. I thought that maybe thinking about the lives of fictional characters would take my mind of my own. I guess it did distract me enough that I was eventually able to fall asleep. It ended up being pretty late, though. Or early, depending on how you think about it.

  Because of that, my guard was lower than usual this morning. I normally woke up before Fuyuko came to wake me up; however, today I was fast asleep when I felt someone jostle me awake.

  “Good morning, Nii-san. I made breakfast.”

  I sat up in bed and opened my eyes, but my vision was still blurry from having just woken up.

  Is it just me, or does her voice sound different today? Well, I guess she’s still sick. I’m glad that she’s feeling better enough to make breakfast for me. Man, I’m such a pathetic older brother, having my sick little sister make breakfast for me. I should make sure to thank her.

  “Good morning, Fuyuko. Thanks for making breakfast. You’re a good girl.”

  I reached out and ruffled her hair, although it felt different from normal.

  “Uhm, Nii-san? I’m not Fuyuko... It’s me, Shinji.”

  I rubbed my eyes and blinked a few times.

  Sure enough, Shinji was standing there with my hand on his head. He had already changed into his school uniform and was wearing an apron over it. Both of his hands were held together, his thumbs restlessly playing with one another, and his slightly flushed face was turned to the side in embarrassment.

  What the hell. How is this boy so cute? It’s not fair.

  I mean—

  “I’m really sorry. Thanks, Shinji-kun.”

  I hurriedly pulled my hand away and bowed my head slightly.

  He separated his hands and waved them around apologetically while shaking his head.

  “No, it’s my fault. I should have made it clear when I woke you up. Of course you would be confused if some stranger woke you up.”

  “Don’t worry about it. And, thank you again, for yesterday.”

  “No, I should be thanking you. Your little sister seemed really distressed when she called me. I think it’s the first time she’s ever relied on me for something, so I really wanted to be there for her.”

  He really was a good kid.

  “Sorry for...threatening you yesterday.”

  “No, I understand. Umm...I should go check on...Fuu-chan.”

  He turned around and left my room, quietly closing the door behind him.

  Fuu-chan.

  Fuyuko called him ‘Shii-chan,’ so that was probably a nickname she forced him to call her. Like ‘Fuuko.’ Giving people strange nicknames was one of her hobbies. I wonder if everyone at school called her something different.

  She probably enjoyed being called by a bunch of different names because she couldn’t be satisfied with just one cute name.

  Shinji had prepared breakfast because he wanted to let Fuyuko sleep in as long as possible. She was feeling much better now and would be able to go to school today. Breakfast was simple, but Shinji was a good cook (better than Fuyuko, that’s for sure), so it was delicious.

  I wouldn’t mind having Shinji as a little brother...

  After breakfast, all three of us set out for school. Fuyuko was talking Shinji’s ear off about Mia while he just nodded along beside her. I was following a few steps behind them. Of course, as soon as we reached the intersection, Fuyuko bolted straight for Yuriko.

  “Yuuuuuuuuuko!”

  Yuriko didn’t even try to dodge and got tackled to the ground.

  She would normally be able to dodge such an obvious frontal assault. Is she not feeling well?

  “Good morning, Fuuko...”

  “Good morning, Yuuko! You’re going to have to fill me in on all of the details about yesterday!”

  “Yeah...umm...why is Togawa-san with you?”

  “He watched over me yesterday so you two could go out together!”

  Don’t phrase it that way! We didn’t ‘go out’!

  “So, you two were all alone together...did he say anything to you?”

  “We talked a bit, but I mostly just rested.”

  “Hmm...”

  Well, I don’t need to stick around.

  “I’ll get going. See you all later.”

  “Later, Onii-chan!”

  “See you later, Akio-san.”

  “Bye, Nii-san.”

  2 - Small Talk

  You’re running away again.

  I got out of there as fast as I could, because I didn’t think I could face Yuriko. I was now waiting in the station for Haruhi to arrive.

  You’re running away to another girl?

  It’s not like that...or maybe it is...

  “Akio! Good morning!”

  Haruhi jumped on my back, throwing her arms around my neck. I could feel her breasts pressing up against me.

  Don’t think about it!

  Don’t misunderstand.

  It doesn’t mean anything to her.

  She just thinks of me as a friend.

  And what do you think of her?

  “Good morning, Haruhi.”

  She let go and came around in front of me.

  “You didn’t log on to Meteor Witches at all this weekend. Did something happen? I was worried.”

  “My little sister got sick, so I had to take care of her. Then I went to a concert last night.”

  I’ll withhold the detail of me being alone with a girl.

  Why do you think she would care at all?

  “Is your sister feeling better?”

  “Yeah, she was well enough to go to school this morning.”

  “That’s good to hear. How was the concert?”

  “The plan was that I would accompany my little sister and her best friend to the concert. Since she got sick, she wasn’t able to go. She had been looking forward to it for so long too. In the end, it was just me and her friend.”

  I ended up talking about it anyway.

  “That’s unfortunate. Did you two have a good time?”

  I don’t like lying, even about trivial things, so I tried to sidestep the question.

  “I think she had enough fun for both of them. My little sister’s probably grilling her for all the details right now.”

  Haruhi pouted slightly as she looked me in the eye.

  “Did you have fun?”

  I looked away.

  “We actually won a special backstage meet-and-greet with Mia herself. It was exciting being able to see her in person. I even shook her hand.”

  Why are you like this?

  She cocked her head.

  “Did you have fun?”

  “...I had fun...”

  A smile spread across her face as she patted me on the shoulder.

  “Well, why didn’t you just say so? When you have fun, you should share it with others so they can have fun too.”

  These were the conversations that we usually had. They weren’t terribly deep—we just talked about the previous day. I guess that these were the kinds of conversations friends usually had. But it was surprisingly nice. Through that, you could vicariously enjoy someone else’s day. It was like getting two lives for the price of one.

  What have you been doing with your life to only now realize something so basic?

  I...I don’t know.

  Am I even human?

  3 - Writing

  After school, I went to the library again. I had come to the library last Friday, but Kondou and I had just sat together in silence, reading our own books.

  This time, I wanted to strike up a conversation.

  “So...I tried writing some over the weekend.”

  A large part of the motivation may or may not have been to have something to talk to her about today. But hey, whatever gets me to actually do it, right?

  “Hmm, how did that go for you?”

  “I don’t feel like I have an idea for a story, so it was mostly just some out-of-context character interactions.”

  “That’s a good way to brainstorm ideas. If you find a character dynamic you really like, you can develop that into a full story. I’ve done that a few times myself.”

  “It’s nice to hear that I wasn’t just wasting my time doing something stupid.”

  “As long as you’re writing something, you’re not wasting your time. Even if no one else will ever see what you wrote, even if you think it’s worthless—doing something is better than nothing.”

  “Thanks for the encouragement.”

  “I’m glad I could encourage you.”

  “...”

  “...”

  I don’t want the conversation to end here.

  “So, when did you start writing?”

  She started playing with one of her braids.

  “In middle school. I’ve always been an avid reader, and when I started middle school, I felt like I wanted to give myself some kind of identity, so I started writing. I changed up my hairstyle then too.”

  So she was deliberately going for the bookish aesthetic.

  “That did seem a little on the nose.”

  She smiled.

  “It feels good when the way you look is in line with your identity, doesn’t it?”

  I wouldn’t know—I don’t put any thought into the way I look.

  “So it was like a middle school debut sort of situation?”

  “Something like that. The stuff I wrote back then was really stupid, though. I don’t think I was writing for myself—I just wanted to impress others by saying I was a writer. In the end, I was too unsatisfied with my own work to show it to anyone, so it wasn’t much of a debut at all. I was really dumb back then.”

  She had a small smile on her face.

  “But you don’t regret it, right?”

  She nodded but then paused, cocking her head to the side.

  “Well, you could say that I regret not writing what I really wanted to write from the beginning. But the person I was at the time wouldn’t have been capable of that. The reasoning may have been stupid and the plan ultimately failed, but it was all important for me to discover what I truly liked about writing. So, whether I regret it or not, I’m glad I did it. If you look back at your past self and cringe, it just means you’ve grown.”

  I don’t think I did much of anything in middle school. I can’t remember anything I would regret, but it’s not like there’s anything I’m glad I did either.

  Does that mean I haven’t grown at all since middle school? I guess I regret that.

  Best not to think about it too hard.

  There’s nothing I can do about it now.

  “That sounds nice.”

  “Eventually, I started writing for myself, writing about what I was truly passionate about. But even though I was finally proud of my work, I was too embarrassed to show it to anyone I knew in real life.”

  “Yeah...”

  I can understand that. If you’re writing something that you’re truly passionate about, it would be like showing them a piece of your heart. It would be pretty intimidating to be so open with someone.

  She continued.

  “It can be kind of difficult to be that vulnerable with someone you know in real life, someone you’ll continue to have a relationship with afterwards. Ironically, it can actually be easier to be vulnerable with someone who is a complete stranger, because if they don’t like it, you’ll never have to interact with them again. So, I ended up posting it online and received a lot of praise—and a lot of criticism. I was already a fan of my own work, but seeing people actually enjoy my work was indescribable—I knew that I would want to keep writing for as long as I was able to.”

  “Being able to make other people happy with something I made seems like it would be nice. Did the criticism get to you at all?”

  “Some of it was actionable advice that I think helped me, but most of it was just garbage nonsense from losers who didn’t understand a single thing about what I was going for and have probably never done anything productive in their entire fucking lives! Seriously, do none of you fuckers understand subtext?! Do you put literally no thought into anything the characters say or do?! Do you even try to understand how they think or feel?! If one more motherfucker describes a pivotal scene as ‘pointless fetish shit,’ I’m going to find out where you live and BURN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE DOWN!!!”

  As she became more and more passionate, she started emphatically waving her arms around. We were in the library, so she kept her voice quiet, but the emotion was evident. Now, she was panting with a wild look in her eyes, her face flushed.

  “Yeah...that’s about what I would expect from the internet.”

  I’ve felt that way about criticism I’ve seen of things that I’ve enjoyed. I can’t imagine how frustrating it would be as the author to have people misunderstand your work.

  She took a deep breath.

  “But, it’s all worth it to see the thoughtful comments from people who put the effort in to actually read your work. Seeing fans connect with your work is priceless—the haters can die in a fire.”

  One that you started?

  “I don’t like being misunderstood, so that’s probably a large factor that has kept me from ever trying.”

  “That’s true. Sometimes it can be difficult to see how the upsides are going to outweigh the downsides without experiencing them firsthand. If you think too hard about something you’ve never done before, then it’s really easy to just never do it because it doesn’t seem like it will be worth it.”

  I feel called out...

  “Yeah...”

  “If you don’t mind, I could become your second fan. Overthinking things won’t help you—you have to feel it for yourself.”

  “‘Second fan’? Who’s the first one?”

  “I think that you should be your own first fan. If you aren’t a fan of yourself first, then I don’t want to read your writing.”

  “I...don’t think I’m a fan of myself.”

  “...Then I’ll wait.”

  I looked down at the closed book in my hands.

  “...”

  What if I never become a fan of myself?

  What if you don’t like it?

  What if—

  “You will.”

  “?!”

  I don’t think I said anything out loud. Can she read my mind?

  She laughed.

  This isn’t funny for me—it’s deeply concerning! I would prefer the contents of my mind be kept secret.

  “Your eyes. You weren’t saying anything, but I could see what you were thinking in your eyes.”

  “Yeah...I guess it was obvious.”

  Obviously, she could read my body language to tell what I was thinking—I do it all the time to other people. I guess I try hard not to think about how I appear to other people, so I didn’t realize how much information I was giving away.

  “Overthinking things isn’t going to help you. You have to feel it for yourself. Don’t think about anything else, just try and write something you’re passionate about. If you do that, you will become a fan of yourself, I’m sure of it. And then, you can show it to me.”

  “What if you don’t like it, though?”

  “I told you not to think about anything else. I will like it—if you wrote it passionately, then I will feel that passion.”

  “I don’t know...”

  “Look, if you can’t trust yourself, then trust in me. I’m telling you I will like it.”

  “But—”

  “Oh my god, you’re being such a pain in the ass. How about this? I’m ordering you to do it. If I don’t like it, you can blame me and I will take responsibility for it. That way, you don’t have to worry about it—you have nothing to lose because both outcomes are good.”

  “What do you mean by ‘take responsibility’?”