Haruhi...

  Am I unable to sleep without Haruhi now? Did those two nights completely break my brain?

  Mary...

  Shirley...

  Since sleep eluded me, I wandered downstairs to the kitchen for a glass of milk. I needed something to distract me.

  I was surprised to find the lights on and Ayaka relaxing at the dinner table. She hadn’t bothered to change out of her idol outfit—was she going to sleep in that thing?

  In her hands was a glass bottle. It looked like the kind of bottle that you would see used in America for soda. Or beer. Upon closer inspection, the label did have the word ‘beer’ in English. My English is pretty good, so I wouldn’t mix that up.

  When she noticed me, she took a large swig from the bottle and gave an exaggerated sigh.

  “That’s the stuff.”

  I was already disillusioned with her, but what would one of her fans think if they saw her like this? What would Fuyuko think?

  I guess it’s better than day drinking...

  “Umm, I don’t think you should be doing that.”

  “Can’t get fucked in peace. Can’t have a drink in peace. Can’t a girl do anything around here without getting bothered by some twerp?”

  “You’re underage, I really don’t think you should be drinking alcohol.”

  She cocked her head.

  “Why not?”

  Why not?

  “Because it’s illegal?”

  She looked at me like I was dumb.

  “Does that mean it’s bad? Does that mean I shouldn’t do it? Just because it’s against the law? I don’t give a shit about the law, so why should I care?”

  “Whether you ‘give a shit’ about the law or not, if you get caught doing things like that, it could be the end of your career.”

  She looked me dead in the eyes.

  “And how would I ‘get caught’? You gonna narc, dickweed?”

  Sorry for being a dickweed...

  “No...”

  I don’t think she should be doing it, but it’s not like my convictions are that strong. I don’t really think it’s my place to tell her what to do anyway. I just don’t want my little sister’s favorite idol to get involved in a scandal.

  She returned her attention to the bottle and took another swig.

  “Then there shouldn’t be a problem.”

  “I still think you shouldn’t be doing that.”

  She cocked her head again.

  “Why?”

  “Umm, you’re still growing, so it’s probably bad for your development.”

  I think I’ve heard that before.

  She snorted derisively.

  “’Probably’? You don’t even know for sure, and you’re getting on my case about it?”

  “I...”

  She laughed.

  “So you don’t have any actual reasons you think it’s bad—you just like to be bound by the rules? If you like bondage so much, I can lend you a hand.”

  “I don’t want to be bound by the rules.”

  I really don’t. It’s just...going against the grain seems like it would be too hard.

  I don’t like bondage either...

  She held the bottle out towards me and waggled it.

  “Why don’tcha try some? Learn to have some fun.”

  “...”

  “Or is that the problem? You worried you’ll like it too much and won’t be able to stop? You don’t know how to live without the guidance of your precious little rules?”

  “...”

  She gave me an impish grin as she held the bottle in my direction and waggled it again before continuing.

  “It’s just the two of us here, so nobody else will know. If nobody else knows, then it’s like it never happened. And if it never happened, then you don’t have to worry about the consequences. Think of it like a bit of magic.”

  “...”

  She’s right, you know. Just a little bit couldn’t hurt...

  I wrapped my fingers around the neck of the bottle and she let go, passing the bottle to me. With the full weight of the bottle now in my hands, I could tell that she had already drunk almost half of it.

  Why am I listening to her?

  I slowly raised it to my lips and took a tiny sip.

  It burned my throat a little.

  I don’t even know how to describe the taste. It’s definitely not what I thought alcohol would taste like. It was...minty? Is she into some weird craft stuff?

  “Can’t handle the American taste, huh? I couldn’t get enough of this stuff after trying it when I traveled there once. I have to get it imported because they don’t have this kind of thing here.”

  She doesn’t just drink alcohol, but she’s knowledgeable enough about it to import niche American craft beers? Where did this girl’s life start going wrong?

  I held the bottle back out in her direction.

  “Let me show you how it’s done, kid—”

  After saying those words, she grabbed the bottle, brought it to her lips, and didn’t lower it until she had finished the entire thing.

  “Fuaaaaaaaa~”

  While letting out that sound, she dramatically waved the empty bottle around in the air.

  “That’s how an adult does it.”

  “You’re younger than me, though...”

  She pointed at me with the bottom of the bottle.

  “And that’s why you’re still a kid. Being an adult or a kid has little to do with age.”

  “I think it has a lot to do with age, actually...”

  Ayaka shook her head.

  “No, no, no. It’s about experience. People who are older tend to have more experience, but that isn’t necessarily the case. There are ‘adults’ who are basically big babies. I’ve met plenty of them—they love to suckle on mommy’s teat like big babies too. Now you have a little bit more experience and are one step closer to being an actual adult.”

  “...”

  I’m choosing to ignore that comment about suckling.

  I do get where she’s coming from, though. I hate to admit it, but despite being one year younger than me, she has far more life experience than I do. I’ve never even worked a part-time job, let alone dealt with the level of responsibility that she does as an idol at her age. And if she isn’t lying, she has experience in other areas as well. Between the two of us, there’s no doubt that I am more of a kid than her.

  While I was ruminating on her words, she stood up and placed the empty bottle in my hands.

  “Throw this away for me, ’kay?”

  With that, she held her hand up in the air as a sign of farewell and walked away.

  “What kind of adult can’t clean up after themselves?”

  Ayaka turned around and stuck out her tongue, firing a retort at me before turning back around.

  “Unfortunately, I’m just a kid who needs mommy to clean up after her.”

  With that, she disappeared into the guest bedroom.

  Mommy...?

  Anyway, she was an adult when it benefited her and a kid when it benefited her. In the end, she was just self-centered. That was my conclusion.

  I sighed.

  It’s not like it was hard to get rid of the bottle, but it’s the principle of the matter...

  What exactly was this stuff anyway?

  I examined the label more closely.

  ‘Root Beer’?

  I don’t know much about root beer because it’s not popular in Japan. But despite having ‘beer’ in the name, isn’t it usually nonalcoholic?

  I sighed again as I put my hand to my head.

  I got pulled into her pace again...

  I think she was right about one thing, though. What I needed was experience.

  Part 5 - Ayaka Takes Center Stage

  1 - The Morning After

  Haruhi...

  That was my first thought in the morning. The second thought was that there was someone else in my bed. Who else would be in my bed besides my girlfriend?

  I opened my eyes.

  There was a mysterious girl in my bed. Well, on top of my bed—she wasn’t under the covers for some reason. Mysterious was the only way I could describe her, though, because I’d never seen her before.

  Short brown hair.

  Light freckles.

  And I couldn’t identify her from her clothing because she wasn’t wearing any.

  She wasn’t wearing any clothes?

  I hurriedly closed my eyes and turned my head away.

  The unfamiliar girl seemed to notice my movements and a familiar voice called out to me.

  “Good morning, Onii-chan.”

  “Ayaka?”

  “That’s right~! It’s your favorite little sister, Ayaka.”

  “I only have one little sister.”

  Ayaka threw herself at me.

  “You’ve forsaken Fuyuyu already? I knew you loved me the most, Onii-chan!”

  Her bare breasts pressed against me.

  Don’t think about it.

  I tried to push her away, but because I had my eyes closed, I misplaced my hands and accidentally groped her breasts in the process.

  Don’t think about it.

  She let out an exaggerated moan.

  “Ahhn~”

  I pulled my hands back.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

  “It’s okay. You did all of that and more last night. You really were good. If you want to go at it again, I can help with your morning wood.”

  She’s messing with me. There’s no way that happened. I would definitely remember, right? There’s no way I could forget losing my virginity...

  “No thanks. What are you doing here, anyway?”

  “I’m your little sister, of course we would sleep together—I can’t bear to be apart from you. That’s a little sister’s love.”

  “Is being naked also a part of a little sister’s love?”

  “No. I just always sleep naked.”

  “Could you put some clothes on?”

  I felt vulnerable not being able to see.

  “I don’t mind, y’know? Lots of people have seen me naked.”

  “I mind.”

  “It’s just the human body. Everyone’s got one—there’s nothing weird about it.”

  Well, they aren’t all the same.

  “Just put something on, please.”

  She sighed, the bed creaking as she crawled off of it.

  “Fiiiiine.”

  I heard the rustling of her putting something on.

  “You done?”

  “You can open your eyes now.”

  She had put on an oversized T-shirt.

  Now that I can get a clear eyeful knowing it’s Ayaka, I can see the resemblance. She has a very tomboyish look compared to the elegance of what she looked like before, though. But she is still as mystifyingly cute.

  ‘Cute tomboy.’ That was the vibe.

  “Why do you look so different?”

  She looked at me like I was dumb.

  “You expect me to sleep in makeup, dipshit? I got to look pretty for you first thing in the morning too?”

  Sorry for being a dipshit...

  But Haruhi looked positively beautiful when I woke up next to her that morning. Not that Ayaka isn’t still cute, but Haruhi was so enchanting that I blurted out ‘I love you’ without thinking—it’s embarrassing even just to remember that. Is Haruhi just naturally that pretty, or is it something else...

  “Does the makeup affect your hair too?”

  “The silver hair is a wig, dumbass. Did you really think that was natural?”

  Sorry for being a dumbass...

  Still, makeup really is like magic. I didn’t know she had natural freckles. Even the shape of her face and eyes seem subtly different. Combined with the change in hairstyle, she gives off a completely different vibe. The only reason I was able to recognize her is because of her voice. I can hardly believe it, but I have to accept the truth of my own two eyes.

  This is Ayaka.

  She covered her face with her hands bashfully and turned her head away.

  “It’s embarrassing if you look at my face so intently, Onii-chan. You didn’t even look at me that passionately last night...”

  Her personality seems to switch back and forth on a dime. Are all little sisters two-faced like this?

  I’ve had enough of it.

  “Seriously, cut it out with the little sister stuff. It’s annoying.”

  She shook her head defiantly.

  “No. I’m not going to stop. It’s a little sister’s job to be annoying. That’s a little sister’s love.”

  She’s incomprehensible, just like my actual little sister...

  I sighed.

  “Just be yourself. You don’t have to put on an act all the time.”

  “I am being myself. Sometimes, I just want to shout my love for my older brother from the bottom of my heart. Is that so wrong? Don’t you ever feel that? Like you want to clench your little sister in your arms and never let her go?”

  “No!”

  Not my little sister. But maybe Haruhi. Lately, I can’t get the thought of her out of mind. I want to hold her. I want to touch her. I want—

  Don’t think about it.

  Ayaka pointed to herself.

  “Point is, I play all kinds of different roles. There are multiple aspects to my identity: I’m an idol, a little sister, a nymphomaniac, and more. But they’re all me. It’s not strange for me to act differently in different situations, around different people, or at different times. Sometimes I play roles that are more deliberately constructed, but does acting a certain way intentionally make it any less real? If it’s how I want to act, then it’s a part of me.”

  Nymphomaniac...

  Is that your only takeaway from what she said?!

  I may have gotten distracted.

  “It doesn’t seem very ‘real’ of you to lie to me all the time. Root beer isn’t even alcoholic...”

  “I never said I was drinking alcohol—you just assumed that yourself and I went along with it because it was funny. I meant everything I said, though. Aside from a few obvious jokes, I try to tell the truth most of the time.”

  I can’t tell which parts are supposed to be the ‘obvious’ jokes...

  “Really?”

  She looked hurt.

  “You really think I’ve been lying? You can’t even consider the idea of someone just having significantly different life experiences from you, so you assume I’m lying? Your world is too small—you don’t understand all the different kinds of people that can exist.”

  “I just don’t think it’s normal for you to do things like that...”

  She sighed deeply.

  “Not everyone is normal. If some people are normal, then other people must not be normal. I don’t think my life is relatable to most people, but does that make it invalid? Does that mean that I don’t exist?”

  She paused briefly and emphatically beat her chest three times with her open hand before continuing.

  “—I’m right here. Of course I exist. Of course I’m real. If even 1% of the population is a certain way, that’s still a lot of people. You’re probably going to encounter them at some point. You can’t assume everyone is going to fit into this box of ‘normal.’”

  “I know that...”

  I know a lot of people that aren’t normal. Haruhi is asexual. Yuriko is a lesbian. Fuyuko said she likes guys but she also agreed to date Yuriko, so I guess she’s bi? I don’t know the specifics of my little sister’s sexuality and I don’t care to find out.

  I don’t think I’m normal either.

  But unlike them, you’re just a pervert. Maybe you and Ayaka are perfect for each other.

  Ayaka seemed deep in thought about something. Then, she nodded a few times before putting her hand on my shoulder.

  “You’re coming with me today. I’m going to expand your world.”

  “I have to go to school...”

  And I want to see my girlfriend.

  She cocked her head to the side.

  “Why?”

  “I...guess I don’t have to go to school. But I do want to see my girlfriend.”

  She cocked her head to the opposite side.

  “Why?”

  Why do I want to see my girlfriend? Are you stupid? That should be obvious!

  “Because I l-l-love her?”

  Really confident delivery there.

  That’s easier to say to Haruhi herself than to someone else...

  “Well, you can l-l-love her tomorrow, can’t you?”

  Don’t make fun of my stuttering! That’s rude to people who have speech impediments!

  “Well, I want to love her today.”

  Ayaka ran her hand from my shoulder down my arm before pulling me towards her. She wrapped her arms around mine the way Haruhi always did, and looked at me with upturned eyes.

  “Even though this is your once-in-a-lifetime chance to go on a date with your favorite idol?”

  She really was cute. And her shirt was so loose that I could see right down it from this angle.

  She’s not wearing any...

  Don’t think about it.

  “I...”

  She leaned in closer.

  “You can go to school some other day. You can see your girlfriend some other day. Today, I want to go on a date with you.”

  “...”

  She laced her fingers with mine the way Haruhi always did, and batted her eyelashes.

  “Pwetty pwease?”

  Haruhi was about the same height as me, so looking down at Ayaka like this was a different experience. Or rather, it was Ayaka looking up at me that made me feel something.

  With much difficulty, I looked away from her.

  “It’s not a date. It’s a ‘platonic outing.’”

  I’m so pathetic—I would probably do anything if a girl wanted me to.

  Would you kill yourself if a girl wanted you to?

  Depends on the girl...

  She nuzzled her head against my shoulder.

  “Whatever you want to call it makes no difference to me.”

  After that, Ayaka told Fuyuko that I wasn’t feeling well and was going to stay home from school. And Fuyuko told Haruhi.

  Fuyuko believed Ayaka.

  Haruhi believed Fuyuko.

  I couldn’t believe myself.

  There really is something wrong with me...