Well, that’s what I expected, but it feels good to know.

  Fuyuko cocked her head to the side.

  “Onii-chan, why are you looking for this girl, anyway?”

  “I was just curious.”

  “Hmm...”

  I placed my hand on her head and ruffled her hair.

  “Thanks for helping me out, Fuyuko.”

  That should keep her from asking any more questions.

  “No biggie. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about elementary school. We were super into PriCare back then. Those were the days...”

  “We?”

  She pouted.

  “Don’t pretend like you weren’t also into it. You used to watch it together with me all the time.”

  “That’s because you were always hogging the TV! I couldn’t watch anything else even if I wanted to!”

  “Don’t change the subject! We would act out the transformation sequences and special attacks together and everything!”

  I don’t want to remember that...

  “That’s only because you insisted on it...”

  She sighed.

  “Onii-chan, there’s no need to be so defensive. Boys can like PriCare too. I really enjoyed watching it together with you. I cherish those memories so much. It makes me sad when you try and deny they ever happened.”

  Well, I wouldn’t want to make my little sister sad...

  “I’m sorry. I’ll admit it, I liked PriCare.”

  Past tense. Nowadays, I’m a Magical Solati stan—the superior magical girl show.

  She shook her head.

  “It’s okay. I understand that there are some things that you would rather forget about.”

  “?”

  She giggled.

  “Like that time I walked in on you kissing a trading card of Yayoi from Smile PriCare.”

  “I did not do that!”

  I did, in fact, do that.

  She pointed her finger at me.

  “You definitely did! I remember it vividly!”

  I remember too.

  “Why would you remember that vividly?”

  “Because I thought, ‘Oh, so that’s Onii-chan’s type.’”

  “Why would you care about my type?”

  Fuyuko looked down at her feet.

  “Back then, I thought I was going to marry you when I grew up, so I wanted to be your type of girl.”

  “Why would you think that?!”

  “Because Mom and Dad told me they got married because they loved each other. I loved you, so I thought it was only natural that we would get married too...”

  “There’s more to marriage than that!”

  She raised her gaze back up.

  “I know that now!”

  “As long as you understand now...”

  “The point of getting married is to become family, right? But we’re already family, so we don’t need to do something like that.”

  That wasn’t what I had in mind, but sure, let’s go with that.

  “Of course.”

  “Basically, a wife is just an inferior little sister—they need to resort to legal trickery to achieve a fraction of the specialness of our relationship.”

  She looked very proud of herself.

  “...”

  I don’t know about that...

  ...

  As I was lost in thought, Fuyuko started digging around in her closet for something.

  “I should have a box of old PriCare stuff in here somewhere. I might be able to reunite you with your long-lost love.”

  “There’s no need to do that!”

  After searching for a bit, Fuyuko pulled out a box and held up a trading card.

  “Here it is!”

  Yeah, there it is.

  “I don’t care.”

  She looked me dead in the eyes, then held the card up to her lips, pretending to kiss it.

  “Mwah. Mwah. I love you so much, Yayoi. Let’s be together forever. Mwah!”

  “I didn’t say that!”

  I really didn’t.

  “But you thought it.”

  “No, I didn’t!”

  I really didn’t.

  Fuyuko began to dance around the room.

  “Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!”

  “Cut it out, already...”

  “Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!”

  I started chasing her.

  “I said, cut it out!”

  She dodged my advance and escaped into the hallway.

  “You’ll have to catch me first!”

  After chasing her all around the house, we somehow ended up back in her room. I didn’t know what she was trying to pull by putting herself in a dead end—I had the door guarded, so there was no escape.

  I was panting, but Fuyuko seemed fine.

  “Give it up. You’re cornered.”

  She kept her face to me as she backed up towards her closet.

  “You think that’s enough to stop me?”

  What’s her angle?

  “Just surrender now. It’s already over.”

  Now at the closet, she bent down and picked something out of the box she had gotten the trading card from. It was a magic stick from Heartcatch PriCare.

  She held up the stick, pointing it at me.

  “Not so over now, is it?”

  “Magic isn’t real. What are you going to do with a piece of plastic?”

  “Magic may not be real...but love is!”

  “!”

  She threw the trading card into the air and my gaze instinctively followed it upwards.

  “In the name of the m**n, I’ll punish you!”

  While I was distracted, she charged at me with the magic stick.

  “That’s not even from PriCare!”

  My arms were longer than hers, so I just grabbed her by the wrists before she got within reach of me.

  “No fair! You couldn’t do that when we were kids!”

  “Things change.”

  Before I could take advantage of my superior position, she kicked me in the shin. I staggered, which allowed her to escape and retreat a few steps.

  She pretended to push a pair of glasses up the bridge of her nose. I could almost see that light glinting off of them (not really, but I was playing along with her).

  “You underestimate my powers, Onii-chan. You allowed me to set a trap card, and now your fate is sealed. There’s no use resisting. You’ve already fallen into my trap.”

  I’m not going to listen to her mind games. If I let her control the pace of battle, she’ll win. I need to take action.

  I stepped forward.

  “Fate is my b—”

  And slipped on something.

  Before my back was even on the ground, Fuyuko was already on top of me, pinning both of my arms to the ground with one of her hands.

  She used her free hand to hold up the thing I had slipped on: the Yayoi trading card.

  “All according to plan. Mwah! Thanks for the assist, my sweet!”

  I struggled helplessly against her iron grip.

  “What did you eat to become so strong?”

  “Onii-chan, it’s got nothing to do with my diet. You just never exercise. You probably don’t even know what weightlifting is.”

  Why would anyone want to lift weights—aren’t they heavy?

  “Can’t deny that.”

  “Back in middle school, you still played outside, but now all you do is sit in your room. Middle school you could probably kick current you’s butt.”

  “Even with my lack of exercise, I don’t think that’s true.”

  You’re underestimating testosterone’s effect on the body. If I really wanted to, I could break free.

  I don’t really want to, though.

  Fuyuko let go of my hands and got off of me.

  “That was fun. Since I won, you have to watch PriCare with me!”

  I never agreed to those terms...

  But...

  We decided to watch Hero Girl PriCare, one of the newer seasons of the franchise.

  ...

  I like Care Prism’s color scheme. White with pastel pink and blue. It kind of reminds me of something...can’t put my finger on what, though.

  ...

  Oh yeah, it reminds me of that one Bakemon! Shilvion I think it’s called. I don’t play Bakemon anymore...

  ...

  I’m confused. Is Tsubasa a boy?

  A boy PriCare, huh...

  Lucky...

  I wish I could be like him...

  I really do...

  Lucky bastard gets to have his own personal harem of PriCares!

  ...

  I can’t watch this anymore.

  It’s too childish.

  It’s too...

  Hopeful...

  As the credits rolled on another episode of PriCare, Fuyuko buried her head in my chest.

  Is she crying?

  She loves PriCare that much, huh?

  “I love you, Onii-chan. I had so much fun today. It felt like I had the old Onii-chan back...”

  I ruffled her hair like I always did.

  “Me too.”

  I had forgotten those times, even though they were fun memories. I almost can’t even believe I’m the same person as him. They feel so distant.

  Fuyuko looked up at me, her eyes watery.

  “You’re not going to say ‘I love you’ back? Like you used to?”

  At some point I had stopped doing that. I probably thought it was cringe to tell my little sister I loved her—even if it was true. I don’t say it to my parents either...

  I embraced her.

  “I love you, Fuyuko.”

  I may not know much.

  But I do know that is true.

  And it won’t ever change.

  4 - Touch

  I finished recounting what happened yesterday to Haruhi, who was standing next to me on the train.

  “So that’s what I did yesterday.”

  Haruhi smiled.

  “Sounds like you two had a lot of fun.”

  “Yeah, we both did. Have you watched any PriCare?”

  She shook her head.

  “I can’t say that I have.”

  “What did you watch as a kid?”

  Her face grew melancholic as she thought for a moment.

  “I watched samurai dramas...”

  Her mouth hung open like she had more to say, but she just closed it and didn’t continue.

  I’m not going to pry into it.

  “Hmm, if you watched that kind of stuff as a young kid, you might find a kiddy show like PriCare boring then...”

  A slight smile returned to Haruhi’s face.

  “Maybe I’ll have Fuyu-chi show it to me.”

  “I’m sure she’d love that. You’re welcome to come over anytime—especially if you’ll cook for us again.”

  “I might have to take you up on that.”

  “I look forward to it.”

  “...”

  “...”

  Once the silence settled in, we held hands like usual. However, she felt distant today, her fingertips only barely brushing mine.

  I was deep in thought about something. But if I just thought, then I wasn’t actually going to accomplish anything.

  “Umm, can I ask you a personal question? If you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “So, you like to touch other people, right? Is it a feeling of ‘I want to touch this person,’ or something like that?”

  She nodded.

  “If I’m enjoying being around someone, I’ll get the feeling that ‘I want to be connected with them,’ which makes me want to touch them.”

  Now for the awkward part...

  “Umm...do you ever feel that, but in the opposite direction? Like, ‘I want this person to touch me’?”

  She looked deep in thought.

  “...I can’t say that I have.”

  Yeah. By definition, if you are in contact with someone, then they are also in contact with you. However, who initiates contact and for what reason makes a big difference.

  “Interesting...”

  Her grip tightened on my fingers.

  “I think...I generally prefer to be the one in control.”

  “Is that so...”

  She turned towards me.

  “Why do you ask?”

  “I just...want to understand you more.”

  “Me too... Can I ask you a question?”

  “I asked you one, so it’s only fair.”

  She let go of my hand and turned to face me with a serious look on her face.

  “Do you want to touch me? If there’s anything you want to do, you can always ask.”

  She had me pegged. It’s not like I could hide it.

  I avoided her gaze.

  “Yeah...can I do ‘the usual’?”

  I glanced at her to see her reaction and noticed her lips curl in a slight smile.

  “Of course.”

  She spun around to face away from me and held out her right arm, inviting me in.

  I hesitated.

  “Can I hold your left arm?”

  She switched which arm she was holding out.

  “Whichever you want.”

  I don’t really know why it mattered to me.

  “Thanks.”

  I wrapped both of my arms around her left arm.

  It was nice.

  It was comforting.

  I think I understand why she likes to do this so much.

  After a while, Haruhi spoke up.

  “Are you satisfied?”

  Did she not like it?

  “Do you want me to stop?”

  She shook her head.

  “I meant, did it live up to your expectations?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s good.”

  “...”

  “...”

  “How did it feel for you? Didn’t you say you preferred to be in control?”

  She looked over at me and stayed silent for a moment before using her right hand to poke my nose.

  “I still am.”

  “What was that for?”

  “Your nose just looked so cute and pokeable. Sorry for not asking first.”

  “It’s fine. You don’t need to ask for something small like that. I’ll tell you if you go too far.”

  “Hmm...”

  ...

  Poke.

  ...

  Poke.

  ...

  Poke.

  “Can you stop?”

  “Sorry.”

  5 - Message

  “The issue I’m having now is that I don’t know what the theme is. I feel like I have some fun ideas, but I want to tie it all together with some kind of thematic through line. I don’t know if there’s a message that I can tell.”

  Chiaki looked up from her book.

  “You don’t necessarily need a message. The theme can just be a consistent idea. You don’t need to come to a conclusion about it. You can just explore it from multiple different angles.”

  “I guess that’s true. That would probably work better, because I don’t want to have a message that’s wrong.”

  “If that’s what you’re worried about, you have the right to be wrong. Nobody understands everything.”

  “I guess that’s true too.”

  “Anyway, the important part isn’t telling the audience how to think—it’s telling them to think. They don’t have to agree with the story you’re telling. You as the author don’t even have to agree with it. It can just be airing out a thought. Not every thought you have is correct, and you need to analyze it before you can come to a conclusion about its truth. You’re only going to understand something by thinking about it. And writing about something is a great way to explore your feelings.”

  Yeah. I have to think about it...

  6 - Two Girls

  While I was in the library, I received a message from Yuriko.

  ‘I want to talk to you about something important. Can we meet up?’

  We were sitting on the swings in the park. As usual, there was nobody else there.

  “So, what do you want to talk about?”

  “After a lot of thinking, I think I’ve finally figured things out.”

  “That’s good.”

  Yuriko looked down at her feet and rocked back and forth on the swing, her feet still on the ground.

  “...”

  “...”

  “...”

  “So, were you going to tell me what it is, or are we done here?”

  She shook her head.

  “I’m sorry. I’m building up my courage.”

  I also started rocking back and forth.

  “You don’t have to tell me. Just understanding your own feelings should be enough, right?”

  They’re her feelings—they shouldn’t have anything to do with me.

  “No, I want to tell you. I need your advice about it.”

  “I’ll help you any way I can.”

  You just have to tell me first...

  “I think...I love Fuuko.”

  “Of course you do. She’s your best friend.”

  “I mean...I want to kiss her...and stuff...”

  And stuff.

  “Oh...”

  She stopped rocking and looked at me, her face flushed and eyes watery.

  “Do you think I’m weird?”

  I shook my head.

  “Not at all. Actually, our school nurse is a lesbian. There’s nothing weird about it.”

  Love between two girls...

  ‘If anything, I’m into it.’

  Don’t say that.

  Don’t say something stupid like that.

  Come on, brain.

  Yuriko breathed a sigh of relief, releasing a puff of white into the winter air.

  “Thanks for saying that.”

  “I can see why your feelings were so complicated, though. And why you didn’t want to talk to Fuyuko directly.”

  “Yeah. I might not have been able to sort through them as well without your help.”

  “So, what advice were you looking for?”

  She looked up into the sky.

  “It’s just...I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t think she sees me the same way. We’ve talked about boys and stuff in the past, and I never was able to relate to the way she talked about them. I thought I just wasn’t ready for that kind of thing yet, but now I know why.”

  And stuff.

  “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that she can’t also like girls too.”