This is heavy shit for a high school girl to be concerning herself with. I guess he probably didn’t have many other people to tell, and it’s not like he would know that she was in high school. He just had to talk to someone, no matter who it was.

  “That seems rough.”

  I don’t think there’s anything I can say that wouldn’t sound hollow.

  She tightened her grip even more, her voice barely audible.

  “You’re the only IRL friend I’ve had in a long time. Not being able to touch you made it feel like you might disappear on me.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  ...

  Did I say something cool? Did I make a good impression?

  7 - Love Letters

  “Here.”

  Kondou handed me a thick envelope, her face slightly flush.

  “What’s this?”

  “A story that I wrote in middle school. I thought you would be more open to sharing your story with me if I showed you one of mine first.”

  “That would probably ease some of my nervousness.”

  I went to open the envelope, but a yelp from Kondou halted me.

  “Wait! Don’t read it right in front of me...that would be embarrassing. You should wait until you get home.”

  “Fine. Thanks for doing this for me.”

  I put the envelope in my schoolbag.

  “Umm...I also have some advice.”

  “?”

  She was fidgeting with her glasses.

  First Fuyuko, then Haruhi, now her...

  “Sometimes it can be hard to say things directly to someone’s face. If you’re ever in that kind of situation, it can help to write down your feelings and give it to that person...maybe that’s why people write love letters...”

  I’m going to ignore that last part.

  “What brought this on?”

  Am I giving off troubled vibes? Maybe I’m a little bothered by whatever Fuyuko’s secret was, and I guess the conversation with Haruhi that morning might also be weighing on me.

  “The situation just reminded me of that bit of advice. It’s really helped me out before, so I wanted to pass it on to you is all.”

  It does seem like a useful piece of advice.

  “If it ever comes up, I’ll do that.”

  “Well, I should be going.”

  She stood up.

  “Do you have somewhere to be?”

  “Yeah, I was only hanging around here to give that to you. I’ve got errands to take care of today.”

  “Okay, see you tomorrow.”

  “See you tomorrow. Make sure to tell me what you think, or maybe you can write down your thoughts after you finish and show me tomorrow.”

  “Sure.”

  After waving goodbye to Chiaki, I looked down at the envelope clutched in my other hand.

  I really want to read her story, but she said to wait until I get home. I guess I can just go home immediately; there’s not much point in hanging around the school library if she’s not here.

  When I opened the front door, I came face-to-face with Mia.

  “?!”

  I was so shocked I nearly fell over.

  What?! What’s she doing here?

  Oh, it’s one of those life-sized cutouts I saw at the concert.

  Duh. There’s no way the real Mia would show up at my house.

  Fuyuko popped out from behind the cutout, her arms filled with assorted Mia merch.

  “Onii-chan! Check out what Mia sent me!”

  “How did she even get our address?”

  I never told her.

  “Remember how you gave her my number? We’ve actually been talking ever since then. She told me to tell her our address to give me some merch, and it’s finally arrived! It’s been so hard to keep this a secret for so long—I almost broke this morning!”

  This was her secret?

  I knew that girl was up to something.

  “You just gave our home address away? What if she had been a scammer?”

  Fuyuko pouted.

  “Jeez, Onii-chan. She’s not a scammer, she’s Mia!”

  “She could have been an impersonator.”

  “I’m Mia’s number one fan, of course I could tell it was her. But she also told me about meeting you and Yuriko, so I knew she was the real deal. I knew before that point, though!”

  Well, I guess a scammer wouldn’t have known about all that.

  “Fine.”

  I sighed and shrugged my shoulders.

  I give up. Give away all our personal info over the phone to whoever you want, Fuyuko.

  “She also sent me a handwritten letter! I can’t believe it! A handwritten letter from the Mia herself! I’ll treasure it forever! She also sent one to you! I left it on the desk in your room.”

  A handwritten letter for me? From Mia?

  It would be a lie to say I wasn’t interested.

  I returned to my room and went straight for my desk, putting my schoolbag down next to it.

  The envelope was a cute pink, Mia’s signature color, and it was sealed with a heart-shaped sticker that was adorned with Mia’s signature.

  What the hell.

  Something that Kondou said earlier rose in my mind.

  ‘Love letter.’

  That was what it looked like. Surely it wasn’t, though. She was quite the prankster based on my initial meeting with her and her reputation as an idol. She just made it look like a love letter to mess with me.

  There’s no point in thinking about it so much when I can just read it. Then I’ll know for sure. All this suspense is pointless.

  I reached out for the letter, but was interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing.

  Come on!

  Who would even call me? Mom, Dad, and Fuyuko all had specialized ringtones, so it wasn’t any of them—it was playing the generic ringtone. It was probably a spam call, but I checked to make sure.

  ‘Yuriko.’

  What possible reason could she have for calling me?

  I answered and put the phone to my ear.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello, it’s Yuriko.”

  “It’s unusual for you to call me. What’s the occasion?”

  “Umm... There’s actually something important I want to talk to you about. In person. Can we meet up somewhere?”

  8 - Confessions

  We arranged to meet in the nearby park, because it was close to both of our houses. Fuyuko was too enamored with her Mia merch to notice that I had left.

  I was now sitting on one of the swings in the park, waiting for Yuriko to arrive. I was still wearing my school uniform. I didn’t have a conscious reason for not changing, but maybe there was an unconscious one.

  I don’t know why she called me out here. I’ll end up going down a rabbit hole if I try to figure out what her intentions are. Hopefully it’s not what I think it is. I’ve been avoiding her since the concert because of it. I could just be misunderstanding something, though.

  Yeah, don’t think too hard about it—she’ll be here soon and then she’ll tell me what’s up. I don’t need to speculate anymore.

  After only a few minutes, I noticed Yuriko coming my way. Like me, she was still in her school uniform. I raised my hand in greeting and she gave me a nod in return, increasing her pace to a brisk walk.

  “Hey.”

  “Sorry for calling you out on such short notice.”

  She sat down in the swing next to mine as I shook my head.

  “No, it’s fine. Not like I had anything else to do anyway.”

  Just a (supposed) love letter from one of the most popular idols in the country.

  “Yeah...”

  “...”

  “...”

  You’re the one who called me out here and you aren’t even going to say anything?

  “If you’re having trouble saying something out loud, you can always try writing it down.”

  “Did you come up with that?”

  “No, I actually heard it from a friend today.”

  “I didn’t know you even had a friend...”

  I nearly fell off the swing.

  Did she just call me out here to roast me?

  “Well, I do.”

  She giggled.

  “Sorry, I lied. Fuyuko told me about the ‘friend’ you bought home recently. So I do know of one of your friends.”

  I shouldn’t be surprised that Fuyuko told her about that. But I don’t really want to talk about Kondou with Yuriko.

  “Well, that friend was the one who told me that. More importantly, what did you want to talk about?”

  She kicked her feet back and forth.

  “Umm...I’m still trying to organize my thoughts.”

  “Okay.”

  I looked around the park.

  “...”

  No one else was here, as usual.

  “...”

  Does anybody ever come to this park? Just me?

  “Umm... Have you ever been confessed to?”

  Haruhi has told me she loves me multiple times, but that’s something different.

  “N-No. Why do you ask?”

  “I assume that Fuyuko hasn’t told you anything, or you would probably know what this is about.”

  Maybe she’s wondering if I know about her feelings because Fuyuko told me. Fuyuko’s implied it, but she hasn’t told me directly. I’m still not a hundred percent sure that’s what this is about, though. It is something that Fuyuko knows, apparently.

  “I don’t think she’s told me anything that would be relevant to the situation.”

  “I guess I should start from the beginning, then. Umm, so there’s actually this boy in our class—”

  I think she tried to talk about this before when we were going to the concert.

  “—umm, you actually know him—it’s Togawa-san...”

  So the boy she was talking about back then was Shinji. I guess she didn’t bother mentioning his name back then because she didn’t know that I knew him.

  “So, what does Shinji-kun have to do with this?”

  “Well, I tried to talk to you about it before, but I stopped because I wasn’t sure. I thought I might have been misunderstanding something. But it turns out I was right.”

  Turns out you were right about what? This girl doesn’t know how to tell a story.

  “What were you right about?”

  “Actually, he’s in love with Fuyuko...”

  “...”

  “...”

  “...”

  That was obvious from the second I met him...

  “You’re not surprised?”

  “No. I figured that much out myself.”

  “Oh...”

  “Is that all?”

  “Well, that was all back then. But, the reason why I’m sure of that now is because of what happened yesterday...”

  What happened yesterday? Could you tell this story any more suspensefully?

  “Actually, he, umm...confessed his love to her and asked her out on a date this Sunday.”

  He did? I didn’t think he had the balls for that.

  “Hmm, good for him.”

  “That’s your reaction? You’re not surprised?”

  “I’m surprised he actually did it. And I’m surprised that Fuyuko hasn’t told me about it. But, other than that, not really. What did you think my reaction was going to be?”

  Yuriko had been nervously swinging her feet back and forth the entire conversation, but then brought them to a halt.

  “I don’t know...”

  “What was your reaction like?”

  “I...I don’t know...”

  Her voice was faint and she was looking down at her feet.

  She doesn’t seem to be able to identify her own feelings. Well, I can’t say I’ve never experienced that before. Sometimes, people can be overwhelmed by multiple feelings at once which can make it difficult to untangle them and get to the root of the problem.

  “Would you say it was positive or negative?”

  “Both...”

  If it was that simple, she wouldn’t be having so much trouble with it. But, I had to start somewhere.

  I can think of something that might be applicable. Envy. An intense desire for something that someone else has. The painful yearning for something you don’t possess can coalesce with the happy future you imagine you would have if you possessed it into a single mixed feeling.

  “Do you think it could be envy?”

  “...Maybe...”

  This could be it.

  My heart was starting to pound intensely.

  “Are you envious of one of them? Of Fuyuko for getting asked out, or Shinji-kun for asking out the person they like? Is there someone you like?”

  This is what I wanted to avoid, but there was no better time than now.

  She sat on her swing silently, seemingly deep in thought.

  “I...don’t know if it’s like that...”

  I let out a huge sigh of relief.

  Has it really all been one big misunderstanding on my part? She could be in denial about it herself—that’s always possible. You would not believe the kinds of things that people could be in denial about themselves that seem incredibly obvious looking in from outside.

  “Are you sure? There’s no guy you have a crush on?”

  She shook her head.

  “No. I said it before—I don’t want a boyfriend.”

  She seemed more sure of herself this time.

  I believe it. I think she really means that.

  “That’s good.”

  “Huh?”

  “It’s no fun to have one-sided feelings for someone.”

  Or for someone to have one-sided feelings for you...

  “Yeah...”

  “Well, that’s one possibility ruled out. You don’t have to figure this out all at once. If you give it some time, maybe the answer will become obvious.”

  “Thanks for hearing me out. Sorry for making you think about something so heavy.”

  You think this is heavy? This is cute, kiddy stuff compared to the shit Haruhi dumped on me this morning. It kind of makes me feel stupid that I was so concerned about the possibility of her liking me in the first place. Seriously, what’s the worst that could have happened? She would feel bad, but she has Fuyuko—she would get through it, and she has so much more life ahead of her that eventually the fact that she ever cared at all would fade away. She may even be able to look back on it as a positive memory.

  There’s no marriage, no divorce, no mortgage, no lifetime of buildup, and no lifetime of consequences—just the fleeting feelings of some kids. Not that it doesn’t matter at all, but there’s no need to worry about it so much. We’re still kids—now’s the time for us to learn.

  Although, that’s easier said than done.

  I probably should have learned more when I had the chance...

  Did I become old? Am I old now?

  9 - Understandings

  I stood up from my swing while letting out a deep sigh, and did a big stretch.

  “I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.”

  “Why?”

  I turned around to face her.

  “I thought that you called me out here to confess your love to me.”

  “Huh?! You thought I was in love with you? How many times did I tell you not to misunderstand?”

  “A lot.”

  “And you went and misunderstood anyway...”

  “In my defense, you said some pretty vague stuff—of course I would read into it. Also, you could have been in denial about your own feelings.”

  “That’s true... I think I spend so much time thinking about things that when I try to say them, it’s difficult to articulate all the prerequisite details that are necessary to understand my train of thought.”

  “I’ve noticed.”

  We’re actually pretty similar.

  “I’m sorry. It’s inevitable that it would lead to misunderstandings. I tried to clear them up once I realized how my words could be misinterpreted, but I guess I didn’t make it clear enough...”

  “It’s probably not your fault—I just watch too much anime.”

  She snorted.

  Yeah, go ahead and laugh at the dumb otaku.

  “Umm...can I ask you a hypothetical question?”

  “Sure.”

  She looked up at me, her face flushed.

  “If...if I had told you I liked you, how would you have responded?”

  Eh?

  Hold on.

  What?

  She looked away.

  Why is she asking that?

  Why would she ask if she doesn’t want to know?

  Why does she want to know?

  Why don’t you stop overthinking it and just tell the truth?

  “I would have turned you down. As I said, ‘You’re just my little sister’s best friend—there’s nothing between us.’”

  “!”

  She buried her fist in my chest.

  It didn’t hurt at all.

  “What was that for?”

  “Am I really that unattractive?!”

  I shook my head frantically.

  “It’s not that! Umm, I didn’t feel like I could say it at the time—because I didn’t want you to misunderstand—but that outfit you wore to the concert was super cute. It’s not a problem with you. I think there’s something wrong with me.”

  “!”

  She punched me again, her face completely red.

  “It’s not like I would have enjoyed it! I really didn’t want to turn you down. Not just because Fuyuko might have killed me, but also because I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “!”

  She punched me again. She was alternating her fists.

  “If there really is nothing between us, why are you blushing all the time?”

  It really does seem like she likes me.

  “It’s a physiological reaction. It’s not like I can control it!”

  “Hmm...I guess that’s true.”

  It was pretty hypocritical of me to bring that up.