This brat...

  “Look, the only advice I can give is that you should give up. I don’t think continuing to cling to your older brother is going to do you any good.”

  “Give up? Fitting advice coming from a loser like you.”

  She was right about that.

  “You’re the one who asked for this loser’s advice.”

  She sighed.

  “That’s true. But I can’t choose who I love, and I love my Onii-chan. That’s not going to change, even if I ignore it.”

  “Well then, you’re just going to have to learn how to cope with it, I guess. Can’t you find someone else to love? If you do—and they love you back—maybe you’ll get over it.”

  She sadly nodded her head.

  “Yeah, that’s plan B. I was just hoping for some other way.”

  “Do you already have someone in mind?”

  She looked at me like I was dumb.

  “Really...?”

  Why is she looking at me like that...?

  “So...?”

  She shook her head.

  “You really are an oblivious dumbass...”

  “Sorry for being an oblivious dumbass...”

  “Things would be so much easier if you could choose how to feel...”

  “That’s true...”

  She sat down next to me.

  “Let me tell you more about myself.”

  5 - Ayaka’s Story, Part 2

  I am Mimori Ayaka.

  I love my older brother.

  I always tried to do what I wanted. I liked acting differently around different people, because it meant that I could express different sides of myself. Even if a single person only saw a single side of me, I was able to express all of myself somewhere. I was satisfied with that.

  But I really loved my older brother. I wanted him to see as many sides of myself as possible. I didn’t want to hold anything back. And I wanted him to love all of me, not just his little sister. But society would not allow that. Fate would not allow that. He would not allow that. So my life continued without the love I really wanted.

  One day, I had an otherworldly encounter. I don’t expect you to believe that it really happened—I can’t believe that it really happened. I met a woman—no, a person—no, a thing—that said to me:

  ‘What do you Want?’

  And I knew that whatever answer I gave, it would come true.

  It was a harder question to answer than you might think. Surely, I wanted my older brother. I wanted him to love me. I wanted him to have sex with me. Not the kind solely for pleasure, but the intimate kind. That was the only thing I wanted.

  And yet, I didn’t say that. If I were to have my wish granted by magic. If I were to force his feelings to change against his will. He would no longer be himself. He would not be the brother I loved. There would be no point.

  Instead, I wanted to shine. To shine so bright, to be so attractive, to be so alluring, that he couldn’t look away. That he couldn’t help but fall in love with me. Not by force, but by his own volition. He needed to choose to have sex with me. To choose to go against fate. To choose me—his little sister.

  Shortly before I had that otherworldly encounter, I had been scouted by an idol agency. And shortly afterwards, I quickly rose through the ranks. Of course I did. No one was as talented as me. No one was as cute as me. No one was as sexy as me. There was no competition.

  I enjoyed being an idol. I enjoyed making people love me. Making them obsess over me.

  But it didn’t seem to affect him at all. He still wouldn’t look at me.

  Then, I met a boy. He loved his little sister. And his little sister loved him. And I wondered what it would be like for him to love me too. I wanted to show him as many sides of myself as possible.

  And my story continued...

  6 - The Longest Day, Part 3

  It was my turn to ask questions.

  “Wait, isn’t that boy me?”

  “Yeah, that’s why I called you oblivious, dumbfuck.”

  Sorry for being a dumbfuck...

  “Why? Why would you feel that way about me? We had barely met.”

  She cocked her head.

  “Hmm, I just liked your scent?”

  I lifted my arm up to my nose and sniffed it.

  “Doesn’t smell like anything special to me...”

  Didn’t smell like anything at all, really.

  “No, I mean, it was just a whim, basically. I just wondered what it would feel like to be loved by you.”

  “I can’t understand following a whim like that...”

  Ayaka shrugged.

  “I wanted to see where it would lead, so I followed it. You’re not the first, y’know? You won’t be the last either. I’ll get bored sooner or later, but this is what I want to do right now, so I’m going to do it.”

  “Hmm...”

  “And by ‘it,’ I mean fucking you, of course.”

  Of course.

  “But, why would you want to do it with someone like me? You’d go that far on a whim?”

  Ayaka cocked her head to the side, her arms crossed over her chest.

  “Do what? What’s ‘it’?”

  “You know what ‘it’ is...”

  She leaned forward slightly, her eyes upturned toward me, but her arms kept her loose shirt close to her body.

  “Do I? ‘It’ could mean anything. How are we going to understand each other if you won’t say what ‘it’ really is? Come on, tell me.”

  “Why would you want to...have sex with me?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Huh?”

  “We’re having a conversation right now, aren’t we?”

  “Having a conversation is a lot different than that!”

  She cocked her head to the other side.

  “What’s ‘that’? Come on, tell me.”

  “...Having sex...”

  She uncrossed her arms and reached up to put her hand on my head, ruffling my hair like I was a dog.

  “Good boy.”

  “Don’t call me that...”

  Her shirt...

  I looked to the side, counting the number of light novels on my shelf to distract myself from it for a moment.

  She removed her hand from my head and recrossed her arms in front of her chest, holding her right hand up with her index finger extended.

  “Anyway, fucking is like having a conversation. It’s about communication. Com-mu-ni-ca-tion.”

  She wagged her finger back and forth with each syllable like she was a teacher scolding a child.

  “I don’t think that’s true...”

  “You don’t? Are you speaking from experience?”

  “No...”

  “Well then, what would you know? Come on. Tell me.”

  I sighed.

  “...Nothing...”

  She took her extended hand and scritched the underside of my chin.

  “Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?”

  I swatted away her hand.

  “I thought you liked sex because it just felt good, and now you’re talking about how it’s a form of communication? You just say whatever comes to mind with no consistency...”

  “It does feel good. To be honest, to be free. No clothes to hide your body, no filter to hide your soul. People who think sex is dirty have it all wrong—it’s the purest thing there is. There’s no pretense, no deception. Just desire let loose from the reigns of polite society. Pleasure unshackled from ‘right’ and ‘wrong.’”

  “Is that so...?”

  She nodded sagely.

  “It is so. The world of adults is filthy and filled with lies, but that’s why I liked my job—the people who bought me were honest. When you see a grown man get down on his hands and knees, pressing his head against the floor as he prostrates himself before you, begging you, pleading you to step on him while you wear nothing but a randoseru, you know that he means it. His body laid bare, his desire laid bare, you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that he is speaking the truth and nothing but the truth. And how, then, could you not admire him? His courage, his conviction, to take his will and make it manifest, at the cost of money, of pride, risking it all for just a taste of otherworldly pleasure. How could you not wish to make his dreams come true? That is pure. That is beautiful.”

  That is a crime! I think you should keep that kind of fantasy to the realm of fiction!

  “That’s just your perspective...”

  She looked at me like I was dumb.

  “Yeah? Who else’s perspective am I supposed to have?”

  “I guess you’re right about that...”

  “So I’ll say it again. Why wouldn’t I want to fuck you? I’m interested in you, I want to get to know you more. How are we supposed to understand each other if we don’t fuck? If you aren’t willing to bare yourself to someone else, to be completely vulnerable with someone else, how are you ever going to form a genuine connection with them?”

  ...

  “So that’s why you want to have sex with your brother...”

  “Huh...?”

  From her perspective, it was like the world was telling her that she and her brother would never be allowed to truly understand one another. That there would always be an uncrossable barrier between her and the person she wanted to be closest to, the person she loved the most in the world. It was quite tragic if you thought about it that way.

  Maybe her love for her brother is more innocent than I first thought—it’s just her warped perspective that causes it to manifest in weird ways...

  “You really just want to be connected with him, right?”

  A look of confusion crossed her face for a brief moment.

  “Huh? Well, that, and I want to choke on his cock.”

  Or maybe not...

  Either way—

  “I’m sorry, but I already have a girlfriend. And I love her a lot, so I can’t accept your feelings.”

  She cocked her head to the side.

  “I don’t want to be your girlfriend—I just want you to love me. Does loving your girlfriend mean you can’t love me as well?”

  You can love multiple people—I love both Fuyuko and Haruhi.

  “I...I guess it doesn’t. But I don’t think we’re very compatible.”

  “Of course we are—you’ve got a dick, don’tcha?”

  “That’s not what I meant! I mean our personalities don’t mix.”

  “I think they mix pretty well—our dynamic is pretty fun, isn’t it? Opposites attract and all that. What, would you prefer to be with someone who’s exactly the same as you? What would be the point of that? A closed system where nothing new ever enters and nothing old ever leaves? Might as well be dead at that point...”

  “I guess...”

  “So why not try and see what happens?”

  I guess I can’t argue with that...

  Ayaka stepped forward and pushed me down onto my bed before straddling me and pinning my wrists down.

  “?!”

  That was fast!

  She smirked.

  “You’ve never been pinned down by a girl before?”

  Only my little sister, but that doesn’t count...

  “Of course not!”

  “Y’know, your girlfriend’s not going to fuck you. I can show you. The world’s greatest pleasure.”

  I probably should have refused her outright, but I thought about it.

  “I...”

  Even though I had a girlfriend, I thought about it. She was asexual, but it would still be cheating. I wasn’t that dumb.

  “She doesn’t have to know.”

  It would be a betrayal of our trust in each other. A betrayal of our mutual agreement with each other. A betrayal of our relationship with each other.

  “That’s true...”

  I knew that.

  And yet...

  I could feel my brain starting to go fuzzy.

  I couldn’t look away from her as she leaned in closer.

  It was like her sparkling eyes had captured my soul.

  “This is what you wanted to happen, isn’t it? You had many opportunities to push me away, but you only lightly resisted. You never had to let me stay here. You could have told me to leave after I kissed you. You could have shut the door in my face for a third time. But you didn’t. Because this is what you wanted. Because you want to fuck me.”

  “No...”

  “Your words may lie, but your body can’t. I know what you really want.”

  You don’t know anything about me.

  “I do find you sexually attractive, but that’s different from wanting to have sex with you.”

  Sexual attraction is one-sided—the object of sexual attraction isn’t involved at all. The actual act of sex involves multiple consenting parties.

  She leaned in even closer, her face now only inches away from mine.

  Her eyes seemed to sparkle, her brown irises speckled with multicolor flecks.

  That look in her eyes. I’d never seen it before—not directed at me, at least.

  Lust. Pure and unbridled.

  “I want you.”

  Her voice was a sensual whisper.

  I couldn’t really understand why, but she did.

  She really did.

  I could feel the heat of her body against mine.

  I could feel her breath hot on my face.

  She was alive.

  I couldn’t look away.

  Her eyes really were pretty.

  And behind them, her brain.

  And in her brain, her thoughts.

  Gazing into her eyes, I could see an entire universe.

  A universe I could never understand.

  And if I accepted, it would collide with mine.

  Honestly, it terrified me.

  Absolute Terror.

  AT fields? Eganvelion? I was thinking about an anime at a time like this?

  Of course I was. I had to think about something else. I had to run away. If I thought about reality any more, I would break. I could already feel my mind disconnecting from my body—or maybe it was always like that, and I was only just remembering.

  My body?

  My body?

  My body?

  Don’t look at me.

  Don’t think about me.

  Don’t perceive me.

  She whispered in my ear again.

  “I want your dick. I want to fuck you.”

  I couldn’t take any more of this.

  “Well, I don’t want it. I don’t want that.”

  I put my hands on her shoulders and pushed her away from me.

  She was still on top of me, though.

  “You’re sexually attracted to me, but you don’t want to have sex with me, right? Then I just need to be removed from the equation. We don’t have to have sex with each other—you can just use me. I don’t mind.”

  Could I do that?

  “I...”

  Could I really do that?

  “You only want my body, right? It’s a little disappointing, but I’m used to it. All you have to do is say you want it and you can have it. Just tell me what you want.”

  “I...”

  No, I can’t. It’s not that simple.

  But she was right. I wanted her body. That was true.

  “Come onnnnn. Tell me. Let me hear them—your honest feelings.

  Whatever disgusting, perverted, immoral desires you have, I’m all ears.”

  Why can’t you just be honest? All you have to do is be honest.

  I want to know.

  I have to know.

  I need to know.

  I’m sorry, Haruhi.

  “I want your body.”

  I said what I really wanted.

  She misunderstood, of course, but I knew she would—so could you really call it a misunderstanding?

  She grabbed her shirt and lifted her arms, pulling it off and tossing it to the floor. Of course, she wasn’t wearing anything underneath it. That’s how she was.

  I had seen her naked before, but that was only a glance.

  This was completely different—she was showing herself to me.

  Baring her flesh to me.

  Her body.

  Completely.

  With no reservations.

  I really am dumb.

  Why did I say that?

  What did I think was going to happen?

  This should have been obvious.

  I could already feel ‘it.’

  Yeah, there’s no way I wouldn’t in this situation.

  Obviously, I would.

  But it was too late to do anything about that now.

  ‘It’ gripped my heart.

  An indescribable feeling.

  An incomprehensible mix of emotions.

  More beautiful than the deepest love.

  More awful than the deepest revulsion.

  She was so cute.

  It’s not fair.

  She was so pretty.

  It’s not fair.

  She was so beautiful.

  It’s not fair.

  An ache.

  A yearning.

  A pair of snakes coiled themselves around my entire body, constricting it.

  I instantly became aware of every single part of my body.

  My hair.

  My eyes.

  My skin.

  My body hair.

  My mouth.

  My shoulders.

  My arms.

  My hips.

  My genitals.

  My butt.

  My legs.

  My feet.

  My entire body wanted to turn itself inside out.

  My heart swelled.

  I wanted to throw up.

  I wanted to cry.

  I wanted to live.

  I wanted to die.

  I felt...

  ‘Disgusting.’

  She was...

  ‘Beautiful.’

  Divine.

  Angelic.

  I wouldn’t have been surprised if wings of light sprouted from her back.

  Don’t think about it.

  Don’t think about it anymore.

  “Are you just going to stare at me? Or are you going to fuck me?”

  Oh yeah, a world existed outside of my mind.

  Well, are you?

  Am I?

  ...

  You already feel like shit, so you might as well, right?

  What do you have to lose?

  You should just take from her.

  That’s the kind of creature you are.