I headed towards the back of the library, far away from the tables where some students were studying. At the back of the library, there were two comfy-looking beanbag chairs sitting close to one another; however, there was one slight problem. One of the beanbags was already occupied by a girl reading a book.

  I recognized her. Her hair was done up in two braids like always, though the glasses she usually wore were nowhere to be seen. She was the girl from my class who I always observed reading in the mornings.

  ‘Observed’ is a nice way for you to put it.

  Would she recognize me? Probably not. I don’t think I give off much of an impression to be worth remembering.

  Come on, you just have to sit down next to her. The beanbags are there to be sat in.

  But they’re right next to each other! I wouldn’t be able to concentrate! Would she be offended if I scooted it farther away?

  The girl glanced up from her book, briefly making eye contact with me before returning to her pages.

  It’s weirder for you to just stand here. Go ahead and sit down already! She’s not going to bite your head off.

  I walked up to the other beanbag and tried to stealthily scoot it a little bit farther away as I sat down in it.

  Just focus on the book.

  As I read through the opening chapters of Kokoro, I occasionally stole glances at the girl sitting next to me. One time, our eyes met, and I quickly returned my attention to the book.

  I’m bored.

  Sorry, Natsume Soseki fans—I’m falling asleep here.

  I closed the book, staring off into the distance in thought about what I had just read.

  I can vibe with the short chapters.

  Other than that...

  [Please note: The opinions expressed by the characters in this novel are not necessarily representative of the author’s own opinions.]

  This ‘Sensei’ guy clearly had some shit happen in his past, but I couldn’t give two fucks. Why is the main character so intent on getting to know him in the first place? He just saw him on the beach once. I wouldn’t want to get to know some shirtless guy I saw on the beach once. I’m not gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that—I just don’t like dudes, you know? I like girls too much. Conceptually, the idea of ‘men’ makes me want to throw up.

  If ‘Sensei’ were a hot lady, then I’d understand. Now there’s a story. A guy sees a beautiful woman on the beach and then keeps trying to get closer to her, even though she already has a husband. Along the way, you start to learn more about her mysterious past and how it troubles their marriage. And then one thing leads to another...

  Sounds like the plot of an eroge...

  What am I fantasizing about in the school library?

  I got up from the beanbag and returned the book to where I had found it. Before giving up on Natsume Soseki entirely, maybe I should try his first work. I pulled out I Am A Cat and returned to my spot, sitting back down in the beanbag. I opened up my new book, but before I could start reading, I heard a voice speak up from beside me.

  “Was Kokoro not to your liking?”

  I turned to the girl sitting beside me. She had her own book closed, her thumb serving as a temporary bookmark, and was looking at me.

  An avid book reader like her would probably crucify me if she knew what I had just been thinking about such a seminal work of Japanese literature. I don’t know what to say. I’m not going to lie about my feelings just to try and impress some girl with how much I appreciate literature, right? I’m not that kind of person...am I?

  “I couldn’t really understand the main character’s motivations, so I wasn’t able to get invested. Like, the main character just met this guy, why does he care about him so much?”

  The girl nodded.

  [Please note: The opinions expressed by the characters in this novel are not necessarily representative of the author’s own opinions.]

  “I thought more or less the same thing when I tried to read it. What’s with this guy! Does he, like, like like Sensei? If so, which one would be the top and which one would be the bottom? At first, I thought things like that.”

  “?!”

  Well, that certainly wasn’t what I was expecting. Is she one of those fujoshi types?

  “Of course, you get a better understanding of the characters the more you read, but if the opening didn’t hook you in, there’s not much you can do about that.”

  “Yeah.”

  “...Though, later on Sensei commits suicide, leaving his life story to the main character.”

  “Why would you spoil that?”

  She shrugged.

  “It’s not like you were going to finish it anyway. Spoilers like that can make you more interested. Knowing what happens later encourages you to scrutinize the details a little more, like when a story starts in medias res.”

  “Yeah, but that’s a decision that the author makes themselves. I don’t think having the story spoiled for you is the same thing...”

  “The effect is the same.”

  “...I guess...”

  I am slightly more interested in continuing now.

  “That’s how it is...”

  The conversation seemed to wrap up, the girl returning her attention to the book resting in her lap. She cracked it back open and resumed reading.

  I felt a little disappointed, and for some reason, my little sister’s advice from earlier popped into my head.

  “Do you read a lot?”

  I knew the answer to the question, but I asked it anyway.

  She paused for a moment, then pulled out a bookmark and placed it in between the pages she was reading. She closed the book and placed it beside the beanbag before putting her glasses back on. Then, she turned to face me, shifting to get more comfortable.

  I guess it worked.

  9 - The Library Girl

  “I read almost every day. I’m sure you’ve noticed me reading in the classroom, Matsuda-san.”

  I have. Did she notice me looking over at her every morning?

  No.

  Don’t read too much into it.

  Obviously she would expect people to notice if she was reading every single morning. It isn’t that strange.

  Why do you even care so much if she notices?

  Wait—

  “You remember my name?”

  “I have a pretty good memory. I’m usually one of the first few people to arrive in order to have more time to read before school starts, and Izumi makes an effort to greet everyone as they enter. I know everyone’s names—their family names, at least—and I can recognize all their faces.”

  “I think I probably have a pretty bad memory. I can barely remember anyone’s name or face.”

  “Then I should properly introduce myself. My name is Kondou Chiaki. It’s nice to meet you.”

  “I’m Matsuda Akio. It’s nice to meet you too.”

  We both bowed slightly as we introduced ourselves.

  “So, Matsuda-san, let me return the question. Do you read a lot?”

  “I probably read almost every day as well. Although, it’s mostly just light novels and visual novels...”

  Truthfully, I hadn’t been reading as much lately because of Haruhi, but I didn’t feel the need to share that.

  “That’s nice. There’s no need to qualify it—reading is reading. If you’re putting thought into it, if it makes you think of something—or feel something—then it doesn’t make much difference. Why the sudden interest in classic literature?”

  She gestured at the copy of I Am A Cat sitting in my lap.

  “Ah, recently I’ve been thinking about maybe trying to write something myself. I thought branching out into other stuff might give me some inspiration.”

  “I guess we’re the same then.”

  “Do you write, Kondou-san?”

  “More than I read.”

  “You seem like you read a lot...”

  She smiled a little.

  “It probably looks that way, doesn’t it? I may bring in different books a lot, but I don’t finish most of them. I write when I’m at home, so I mostly only read at school, and if I’m not hooked on a book, then I try a new one the next day. If you assume that I finish every book I read, I would surely appear like some kind of inhuman monster.”

  I always wondered where she found the time to finish all those books...

  “I don’t think I could do that. It bothers me to leave things unfinished, even if I’m not enjoying them that much. That’s why I usually stick to things that I’m sure I’ll already enjoy in the first place. I don’t want to invest a ton of time and effort into something if I don’t think it’s going to pay off.”

  “Occasionally, there’s something that I don’t enjoy reading enough to finish, but am still kind of interested in how it plays out. However, for the most part, there’s too much to do in this world to bother with things I don’t find interesting. If it wasn’t able to demonstrate its value to me early, then it’s not worth it for me to finish. This doesn’t mean they’re worthless—most stories have some value to be found in them if you’re willing to look—I would just rather read something that I’m passionately engaged with.”

  “That makes sense.”

  “Now, there can be value in trying to expand your horizons, and that may require you to put a little bit more time into something than you normally would. But I don’t think you need to force yourself to read things you aren’t interested in just because other people find value in them. You’re not reading things for other people, are you? You’re reading for yourself.”

  She’s surprisingly talkative compared to my impression of her from class. But I guess everyone has things they get passionate about.

  What do you have, though?

  “That’s true. I think what tends to get me engaged in a story early is when it’s clear that a story is setting things up to pay them off later. It’s fun when it feels like the author is setting up pieces on a game board, and you’re looking forward to all the different ways it could play out. Combine that with fun moment-to-moment character interactions, and I’ll be hooked.”

  “Mhm. You can really feel like the author put thought into a story like that. If the story is clearly building to something, then even the mundane character interactions can contain surprising depth if you look for it.”

  “What kind of things do you write?”

  “Most of what I write would be considered light novels, although I have experimented with more varied styles in some short stories.”

  That’s not what I expected, but at this point it’s clear that my initial impressions of her were mostly incorrect.

  “Do you want to become a light novel author in the future?”

  “Not in the future...I already am one. Don’t tell anyone else, though.”

  “I wonder if I’ve heard of you, if you don’t mind telling me.”

  She took off her glasses and started to fiddle with them while her face started to redden.

  “I don’t think I want anybody I know in real life to know about it. Sorry.”

  Now I’m curious, but, obviously, I’m not going to pry any deeper—I know how light novels can be.

  “No, I understand. If I wrote a light novel, I would probably feel the same way. So, what are you reading right now?”

  She stopped fiddling with her glasses and put them back on before picking up the book she had placed beside her, showing me the cover.

  “The Literature Club Mysteries series.”

  I’ve seen the anime adaptation of this one—I’ve never read the novels though.

  “Have you seen the anime? It’s really good. Almost everything Kyoto Animation puts out is excellent.”

  “I haven’t. I mostly stick to reading.”

  “I own the complete set. I could lend them to you, if you want to give it a shot.”

  “I might take you up on that offer at some point. After I’ve finished the books, of course.”

  She pulled out her phone, probably to check the time, then she put it away along with her book.

  How long have we been talking for?

  “Got somewhere you need to be?”

  She cocked her head to the side, as if she was unsure how to answer.

  “Not specifically, but I usually head back around now and start writing.”

  Oh yeah, she’s a published light novel author. She has deadlines she needs to meet.

  “Sorry for holding you up then.”

  “Don’t worry about it, it’s not urgent. I’m not the kind of author to put things off until the last minute. I make my deadlines.”

  She seemed proud of that. You did see editors having to rein in their authors a lot in anime and light novels.

  “And...I had fun.”

  She said this second part much quieter as she stood up to leave.

  “See you tomorrow.”

  “See you tomorrow.”

  I think that went pretty well, if I do say so myself. I don’t feel like wanting to lie down on the train tracks, so that’s a fairly good sign.

  Then, I noticed that she was still standing there—I thought she had left already. Without turning around, she said one last thing.

  “If you ever want to talk again, you know where to find me.”

  Then she walked away.

  ...

  Am I finally becoming popular?

  10 - Something’s Wrong

  After Kondou left, I stuck around the library for a little bit longer. Because of our conversation, I hadn’t even started I Am A Cat. I opened the book up and started reading. But just like with Kokoro, I only made it a few pages in before I gave up.

  You know what? Maybe this literature stuff isn’t for me. I don’t need to pretend to be someone I’m not.

  I returned the book and decided to leave the library without checking anything out.

  Upon sliding open the library door, I found myself face-to-face with another girl.

  Plain. That’s the impression she gave off. She looked like a girl you could find anywhere. I don’t know if I’d even be able to recognize her if I saw her again; she was so generic. Tons of girls had long straight hair like that, and I only knew one girl who wore glasses.

  Her eyes met mine and widened with shock. She seemed to be in a panic as she stumbled backwards a few steps before falling on her butt.

  Do I look that scary? I don’t think I look scary. What do I look like through her eyes?

  Don’t think about it.

  “I’m sorry, did I startle you?”

  “N-No...”

  She was rather timid, her voice seemingly hesitant to come out.

  The girl shook her head and tried to stand up, but her legs were shaking so much that she fell down again.

  It certainly looks like I did. That, or this girl has some kind of medical condition that just happened to pop up now.

  “Do you need help standing up? Do you need to go to the infirmary?”

  I reached out my hand to help her up.

  “DON’T TOUCH ME! What if I can catch it?!”

  I don’t think virginity is contagious...

  I pulled my hand back.

  I promise I wasn’t trying to take advantage of the situation to touch a girl’s hand. Honest! She seems so freaked out I’m actually really worried.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I didn’t know what her problem was, but if she didn’t want my help, then I didn’t need to worry about it.

  The girl managed to stand herself up, but still kept her distance.

  “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t understand. I still don’t understand. But I didn’t mean to hurt you again. It’s just...what happened to you?”

  ‘Again.’

  “Have we met somewhere before?”

  “Only once...if you don’t remember me, that’s fine—you don’t need to remember. More importantly, has anything strange happened to you recently?”

  Strange? You mean aside from me talking to girls? That’s pretty strange for me, but I don’t think that’s what she means.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Hmm... If it’s not having any noticeable negative effect, that’s good to hear... Do you have any enemies?”

  “Enemies?”

  “Like, someone who would want to put a curse on you—just as an example.”

  ...Did I?

  “Not that I can think of.”

  “Hmm...”

  She seemed to be deep in thought about something and started muttering stuff that I couldn’t follow.

  A dark-haired girl who talks nonsense...

  I don’t know anyone like that.

  “Well, if you’re all right, I should get going.”

  I turned to leave, but she started saying something, so I paused.

  “If—and I can totally understand if you don’t want to—if anything strange does happen, please come by the magic club.”

  “Sure.”

  Our school has a magic club?

  Never heard of it.

  11 - Lost Lamb

  What the hell was her problem?

  I kicked a pebble, sending it skittering along the road.

  I felt like walking home from school, like I usually did when I was in a bad mood. I had been feeling pretty good after talking with Kondou, but then that girl had to ruin it by saying weird shit.

  ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you again.’

  Anyone would be hurt if you seemed so repulsed by their very presence.

  Am I not allowed to be happy for even a little bit without some stupid bullshit happening?

  Don’t think about it.

  Yeah, no good could come from me thinking.

  I decided to stop by the vending machines in the park. Maybe moping on the swings while drinking a Pocarius would make me feel better. Unfortunately, it seemed like someone had already beat me to it. There was a cute girl wearing the Sousaku Girls’ uniform sitting on one of the swings. Her beautiful blonde hair formed waves that cascaded over her shoulders. When she saw me, her eyes lit up and she quickly strode over to me.