GLENDOWER

  Kinsman, I don’t take this kind of contrary behavior from many people. With your permission, I’ll say one more time that when I was born, the heavens were full of shooting stars. The goats ran down from the mountains, and herds of animals stampeded strangely through the fields. These signs marked me as an extraordinary person. All the events of my life prove that I should not be counted with ordinary men. Is there a man who lives anywhere within England, Scotland, or Wales who can say I learned from him, or that he taught me? And bring forward one human who can follow me in the complicated ways of magic, or keep up with me in my obscure experiments.

  HOTSPUR

  Well, nobody speaks better Welsh. I’m going to lunch.

  MORTIMER

  Stop now, kinsman Percy. You will upset him.

  GLENDOWER

  I can summon spirits from the deep ocean.

  HOTSPUR

  Why, so can I, and so can any other man! But will they come when you summon them?

  GLENDOWER

  Why, kinsman, I can teach you to command the devil.

  HOTSPUR

  And I can teach you, kinsman, how to shame the devil—by telling the truth! “Tell the truth and shame the devil,” as the old saying goes. If you do have the power to call him up, then bring him here. And I’ll swear I have the power to shame him into leaving. Oh, for goodness sake, tell the truth and shame the devil!

  MORTIMER

  Enough already; stop this useless talking.

  GLENDOWER

  Three times now, Henry Bolingbroke has raised an army against mine. And three times, I turned him back from the banks of the River Wye, and the sandy-bottomed River Severn. I sent him home, bootless and beaten by foul weather.

  HOTSPUR

  You sent him home without his boots, and in foul weather? How in the devil’s name did he avoid catching fevers?

  GLENDOWER

  All right, here’s the map. Shall we divide up our territories according to our three-way agreement?

  MORTIMER

  The Archdeacon has divided the land into three very equal parts. All of England southeast of the Trent and Severn rivers goes to me.

  All of Wales, and everything west of the Severn—including all the fertile land within those boundaries—goes to Owen Glendower. And, my dear kinsman, you get everything that remains to the north, coming up from the Trent. Our agreement is drawn up in triplicate. We can all sign it tonight, and then, kinsman Percy, tomorrow you, me, and Worcester will set off to meet your father and the Scottish army at Shrewsbury, as planned. My father-in-law Glendower isn’t ready yet, but we won’t need his army for another two weeks. (to GLENDOWER) By that time, you will have raised an army of the farmers on your land, your allies, and your neighbors.

  GLENDOWER

  I’ll be ready sooner than that, my lords; and I’ll bring your wives along with me. You should sneak away from them now, and leave without saying goodbye. Otherwise, they’ll cry an ocean of tears when you leave them.

  HOTSPUR

  I think my share, north of Burton here, isn’t as big as any of yours. Look how this river swoops in. It cuts out a huge chunk of my best land, in the shape of a half-moon. I’ll have a dam built. I’ll re-route the Trent River so it won’t go winding so far into my land and rob me of a fertile valley.

  GLENDOWER

  It won’t go winding? It will. It must. You see that it does.

  MORTIMER

  Yes, but look how the Trent runs its course and winds a similar distance into my share. It cuts out the same amount of land from my side as it does from yours.

  WORCESTER

  Yes, but a small sum of money will pay to dig a trench, which will reclaim this bit of land on the north side. Then it will run straight along.

  HOTSPUR

  I’ll do that. It will only take a little money.

  GLENDOWER

  I won’t have it changed.

  HOTSPUR

  You won’t?

  GLENDOWER

  No, and neither will you.

  HOTSPUR

  Who’s going to stop me?

  GLENDOWER

  Why, I will.

  HOTSPUR

  Well, say it in Welsh then, so I can’t understand you.

  GLENDOWER

  My lord, I can speak English just as well as you. I was brought up in the English court. There, in my youth, I composed many English songs for the harp, lending the language lovely ornaments of music. That is an accomplishment you have never achieved.

  HOTSPUR

  Indeed, and my whole heart is glad for that. I’d rather be a kitten and say “meow” than be a courtly balladeer. I’d rather hear a piece of brass turned on a lathe, or a ungreased wheel grind on its axle. Nothing sets my teeth on edge so as much as finicky poetry; it’s like the lurching steps of a lame horse.

  GLENDOWER

  Fine. Change the Trent’s course.

  HOTSPUR

  I don’t care. I’d gladly give away three times as much land to any friend who deserved it. But when it comes to negotiating a deal, mark my words: I’ll haggle over the smallest fraction of a hair. Are the agreements drawn up? Are we ready to leave?

  GLENDOWER

  The moon is bright; you can leave during the night. I’ll tell the man writing up our documents to hurry, and I’ll tell your wives you’re leaving. I’m afraid my daughter will go mad because she loves Mortimer so much.

  GLENDOWER exits.

  MORTIMER

  Damn, kinsman Percy! How angry you make my father-in-law!

  HOTSPUR

  I can’t help it. He makes me angry with all his talk. Moles and ants, Merlin and his prophecies, dragons, a fish with no fins, a griffin without wings, a raven without feathers, a crouching lion and a cat rearing up to pounce. He talks so much mumbo-jumbo that I don’t know what to believe anymore. I’ll tell you this: he kept me awake last night for at least nine hours, listing the names of all the devils that serve him. I said, “Hmm,” and, “How interesting,” but he didn’t hear a word. Oh, he’s as tedious as a tired horse or a nagging wife; he’s worse than a smoke-filled house.

  I’d rather live in a windmill and eat nothing but cheese and garlic than in a luxurious home eating delicacies, if it meant I had to listen to him talk.

  MORTIMER

  Truly, he’s a worthy man. He’s exceedingly well-read, and proficient in the occult; he’s as brave as a lion, incredibly charming, and as generous as the jewel mines of India. And do you know what, cousin? He holds you in great respect. He restrains his temper when you do something to put him in a bad mood. I promise you, there isn’t a man alive who could have challenged him as you have, and gotten away without being hurt or punished. But don’t try it too often, I beg you.

  WORCESTER

  (to HOTSPUR) Truly, my lord, you are to blame in your stubbornness. Since you arrived, you have done enough to test his patience. You must learn, sir, to correct this fault. Sometimes it demonstrates greatness, courage, strength—and that honors you. But often it reveals fury, bad manners, lack of self-control, pride, arrogance, conceitedness, and contempt. In a gentlemen, the least of these qualities will make you lose people’s affections. It stains your beautiful qualities, making it impossible for them to be noticed.

  HOTSPUR

  Well, I have had my lesson. May good manners bring you success! Here come our wives; let’s say our goodbyes.

  GLENDOWER enters with the LADIES PERCY AND MORTIMER.

  MORTIMER

  This is the bad luck that angers me: my wife speaks no English, and I speak no Welsh.

  GLENDOWER

  My daughter is weeping: she doesn’t want to be parted from you. She wants to be a soldier and join you in the war.

  MORTIMER

  Father-in-law, tell her that she and Lady Percy will come with you after us.

  GLENDOWER and THE LADY speak in Welsh.

  GLENDOWER

  She’s desperate now; a cranky, selfish hussy. Nobody can change her mind.

  THE LADY speaks more Welsh.

  MORTIMER

  I understand you by the look on your face. Those pretty Welsh tears streaming from your heavenly eyes I understand perfectly; I’d answer in the same language, if it weren’t shameful for a man to cry.

  THE LADY speaks more Welsh.

  I understand your kisses and you mine; that’s a conversation of emotion. I’ll study continuously, my love, until I learn your language. Your voice makes Welsh sound as sweet as the most eloquently written songs, sung by a fair queen in a garden of summer flowers, with a gorgeous accompaniment on her a lute.

  GLENDOWER

  No, if you start to cry, you’ll drive her mad.

  THE LADY speaks more Welsh.

  MORTIMER

  Oh, I have no idea what she’s saying!

  GLENDOWER

  She wants you to lie down on the rush-covered floor and rest your head in her lap. She’ll sing whatever song you like, and she’ll lull you to sleep. She’ll bewitch you into a pleasant heaviness, halfway between waking and sleeping; like the hour just before the sun begins its golden rise in the east.

  MORTIMER

  I’ll gladly sit and hear her sing. By the time she’s done, I think our documents will be prepared.

  GLENDOWER

  Do so. The musicians who are going to play are now floating in the air a thousand leagues from here. They’ll be here shortly; so sit, and listen.

  HOTSPUR

  Kate! You’re good at lying down. Come quickly, so that I can put my head in your lap.

  LADY PERCY

  Stop it, you silly goose.

  Music plays.

  HOTSPUR

  Now I see that the devil understands Welsh; it’s no surprise he’s so moody. By God, he’s a good musician.

  LADY PERCY

  Then you should be incredibly musical, for you’re the moodiest man alive. Lie still, you thief. Listen to the lady sing in Welsh.

  HOTSPUR

  I’d rather hear Lady, my dog, howl in Irish.

  LADY PERCY

  Do you want your head broken in?

  HOTSPUR

  No.

  LADY PERCY

  Then be still.

  HOTSPUR

  Never; that’s a womanly trait.

  LADY PERCY

  Now God help you—

  HOTSPUR

  Into the Welsh lady’s bed!

  LADY PERCY

  What did you say?

  HOTSPUR

  Quiet! She’s singing.

  THE LADY sings a Welsh song.

  HOTSPUR

  Come on, Kate. I want to hear your song, too.

  LADY PERCY

  Not mine, darn it.

  HOTSPUR

  Not yours? Darn it? Honestly! You swear like a candymaker’s wife. “Not you, darn it.” And “I swear on my life,” and “God forgive me,” and “as plain as day.” Your curse words are smooth as silk. You’d think you’d never gone further than Finsbury in your life. Swear like the real lady you are, Kate. Let loose a good mouthful of curses; leave “darn” and such watered-down cursewords to those citizens, trimmed in velvet and wearing their Sunday best. Come on, sing.

  LADY PERCY

  I will not sing.

  HOTSPUR

  It’s the quickest way to become a tailor; tailors love to sing. Or you could teach songs to birds. If our agreements are drawn up, I’ll be gone within two hours; come find me whenever you want.

  HOTSPUR exits.

  GLENDOWER

  Come now, Mortimer. You’re as reluctant to leave as Percy is on fire to go. Our agreements are drawn up by now. We’ll sign and then go straight to our horses.

  MORTIMER

  I go with all my heart.

  They exit.

  ACT 3, SCENE 2

  Original Text

  Enter KING, PRINCE HENRY of Wales, and others

  KING

  Lords, give us leave; the Prince of Wales and I

  Must have some private conference, but be near at hand,

  For we shall presently have need of you.

  Exeunt lords

  I know not whether God will have it so

  5

  For some displeasing service I have done,

  That, in his secret doom, out of my blood

  He’ll breed revengement and a scourge for me.

  But thou dost in thy passages of life

  Make me believe that thou art only marked

  10

  For the hot vengeance and the rod of heaven

  To punish my mistreadings. Tell me else,

  Could such inordinate and low desires,

  Such poor, such bare, such lewd, such mean attempts,

  Such barren pleasures, rude society

  15

  As thou art matched withal, and grafted to,

  Accompany the greatness of thy blood,

  And hold their level with thy princely heart?

  PRINCE HENRY

  So please your Majesty, I would I could

  Quit all offenses with as clear excuse

  20

  As well as I am doubtless I can purge

  Myself of many I am charged withal.

  Yet such extenuation let me beg

  As, in reproof of many tales devised,

  which oft the ear of greatness needs must hear,

  25

  By smiling pickthanks and base newsmongers,

  I may for some things true, wherein my youth

  Hath faulty wandered and irregular,

  Find pardon on my true submission.

  KING

  God pardon thee. Yet let me wonder, Harry,

  30

  At thy affections, which do hold a wing

  Quite from the flight of all thy ancestors.

  Thy place in council thou hast rudely lost,

  Which by thy younger brother is supplied,

  And art almost an alien to the hearts

  35

  Of all the court and princes of my blood.

  The hope and expectation of thy time

  Is ruined, and the soul of every man

  Prophetically doth forethink thy fall.

  Had I so lavish of my presence been,

  40

  So common-hackneyed in the eyes of men,

  So stale and cheap to vulgar company,

  Opinion, that did help me to the crown,

  Had still kept loyal to possession

  And left me in reputeless banishment,

  45

  A fellow of no mark nor likelihood.

  By being seldom seen, I could not stir

  But like a comet I was wondered at;

  That men would tell their children “This is he.”

  Others would say “Where? Which is Bolingbroke?”

  50

  And then I stole all courtesy from heaven,

  And dressed myself in such humility

  That I did pluck allegiance from men’s hearts,

  Loud shouts and salutations from their mouths,

  Even in the presence of the crownèd King.

  55

  Thus did I keep my person fresh and new,

  My presence, like a robe pontifical,

  Ne’er seen but wondered at, and so my state,

  Seldom but sumptuous, showed like a feast

  And won by rareness such solemnity.

  60

  The skipping King, he ambled up and down

  With shallow jesters and rash bavin wits,

  Soon kindled and soon burnt; carded his state,

  Mingled his royalty with cap’ring fools,

  Had his great name profanèd with their scorns,

  65

  And gave his countenance, against his name,

  To laugh at gibing boys and stand the push

  Of every beardless vain comparative;

  Grew a companion to the common streets,

  Enfeoffed himself to popularity,

  70

  That, being daily swallowed by men’s eyes,

  They surfeited with honey and began

  To loathe the taste of sweetness, whereof a little

  More than a little is by much too much.

  So, when he had occasion to be seen,

  75

  He was but as the cuckoo is in June,

  Heard, not regarded; seen, but with such eyes

  As, sick and blunted with community,

  Afford no extraordinary gaze

  Such as is bent on sunlike majesty

  80

  When it shines seldom in admiring eyes,

  But rather drowsed and hung their eyelids down,

  Slept in his face, and rendered such aspect

  As cloudy men use to their adversaries,

  Being with his presence glutted, gorged, and full.

  85

  And in that very line, Harry, standest thou,

  For thou has lost thy princely privilege

  With vile participation. Not an eye

  But is aweary of thy common sight,

  Save mine, which hath desired to see thee more,

  90

  Which now doth that I would not have it do,

  Make blind itself with foolish tenderness.

  PRINCE HENRY

  I shall hereafter, my thrice gracious lord,

  Be more myself.

  KING

  For all the world

  As thou art to this hour was Richard then

  95

  When I from France set foot at Ravenspurgh,

  And even as I was then is Percy now.

  Now, by my scepter, and my soul to boot,

  He hath more worthy interest to the state

  Than thou, the shadow of succession.

  100

  For of no right, nor color like to right,

  He doth fill fields with harness in the realm,

  Turns head against the lion’s armèd jaws,

  And, being no more in debt to years than thou,

  Leads ancient lords and reverend bishops on

  105

  To bloody battles and to bruising arms.

  What never-dying honor hath he got

  Against renownèd Douglas, whose high deeds,

  Whose hot incursions and great name in arms,