It doth so.

  FALSTAFF

  15

  It shows my earnestness of affection—

  SHALLOW

  It doth so.

  FALSTAFF

  My devotion—

  SHALLOW

  It doth, it doth, it doth.

  FALSTAFF

  As it were, to ride day and night, and not to deliberate, not

  20

  to remember, not to have patience to shift me—

  SHALLOW

  It is best, certain.

  FALSTAFF

  But to stand stained with travel and sweating with desire to see him, thinking of nothing else, putting all affairs else in oblivion, as if there were nothing else to be done but to see

  25

  him.

  PISTOL

  ’Tis semper idem, for obsque hoc nihil est;

  ’tis all in every part.

  SHALLOW

  ’Tis so indeed.

  PISTOL

  My knight, I will inflame thy noble liver, and make thee

  30

  rage. Thy Doll and Helen of thy noble thoughts is in base durance and contagious prison, Haled thither by most mechanical and dirty hand. Rouse up revenge from ebon den with fell Alecto’s snake, for Doll is in. Pistol speaks nought but truth.

  FALSTAFF

  35

  I will deliver her.

  Shouts within, and the trumpets sound

  PISTOL

  There roared the sea, and trumpet-clangor sounds.

  Enter PRINCE HENRY and his train, the Lord CHIEF JUSTICE among them

  FALSTAFF

  God save thy Grace, King Hal, my royal Hal.

  PISTOL

  The heavens thee guard and keep, most royal imp of fame!

  FALSTAFF

  God save thee, my sweet boy!

  KING

  40

  My Lord Chief Justice, speak to that vain man.

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  (to FALSTAFF) Have you your wits? Know you what ’tis to speak?

  FALSTAFF

  My King, my Jove, I speak to thee, my heart!

  KING

  I know thee not, old man. Fall to thy prayers.

  How ill white hairs become a fool and jester.

  45

  I have long dreamt of such a kind of man,

  So surfeit-swelled, so old, and so profane;

  But being awaked, I do despise my dream.

  Make less thy body hence, and more thy grace;

  Leave gormandizing. Know the grave doth gape

  50

  For thee thrice wider than for other men.

  Reply not to me with a fool-born jest.

  Presume not that I am the thing I was,

  For God doth know—so shall the world perceive—

  That I have turned away my former self.

  55

  So will I those that kept me company.

  When thou dost hear I am as I have been,

  Approach me, and thou shalt be as thou wast,

  The tutor and the feeder of my riots.

  Till then I banish thee, on pain of death,

  55

  As I have done the rest of my misleaders,

  Not to come near our person by ten mile.

  For competence of life I will allow you,

  That lack of means enforce you not to evils.

  And, as we hear you do reform yourselves,

  60

  We will, according to your strengths and qualities,

  Give you advancement. (to CHIEF JUSTICE) Be it your charge, my lord,

  To see performed the tenor of my word.—

  Set on.

  Exeunt PRINCE HENRY, the CHIEF JUSTICE, and the attendants.

  FALSTAFF

  Master Shallow, I owe you a thousand pound.

  SHALLOW

  65

  Yea, marry, Sir John, which I beseech you to let me have home with me.

  FALSTAFF

  That can hardly be, Master Shallow. Do not you grieve at this. I shall be sent for in private to him. Look you, he must seem thus to the world. Fear not your advancements. I will

  70

  be the man yet that shall make you great.

  SHALLOW

  I cannot well perceive how, unless you should give me your doublet and stuff me out with straw. I beseech you, good Sir John, let me have five hundred of my thousand.

  FALSTAFF

  Sir, I will be as good as my word. This that you heard was

  75

  but a color.

  SHALLOW

  A color that I fear you will die in, Sir John.

  FALSTAFF

  Fear no colors. Go with me to dinner.—Come, Lieutenant Pistol.—Come, Bardolph.—I shall be sent for soon at night.

  Enter the Lord CHIEF JUSTICE and Prince John of LANCASTER; officers with them

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  80

  Go, carry Sir John Falstaff to the Fleet.

  Take all his company along with him.

  FALSTAFF

  My lord, my lord—

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  I cannot now speak. I will hear you soon.—

  Take them away.

  PISTOL

  85

  Si fortune me tormenta, spero me contenta.

  Exeunt all but Prince John of LANCASTER and the CHIEF JUSTICE

  LANCASTER

  I like this fair proceeding of the King’s.

  He hath intent his wonted followers

  Shall all be very well provided for,

  But all are banished till their conversations

  90

  Appear more wise and modest to the world.

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  And so they are.

  LANCASTER

  The King hath called his parliament, my lord.

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  He hath.

  LANCASTER

  I will lay odds that, ere this year expire,

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  We bear our civil swords and native fire

  As far as France: I beard a bird so sing,

  Whose music, to my thinking, pleased the King.

  Come, will you hence?

  Exeunt

  ACT 5, SCENE 5

  Modern Text

  Two GROOMS enter, strewing rushes to cover the floors.

  FIRST GROOM

  More rushes; more rushes.

  SECOND GROOM

  The trumpets have blown twice.

  FIRST GROOM

  It’ll be two o’clock before they arrive from the coronation. Hurry, hurry.

  They exit.

  FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, PISTOL, BARDOLPH, and the PAGE enter.

  FALSTAFF

  Stand here near me, Master Robert Shallow. I’ll make the King do good things for you: I’ll throw him a look as he passes by. Just watch the face he’ll make at me.

  PISTOL

  God bless your lungs, good knight.

  FALSTAFF

  Come here, Pistol. Stand behind me. (to SHALLOW) Oh, if I’d had time to make new clothes I would have spent the thousand pounds I borrowed from you. But it doesn’t matter. These poor clothes are better; it shows how desperate I was to see him.

  SHALLOW

  It does indeed.

  FALSTAFF

  It shows how sincerely I love him—

  SHALLOW

  It does indeed.

  FALSTAFF

  My devotion—

  SHALLOW

  It does, it does, it does.

  FALSTAFF

  In a word, to ride all night; not to stop and think, not to dawdle, not to take the time to change my clothes—

  SHALLOW

  It is best, no doubt about it.

  FALSTAFF

  Standing here filthy from traveling, and sweating with my desire to see him; thinking of nothing else, disregarding everything, as if the only thing in the world that mattered was seeing him.

  PISTOL

  That’s how it is. Nothing else matters. Semper idem. Obsque hoc nihil est.

  SHALLOW

  That’s exactly right.

  PISTOL

  Knight, I’ll fire up your noble liver and make you enraged. Doll, the goddess of your thoughts, is imprisoned in a horrible jail, tossed there by a heartless and filthy hand. Stoke up dark revenge from your deepest belly and set loose the serpents of hell. Doll is in. Pistol speaks nothing but the truth.

  FALSTAFF

  I’ll set her free.

  Shouts are heard offstage. Trumpets play.

  PISTOL

  That was the roar of the sea. The clanging trumpet sounds!

  PRINCE HENRY enters with a procession of attendants, including the CHIEF JUSTICE.

  FALSTAFF

  God save your grace, King Hal! My royal Hal!

  PISTOL

  The heavens guard and protect you, you royal child of fame!

  FALSTAFF

  God save you, my sweet boy!

  PRINCE HENRY

  My Lord Chief Justice, go speak to that arrogant man.

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  (to FALSTAFF) Have you lost your mind? Do you know what you’re doing, talking like that?

  FALSTAFF

  My King! My God! I’m talking to you, my heart!

  KING

  I know you not, old man. Get down on your knees and pray, for white hair doesn’t sit well on a fool and a clown. I have dreamed about such a man for a long time: a man so swollen with excess, so old and so obscene. But now that I have awakened, I despise that dream. Let your body lessen, and your manners increase; leave behind your overindulgence, and know that the grave gapes three times as wide for you than any other man. Don’t answer me with a foolish joke. Do not assume that I am what I was; for God knows, I have turned my back on my former self, and I will do the same to those who were my companions. When you hear that I am as I was, then come to me, and you will once again be what you were: the teacher and nurse to my wild, riotous ways.

  Until then, I banish you, on pain of death, as I have done to the other men who once misled me. Do not come within ten miles of me. I’ll grant you a modest allowance to live on, so that poverty will not lead you into evil. When I hear that you have reformed your ways, I will promote you as you deserve. (to CHIEF JUSTICE) It’s your job to see this order carried out. Let’s go.

  PRINCE HENRY, the CHIEF JUSTICE, and the attendants exit.

  FALSTAFF

  Master Shallow, I owe you a thousand pounds.

  SHALLOW

  Yes, indeed, Sir John. And I’d like to take it home with me.

  FALSTAFF

  That can’t happen, Master Shallow. Don’t let this upset you; I’ll get a private invitation to see him. Look, he has to appear this way to the world. Don’t worry about your good fortunes: I’m still the man who will make you great.

  SHALLOW

  I don’t know how you’re going to do that, unless you give me your jacket and fill me out with stuffing. Please, Sir John, let me have five hundred of my thousand.

  FALSTAFF

  Sir, I’m as good as my word. What you heard here a minute ago was just a color; it was a pretense.

  SHALLOW

  A color that I fear you’ll be buried in, Sir John.

  FALSTAFF

  Stop worrying about colors: come to lunch with me. Come, Lieutenant Pistol. Come, Bardolph. He’ll call for me tonight.

  The Lord CHIEF JUSTICE, Prince John of LANCASTER, and officers enter.

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  Go, take Sir John Falstaff away to jail, and take all his companions with him.

  FALSTAFF

  My lord, my lord—

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  I can’t talk now. I’ll listen to you later. Take them away.

  PISTOL

  Si fortuna me tormenta, spero me contenta.

  Everyone exits except John of LANCASTER and the CHIEF JUSTICE.

  LANCASTER

  The King’s fair dealings please me. He wants to ensure that his old companions are provided for, but he banishes them until they can behave more properly and presentably.

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  That they are.

  LANCASTER

  The King’s assembled his parliament, sir.

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  He has.

  LANCASTER

  I’ll bet that, before the year ends, we’ll launch an invasion of France. I heard a little bird singing about it, and I think the music pleased the King. Come, will you leave with me?

  They exit.

  Shrovetide = the period of merry-making before the Christian season of Lent (a time of penance and self-denial)

  Samingo = lyric from “Monsieur Mingo,” a drinking song. In Latin, mingo means “I urinate.”

  Falstaff is aping Pistol’s high-flown style. Cophetua was an African king who married a beggar.

  a lyric from a popular song

  beadles = parish officers

  groom = an officer in the royal household

  These Latin phrases translate as “Ever the same” and “Apart from this, there is nothing.”

  “If fortune torments me, hope contents me.” Pistol’s motto is a garbled mix of French, Spanish, and Italian.

  EPILOGUE

  Original Text

  Enter the EPILOGUE.

  First my fear; then my curtsy, last my speech. My fear is your displeasure my curtsy my duty; and my speech, to beg your pardons. If you look for a good speech now, you undo me, for what I have to say is of mine own making, and what

  5

  indeed I should say will, I doubt, prove mine own marring. But to the purpose, and so to the venture. Be it known to you, as it is very well, I was lately here in the end of a displeasing play to pray your patience for it and to promise you a better. I meant indeed to pay you with this, which, if

  10

  like an ill venture it come unluckily home, I break, and you, my gentle creditors, lose. Here I promised you I would be, and here I commit my body to your mercies. Bate me some, and I will pay you some, and, as most debtors do, promise you infinitely. And so I kneel down before you, but, indeed,

  15

  to pray for the Queen.

  If my tongue cannot entreat you to acquit me, will you command me to use my legs? And yet that were but light payment, to dance out of your debt. But a good conscience will make any possible satisfaction, and so would I. All the

  20

  gentlewomen here have forgiven me; if the gentlemen will not, then the gentlemen do not agree with the gentlewomen, which was never seen before in such an assembly.

  One word more, I beseech you: if you be not too much

  25

  cloyed with fat meat, our humble author will continue the story, with Sir John in it, and make you merry with fair Katherine of France, where, for anything I know, Falstaff shall die of a sweat, unless already he be killed with your hard opinions; for Oldcastle died a martyr, and this is not

  30

  the man. My tongue is weary; when my legs are too, I will bid you good night.

  EPILOGUE

  Modern Text

  The EPILOGUE enters.

  EPILOGUE

  First, I’ll tell you what I’m afraid of. Then, I’ll bow, and finally, I’ll make a speech. I fear that this play displeased you; I bow to you out of duty; and finally, I make this speech to ask you for forgiveness. If you’re expecting a good speech now, then I’m in trouble. For I wrote the words I’m about to say, and I’m sure that what I’m about to say will end up getting me in trouble. But I’ll get to the point, and thus I’ll get to the danger. You should know—as you seem to—that I recently came on this stage at the end of some other lousy play, to ask you to be patient and to promise you a better play the next time. I had intended to pay you back for that play with this one. If you didn’t like this play, then—like a businessman who has gambled on a risky venture—I am bankrupt; and you, my sweet creditors, are out of luck. I promised you I would be here, and here I stand to submit myself to your mercy. Give me some mercy and I’ll promise to pay you back again another time. That’s how debtors do it: they always promise to repay.

  If my talking can’t convince you to let me off the hook, then would you like me to dance? And yet, that would be a cheap payment, to dance myself out of debt. But a person with a good conscience will always seek to pay his debts, and I would do the same. All the women here have forgiven me: if the men won’t, then the men don’t agree with the women, which has never happened in a theater audience before.

  Just one more thing, if you don’t mind. If fatty meat hasn’t clogged you up yet, our playwright will continue the story with Sir John in it, and entertain you with the beautiful Princess Katharine of France. And speaking of France, as far as I know, Falstaff will die there of the sweating disease—unless, that is, he’s already been killed by your low opinions of him. Oldcastle died a martyr, and this is not him. My mouth is tired; when my legs are, too, I’ll say goodnight and take a bow.

  The Epilogue is the actor who delivers the epilogue.

  In an early version of 1 Henry IV, the character of Falstaff was called Sir John Oldcastle. The name was changed upon the insistence of the historical Sir John Oldcastle’s descendants, who were highly influential in England at the time.

  1984

  The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

  The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

  The Aeneid

  All Quiet on the Western Front

  And Then There Were None

  Angela’s Ashes

  Animal Farm

  Anna Karenina

  Anne of Green Gables

  Anthem

  Antony and Cleopatra

  Aristotle’s Ethics

  As I Lay Dying

  As You Like It

  Atlas Shrugged

  The Autobiography of Malcolm X

  The Awakening

  The Bean Trees

  The Bell Jar

  Beloved

  Beowulf

  Billy Budd

  Black Boy

  Bless Me, Ultima

  The Bluest Eye

  Brave New World

  The Brothers Karamazov

  The Call of the Wild

  Candide

  The Canterbury Tales

  Catch-22

  The Catcher in the Rye

  The Chocolate War

  The Chosen

  Cold Mountain

  Cold Sassy Tree

  The Color Purple

  The Count of Monte Cristo

  Crime and Punishment

  The Crucible