I never thought I’d hear you speak again.

  KING

  You thought that because you wished it to be true. I live too long for you; you’re tired of me. Are you so desperate for my throne that you would take the honors of kingship before it’s your time? Oh you foolish youth! You long for power that will end up overwhelming you. Wait a little while. What power I have left is held together so weakly that the lightest breeze would blow it away: my life is fading.

  You stole something from me that would freely have been yours in just a few hours. On my deathbed, you’ve confirmed all my expectations. All your life you showed that you didn’t love me, and now I will die certain of it. There are a thousand daggers in your thoughts, which you’ve sharpened on your stony heart with the hopes of stabbing me in the little time I have left. What? Couldn’t you endure me for half an hour? Then go and dig my grave yourself, and ring the bells to mark your coronation, not my death. Let all the tears that should be shed on my hearse be drops of holy water to bless your head.

  Just mix me up with the forgotten dust, and give my body—which gave you life—to the worms. Fire my officers, undo my laws; for now the time has come to jeer at authority. Henry the Fifth is crowned: up with foolishness! Down with decorum! Be gone, all you wise advisers! Assemble lazy apes from every region, and make them the royal court of England! Now, you neighboring countries, get rid of your scum. Do you have a criminal who swears, drinks, dances, parties all night, robs, murders, and commits the oldest sins in the newest ways? Then be happy: that man won’t trouble you any longer. England will paint over his guilt with gold. England will give him a position, honor, power. Because Henry the Fifth has removed the barriers to anarchy: he’s taken the restraining muzzle off the dog of misbehavior, and that wild dog will sink his teeth into the flesh of every decent person. Oh my poor kingdom, sick from this civil war! When all my hard work couldn’t keep disorder at bay, what will you do when disorder becomes your caretaker? Oh, you’ll be a wilderness again, and all the wolves who lived here once will once again be your only citizens.

  PRINCE HENRY

  Oh forgive me, your highness. If it weren’t for these tears—which are impeding my speech—I would have stopped this harsh scolding before you, in your grief, had spoken and before I had listened so long. There’s your crown. May God, who wears the crown eternally, guard it as yours for a long time. If I care for the crown in any way other than as a symbol of your honor and reputation, let me never rise from this kneeling position. It is my deepest and most dutiful feelings which teach my body to bend and bow to you, causing my outer body to reflect my inner feelings. May God be my witness: when I came in here and saw that you weren’t breathing, my blood ran cold. If I’m lying, may I die as the wild youth I was before, and never live to show the dubious world the transformation I have been planning.

  Coming to see you, thinking you were dead—and being nearly dead myself, just thinking that you were—I spoke to this crown as though it were alive. I scolded it like this: “The worry you’ve caused has eaten my father alive. So you, the best piece of gold, are actually the worst piece of gold. Other gold, perhaps worth less, is more precious, since it at least brings us health when mixed in our drinks. But you—the best, the most honored, the most famous—have consumed the person wearing you.” And as I accused it, I put it on my head, to fight against it as an enemy who’d killed my father before my very eyes. It was the fight of a loyal child.

  But may God keep it from me forever—making me like the poorest servant bowing down before it in awe and terror—if it in any way made me happy or arrogant, or if any part of me was the least bit pleased to welcome it and the power it brings.

  KING

  Oh my son, God made you take it from me so that, in pleading your case so beautifully, you would make me love you more! Come here, Harry. Sit by my bed and listen to what I think will be the last advice I ever give. God knows the unusual paths and indirect, crooked ways that led me to this crown.

  And I know very well how much anxiety it has caused as I’ve worn it. It will fall to you in bitter peace, with better support and stronger approval. The stain of its obtainment dies now, with me. On me, the crown seemed like an honor grabbed with a violent hand, and many people lived to remind me that they had helped me take it. Eventually, those daily reminders grew into war and bloodshed, doing damage to the peace. You can see how much pain it’s caused me as I’ve fought my foes. My entire reign has been like a play, in which we rehash that disagreement.

  Now my death changes the show. What I bought, you will inherit. You’ll wear the crown by right of succession. But even though you have a firmer claim to the crown than I had, it’s not firm enough. Anger is still fresh, and my former friends—whom you must make into your friends—have only recently been disarmed. It was their power that first got me the crown, and I feared that same power could take me down. To avoid that, I defeated their rebellion, and planned to lead an army to the Holy Land. I thought that, with nothing to occupy themselves, they’d start eyeing me and my crown.

  Therefore, my Harry, make it your policy to focus the distracted minds of the people with foreign wars. Military actions abroad will make people forget about troubling matters in the past. I’d say more, but my lungs are so worn out that I don’t have the strength to speak. God forgive me for how I came by the crown, and may he grant that you enjoy it in peace.

  PRINCE HENRY

  My gracious lord, you won it, wore it, kept it, then gave it to me. My possession of it must therefore be honest and lawful. And I will work as hard as I can to defend this crown against any man.

  Lord John of LANCASTER enters.

  KING

  Look, look, here comes my son, John of Lancaster.

  LANCASTER

  Health, peace, and happiness to my royal father!

  KING

  You bring me happiness and peace, John. But health, unfortunately, has flown from this shrunken body. Now that I’ve seen you, I have nothing more to do in this world. Where is Lord Warwick?

  PRINCE HENRY

  Lord Warwick!

  WARWICK and others enter.

  KING

  Does the room I first collapsed in have a name?

  WARWICK

  It’s called the Jerusalem Room, your highness.

  KING

  Praise be to God! That’s where I must die. For years it’s been predicted that I would die in Jerusalem; I foolishly thought that meant the Holy Land. But carry me to that room, and there I’ll lie. In that Jerusalem will Harry die.

  They exit.

  The original text of this difficult passage may be corrupted; its exact meaning is obscure.

  The duel between Bolingbroke (now King Henry) and Norfolk (Mowbray’s father) occurs in Richard II, 1.3.

  The Hydra was a monster with many heads; each time a head was cut off, a new one would grow in its place.

  ACT FIVE

  SCENE 1

  Original Text

  Enter SHALLOW, FALSTAFF, PAGE, and BARDOLPH

  SHALLOW

  By cock and pie, sir, you shall not away tonight.—What, Davy, I say!

  FALSTAFF

  You must excuse me, Master Robert Shallow.

  SHALLOW

  I will not excuse you. You shall not be excused. Excuses

  5

  shall not be admitted. There is no excuse shall serve. You shall not be excused.—Why, Davy!

  Enter DAVY

  DAVY

  Here, sir.

  SHALLOW

  Davy, Davy, Davy, Davy, let me see, Davy, let me see, Davy, let me see. Yea, marry, William cook, bid him come

  10

  hither.—Sir John, you shall not be excused.

  DAVY

  Marry, sir, thus: those precepts cannot be served. And again, sir, shall we sow the hade land with wheat?

  SHALLOW

  With red wheat, Davy. But for William cook, are there no young pigeons?

  DAVY

  15

  Yes, sir. Here is now the smith’s note for shoeing and plow irons.

  SHALLOW

  Let it be cast and paid.—Sir John, you shall not be excused.

  DAVY

  Now, sir, a new link to the bucket must needs be had. And, sir, do you mean to stop any of William’s wages about the

  20

  sack he lost the other day at Hinckley Fair?

  SHALLOW

  He shall answer it. Some pigeons, Davy, a couple of short-legged hens, a joint of mutton, and any pretty little tiny kickshaws, tell William cook.

  DAVY

  Doth the man of war stay all night, sir?

  SHALLOW

  25

  Yea, Davy. I will use him well. A friend i’ th’ court is better than a penny in purse. Use his men well, Davy, for they are arrant knaves and will backbite.

  DAVY

  No worse than they are back-bitten, sir, for they have marvellous foul linen.

  SHALLOW

  30

  Well-conceited, Davy. About thy business, Davy.

  DAVY

  I beseech you, sir, to countenance William Visor of Woncot against Clement Perkes o’ th’ hill.

  SHALLOW

  There is many complaints, Davy, against that Visor. That Visor is an arrant knave, on my knowledge.

  DAVY

  35

  I grant your Worship that he is a knave, sir, but yet, God forbid, sir, but a knave should have some countenance at his friend’s request. An honest man, sir, is able to speak for himself when a knave is not. I have served your Worship truly, sir, this eight years; an if I cannot once or twice in a

  40

  quarter bear out a knave against an honest man, I have but a very little credit with your Worship. The knave is mine honest friend, sir; therefore I beseech you let him be countenanced.

  SHALLOW

  Go to, I say he shall have no wrong. Look about, Davy.

  Exit DAVY

  45

  Where are you, Sir John? Come, come, come, off with your boots.—Give me your hand, Master Bardolph.

  BARDOLPH

  I am glad to see your Worship.

  SHALLOW

  I thank thee with all my heart, kind Master Bardolph, (to the PAGE) and welcome, my tall fellow.—Come, Sir John.

  FALSTAFF

  50

  I’ll follow you, good Master Robert Shallow.

  Exit SHALLOW

  Bardolph, look to our horses.

  Exeunt BARDOLPH and PAGE

  If I were sawed into quantities, I should make four dozen of such bearded hermits’ staves as Master Shallow. It is a wonderful thing to see the semblable coherence of his men’s

  55

  spirits and his. They, by observing of him, do bear themselves like foolish justices; he, by conversing with them, is turned into a justice-like servingman. Their spirits are so married in conjunction with the participation of society that they flock together in consent like so many wild

  60

  geese. If I had a suit to Master Shallow, I would humor his men with the imputation of being near their master;if to his men, I would curry with Master Shallow that no man could better command his servants. It is certain that either wise bearing or ignorant carriage is caught, as men take diseases,

  65

  one of another. Therefore let men take heed of their company. I will devise matter enough out of this Shallow to keep Prince Harry in continual laughter the wearing out of six fashions, which is four terms, or two actions, and a’ shall laugh without intervallums. O, it is much that a lie with a

  70

  slight oath and a jest with a sad brow will do with a fellow that never had the ache in his shoulders. O, you shall see him laugh till his face be like a wet cloak ill laid up.

  SHALLOW

  (within) Sir John.

  FALSTAFF

  I come, Master Shallow; I come, Master Shallow.

  Exit

  ACT FIVE

  SCENE 1

  Modern Text

  SHALLOW, FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, and the PAGE enter.

  SHALLOW

  By gum, sir, you will not leave tonight. Hey, Davy!

  FALSTAFF

  Please excuse me, Master Robert Shallow.

  SHALLOW

  I will not excuse you. You will not be excused. Excuses will not be allowed. No excuse will do. You will not be excused. Hey, Davy!

  DAVY enters.

  DAVY

  Here, sir.

  SHALLOW

  Davy, Davy, Davy, Davy, let’s see, Davy, let’s see, Davy, let’s see. Oh yes, right: tell William the cook to come here. Sir John, you will not be excused.

  DAVY

  Well sir, here’s the thing. Those warrants couldn’t be served. And once more, sir, should we plant wheat at the field’s edges?

  SHALLOW

  Plant red wheat, Davy. But as for William the cook—aren’t there any young pigeons?

  DAVY

  Yes, sir. Here’s the bill from the blacksmith for horseshoes and plow blades.

  SHALLOW

  Check the figures and then and pay it. Sir John, you will not be excused.

  DAVY

  Now, sir, we need some new chain for the bucket. And sir, do you plan to dock William’s pay for the wine he lost at the Hinckley fair?

  SHALLOW

  He’ll pay for that. Some pigeons, Davy; a couple of short-legged hens, a leg of lamb, and any fun little fancy dishes. Tell William the cook.

  DAVY

  Is the soldier staying all night?

  SHALLOW

  Yes, Davy. I’ll take good care of him. A friend at court is better than money in your pocket. Take good care of his men, Davy. They’re good-for-nothings, and they’ll bite you.

  DAVY

  No worse than they’re bitten, sir. Their clothes are full of lice.

  SHALLOW

  Good one, Davy. Get on with your work, Davy.

  DAVY

  Please, sir, rule in favor of William Visor of Woncot in his lawsuit against Clement Perkes of the hill.

  SHALLOW

  Davy, there are a lot of suits against that Visor. That Visor is a good-for-nothing, as best I can tell.

  DAVY

  I agree with your honor that he’s a good-for-nothing, but God forbid that a good-for-nothing should be denied a favor when his friend asks for one on his behalf. An honest man can speak for himself, but a good-for-nothing can’t. I’ve worked for you for eight years, sir. If I can’t get you to rule in favor of a good-for-nothing for-nothing once in a while, then obviously you don’t think very much of me. That good-for-nothing is my good friend, sir. So I ask you, please: rule in his favor.

  SHALLOW

  Stop now; I tell you he won’t be wronged. Now get going, Davy.

  DAVY exits.

  Where are you, Sir John? Come, come, come. Take your boots off. Let me shake your hand, Master Bardolph.

  BARDOLPH

  I’m glad to see you, your honor.

  SHALLOW

  I thank you with all my heart, Master Bardolph. (to the PAGE) Welcome, you tall fellow. Come, Sir John.

  FALSTAFF

  I’ll be right behind you, Master Robert Shallow.

  SHALLOW exits.

  Bardolph, get our horses ready.

  BARDOLPH and the PAGE exit.

  If I were cut into pieces, I’d make four dozen bearded broomsticks like this Master Shallow. It’s amazing to see the similarity between his men’s dispositions and his own. They watch him and behave like foolish judges, and he, by associating with them, turns into a judge-like workman. Their spirits are so closely joined by their intimate involvement, they’re like a flock of wild geese that fly in formation. If I needed a favor from Judge Shallow, I would make his men think that I’m a close friend of his. If I needed something from his men, I would flatter Shallow by telling him that no one commands servants better than he does. One thing’s for sure: the behavior of a wise man and that of an idiot are contagious, like diseases. They spread from person to person, which is why people must be careful about the company they keep. I’ll come up with enough material about this Shallow to keep Prince Hal laughing nonstop for a year. That’s how much time it takes for the current fashion to change six times, or for two lawsuits to be completed. He’ll laugh with no intermission. Oh, a lie told with a measure of truth—or a joke told with a serious face—will go far with a young fellow, who has never had his shoulders weighed down by old age or worries. Oh, he’ll laugh until his face looks like a wet coat that was hung poorly—it’ll be all wrinkled from laughter.

  SHALLOW

  (offstage) Sir John!

  FALSTAFF

  Coming, Master Shallow! Coming!

  He exits.

  ACT 5, SCENE 2

  Original Text

  Enter WARWICK and the Lord CHIEF JUSTICE

  WARWICK

  How now, my Lord Chief Justice, whither away?

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  How doth the King?

  WARWICK

  Exceeding well. His cares are now all ended.

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  I hope, not dead.

  WARWICK

  He’s walked the way of nature,

  5

  And to our purposes he lives no more.

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  I would his Majesty had called me with him.

  The service that I truly did his life

  Hath left me open to all injuries.

  WARWICK

  Indeed, I think the young King loves you not.

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  10

  I know he doth not, and do arm myself

  To welcome the condition of the time,

  Which cannot look more hideously upon me

  Than I have drawn it in my fantasy.

  Enter LANCASTER, CLARENCE, GLOUCESTER, and others

  WARWICK

  Here come the heavy issue of dead Harry.

  15

  O, that the living Harry had the temper

  Of he the worst of these three gentlemen!

  How many nobles then should hold their places

  That must strike sail to spirits of vile sort!

  CHIEF JUSTICE

  O God, I fear all will be overturned.