PRINCE HENRY

  He is indeed, and living to kill thee.

  I prithee, lend me thy sword.

  FALSTAFF

  50

  Nay, before God, Hal, if Percy be alive, thou gett’st not my sword; but take my pistol, if thou wilt.

  PRINCE HENRY

  Give it to me. What, is it in the case?

  FALSTAFF

  Ay, Hal, ’tis hot, ’tis hot. There’s that will sack a city. (PRINCE HENRY draws it out and finds it to be a bottle of sack)

  PRINCE HENRY

  55

  What, is it a time to jest and dally now?

  He throws the bottle at him.

  Exit PRINCE HENRY

  FALSTAFF

  Well, if Percy be alive, I’ll pierce him. If he do come in my way, so; if he do not, if I come in his willingly, let him make a carbonado of me. I like not such grinning honor as Sir Walter hath. Give me life, which if I can save, so: if not,

  60

  honor comes unlooked for, and there’s an end.

  Exit

  ACT 5, SCENE 3

  Modern Text

  The KING crosses the stage with his army. The trumpets sound the call to battle.

  DOUGLAS and Sir Walter BLUNT enter. BLUNT is disguised as the KING.

  BLUNT

  What is your name—you, who are attacking me like this? What honor do you think you’ll get by fighting me?

  DOUGLAS

  My name is Douglas, and I’m haunting you in this battle because they tell me you are a king.

  BLUNT

  They tell you the truth.

  DOUGLAS

  Today, Lord Stafford paid for resembling you so well, for instead of you, King Harry, my sword killed him. Now it will kill you, unless you surrender as my prisoner.

  BLUNT

  I was not born to surrender, you arrogant Scotsman. You’re about to see a king take revenge for Stafford’s death.

  They fight. DOUGLAS kills BLUNT. HOTSPUR enters.

  HOTSPUR

  Oh, Douglas! If you’d fought like this at Holmedon, I would never have been able to beat you.

  DOUGLAS

  It’s over, we’ve won: here’s the King, dead.

  HOTSPUR

  Where?

  DOUGLAS

  Here.

  HOTSPUR

  This, Douglas? No. I know this man: he was a brave knight, by the name of Blunt; he is disguised as the King.

  DOUGLAS

  (to BLUNT) Wherever your soul is off to now, let it carry the name of fool! You paid too much for that borrowed title. Why did you tell me you were a king?

  HOTSPUR

  The King has many men on the battlefield disguised in his uniform.

  DOUGLAS

  Now, I swear on my sword, I’ll kill all his uniforms! I’ll murder every item of his clothing, one piece at a time, until I find the King himself.

  HOTSPUR

  Get going! Our side looks like it will win today.

  They exit.

  The trumpets play a call to arms. FALSTAFF enters, alone.

  FALSTAFF

  I could always escape shot-free in London, but I’m scared of getting shot out here. Here, you take it on the head. Wait a minute—who’s this? Sir Walter Blunt! There’s honor for you, but no vanity! I’m as hot as molten lead, and as heavy, too; so God keep the lead out of me. I don’t need any lead bullets in my belly—my own guts are heavy enough. My army of ragged bums has been massacred. Not even three of my hundred-fifty troops are still alive, and the ones who are have run away, to panhandle in the streets. Who’s coming?

  PRINCE HENRY enters.

  PRINCE HENRY

  What, are you standing here doing nothing? Give me your sword. Many good men are lying cold and dead on the ground, with the enemy’s horses galloping over them. Their deaths have not been revenged. Come, give me your sword.

  FALSTAFF

  Oh, Hal, please, give me a moment to catch my breath. No one has ever fought as heroically as I did today. I’ve killed Percy, I’ve made him safe.

  PRINCE HENRY

  You’re right; he’s safe, and now he’s coming to kill you. Now please, give me your sword.

  FALSTAFF

  No, Hal, I swear to God! If Percy’s alive, you’re not taking my sword. But you can have my gun, if you want.

  PRINCE HENRY

  Give it to me. Is it in its holster?

  FALSTAFF

  Yup. It’s hot, hot; it could sack a city. (PRINCE HENRY opens the holster and finds a bottle of white wine)

  PRINCE HENRY

  Is this a time to joke and fool around?

  He throws the bottle at FALSTAFF.

  PRINCE HENRY exits.

  FALSTAFF

  If Percy’s alive, I’ll pierce him. If he runs into me, fine. If he doesn’t run into me, but I run into him, let him slice me like a butcher. I don’t want the kind of honor Sir Walter has: give me life. If I manage to save my life, fine. If not, I’ll have honor that I never looked for, and that’ll be that.

  He exits.

  ACT 5, SCENE 4

  Original Text

  Alarum. Excursions. Enter the KING, PRINCE HENRY, Lord John of LANCASTER, and the Earl of WESTMORELAND

  KING

  I prithee, Harry, withdraw thyself. Thou bleedest too much.

  Lord John of Lancaster, go you with him.

  LANCASTER

  Not I, my lord, unless I did bleed too.

  PRINCE HENRY

  I beseech your Majesty, make up,

  5

  Lest your retirement do amaze your friends.

  KING

  I will do so.—My Lord of Westmoreland,

  Lead him to his tent.

  WESTMORELAND

  Come, my lord, I’ll lead you to your tent.

  PRINCE HENRY

  Lead me, my lord? I do not need your help,

  10

  And God forbid a shallow scratch should drive

  The Prince of Wales from such a field as this,

  Where stained nobility lies trodden on,

  And rebels’ arms triumph in massacres.

  LANCASTER

  We breathe too long. Come, cousin Westmoreland,

  15

  Our duty this way lies. For God’s sake, come.

  Exeunt Lord John of LANCASTER and WESTMORELAND

  PRINCE HENRY

  By God, thou hast deceived me, Lancaster.

  I did not think thee lord of such a spirit.

  Before, I loved thee as a brother, John,

  But now, I do respect thee as my soul.

  KING

  20

  I saw him hold Lord Percy at the point

  With lustier maintenance than I did look for

  Of such an ungrown warrior.

  PRINCE HENRY

  O, this boy lends mettle to us all.

  Exit

  Enter DOUGLAS

  DOUGLAS

  Another king! they grow like Hydra’s heads.—

  25

  I am the Douglas, fatal to all those

  That wear those colors on them. What art thou

  That counterfeit’st the person of a king?

  KING

  The King himself, who, Douglas, grieves at heart,

  So many of his shadows thou hast met

  30

  And not the very king. I have two boys

  Seek Percy and thyself about the field,

  But, seeing thou fall’st on me so luckily,

  I will assay thee. And defend thyself.

  DOUGLAS

  I fear thou art another counterfeit,

  35

  And yet, in faith, thou bear’st thee like a king.

  But mine I am sure thou art, whoe’er thou be,

  And thus I win thee.

  They fight. The KING being in danger, enter PRINCE HENRY of Wales

  PRINCE HENRY

  Hold up thy head, vile Scot, or thou art like

  Never to hold it up again. The spirits

  40

  Of valiant Shirley, Stafford, Blunt are in my arms.

  It is the Prince of Wales that threatens thee,

  Who never promiseth but he means to pay.

  They fight. DOUGLAS flieth

  Cheerly, my lord. How fares your Grace?

  Sir Nicholas Gawsey hath for succor sent,

  45

  And so hath Clifton. I’ll to Clifton straight.

  KING

  Stay, and breathe awhile.

  Thou hast redeemed thy lost opinion

  And showed thou mak’st some tender of my life

  In this fair rescue thou hast brought to me.

  PRINCE HENRY

  50

  O God, they did me too much injury

  That ever said I hearkened for your death.

  If it were so, I might have let alone

  The insulting hand of Douglas over you,

  Which would have been as speedy in your end

  55

  As all the poisonous potions in the world,

  And saved the treacherous labor of your son.

  KING

  Make up to Clifton. I’ll to Sir Nicholas Gawsey.

  Exit the KING

  Enter HOTSPUR

  HOTSPUR

  If I mistake not, thou art Harry Monmouth.

  PRINCE HENRY

  Thou speak’st as if I would deny my name.

  HOTSPUR

  60

  My name is Harry Percy.

  PRINCE HENRY

  Why, then I see

  A very valiant rebel of the name.

  I am the Prince of Wales; and think not, Percy,

  To share with me in glory any more.

  Two stars keep not their motion in one sphere,

  65

  Nor can one England brook a double reign,

  Of Harry Percy and the Prince of Wales.

  HOTSPUR

  Nor shall it, Harry, for the hour is come

  To end the one of us, and would to God

  Thy name in arms were now as great as mine.

  PRINCE HENRY

  70

  I’ll make it greater ere I part from thee,

  And all the budding honors on thy crest

  I’ll crop, to make a garland for my head.

  HOTSPUR

  I can no longer brook thy vanities.

  They fight

  Enter FALSTAFF

  FALSTAFF

  Well said, Hal! To it Hal! Nay, you shall find no boys’ play

  75

  here, I can tell you.

  Enter DOUGLAS. He fighteth with FALSTAFF, who falls down as if he were dead.

  Exit DOUGLAS

  PRINCE HENRY killeth HOTSPUR

  HOTSPUR

  O Harry, thou hast robbed me of my youth.

  I better brook the loss of brittle life

  Than those proud titles thou hast won of me.

  80

  They wound my thoughts worse than thy sword my flesh.

  But thoughts, the slave of life, and life, time’s fool,

  And time, that takes survey of all the world,

  Must have a stop. O, I could prophesy,

  But that the earthy and cold hand of death

  85

  Lies on my tongue. No, Percy, thou art dust,

  And food for— (he dies)

  PRINCE HENRY

  For worms, brave Percy. Fare thee well, great heart.

  Ill-weaved ambition, how much art thou shrunk!

  When that this body did contain a spirit,

  90

  A kingdom for it was too small a bound,

  But now two paces of the vilest earth

  Is room enough. This earth that bears thee dead

  Bears not alive so stout a gentleman.

  If thou wert sensible of courtesy,

  95

  I should not make so dear a show of zeal.

  But let my favors hide thy mangled face;

  And even in thy behalf I’ll thank myself

  For doing these fair rites of tenderness.

  Adieu, and take thy praise with thee to heaven.

  100

  Thy ignominy sleep with thee in the grave,

  But not remembered in thy epitaph.

  He spieth FALSTAFF on the ground

  What, old acquaintance, could not all this flesh

  Keep in a little life? Poor Jack, farewell.

  I could have better spared a better man.

  105

  O, I should have a heavy miss of thee

  If I were much in love with vanity.

  Death hath not struck so fat a deer today,

  Though many dearer in this bloody fray.

  Emboweled will I see thee by and by;

  110

  Till then in blood by noble Percy lie.

  Exit PRINCE HENRY

  FALSTAFF riseth up

  FALSTAFF

  Emboweled? If thou embowel me today, I’ll give you leave to powder me and eat me too tomorrow. ’Sblood, ’twas time to counterfeit, or that hot termagant Scot had paid me scot and lot too. Counterfeit? I lie. I am no counterfeit. To die is

  115

  to be a counterfeit, for he is but the counterfeit of a man who hath not the life of a man; but to counterfeit dying when a man thereby liveth is to be no counterfeit, but the true and perfect image of life indeed. The better part of valor is discretion, in the which better part I have saved my life.

  120

  Zounds, I am afraid of this gunpowder Percy, though he be dead. How if he should counterfeit too and rise? By my faith, I am afraid he would prove the better counterfeit. Therefore I’ll make him sure, yea, and I’ll swear I killed him. Why may not he rise as well as I? Nothing confutes me

  125

  but eyes, and nobody sees me. Therefore, sirrah, (stabs the body) with a new wound in your thigh, come you along with me. (he takes up HOTSPUR on his back)

  Enter PRINCE HENRY and Lord John of LANCASTER

  PRINCE HENRY

  Come, brother John. Full bravely hast thou fleshed

  Thy maiden sword.

  LANCASTER

  But soft, whom have we here?

  130

  Did you not tell me this fat man was dead?

  PRINCE HENRY

  I did; I saw him dead,

  Breathless and bleeding on the ground.—Art thou alive?

  Or is it fantasy that plays upon our eyesight?

  I prithee, speak. We will not trust our eyes

  135

  Without our ears. Thou art not what thou seem’st.

  FALSTAFF

  No, that’s certain. I am not a double man. But if I be not Jack Falstaff, then am I a jack. There is Percy. If your father will do me any honor, so; if not, let him kill the next Percy himself. I look to be either earl or duke, I can assure you.

  PRINCE HENRY

  140

  Why, Percy I killed myself, and saw thee dead.

  FALSTAFF

  Didst thou? Lord, Lord, how this world is given to lying. I grant you, I was down and out of breath, and so was he, but we rose both at an instant and fought a long hour by Shrewsbury clock. If I may be believed, so; if not, let them

  145

  that should reward valor bear the sin upon their own heads. I’ll take it upon my death, I gave him this wound in the thigh. If the man were alive and would deny it, zounds, I would make him eat a piece of my sword.

  LANCASTER

  This is the strangest tale that ever I heard.

  PRINCE HENRY

  150

  This is the strangest fellow, brother John.—

  Come, bring your luggage nobly on your back.

  For my part, if a lie may do thee grace,

  I’ll gild it with the happiest terms I have.

  A retreat is sounded

  The trumpet sounds retreat; the day is ours.

  155

  Come, brother, let us to the highest of the field

  To see what friends are living, who are dead.

  Exeunt PRINCE HENRY and Lord John of LANCASTER

  FALSTAFF

  I’ll follow, as they say, for reward. He that rewards me, God reward him. If I do grow great, I’ll grow less, for I’ll purge and leave sack and live cleanly as a nobleman should do.

  Exit

  ACT 5, SCENE 4

  Modern Text

  Trumpets sound battle calls. Soldiers skirmish. The KING, PRINCE HENRY, injured and bleeding, Lord John of LANCASTER, and WESTMORELAND enter.

  KING

  Please, Harry, get out of here: you’re bleeding too heavily. John of Lancaster, go with him.

  LANCASTER

  I won’t leave, my lord, unless I am bleeding too.

  PRINCE HENRY

  I beg your highness, advance. Your army will lose heart if it sees you falling back.

  KING

  I will. My Lord of Westmoreland, take him to his tent.

  WESTMORELAND

  (to PRINCE HENRY) Come, my lord. I’ll lead you to your tent.

  PRINCE HENRY

  Lead me, my lord? I don’t need your help. God forbid that a shallow scratch could make the Prince of Wales retreat from a battlefield like this one, where great men are falling and being trampled upon, and rebels are triumphing in their massacres!

  LANCASTER

  We’ve stopped for too long. Come, Westmoreland. We have work to do. For God’s sake, come on!

  LANCASTER and WESTMORELAND exit.

  PRINCE HENRY

  By God, you have deceived me, Lancaster. I didn’t think you were that brave. Before, I loved you as a brother; now, I respect you as my soulmate.

  KING

  He had Percy cornered, and he carried himself more bravely than I would have expected of such a young warrior.

  PRINCE HENRY

  Oh, this boy lends us all courage!

  PRINCE HENRY exits.

  DOUGLAS enters.

  DOUGLAS

  Another king! The more of them we kill, the more of them spring up. I am Douglas, and I bring death to everyone wearing that uniform. Who are you, disguised as a king?

  KING

  The King himself. And it pains me, Douglas, that you ran into so many of my shadows, and not me. I have two sons on the field, looking for Percy and for you. But, since you were lucky enough to come upon me, I’ll fight you myself. Defend yourself.

  DOUGLAS

  I fear that you’re another fake; and yet, you bear yourself like a king. Whoever you are, you’re mine, and I’ll defeat you.

  They fight. The KING begins to lose. PRINCE HENRY of Wales enters.

  PRINCE HENRY