I had to laugh. It was pretty funny. “You know they say your children are three times worse than you?”

  Jax turned around and smiled. “God, I hope not.”

  I never wanted to be pregnant before, but ever since losing my baby I’d always been open to feeling that bond again. It was the one thing that Jax had avoided talking about. “What would you do if I called you from another state and told you I was pregnant?”

  He stopped dead in his tracks. “What the hell, Amber? Don’t even say that shit.”

  “Why? We’re not safe at all. We’ve been screwing like rabbits for weeks.”

  “You’re on the pill.”

  “It could still happen.”

  He looked down and sighed. “Listen, you need to understand that up until that shit happened with my brother my future was set. We were going to play football, for as long as we could. I want to be drafted, Amber. That means I’m not going to be able to settle somewhere and raise a kid. Even if I get drafted, it’s a slim chance I’d start. That’s something that needs to be earned. I won’t be able to devote my time to anything else.”

  “So what, you’d expect me to get an abortion?”

  He turned and started walking away from me, tossing his hands in to the air. “I’m not doing this with you.”

  Since I couldn’t have him anymore pissed at me, I decided to drop it until we were home. It was obvious that we had a lot to figure out, even though all signs were pointing to a break up.

  We walked for what felt like forever. Jax turned around seeming excited. “See that over there?”

  In the distance I spotted something that looked like a shed, but it was very dilapidated. “What is it?”

  “It’s our fort.”

  “I’m guessing you built it yourselves?”

  “Yeah. Come on. I want you to see the inside.”

  I kept fighting him from leading me in. “It looks like it’s going to fall apart.”

  “It won’t. I promise.”

  Jax unhooked a rope-tied latch and pushed open the door. Moss covered the floor, but there were two large logs sitting on either side of a homemade table. He pointed to one. “Sit down and wait here. I’ll be right back.”

  I looked around the little area, noticing that the walls, made from old pieces of metal, were covered in greenery and vines. They’d framed the place out on the inside, but nothing had been measured. It was very lopsided.

  I was a little leery about sitting in a filthy shack while he disappeared into the woods. It was like a bad horror movie playing out. I could already read the headline in the news. “Stripper left for dead.”

  I started calling out for him when he didn’t return after a few minutes. Then, in the small doorway he appeared, holding something behind his back. He kneeled down in front of me and took my left hand. A ring, made from a twisted dandelion, was being slipped on my ring finger. “It’s not much, and I didn’t spend a dime on it, but my mom always told me the best things in life are free. So I made this for you. It will probably fall apart before we get back to the house, and it took me forever to find the damn thing. Anyway, I promise I’ll find a way to be with you again. I don’t know how long it will take, but I won’t give up on us, Amber. I can tell it’s bothering you, and since I’m no good at this romance shit, I haven’t got the first clue on how I can make it happen. For the record, if you came to me pregnant I’d be there. I’d find a way to make it work.”

  It was so darn sweet I couldn’t be upset with him anymore. I wanted to believe him, because more than anything else I longed for the same resolution. “I love you too, Jax.”

  He snickered. “I knew it. It’s because I’m great in bed, right?”

  I shook my head. “No.”

  “Is it my large penis?”

  “No, it’s not the Jaxinator.”

  “I don’t have any other good qualities.”

  I placed my hand over his heart. “You have this one.”

  “Oh yeah, that. I’d appreciate it if you kept that to yourself. I don’t want anyone knowing I have a nice side. It would damage my asshole reputation.”

  When I lunged forward to kiss him nothing else mattered. I wasn’t thinking about losing him, or dealing with his family and their assumptions. All that mattered was this embrace.

  As we parted Jax nuzzled his nose against mine. “Why couldn’t I have met you in a few years down the road? Life would have been so much easier.”

  The moment was intense, and I knew it was something I wouldn’t forget anytime soon, maybe not ever.

  “Are you going to come see me play when you can?”

  “If you want me to.”

  He played with my hands, holding both of them with his. “I want to show you off. The guys will be so jealous.”

  “Can we start today over?” This moment between us was making me appreciate the time we had left. I would have to convince Jax that we could work from a distance. He had to know I wasn’t interested in finding someone else, not when I knew my heart had only opened up for him. “How about that swim?”

  Jax smiled, and I knew that look from seeing it many times before. “I’m up for it, but there’s a rule to swimming in the hole. You’ve got to get naked.”

  “Yeah right. It’s a dirty pond. You expect me to take off my clothes?” Was he for real?

  “I’ll be naked too. What’s wrong? Haven’t you ever gone swimming in the nude?”

  “In a pool maybe.”

  “It’s a big brown pool,” he said as he walked out of the little fortress.

  “Thanks for showing me your hideout.”

  “Anything for my girl. I wanted you to have something special, since you feel like you’re stepping in places that Reese has been. For the record I don’t even care about that shit.”

  “What about Jake? He said he needs to talk to you. What do you think it’s about? Does he want to fight?”

  Jax shook his head. “No. Something’s on his mind. I can tell. Whatever it is, I’ll find out soon enough. Jake doesn’t hold things in like me. He’s all about expressing his feelings.”

  “You should forgive him, Jax.”

  “Why?”

  “Do you really have to ask me that?” I wondered if he wasn’t listening to me at all. Were men really this naïve? “If you’re really in love with me, then you won’t care that he took Reese away. You said it yourself. We’d never be together if it wasn’t for them. He asked you if you were good, and you told him you were. Just let it go. You’re going to need him, Jax.”

  “You’re only going to be a phone call away. I’d rather talk to you.”

  “He’s your brother. His love is unconditional, and so is yours. Stop being so stubborn. I know how much pain you were in, but it’s different now. You’ve moved on. At least I hope you have.”

  “Don’t even question that, Amber. I don’t take those words lightly that I said to you.”

  “Good. Then you have no reason at all not to get over the grudge you have against your brother. I know you miss him.”

  He looked straight as we walked down the path, and it was obvious he was torn on what to say. “Of course I do. We were best friends.”

  “You still are. You know it’s true. The only thing keeping you from having your brother back in your life is you, Jax. You’re torturing yourself.”

  He didn’t answer me, but I could tell I’d gotten under his skin. By the time we made it to the watering hole, Jax had become silent.

  I never would have expected to see Jake lying on the platform in the middle, with Reese right beside him. They’d probably come to get away from us, and now we were invading their privacy.

  “Looks like you’re keeping on those clothes after all,” he whispered to me.

  Jake sat up and waved. “Are you coming in?”

  Jax put his arm around me as he spoke. “Maybe later. We need to grab our suits. I don’t want Amber’s nipples getting bit by the snakes.”

  I elbowed him lightly in the gut. “Jax, seriously.”

  He laughed it off and pushed me to keep walking, while he waved goodbye to his brother. “Sorry. I couldn’t help it. Picturing you naked helps me handle awkward situations.”

  “Now where are we going?” I asked.

  He took my hand again and walked at a swift pace. “I have another surprise for you, Amber, and I think it will make this trip all worth it. Just wait until you meet her.”

  Right away I knew who he was talking about. “Are you taking me to see Sarah?”

  “Yep, and she’s going to love you, just as much as I do.”

  Maybe for some people being around a small child would bother them after losing a baby, but for me it was like therapy. Children made me happy, and they overwhelmed me with hope that one day I’d be able to try again. “How did you know I’d be okay about this? I’ve never mentioned her before.”

  “Well, I figure out of every female on this ranch you’ve got the best chance at making friends with her, since she doesn’t have an opinion. Once you’re in with the kid, everyone else will be easy to win over. It’s genius if you think about it.”

  “It sounds like manipulation.”

  “You say tomato, I say…” He laughed. “You get what I mean.”

  As we climbed the stairs to the old farm house I saw his sister, Bella, come outside. She smiled and walked toward us when she realized it was me. “Oh, I was just telling Rusty that I had a feeling it was going to be you walking through the door. Jake mentioned my brother had a thing for you. Jax is relentless when he wants something.”

  “It’s good to see you, Bella.”

  “You too, Amber. Have you been over to the parent’s house yet?”

  Jax answered for me. “Yep. We’ve had it out with Reese and Jake, shocked the shit out of mom and dad, and been accused of being together as some kind of joke. I’m pretty sure my girlfriend is ready to head back to Kentucky.”

  Bella snickered. “Just give them ten minutes. They’ll be fine. My parents love everyone, and if you’re worried about Reese don’t. She’s been kissing up their asses for months now trying to get them to forgive her. Jax may have convinced them to let her start coming around again, but they won’t ever forget she was the reason he went away. Now that I’m looking at the two of you, it seems like you might be the reason he’s come back.”

  This is what I needed to give me hope. I required someone else to see the two of us as a real couple that had a chance. Jax squeezed my hand. “She’s the reason for sure. I just need to convince her to stick around. I was hoping she could meet Sarah, plus I miss the little stink-butt.”

  “She’s inside with her daddy. Oh, and I should warn you, Shalan’s in labor. Noah called me freaking out because her water broke. I think he assumed that the child would just fall out of her vagina. He’s ridiculous. Anyway, when you go home you’ll have to make room for me. I want to get there as soon as possible. It’s not every day that another Mitchell is born into the world.”

  Without anymore small talk, Jax led me inside of the old home. Sitting on the floor with her father was a little blonde girl with ringlet curls in her hair. Her bright eyes stared up as we entered the room. Her smiled melted my heart, and I knew she was exactly what I needed to brighten my worrisome day.

  Chapter 38

  Jax

  Amber interacting with my niece explained it all for me. She was happier than I’d ever seen her, and it made me wonder if a child would be the only thing to finally heal her whole heart. It was also a huge eye-opener. If that was the last piece of her puzzle, I wasn’t sure I would ever be the right fit. There was no way I could be in two places at once, and even if I tried, I knew after a while the distance would become too much. I wasn’t co-dependent, but I certainly didn’t like being alone, especially when I knew she was somewhere thinking of me.

  No matter how much I wanted Amber for myself I knew I couldn’t string her along. It wouldn’t be fair in the long run. It would be selfish.

  With a heavy heart I was fully aware of what was going to happen once I said goodbye and moved back home. I was going to prepare to have my heart ripped apart again, and this time I feared it would be much worse than the first time.

  After our visit with my sister, Amber and I headed over to prepare for the family dinner. It was obvious she was nervous to be at a table with everyone, but I had an idea about how to make her feel comfortable. I was going to show everyone in the room how much she meant to me, even if I knew our time together was coming to an end.

  It took a while for everyone to show up, and I got a little carried away catching up with my cousins that I hadn’t seen in a while. Cassie seemed annoyed at everyone, but it was only because she wasn’t allowed to bring her douche-bag boyfriend anymore. Callie and Cammie were fixed on their phones, giggling like they were texting each other. My stoned cousin Josh actually seemed coherent for once. He was still in high school, but seemed pretty hot and heavy with his girlfriend, that was surprisingly attractive. In the past few months that I’d been away he’d gotten stockier, and from what my Uncle Conner told me, he was starting on the football team.

  Jake and Reese were the last two people to come into the barn. They were holding hands and smiling, and I hated recognizing the look, but I knew they’d had sex. It was funny how it didn’t bother me at all. I met Amber’s eyes across the room, noticing she was holding little Sarah again. My mom seemed to be impressed with how the little girl was already attached to my girlfriend. She came over and handed me something to sit on the table. “She’s good with her.”

  “She’s a nice person, mom.”

  “I’m sorry for being harsh earlier. You surprised me, and I wasn’t prepared how to handle it. For the past six months I’ve watched you and Jake struggling. I saw Amber and assumed this was just another attempt to get to him. Never in a million years would I have seen you falling in love while you were away.”

  “I never said I was.” I was staring at Amber as I said it.

  “Jax, I’m your mother. You two are obviously crazy about each other.”

  “Yeah, well it doesn’t matter. You and I both know it won’t work. Our lives are headed in different directions.”

  “For once you need to stop being stubborn.” She placed her hand on my arm. “If you care about this girl, make it work. Love doesn’t go away. It only grows stronger.”

  I took my mother’s words with a grain of salt, because I had to stick to my plan. I couldn’t let some long-distance relationship screw up my thinking on the field. It was bad enough that I’d be without Jake; the one person I’d played every single game of my life with.

  “Mom,” I said as she started to walk away. “Can you talk to everyone and make sure they’re nice to her. I invited her to come back for Thanksgiving. Even if I’m off at some game and we do it on the weekend following, I want her to come.”

  “Sure, hun. That was nice of you to invite her. Doesn’t she have to spend it with her parents?”

  “We went to see them two weeks ago.” I pulled her off to the side so no one else could hear me talking. “Mom there are things about Amber that you don’t know.”

  “I know about her job.”

  “She quit, and she was only doing it to make end’s meet, because they cut her off. She’s had to fend for herself for along time, and that’s not even the worst of it. She’s friends with Christian because she was one of the other girls that was attacked by that asshole.”

  “Oh my God, that’s terrible.”

  “He got her pregnant, and she lost the baby. She had to endure it all alone, and that’s not even the worst part. When Amber was still in high school she was involved in an automobile accident that took the life of her younger sister. She was the one driving.” I looked down because I felt so bad for her it was hard to talk about it. “Her parents never forgave her. Mom, they treat her like shit. As soon as we arrived I knew I had to get her out of that house. They were adamant about one thing though, they told Amber they would pay for her medical school if she returned home to Ohio. After this semester she’s moving even further away. She doesn’t have a choice, and now she’s out of options. I’m not supposed to be telling you any of this, but I can’t sit around this table with everyone thinking she’s some slutty stripper. Amber did what she had to do to stay afloat. She’s been brave when others would have given up. I admire her courage, even though she doesn’t see it as being that.”

  My mother put her hands up to her face, like she was in utter shock. “That poor girl.”

  “Now you know. Just please talk to dad. It would be cool if we left here on good terms. She means a lot to me, and without her help I wouldn’t be able to be around Jake without feeling angry. Being with her has made me realize that Reese and I were never meant to be. I’m still pissed at what they did, but I want to move forward.”

  My mom hugged me, moving to the side so she didn’t knock the dish out of my hands. “I’m so proud of you, Jax.”

  Her words made me feel happy in the midst of my upcoming demise.

  After the table was full with food and family, we bowed our heads for a prayer. My dad led and when he thanked God for bringing me home, and having Amber with me, it broke me down. This felt so right; like she was meant to be by my side. I reached for her hand and squeezed it tight. While everyone else had their eyes closed, ours met, and I mouthed the words ‘I love you’ to her. Amber beamed back at me, reminding me that she was with the most beautiful person I’d ever met.

  The family was quiet while they all dug in to feast. I missed this, and knew we’d share a couple more meals before we left on Sunday. I looked around the long table and saw everyone sitting so cozy together. After being in a small trailer with a kitchen table that only sat four, I appreciated this huge gathering. This was what home represented for me. Having everyone I loved in the same room brought me joy, when I’d never really noticed it much before. Having Amber by my side only made the moment complete. She was the missing piece to my puzzle, and it was hard to fathom breaking it up and throwing it back in a box on a shelf. I needed to find some of that glue so that we could stick together and never be torn apart. Since I knew in real life it didn’t work that way, I was left to simmer in my pot of frustration. I missed her already and we weren’t even apart.