“I thought I did. I mean, I cared a lot about her, but now I don’t know if I’d call it love.”

  “You’re just being bitter.”

  “No,” I argued. “I love Amber, and I know I never felt this way for Reese. It’s different.”

  “I still can’t believe she gave you the time of day. You’re such a dickhead. Why chicks dig you is absurd.”

  “Fuck off, douche. You’re a sappy homo, who prefers sloppy seconds.”

  “Hey now. Watch where you step.”

  I smiled and shook my head. “Sorry. I get off on reminding you of your screw-ups.”

  When the girls stepped out of the bathroom I think we were both speechless. I knew Amber would look gorgeous, but I couldn’t have imagined that she’d take my breath away. She was wearing a little red strapless dress. It wasn’t tight, or revealing, but it was short enough to make me want to bend her over. “Whoa, baby, you’re stunning.”

  She walked up and planted a chaste kiss on my lips. “If you don’t like the dress I can change.”

  “The next best thing to this attire is being naked, and I know that’s not an option.” Amber laughed and rolled her eyes. “You’re too much.”

  “Are you two good now?” I asked Reese directly.

  She nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”

  Amber tapped me on the side. “Everything’s fine. Stop worrying and take me out.”

  When I took her hand and walked out of my room I knew all eyes would be on us. Amber wasn’t the type of girl that someone could walk by and miss. She didn’t have to do much to look gorgeous, even though on this occasion she’s gone all out. Her straightened hair hung halfway down her back. Her eyelashes were extra long, making her baby-blues bright. When we started walking, I picked her up on my back and carried her so she wouldn’t have to walk in heels. With her legs wrapped around me, I felt like the king of the world.

  I could tell she was nervous when we walked inside. Amber had given up the party life when everything went down with Seth and Christian, and she realized she could have prevented my cousin from being hurt. I knew that still bothered her, and wondered if bringing her out would open old wounds, though she seemed happy and excited to be with me. From the moment we entered the house all eyes were on us. I was used to getting attention. I’d been the starting quarterback for two years, and with that came popularity. This was different. They were in awe of Amber, and I wanted them all to know she was mine.

  It was a good thing she and Reese had worked out their shit, because Amber seemed overwhelmed when some of my friends approached us and introduced themselves. Never once did I let go of her hand. “Do you want something to drink, baby?”

  “Whatever you’re having is fine.”

  I kissed her before walking away to grab us a couple beers. While I waited in a line, a couple of my buddies pulled me off to the side and handed me two cans of cold brew. We shot gunned them, and celebrated, immediately becoming rowdy and making a scene. I saw Amber laughing at me in the distance, up until some stupid little cheerleader walked up and whispered in my ear. “It’s too bad you brought someone.”

  I watched Amber’s face change and knew what she was thinking. Shoving the girl out of my way wasn’t difficult. I didn’t care about her, or anyone else there when it came to my girlfriend. In my defense I’d done nothing wrong, but this chick’s timing couldn’t have been more destructive.

  I followed my girlfriend outside and placed my hands on her hips from behind her. “Don’t you dare get upset about some little tease. She was asking me to hook her up with the kicker on the team,” I lied to make her feel better.

  Amber turned around and I could tell she was jealous. A part of me liked knowing I got under her skin still. “I’m sorry. It’s why this was a bad idea. Jax, I’m kidding myself if I think I can handle us being apart.”

  “Come back inside with me and stop this right now.” I turned her around to face me. “Do I need to make an announcement that I’m in love with you to everyone inside?”

  She looked away smiling. “No.”

  “I will if it makes you feel better. Fuck the haters.” I kissed her knuckles before pulling us back inside the party.

  Reese had gotten us drinks, and Amber seemed to calm down as I stood there holding her in front of me. When a song came on that I knew she liked I saw her spin around with wide eyes. I couldn’t refuse a dance, because I knew guys would be all over her. I handed Jake my drink before being led in the middle of the room, in front of a bunch of people just standing around. Amber started swaying her hips, taking me back to when she danced without a top. Being this close to her while she was doing it was only making my dick hard. I pulled her close, making sure she was grinding all of that energy against me. She turned around and led us to the tempo of the music. I nuzzled my lips into her neck, sucking on her sweet smelling skin. My hands, which started at her waist, had come up to hold her chest and she didn’t push them away. Everyone in the room knew she was mine, and when I turned her around to face me, I made sure they also knew what we’d be doing as soon as we left the party.

  As the song ended, Amber and I separated so she could use the bathroom. Reese went with her to show her where it was, while I headed back to hang out with my brother and our friends.

  They’d been gone for a few minutes before I started worrying. Girls took forever, so I just assumed they were reapplying makeup or something. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted Amber, and then Reese running after her. They passed us, heading outside. I tapped my brother on the shoulder before heading out after them. Reese had her hands up, pacing around while Amber leaned against a tree in tears. I was fast at running, but didn’t get to her soon enough. “What the hell happened?”

  “Some stupid girl started shit in the hallway while we were waiting. She asked me if I liked still fucking you and Jake,” Reese explained.

  “What?”

  Jake was behind me, probably thinking the same thing. “So what? Who cares what some bitch said. It’s not true.”

  I tried to touch Amber, but she pulled away and faced the tree. “What else happened, Reese?”

  “She said you asked her to blow you last week after practice.”

  This could not be happening to me. For the first time in my life I was completely faithful in every way possible, only to have my past reputation bite me in the ass. “I never said that shit. Amber, baby, you’ve got to believe me.”

  She shoved me away. “It doesn’t matter. We talked about this. I knew this would happen. That’s why I kept my distance. I can’t do this Jax. I’m not okay being so far away and not knowing.”

  “But I didn’t do anything.”

  “It was the same girl who whispered in your ear earlier. You know, the one you said was asking about your friend. Tell me the truth, Jax. What did she really say?”

  “Shit!” I didn’t know how to respond, because I had lied. “I didn’t want you to get mad.”

  “I’m done here,” Amber said as she started walking away.

  Reese touched my arm. “I’ll go with her.”

  “Reese, I don’t even know that chick. I’m telling you the truth.”

  Reese smirked and walked away. When I turned to look at Jake he put his hand on my shoulder. “What are we waiting for? If you want the girl, you’ve got to fight for her.”

  “Just shut up and help me.”

  Reese led Amber back to her room. We followed closely behind, not wanting to make her feel smothered. I thought she’d calm down and let me talk to her, but as we reached the door Reese came outside to explain otherwise.

  “She’s upset, Jax.”

  “She’d rather be with you, the person who tried to take her down? The one who made her so upset before?”

  “I said I was sorry, and honestly I owe her. It’s obvious she’s in love with you. I know what it’s like to date the quarterback and have jealous tricks trying to sabotage our relationship. Let me talk to her. I’ll come get you later.” She looked at Jake. “You too.”

  I looked over at my twin and shook my head. “This is so fucked up. What did I do to deserve this?” I sunk down in the hall, as Reese went back inside to tend to Amber.

  Jake sat down next to me and looked forward. “Well this sucks. Thanks a lot for cock-blocking me.”

  “Save it. I know for a fact that Reese likes sex. I’m sure you aren’t going without.”

  “That’s so disturbing.”

  “Seriously, get your head out of your ass and help me. This chick makes me crazy, but I don’t want to lose her. How am I supposed to make this work when she can’t be here for more than a couple of hours without this kind of shit happening?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never had a long distance relationship.”

  “No, you just fuck other people’s girlfriends in broom closets,” I taunted. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself with that one.”

  “Whatever, Jax. Say whatever you want.”

  We sat there in silence until I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood up and knocked on the door. “It’s Jax. Let me in.”

  Reese opened the door halfway. “I told you to wait.”

  I shoved past her. “Go back out with Jake. We’ll be fine.”

  I was determined to work things out with Amber, even though she had other plans for me.

  When I sat down beside her she wouldn’t look in my direction. I put my hand on her thigh and she didn’t remove it. “This isn’t how tonight was supposed to go.”

  “I know,” she said in a low voice.

  “Can we just start over?”

  Amber finally looked in my direction. She lifted her hand and placed it on my cheek. “I’m leaving in the morning, Jax. Please don’t try to talk me out of it. You and I both know this won’t work.”

  “That chick is full of shit. I never asked her to suck my dick.”

  Amber let out an air-filled fake laugh. “It doesn’t matter. Don’t you see that I can’t be far away from you wondering if someone else is trying to take you away? I won’t be able to focus.”

  “I know you still love me. Don’t do this.”

  “I’m sorry,” she cried. “I have to.”

  I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. “This can’t be goodbye. You’re my girl.”

  Amber leaned her head on mine. “Jax, it has to be. Please don’t make this any harder than it is. I don’t regret coming to be with you. I needed to see you surrounded by friends. You’re going to need them.”

  “You’re not walking out this door until we work something out. Do you hear me?” I was determined, adamant, and desperate all at the same time.

  Amber kissed me slowly. I could taste her tears on my lips. “You’re a beautiful man, Jax Mitchell. Thank you for showing me that I could love again. I hope in time we can be friends, because you know me better than anyone else.” She began to sob heavily. “I’ll cherish the short time we were together, and how it felt to be loved by you. Please just promise me two things.”

  “What?” I was falling apart, fighting from losing my shit in front of her.

  “Promise me that you won’t push me to reconsider, and that you’ll forgive me one day for breaking your heart.”

  My ears started to ring, as if my emotions were taking over my body, preventing me from hiding them. I could feel my own eyes burning as I fought back proof that she was shattering me to pieces. As much as I understood the why, I couldn’t believe it.

  “I love you, Amber. Just remember that when we’re apart.”

  She nodded and I stood up. I couldn’t sit there with her and keep my cool. She went straight for the knife and drove it into my heart, twisting it around with her confession of it being over between us. Discontent, I rushed out of the room ready to hurt anything that got in my way.

  Chapter 43

  Amber

  I left North Carolina that next morning, before the sun came up. Thank God Reese and I had worked out our problems the night before, because I would have been lost without help. Facing Jax would have destroyed me, and I knew I wouldn’t have been able to walk away.

  Reese drove me to my car at the farm, so I wouldn’t have to face him again. She’d stayed up with me all night while I bawled and fought myself for pushing him away. I think it was then that she actually grasped how much he meant to me.

  During the short ride she tried her best to comfort me, telling me that Jax was a good guy, and how he’d never cheated when they were together. She tried explaining how girls were always throwing themselves on the guys, and it took her a long time to be able to handle it.

  Though I appreciated her advice, it wouldn’t change my mind. I had to walk away from Jax, because I wasn’t strong enough to stick around.

  When I got home Christian was waiting for me, after hearing from Jax. She offered me a shoulder to cry on, promising she wouldn’t bring him up anymore. His phone calls became so frequent that I changed my number, just wanting to free myself from the constant guilt that overwhelmed me.

  I missed Jax, so much that I literally ached, but it changed nothing.

  I’d watch him play when the games were on television, silently, in the house we shared for a short time. I stared at the screen, just for a chance to capture a close up of his perfect face. I watched his hand gripping the pig-skinned ball, and his voice as he called out to his receivers.

  No matter how hard I tried to look away I couldn’t.

  During the week I threw myself into my last semester of college, and tried to mentally prepare for my move back to Ohio. All of my life I’d wanted to go to medical school, yet here I was, so close to making it happen, and I didn’t even care.

  Desperate for closure, I convinced myself that my heart was making me have second thoughts.

  Christian remained my steady friend, always spending extra time trying to cheer me up. She said I was depressing to look at, and that she’d never seen someone go from looking like a model to wearing sweatpants every day. I knew I was pathetic, but I didn’t even care. In fact, I knew I was giving up, slowly withering away until there was nothing left to live for. It was sad that I felt like I couldn’t move forward without his love. I didn’t understand how our short relationship could impact me so much.

  To make money, I started babysitting for Shalan and Noah while she was recording a new album. I enjoyed watching their little one, because let’s face it, only a baby could put a smile on my face.

  One day, after she’d returned home, I was sitting on the couch with her and Christian. They were discussing the album, and how every song told a story. She said that the directors were letting her have a say in who was going to star in all of the videos. I wasn’t paying a lot of attention to it, because it wasn’t my business.

  All of a sudden Christian stands up and points to me. “I have a great idea. You could use Amber.”

  “What?” I was in shock.

  “You’ve been dancing since you were little, and let’s face it, you belong on a magazine, even in that awful outfit you have on.”

  I shook off her sarcastic comment about my hoodie. I’d stolen it from Jax, and it was way too big, but my favorite to cuddle up in. “You’re crazy. I haven’t danced in months.”

  Shalan turned her attention to me. “She’s right. You’d be great behind the camera, and we could keep it in the family. Plus, the money is hard to refuse. Did you want to talk to them?”

  I shrugged. “I have no idea.”

  “You could be famous,” Christian added.

  “You’re being ridiculous.”

  “No, she’s right. Have you ever thought about modeling?”

  “Not really.” The truth was that after Meg’s accident I hadn’t thought about anything except moving forward. I didn’t think I deserved anything better.

  “It’s settled. We’ll get together with them and see if you’ll work for the part. It will be eight separate videos, shot in different places. Of course they’ll pay for everything, and I’ll be with you.”

  Christian clapped her hands together. “This is so exciting. They won’t refuse you, so long as you don’t wear that.” She reached out her hand for me. “Come on. It’s time to dust off your closet and pull out the flat iron. We need to practice getting you ready.”

  For the next few days my nerves got the best of me. I’d been in the spotlight as a dancer, but never imagined getting behind a camera. Still, something about this opportunity interested me. I was excited, and optimistic about it. The only thing missing was Jax. I wanted to call and tell him the news. Without much thought I plugged in his number and listened as it began ringing.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Jax.”

  “Amber?” I didn’t know whether he seemed excited to hear my voice, or upset.

  “It’s me. I know it’s been a while.”

  “You changed your number. I asked Christian and Shalan to give me your new one, but they refused.” He paused for a second. “How are you?”

  “I’m okay,” I lied.

  “Yeah, me too. I’m not great, but I get by.”

  It hurt me. “I didn’t call to hurt you, Jax.”

  “Why did you call then? I mean, you ripped me to pieces and refused to talk to me when you knew you were the only person who could make the pain go away.”

  “I’m sorry. Maybe this was a mistake.”

  “Yeah, it probably was.” He hung up before I could think of what to say next.

  Suddenly my excitement had vanished and all I felt was the gut-wrenching truth of what I’d lost.

  A few hours later my phone chimed with a message, and it was from Jax.

  I may not have handled that call properly. I was in the middle of something, and I took it out on you. – J

  Forget about it. I won’t bother you anymore. – A

  I cried myself to sleep that night, searching my soul for some kind of reprieve.

  Two days later I met with the producers, and much to my surprise, they presented me with an offer I couldn’t refuse. The next week I was sitting in Shalan’s agent’s office in New York, signing a bunch of contracts. Everything was happening so quickly that I didn’t have a moment to sit back and realize that my future was changing.