couple years you’ve been hidin’ from your past. As much as I want to think that it’s easy to come here and let things go, I know it’s not. I think it would be best if you stayed for a while to figure out what’s next for you. Clearly you’ve got a ton to deal with.”

  “My life is in Kentucky with you. Where is this coming from?”

  “Russell Tillman belongs here in Indiana, runnin’ an animal clinic. He doesn’t have to shovel shit and deal with my family any longer. Don’t you get that? You don’t have to hide anymore.”

  He sat down next to me and looked out into the distance. “I get what you’re saying, but you’re missing the most important thing. My life is in Kentucky with you.”

  “You’re not obligated to stay with me because you promised to be the father to my child. That’s what I’m tellin’ you. Rusty, I can’t expect you to commit to a life raisin’ another man’s child. We should be goin’ out on dates and doin’ what new couples do, instead of movin’ in together and plannin’ a family.” I couldn’t believe those words were coming out of my mouth. It had to be the adrenaline, causing me to have the strength to say what was on my mind. I didn’t want Rusty feeling like he settled. I wanted to be together because he loved me, and then fell in love with my daughter.

  Again, it all went back to me not knowing if he’d chose to be with me because I gave him back some kind of stability. I wondered if his feelings for me were only there because he was desperate to feel something again, after so long.

  It was as if each time I felt content, something would happen to make me question it all. With a growing baby inside of me, I had to make a decision to protect her. I had to do what was best.

  He reached over and put his hand on my knee, waiting for our eyes to meet before he spoke. “In some ways I agree with you, but in others you’re very off base. The bottom line is that I can’t keep trying to reassure you of something you’re never going to be able to accept. I could tell you that I love you every

  second of every day, but I don’t see it ever being good enough. I get that our relationship is unconventional, but it’s real. Can’t you see that?” His eyes were so filled with pain, albeit they couldn’t change the way I felt.

  “I think you need to stay here, Rusty. Get things handled. Help your parents. When you get all of that taken care of, we’ll see where we’re at,” I was almost losing it as I spoke. As soon as the sentence was done I began to sob. My body trembled and I felt him putting his arms around me.

  We sat there for the longest time in silence, both of us not knowing what to say to change each other’s minds. I knew he didn’t want me to go, but it was the right decision. I wanted him to know without a doubt what he wanted before the baby was born.

  Chapter 34

  Isabella

  We couldn’t move forward until we dealt with the past. Rusty had been brave going back home and facing his

  buried fears. I watched him suffer through so many emotions, and felt the pain of his insecurities. In order for him to love himself again he had to be able to accept that he couldn’t change what happened to his girls. They were gone, and he had to keep living. He couldn’t hide from his old life and pretend that it never happened. These were his demons, and until he figured them out there wouldn’t be a future for us.

  After a very long and emotional discussion we came to an agreement that I’d catch a flight to spend my weekend with my parents, and Rusty would pick me up on the way home. It wasn’t exactly how I wanted to spend my weekend, but it sure as hell beat being freaked out for another two days.

  On the bright side of things my parents were excited to see me. My mom planned a whole day trip so that we could shop for the baby’s room. I’d talked about a pink room for a long time, but ended up going with a soft yellow. While in town we were going to get me registered for baby supplies, and with my mom’s help I’d be able to get everything that I actually needed, instead of picking the things that seemed utterly adorable.

  Obviously, my parents required an explanation of why I’d flown in from Indiana, without my boyfriend. I could tell from the look on my dad’s face that he wasn’t going to let me go more than five minutes without explaining. After he put my bag in the back, he climbed into the driver’s seat and turned to face me. “What happened, Iz? Do I need to kick some ass?”

  I rolled my eyes. “No, Dad. It’s not like that.”

  He reached over and tugged on my ponytail as he spoke. “Did my little girl get her feelings hurt?”

  I swatted his hand away from my hair. “Stop. He’s in Indiana dealin’ with his family. It’s complicated, but I couldn’t stand bein’ there.”

  “Uncomplicate it.”

  “Fine, but I’m only tellin’ you because you’re my dad and I trust that you won’t make a big deal out of it. Apparently I’m a dead ringer for Rusty’s ex. I about gave his mother a heart attack. To make matters worse his parents bought his old house and made it a shrine. It’s creepy as shit. I had to get away from all of it, and I even feel bad that I left Rusty there. It was quite obvious that he didn’t even want to be there.”

  “Hold on. Are you telling me that you look exactly like his dead wife?”

  “We could be sisters.”

  My dad seemed to be as shocked as I was when I first discovered it. “I’m probably not supposed to say how weird that is.”

  I put up my hand. “Seriously, Dad. I love the man, but it still gets to me.”

  “Honey, are you sure that he’s not trying to replace what he lost? It seems to me like that could be happening. I just don’t want you getting yourself involved with a man long-term that’s in it for those reasons.”

  I knew by telling him it would open a can of worms that I wasn’t in the mood to discuss. Still, I knew I had to defend my relationship, even if sometimes I felt the same way. “At first, before I would give him the time of day, yes. He was most definitely obsessed with me because I reminded him of her. I felt like he was stalking me. Come to find out, it was because I resembled Simone so much. When we started bein’ friends all of that changed. He saw me for who I am, and not who she was. Trust me, Dad, I would have never given him the time of day otherwise.”

  “If that’s the case then just appease me with this. How many times has he called you Simone?”

  I didn’t have to think about it, because the answer was obvious. “Never.”

  “There’s your answer. If Rusty had some hidden complex about you becoming his ex wife, he would have slipped by now.”

  He was absolutely right. Maybe it took my dad giving me the advice to realize it. I think a part of me would always wonder if the little things I did reminded him of her, but for the most part that could happen in a relationship. We’re all human, and we share the same tendencies. It was only natural for me to say or do something that would remind him of his old life.

  I just needed to learn that we we’re going to make our own memories. “He’s a good man, Dad. I promise.”

  “You know,” he paused to pull out onto the main highway. “Your mom is so excited to take you shopping tomorrow. I think she might be a little too excited about being a grandmother. She had me up in the damn attic last week digging around for your old stuff.”

  “Did you find anything good?”

  “I found your rocking horse I made you. There was a crib up there, and a changing table. Most of your clothes went to your cousins, but your mom saved some of the special things.”

  “Is the crib in good condition?”

  “It is, but we were thinking we could get a new one for your house, and keep the old one here, for when you come to stay with us, which we hope is more often. I’ve got a feeling your mom isn’t going to want to be away from that baby for long periods of time.” I couldn’t help notice that my dad wasn’t talking about his excitement. It could only mean one thing.

  “Dad, are you mad at me for gettin’ knocked up?”

  He peeked at me before turning his attention back to the road. “I’m not going to lie and say that thinking about my daughter with a man doesn’t disturb me. You’re always going to be my little girl, Iz. Nothing can change that. As far as being mad at you, well that’s not the case. I think it’s more of a personal fight with myself. You see, I always pictured having grandkids, but never before I had white hair and balls that sagged down to my knees. Since none of that has happened yet, it’s freaking me out.”

  “Dad, really? I don’t want to hear about your testicles.” Leave it to him to make a joke out of something serious.

  “You’re my daughter. Anything that comes from you is also a part of me. You’re a reflection of me and your mother. I know you’ll be a good mom, and I’ll be very proud of you.” This was yet another reason why I’d never felt adopted by my dad. He believed with his whole heart that I was his child. It only personified the relationship that we had. It also reminded me that Rusty could be the man that I wanted him to be.

  “Thanks. That means a lot to me.” It did too. Of all the people in my life it had been my father that I looked up to the most. Making him proud had always been a reward.

  Pulling up at our farm was always an exciting feeling. It would always be my home, no matter how old I’d gotten.

  After a nice dinner I retreated to my room to get some much needed rest. Before tucking myself in, I pulled out my phone to call Rusty. Since we’d been living together I’d convinced him to get one. It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours and I was already missing him.

  How is it going? – I

  I miss you something fierce. Spent some time with my dad today. It was good to see him after so long. My mom says she’s sorry again. It’s going to be hard sleeping without you tonight. – R

  I just got into bed. Dreading waking up without you next to me. I miss you too. Going to register for the baby in the morning. – I

  I love you, Isabella, not because you look like someone else, or because you’re carrying a baby in that beautiful body of yours. I love you because every second with you makes me happy. I hope you know that. – R

  I love you too. I’ll call you tomorrow. – I

  It was easier to be able to sleep alone knowing that he was thinking about me. Questioning the way he felt was silly, especially when I knew in my heart that his feelings were genuine. When I closed my eyes I thought about my little girl, and how she’d want for nothing. It certainly made me feel content.

  Chapter 35

  Isabella

  My mom woke me bright and early to get started on a day of shopping. She fed me pancakes before we were off on

  our girl’s day. Being with her, alone, was so special to me. It wasn’t that I minded having my brothers, because I didn’t. It was just that sometimes I wanted her all to myself.

  My mom parked the car and we headed into the huge baby store. Because I basically needed everything, we decided to separate with the scanners to cover more ground. My mom was going to handle all of the necessities, since she knew about them more than I did. My job was to pick out décor, and bigger items like strollers and swings.

  I made my way to the aisle with all of the car seats and started looking at the features of each one. When I approached the third one, a gentleman was squatting in front of it appearing to have been checking out the wheel mechanism. After noticing that this model converted for when the child outgrew it, I wanted to find out more about it. I bent over, trying to read the tag without being in this particular guy’s way.

  That’s when I saw him.

  My eyes did a double take and I took a few steps backward. “Tate?” I couldn’t believe that it was him. Did he know I was pregnant? Had my brother’s told someone, who had in turn told him? My life was flashing in front of my eyes as I stood there contemplating what I was going to say to him. Still, I couldn’t figure out why he’d even be in this kind of store, unless he was somehow making an attempt to win me over, by showering me and my baby with expensive gifts.

  “Bella? Holy shit. What are you doing here?” “I could ask you the same thing.” I watched as his eyes scanned my belly. “Holy shit. You’re

  pregnant?” He didn’t know. Confusion hit me all at once as I tried to

  figure out why he’d be in this store if he’d not learned about my pregnancy. “Obviously.”

  I waited for him to do the math, but he didn’t even seem interested. “Well, it’s good to see you. I know I was shitty to you on the phone when you called. Everything was a mess for a while.”

  “So it’s better?” I wanted to know.

  He nodded and smiled. “Yeah. Actually, it it’s great. For a while I thought that giving up was my only option, but something happened, and now it’s all how it is supposed to be. What you did to me was wrong, but it made me see what I’d been doing. I treated you and Jenn badly, and neither of you deserved to be lied to.”

  “I’m glad you feel that way.” The baby started to kick, causing me to hold onto my belly. Just as I was about to say something I saw Jenn heading in our direction.

  Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn’t the only one carrying a child. Tate’s child. She placed her hand on her bump and walked toward us, before realizing who I was. To say that she was in shock would have been an understatement, especially when she noticed my appearance. “Tate, honey, I was looking everywhere for you.”

  The first thing after noticing her pregnancy was the huge diamond that she had on her hand. With one quick glance I noticed the band on his left finger.

  “So you guys got married? That’s great.” I wasn’t lying. It was good that Tate had a life now. His life would no longer be something I felt guilty about.

  “I thought you moved away, Bella.” I could see in her eyes that she was assuming Tate was lying again.

  “I did. I live in Kentucky with my boyfriend.” Tate’s eyes were on me, as if I’d kicked him where the sun didn’t shine.

  “How far along are you?” Her question made me freeze. We could all do the math in our heads, especially with her pregnancy due date probably being so close to mine. This was my opportunity. The decision had to be made.

  “I’m just five months along. How about you?”

  She looked at Tate before answering. “We’re seven months along, right baby?”

  Tate gave her a worried smile. “Yeah. Seven months now.”

  “Well, for all that it’s worth, I’m glad you to are so happy. Congrats on the baby and the marriage.”

  I turned to get the hell away from both of them, felling as if the room had suddenly begun to spin. If I didn’t find some fresh air and a seat I knew I’d be waking up on the ground. I no sooner found the rocker section and sat down when I saw Jenn approaching me. Tate was nowhere near her and I had no idea what was about to happen.

  “Bella, can I talk to you?” I nodded, even though I was freaking out. “Sure.” “Listen, I know you hate me, and that you probably think I

  had it out for you. I honestly didn’t know about you for a long time. When you sent me that video it killed me, but I dumped him. I couldn’t trust him anymore.” She looked down at her belly. “Then I found out I was pregnant. I thought about having an abortion, but my heart wouldn’t let me. I’ve loved Tate since we were kids, so my decision wasn’t hard to make. We got married before telling my parents, so that they couldn’t try to talk me out of it.”

  “Why are you tellin’ me all of this? I have nothin’ to do with Tate.”

  “I need you to be honest with me, Bella. When I came around that corner and saw you in your condition one thought crossed my mind. I may be way out of line, but I need to know if that baby is Tate’s. I know you slept together, so just tell me. Please.” She started to break down in front of me, as if my being there was destroying her happiness. It was at that exact moment when I realized that I wasn’t ever willing to destroy their happiness, mostly because I wanted the same for myself. “This baby isn’t Tate’s, Jenn. It’s my boyfriend, Rusty’s.”

  She smiled through her tears and nodded. “That’s really good to know.”

  My mom came out of nowhere with her hands full of items. “You okay, Bella?”

  I stood and walked toward my mother, waving to Jenn as we left the aisle. The moment we were away from her, I grabbed the stuff in my mom’s hands and sat it down, then pulled her out of the store as quickly as I was able to move.

  “Bella, what is the matter with you? Is it the baby?”

  I fell into my mom’s arms, clinging to her as I started to collapse. The rush of emotions overwhelmed me, sending me into a uncontrolled crying fit.

  We stood there in the middle of the parking lot until I could calm down enough to explain. “The baby is fine, Mom.” We climbed into the car and I wiped my tears with a napkin. “There’s somethin’ I need to tell you. You’re probably never goin’ to forgive me.”

  “The baby is Tate’s, isn’t she?”

  I nodded and looked at my mother. “How do you know that?”

  “Mother’s intuition.”

  “No, really. How did you know?” I was going to kill Jake and Jax if they’d told her.

  “There’s a couple of reasons. The first is that I knew you went to see him when you came to visit last time. Then at the party you asked me about Tucker. You’ve never asked me about him, Bella. It was a dead giveaway.”

  “He can’t find out, Mom. He can’t ever find out.” “Bella, are you with Rusty, or is he just coverin’ for you?” “We’re together. We’re in love, and he wants to raise her as

  his own. Please don’t tell Daddy. He’ll never forgive me. Nobody will.” I continued to be over-emotional, realizing that this could destroy the relationship I had with my family.

  “This decision is yours to make.”

  “That female in the store was Tate’s wife. She’s pregnant and they went and got married. Don’t you see? He’s already got a baby on the way. He’s got a second chance at a future with her, and I have a new life that doesn’t include him. This secret needs to be buried. My baby is goin’ to be Rusty’s. He’s goin’ to raise her as his own.”