He didn’t let me finish. He kept kissing me, leaving me weak in my knees. When he pulled away his head rested against mine. “We can do this,” he said softly, as if he was unsure himself.

  “It’s getting harder by the second,” I admitted.

  “There’s something I need to say to you.”

  “I’m listening.” We stared at each other, and it made me feel so connected to him.

  “I’d never get bored of loving you. There’s not going to be anyone else. I lied to you last night, because I was hurt and angry. I did things that I’m not proud of, because I couldn’t handle seeing you with him. I won’t lie like that to you again.”

  I wrapped my hands around his back and kissed him one more time. Our lips lingered there for a moment. “I think we can call it an even fight. We know just what to say hurt each other. That only tells me one thing.”

  “What’s that?” He asked.

  “It tells me that I’m going to do whatever it takes to be with you, because you know me better than anyone else. It tells me that I’ve been blind for too long.”

  The closet door opened and a janitor stood there looking at the two of us. I quickly obtained my bag and tossed it over my shoulder. Jake did the same and we hustled out before it caused a scene.

  As we separated to head back to our dorms I could already feel myself missing him.

  Chapter 23

  Jake

  Here’s the thing about family. I’d been taught since birth that it meant everything. That’s why I knew I could turn to them when I felt like my life was spinning out of control.

  My drive to the farm wasn’t without fear. My father had warned me to stay away from her, and I hadn’t heeded it. I’d let my heart take control, and there was no way I could go back. I loved her too much; more than ever before. I refused to let it go.

  My mom knew something was wrong as soon as I walked in the door. With my niece attached to her hip, she greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. “Hi, honey. You didn’t call and tell me you were coming home. Are you hungry?” When she turned back around to look at me she could read the anguish across my face. “Oh no. What’s wrong?”

  I placed my hand on the countertop as she continued to tend to dinner. “I screwed up, mom.”

  She kissed Sarah and put her down on the floor to roam around. “What do you mean? Did you get a girl pregnant?”

  I laughed off her assumption. “No.” After covering my face with my hands I looked into her worried eyes. “I wish that was it.”

  “Then what is it? Is it your classes? Did something happen with your brother?”

  “I’m in love with Reese,” I blurted out.

  If my mother’s expression didn’t say she was shocked then her next comment would. “No. You wouldn’t.”

  I covered my face again, because it was better than seeing her disappointment. “I couldn’t help myself.”

  “How long have you felt this way?”

  “Pretty much since the first time we met. I’ve just kept it to myself so Jax wouldn’t freak out. He’s my brother, and I respected that he got to her first.”

  “Please don’t tell me something happened at the cabin. I knew going there was a terrible idea. I could feel that one of you kids were in trouble, but after Jax had the accident I thought that’s all it was. Tell me I’m wrong, Jake. Tell me you didn’t do anything to jeopardize your relationship with your own brother.”

  I remained quiet. She knew the truth already, even if she was unable to accept it.

  “Jacob Mitchell. Oh my God. How could you…Does Jax know?”

  I finally let my hands fall down. “No. He doesn’t have a clue.”

  “I should have known that girl was trouble. He’s never dated someone like her.”

  “Mom, it’s not her fault, not entirely. I tried to fight it, I swear I did. We both did. Maybe if we wouldn’t have been drinking it would have been easier. I don’t even know at this point.”

  “You’ve got to fix this.” She was so upset she had to sit down across from me. “You can’t be with her.”

  I sighed and felt a burning sensation in my eyes. My poor mother didn’t even know the worst parts yet, and she was already giving me a look like I wasn’t her son. The idea of hurting her, and everyone else was devastating.

  “It’s too late, isn’t it, son?” My dad’s voice caught me off guard. He came walking out of their bedroom with the same grimace as my mom. “You didn’t stop like I told you.”

  “I can’t, dad.”

  “Wait, you knew about this? Ty, how could you keep this from me? This affects all of us.”

  “I didn’t tell you because I trusted that our son had enough sense to back off. I expected him to love his brother enough to protect their bond.”

  How was I supposed to plead my case when I knew I was in the wrong?

  “I tried.”

  “Well you didn’t try hard enough!” My dad yelled.

  “Babe, don’t raise your voice in front of Sarah.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry won’t get you your brother’s forgiveness. Trust me. I know.”

  I didn’t feel like hearing his story again. “Look, I didn’t come here to fight. I came here because I thought you all had the right to know what’s going on. I’m not doing this to hurt Jax. I’m doing it because I love her.”

  “I take it he has no idea,” My dad said sarcastically.

  “No. Reese is waiting until after the game to break things off. Then, after some time passes we’ll start dating. I’m doing the best I can here.”

  “It’s not good enough, Jake. There are boundaries you shouldn’t ever cross. You can’t expect us to be okay with you stealing the happiness out from under your brother.” My mom was clearly upset. She turned around and grabbed a paper towel to wipe her face.

  “Dad, I swear I tried. I fought it for so long.”

  He patted me on the back. “Call your Aunt Van. Talk to her. I can’t give you the advice you’re looking for. I’ve been lied to, and had someone I loved taken from me. I’ve been on Jax’s side. I’m sorry, son, but I can’t condone what you’re doing, even when I know I wasn’t meant to be with your aunt. The pain was real, and it’s something I’ll never forget.”

  “I don’t want to involve her.”

  “She’s coming to the game, Jake. The whole family is. This is a big deal for all of us. They’re going to figure it out.”

  “No they won’t,” I argued.

  “Trust me. If I figured it out so will they.”

  I looked down at my hands; the ones that had been all over Reese just an hour before. “I get that you’re both mad. I know it’s hard to grasp. I’m not asking you to approve, but I do hope that when it’s all over I still have a place to come home to. I love this family, and especially Jax.”

  “This will always be your home, Jake. Don’t you ever feel like you can’t come to us,” my mother announced.

  “Thanks. I’m just going to head out to the barn. I need some time.”

  “Jake, before you go, have you considered what all this will do to Jax? She’s the first girl he’s ever loved. This isn’t just about the breakup. He’ll never forget this.”

  I looked down, understanding that my decision to be with Reese had dire consequences. “I know. Trust me, I get it. I know what’s at stake.”

  “I’m just making sure. The repercussions of what you’ve done with this girl will haunt you for the rest of your life. Are you really willing to risk it?”

  I nodded immediately. “Yeah, dad. I am. She’s worth it. You might not understand, but I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”

  I walked outside knowing damn well that they’d never forgive me either. It was unsettling, especially considering how close our family was. My mother came running out to meet me halfway between the house and barn. “Jake wait. I don’t want you thinking you can’t come to us. Your dad has hard feelings when it comes to this subject. You have to understand that there’s two sides to all of this. Your brother is hard to deal with, and he’s not as mature as you. As much as I’d like to blame Reese for all of this, I can see her attraction to you. We were all surprised when your brother brought her home. She’s not the kind of girl I expected him to be attracted to, but she’s kept him grounded.”

  “Mom, I came here because I’m tired of lying about it. I don’t expect you to not be angry. What I’m doing is so wrong. Trust me, every time I’m with Jax I feel like shit.”

  “If anyone can get through this it’s you. You’ve always been the strong one. If Jax needs us we’ll be there. He’s going to need you too, even if he says he doesn’t. He won’t just be losing his girlfriend. He’ll feel like he’s lost you too. You’re going to have to be patient with him. He’s stubborn like your dad.”

  “I know. I promise that every move I make I’m thinking of him first. I’ll do everything I can to prevent losing him.”

  “I love you, Jake. I’m upset, but I do love you.”

  I hugged my mom and looked toward the house, seeing my dad holding little Sarah. He was probably telling her to stay away from guys like me when she got older. I couldn’t blame him. Like he said, he’d been on the other side.

  Since I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t call Reese, I stared down at my phone feeling like I didn’t have anyone to talk to. It was weird, because we’d never been that close before, but I found myself dialing Christian. It took a few rings for her to answer, making it even better for my mood when she did finally pick up.

  “Hey, cuz. Did you change your mind about Amber?”

  “No. I still need her to come. Thanks for that. She messaged me right after we talked.”

  “No problem.”

  The line got quiet. She was probably wondering why I called to say nothing at all. “So you should send me a picture of your friend.”

  “If she’s going to be your fake girlfriend, what do you care what she looks like?” She teased.

  “Just send me a picture. I’m curious. Besides, I want to at least pretend I’ve seen her before.”

  “Okay. I’ll have her send you one. I don’t think I have any. I’m not really the type of girl that takes selfies every five minutes. I think there’s more pictures of the horses than me and Ethan.”

  “That’s sad, Chris.”

  “It really is. Oh, hey, are we supposed to know about you and Amber? Is there a story we’re going with?”

  I sighed and thought about all the bad things I’d done to torture my cousin in the past. I felt terrible about it, especially after what happened to her. Sexual assault wasn’t a joke. She’d have emotional scars forever. “Chris, thanks again for this. Seriously, I know I don’t deserve your help. I’ve been an asshole for a long time.”

  “We’re family. I’ve learned to put the past behind me.” She was stronger than she gave herself credit. I was proud of her.

  “It’s a good way to live. You don’t have to make up a story. Jax will be preoccupied. He won’t even care to know her name, more or less when we started talking. I’ve already planted the seed anyway.”

  “So I’ll see you in a couple days then. I can’t wait. Ethan’s going to wear your team colors. He doesn’t even like football.”

  I laughed. “It’s all good. You being there is enough support. I’ll see you in a couple days. Be careful traveling.”

  While I’d been talking to Chris I’d missed a call. Reese’s number showed up on my screen and I wasn’t sure if I should call her back. We’d said we were going to stay apart, but what if she had a problem? I couldn’t stand not knowing so I called the number back.

  “Hey. I just wanted to say hi,” she said as she answered.

  “Hey yourself.” I couldn’t tell her about my family. She’d just get upset.

  “I miss you.”

  “I miss you too. What are you doing?”

  “Waiting for Jax. We’re going to get some dinner. How about you? He said you weren’t around.”

  Suddenly I was drowning in a pool of jealousy. “I’m at the farm.”

  “What if I can’t go through with it, Jake?”

  I reached for a beer out of the refrigerator and started drinking it. “Can we talk about something else? I’m not trying to be ignorant, but I need a break here.”

  “Sorry.”

  “I’m not mad. I know it’s hard. I don’t like thinking about it. It makes me want to scratch out my eyes.”

  I heard a message coming through on my phone. “Hang on a second.”

  Nothing could have prepared me for the image that came up on my screen. The chick that Christian was bringing as my pretend girlfriend wasn’t just attractive. She was smoking gorgeous. Wearing nothing but a skimpy outfit and knee high boots, she was posing in some kind of professional shoot. Behind her was a pole that she was leaning on.

  “Jake, are you still there?”

  I placed the phone back up to my ear, silently kicking myself for asking my cousin to help me. When Reese saw this chick she was going to go ballistic. I couldn’t even make this chick look ugly. Now, in my eyes she’d never compare to Reese, but I knew how she felt regarding Britney. This would send her over the edge. “Yeah, sorry. Listen, there’s something I need to tell you. It’s about the friend my cousin is bringing.”

  “What about her?”

  I took a deep breath. “She’s…”

  “Jax is knocking on the door. Just message me. I’ll make sure I check it when he’s not around. Keep it clean. No notes like in class.”

  She hung up without saying goodbye, probably because he was impatient and still banging on the door.

  I looked at Amber’s picture one more time before closing my phone. I couldn’t send that to Reese. She’d freak out, causing alarm with Jax. We were already involved in a hurricane of hell, so I wasn’t going to feed the problem with more negative vibes.

  My objective was to keep calm, and be there for Reese when she needed me. Nothing else could come between us, I wouldn’t let it.

  Chapter 24

  Reese

  Jax walked in the room like he owned the place. He smelled like he’d just showered, and was wearing nicer clothes than usual. “Hey, baby. You ready to head out?”

  “I think we should talk about earlier first, don’t you?”

  He shrugged. “Not really. I mean, you’re not pregnant so why fight about it?”

  “Seriously? Do you not see how terrible you sound?”

  He pulled me close and tried to kiss me. I backed away because I was annoyed. “Sorry. I’m not getting into this with you. I don’t want a kid, and I especially don’t want a girlfriend with an over-stretched pussy.” He snickered when he said it like it was meant to be funny. I didn’t find humor in it at all. In fact, I’d never wanted to smack him so badly. “Are we going to dinner or not?”

  I had to keep him happy. I kept reminding myself of that, yet struggled with the concept, especially when he was being such a douche. “I guess.”

  “Well get your coat and come on. Please drop the baby talk. We don’t need to agree on that subject right now.”

  While Jax drove my car to dinner, because his was totaled during his accident, I stared out the window and thought about what he’d said.

  Over-stretched pussy kept repeating, to the point that I wanted to scream.

  Jax started singing some rap song on the radio at the top of his lungs. He placed his hand on my thigh as he repeated the chorus. “I’m going to bend you over and give it to you good. You’re going to thank me later. Cause’ I’m hardcore pimping. That ain’t no joke. Players going to hate cause’ they can’t be me…”

  I tuned him out after he kept going with the lyrics. The song was awful, but more than that I continued thinking of other things, including where his hand was, and how I wished it was his brother’s.

  Throughout dinner I continued to pick at little things he said. He could tell I was annoyed, but didn’t let up.

  “Can you pass me the salt?”

  I did what he said, thinking he was going to shake some on his food. Instead he loosened up the bottom so that the next person to lift the container would have it bust on them. He cackled and looked around to make sure nobody was watching. “Our poor waitress.”

  “Fuck her. She hasn’t even refilled my soda.”

  “Jax, seriously, watch how loud you say that.”

  He placed his hand up to his mouth. “Sorry, baby. I’m just trying to get you to smile.”

  I smiled so he’d stop it. “Happy now?”

  His smile diminished and was replaced with a sad frown. He reached across the table and took my hand. I didn’t pull away. “No, I’m not. I hate when you’re not happy.”

  “I’m fine,” I argued.

  “I miss you.” He peered into my eyes, and I could already tell what he was missing. “After this can we go back to my place? Jake’s probably staying at the farm tonight. He’s a momma’s boy.”

  I couldn’t say no. I’d made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going to put up a red flag. I had to be his girlfriend. I still cared about him very much, and we had shared a lot of good times. I’d never hate Jax, which made it hard for me. Most relationships end because one person has done something wrong. Mine was going to end because he hadn’t done enough, not for me at least. Plus I’d cheated. Factor that in and I was in a heap of a mess.

  “Your bed’s more comfortable than mine. We can stay at your place,” I assured him.

  “What are we waiting for?” He raised his hand up in the air. “Check please!”

  During the ride home Jax laced his hand with mine. He kept looking at me and smiling, mostly because he was about to get laid.

  Inside I was cringing. I was about to sleep with him only hours after having been with his brother. It wasn’t just wrong. I felt ill. I wished that they were more similar to me so I could pretend they were the same person. That would solve all of my problems.

  I decided to throw myself into the evening and give it my all. It was important to me to be able to say goodbye. Jax wasn’t as passionate as Jake, so it would be easier to have sex without so much emotions. Each time I’d been with Jake it was deeper than just sex. Jax usually had one mission, and that was to get off. It was the only real thing keeping me able to rationalize with what I was about to do.