Though I didn’t exactly know what to say, I knew she was safe now. “You’re goin’ to be okay, because I won’t let this destroy you. We’ll figure it out together, no matter how long it takes.”

  The most reassuring thing happened after I’d made that claim. Chris turned around and wrapped her arms around me, placing her head on my chest. “I can’t do this without you. I thought I could, but you know it’s not true. I feel so lost.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ve got you now, and I’m goin’ to make sure you find yourself again if it’s the last damn thing I ever do.”

  Chapter 18

  Christian

  I don’t even remember the drive to that old abandoned house, and for me to unconsciously want to revisit that place made me cringe. Had Ethan not been there I don’t know what would have happened. Due to my recent ordeal, I was unable to make rational decisions. I couldn’t care less about returning to my classes, or keeping up with my studies, even though I’d requested my work from my professors.

  All I wanted to do was lay around and dwell in my own misery, waiting for the day I woke up and the pain ceased to exist. Imagining that day was the only hope that I had left, and as the minutes passed I was starting to become increasingly concerned that it may never happen.

  Ethan didn’t have to drag me out of that house. I walked in front of him, hoping to never visit it again. He was adamant about me staying at his place, but I declined. I knew I’d be crying all night long, and he’d feel obligated to stay up with me even though he knew he had class in the morning. Just because my life was going to shit, didn’t mean his had to as well.

  When Ethan dropped me off at my house I felt scared about walking inside and seeing Becca. Somehow I was going to have to pretend that we’d never talked about my experience with Seth. It irked me that she couldn’t give me the benefit of the doubt and believe that I’d been assaulted by one of her so-called friends.

  Even with the world closing in around me, I still longed to be accepted. I wanted normalcy, however I was able to get it.

  I hadn’t expected the house to be filled with people, and I certainly didn’t expect a bunch of dirty looks as soon as I stepped foot through the threshold.

  “Chris. We’ve been waitin’ for you to get back,” Becca said.

  I hugged my sweater around the front of me feeling like everyone in the room was watching me. “What’s up?” I pretended to be calm, even though I was trembling.

  “After speaking to everyone in the house we think it would be best if you moved out. It’s just not workin’ havin’ you here. We need a roommate that we can trust.”

  “You can trust me,” I said in almost a whisper.

  “Did you really tell Becca that Seth raped you?” The question came from across the room, and I was shocked to see that it was Mila.

  I headed in the direction of my room, only getting halfway there before she was up in my face. “What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue you fuckin’ skank?”

  I shoved her out of the way, getting inside of my room before she could catch me. Once my door was shut the yelling and banging began. “Open the door you little slut. Why can’t you talk to me face to face? Come out and look me in the eye and tell me that my boyfriend raped you. We both know it’s not true. You’re nothin’ but a trick he messed around with. When you found out he was spoken for you thought you could fuck with his life, didn’t you? You thought you could turn everyone against him?”

  I sank down to the floor, covering my ears, but it still didn’t keep me from hearing her bashing me.

  I hadn’t even noticed that all of my belongings had been tossed around the room. My clothes were ripped out of my dresser, and even my laptop was shattered in the far corner.

  The more they yelled the more the room started spinning. I got nauseous, swearing that at any second I was going to fall unconscious. As quickly as I was able, I pulled out my cell phone and called Ethan. He’d just be arriving back to his place, but I knew he’d turn around to come get me.

  With the loud slamming still going on in the background he picked up the call. “Hey, you okay?”

  I was crying, but able to get out a few words. “I need you to come back and get me.”

  “What’s that noise?”

  “They went through my things. They broke my computer with all of my school work. They’re forcin’ me to move out, Ethan. They said they want me gone.”

  “What the fuck? I’ll be there in five minutes.”

  “What did I ever do to deserve this?” I literally began to bawl. They were laughing from the other side of the door, becoming enthused that they’d gotten to me in such a way.

  “We’ll grab your stuff and you don’t ever have to go back there. Hang tight. I’m already in my car.”

  All of a sudden I felt beating against the door my back was against. “Open up, whore. Someone’s here to give you a good time.”

  I closed my eyes and prayed that they’d stop.

  “Kick it in. I’ll record it and put it on YouTube,” I heard a female voice saying.

  I quickly backed away from the door, watching as it opened without being kicked. “These doors are easy to jimmy open,” someone giggled.

  Appearing in the doorway was the devil himself. Seth stood there, a big smile on his face as if he knew he was God’s greatest gift to the world.

  I backed away further, distancing myself from the monster he was. “Please don’t.”

  He moved forward, rushing toward me. I closed my eyes, burying my head between my legs. I could literally feel the floor vibrating with each of his steps. He leaned down until his hot, familiar, alcohol breath was near my face. “Are we having fun yet?”

  I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even move.

  “Did you really think anyone would believe a nobody like you? Did you think they’d help you take me down? You’re nothing but an easy fuck. I took what I wanted and you’re pissed it’s over. Get that through your head and walk away. I won’t let a little bitch like you ruin my life, do you hear me?”

  I nodded my head, not even knowing if he noticed. I couldn’t open my eyes and see him so close to me. The pain of rehashing the awful event was making me dizzy again.

  The loud taunting from the living room was feeding the atmosphere around me. The negativity was preventing me from standing up for myself. I was outnumbered, and belittled, lost in an environment set out to destroy me.

  Seth grabbed me by the hair, pulling it back and forcing me to look at him. My lips trembled as I kept my gaze on him. I was petrified of this guy, and people were laughing at that. “Check this crazy bitch out.”

  They were laughing more; laughing at me, making me want to close my eyes and never wake up. They were awful people, feeding off his essence while they cut me down and ripped me apart. Everything I ever thought I wanted was hidden behind a sick façade of evil people.

  Then I heard his voice; my knight in shining armor. It got louder as he came into the room. Suddenly Seth’s hold was released. He backed away from me, holding his hands up when he saw the size of Ethan; though both muscular, years of working on a ranch had given Ethan more definition. It was very clear who’d win a fight.

  “You have one second to get the fuck away from her before I kill you.”

  Seth kept his hands up. “We were just talking, dude. You can have her all to yourself now. I’ve already had my fill.”

  I heard the sound of the punch before looking in their direction. It was apparent who’d thrown the punch. While Seth covered his face with his hands, blood was pouring out between his fingers. Ethan reached his hand out, pulling me up and leading me out of the house. We didn’t take time to gather my things, and honestly I wasn’t worried about them. All I wanted to do was get as far away from those people as I possibly could.

  I’d like to say that I calmed down once I was in the security of his vehicle, but it was impossible to settle myself. Too much had been said for me to sit back and relax. I was the laughing stock of everyone, and soon they’d probably share the video with fellow peers from school.

  I felt Ethan’s hand lacing with mine. He squeezed, giving me a silent reminder that he was there with me. I refused to pull away, knowing for certain that he was the only real person in my life that I could turn to. I’d wanted to die back in that room until I heard his voice. In that moment of despair I knew he was there to save me.

  “Thank you,” I managed to get out.

  “Don’t you dare thank me. It’s takin’ everything in me not to go back there and kill every one of them.”

  “They aren’t worth it.”

  “Yeah, but they deserve worse. I heard what he said to you. Our call never disconnected. I heard that bastard tauntin’ you. If I could reach through that phone and choke him I would have.”

  I wanted to smile. I needed to. It just wouldn’t happen. I’d been through too much, and though I’d tried to be strong, they’d broken through my temporary wall of solitude and gotten straight to what I had left. I was nothing, and the idea of being whole again was so far out of reach it was impossible to imagine.

  “I wish he’d killed me in that house, Ethan. I don’t want to feel this anymore. Please make it stop. Make it go away.”

  I don’t remember talking after that statement was made. The next thing I knew I was being carried inside and laid down on top of his bed. He didn’t bother removing anything but my shoes before covering me up. I didn’t let myself fall asleep until I felt him climbing on the mattress. When Ethan took my hand I knew I was safe. That’s when I finally let myself go.

  When I woke up to the sound of a rooster I realized I was back at the ranch. My bedding, a black and white tree theme, let me know I was in my own room. A warm body was nestled next to me. His hair was shabby making me think it was Ethan's. I reached my hand over to touch him, and when I did I got the shock of my life. It wasn't Ethan in my bed, but Seth. I screamed and opened my eyes realizing I was in a dark room.

  The figure beside me pulled me close and kissed my left temple. "You're havin' a nightmare, babe. Go back to sleep. No one can hurt you now. I promise," he said in a groggy voice. With my heart still feeling like it was beating out of my chest I lay there awake, in the pitch black room. Had it not been for Ethan's hold on me I may have gotten up to get a glass of water, but I knew feeling protected was more important than being a bit parched.

  There was a time so recent that I would have loved being this close to him, knowing it always lead to intimacy. It pained me to imagine ever doing that again. The thought of sex made me queasy, and I didn't see it going away anytime soon. For the most part I needed exactly what Ethan was giving me. He was my hero; the one person that would ride through the gates of purgatory to save me. While wide awake, I replayed the events of the day in my head. It was revolting how my peers had believed a liar over me. Seth may have been popular, but he was a known cheater. For them to gang up against me was surprising, to say the least. My mind wandered, sending me to consider my options. With no one willing to collaborate my story, I was left to either go to extremes to save my dignity, or surrender to the fact that he was never going to be punished for what was done to me.

  Ethan stirred and woke to find me staring at him. It would have been nice to conjure up a half-smile, though I found it impossible. "What are you doin' awake?"

  "I can't sleep," I confessed.

  He moved the hair away from my face. "Are you frightened?"

  "Not when I'm with you." I didn't have to be embarrassed when it came to Ethan. I'd spent years opening up to him. Even in my current state I knew he wouldn't dare hurt me.

  "That's a step in the right direction."

  "All of my stuff is probably ruined. How am I goin' to explain that to my parents?"

  "Say the house got robbed."

  "Where am I supposed to live? It’s too far into the semester to apply for housing."

  "You're stayin' here with me. It's small, but we'll make it work."

  Chapter 19

  Christian

  Was he crazy? Did he really think I’d be able to stay with him when I knew it was because I had nowhere else to go except back to the ranch? Did I think that I’d be alright with him pitying me?

  I wasn’t going to let him do that, no matter how desperate I was. “Ethan, as much as I appreciate the offer, I think it’s best if I make other arrangements. I can’t be a burden to you.”

  He chuckled. “Seriously? You a burden? That’s not possible. Besides, I could use the company.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You have plenty of company. I hear all about them.”

  He cleared his throat and looked away. “Yeah, well that’s different. It’s just sex with them, Chris. We’re not even on a last name basis when they leave in the mornin’. Havin’ you around will be good for me.”

  If he was trying to convince me to stay he was doing a horrible job at it. Reminding me of his lifestyle made me want to grab my purse and run out of there, before I’d have to tolerate any more pain.

  “It’s not goin’ to happen. You’ll end up blamin’ me for your failing sex life. The next thing you know we’ll be partin’ ways as friends, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t have many other people linin’ up to hang out with me.”

  “We’ve been friends for a long time. Do you honestly think I’d let some chick come between us?”

  I shrugged. “I have no idea what goes through your head in a single day.”

  “I’m tellin’ you right now, I want you to stick around.” I got this weird vibe like he was getting agitated with me. Since I knew how much he liked having late night visitors it made no sense.

  Secretly I felt like me staying with him could help with my jealousy issues; if no woman could come around to steal him away from me then I’d have nothin’ to worry about.

  Then I came to the realization that it was going to be a long time before I could trust even my best friend in a sexual way. Every time I imagined being touched it felt like tiny pins were being jabbed into my skin. Closing my eyes only made it worse, because I envisioned my attack repeatedly. “I’m hungry.” I changed the subject, feeling like our conversation was getting us nowhere, and requiring me to use too much of my energy, when I knew I needed to conserve it.

  “Do you want to go out?”

  I nodded. “No.” I didn’t want to go out in public, because I knew that if I ran into anyone I’d have to rehash the events again. I couldn’t face them, not now, and probably not ever.

  “Chris, you know you’re goin’ to have to talk to someone about this. It’s obvious that you’re scared, and I’m not goin’ to push, but it’s crucial to seek professional help. You’re not the only woman that this has happened to. I’ve been readin’ up on this, and there are support groups in the area we could go to.”

  “Stop it!” He said he wasn’t pushing, but that’s exactly what was happening. “You want me to go out in public and tell my story to a bunch of strangers? Are you out of your mind?” I could feel my body shaking as I spoke, reminding me how upset the mere mention of it made me.

  “I never said that. You don’t have to share your story. A lot of people go there to listen. Maybe it would help to hear other people that have gone through similar circumstances.”

  I got up and walked out of the room, refusing to hear him out. He didn’t understand that I needed to bury it. I wasn’t like those other women. Talking about it made everything come back full-force. I couldn’t continue to dwell on what Seth did to me, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to broadcast it to a room full of strangers.

  Ethan found me a couple minutes later. He was eating a small bag of chips and offered me one. “I know you’re pissed, and you think you know what’s best for you, but you’re wrong. Let’s go to one meetin’. We can sit in the back and listen to one story. If you want to leave after that I won’t fight you. We’ve got to do somethin’, Chris. If you’re not willin’ to call the damn police at least come to a meetin’ with me, because I can’t sit here and watch my friend witherin’ away. Don’t you get it? This isn’t just hurtin’ you. It’s tearin’ me apart to see you this way. It kills me to see you wantin’ to give up. That asshole did somethin’ horrible to you, and it can’t be forgiven, but you can learn to move forward despite what’s happened. It ain’t goin’ to occur overnight, and I’m certainly not expectin’ a miracle, but dammit you’ve got to keep going. You’ve got to want to overcome this. Please, if not for me then do it for yourself.”

  I stood there completely dumbfounded, staring into his lost eyes. I’d been too annoyed to hear that he too was suffering. “You’re right.”

  He stepped forward and grasped my hands, keeping his gaze on me. “I just want you to be happy again. We’ll figure it out. I promise you we will.”

  When he let go of my hands I wrapped mine around his back, burying my head against his chest. “I’m afraid.”

  Feeling him kissing me on the top of my head was always his trademark, except for this time. I knew it was assurance that he was going to see this through, no matter what he had to do to make it happen. “Don’t be.”

  An hour later we were walking out to his vehicle to head to the closest meeting. I got about four feet from his car door before noticing something was written all over his passenger side window.

  The words LIAR and WHORE were capitalized in what looked like white paint. I froze in place, watching as Ethan circled around the car. “What the fuck?”