I tried to imagine that I was a hooker, paid to satisfy as many men as possible. That only made me feel worse. Before going inside of his shared dorm room, where I’d have to look at Jake’s bed and try my hardest not think of him, I checked my phone. He still hadn’t sent that message.

  Jax didn’t light candles or set the ambience in the room. He pulled me into a deep kiss. His fast paced tongue played against mine while his hands were already pulling off my top. I helped him remove his own shirt and was immediately shoved against the door. He pushed off my body in order to see all of me. Then he dipped down and tugged off my pants. I crossed my legs, feeling uncomfortable being this way with him. It felt like the first time instead of the thousandth. “You’re so fucking sexy.” I was surprised when he began kissing my inner thighs. Jax never liked foreplay. He said it was a big waste of time. I closed my eyes and focused on the pleasure it brought me to be touched so tenderly. I had to stay involved, or else he’d know my heart wasn’t in it.

  Jax spread my legs apart, stood up and dropped his jeans to our feet. He ripped a rubber package open and applied it, as if he’d had it in his pocket the whole time we’d been at dinner. He stepped out of his pants the rest of the way and picked me up. It was so much like my experience in the closet with Jake that I couldn’t get it out of my mind. He brought his lips up to mine and reached forward. “I’m not going to last long, because you held out on me this week. Tell me how bad you want this cock.” He rubbed it against my pussy, and I couldn’t deny that it felt good.

  “I want you,” I barely managed to whisper.

  “Oh yeah, I’m going to give it to you so good. He entered me, fast, sliding halfway in and then drawing back out all the way. With his hand, he slapped lightly on my lower lips. I closed my eyes and tried not to like it. I fought with the fact that I was only turned on because he knew where to touch me. I wanted to hate everything about it, but as he kept going, I’d stopped fighting. The next time he entered me I wrapped my legs around him. This was Jax. I knew the difference, and for the next few minutes I promised that this was going to be our goodbye.

  He carried me clear across the room, laying us down on his mattress. I raised my arms above my head and let him have his way. When he flipped me around I was caught off guard. Jax preferred being behind me. He started going at it pretty hard, making me moan as the intense bursts of pleasure were hard to deny. I could feel his balls slapping over my skin each time he filled me with his length.

  He slowed down, I think because he was close. When he pulled me up to stand I was pretty surprised. Jax led me over to the other bed. I froze in place, unable to even conceive that he wanted us to go at it there. “No way,” I fought.

  “Lay down and hold up your legs. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

  I should have done something, or persuaded him to go back to his own bed. Anything would have been better than lying down and lifting up my legs. With my back where Jake laid his head at night and dreamed of us being together, I watched Jax narrowing in. He slammed inside of me, making it hard to keep holding onto my feet. His pace was rabid, and as his face tightened I knew he was about to blow. “Oh yeah, here is goes. Tell me you love me, baby. Tell me,” he requested.

  “I love you,” I cried out, just as their bedroom door opened.

  Nothing, and I mean nothing at all could have prepared me for the pain and anguish that I saw on Jake’s face. My God I didn’t even know how I’d ever be able to look at him without feeling ashamed, and devastated.

  The worst part was that Jax started to laugh. While Jake stood there speechless, literally falling apart in front of us, his brother was making a mockery out of the ordeal. “You should probably change your sheets, dude.”

  I’d already started crying, even before I managed to pick up all of my clothes and run into the bathroom. While I scrambled for my phone, I noticed a message from Jake.

  On my way back to campus. Can I get a kiss goodnight? – J

  I fell to the floor, covering my mouth to hide my cries. I’d never wanted to die more than that exact moment. I was the scum of the earth, and Jake was my innocent victim. I didn’t deserve someone as beautiful as him to love me. I didn’t deserve anyone.

  Chapter 25

  Jake

  This couldn’t be happening. Anything but that.

  While my eyes tried to focus on what I was seeing the room began to spin. Never, in a million years could I have expected this. I’d only come back to the campus to see her. While I was dreaming of our future she was spreading her legs and professing her love for my fucking brother.

  Was everything we shared a joke to her? Was she playing both of us, because what I’d just witnessed was as real as it gets.

  “You should probably change the sheets, dude.” My brother’s bragging words made me want to kill him. I couldn’t control what was happening inside of me. I wasn’t invincible. I had a breaking point.

  As I lunged toward my brother I watched his eyes widening. He threw up his arms after pulling his boxer shorts up to his waist. “Whoa, I was kidding. I didn’t make a mess.”

  We were inches apart. I could have hurt him without effort. I was that angry. “What the fuck is your problem?”

  “Dude, we got carried away. Don’t get pissed. It’s not like you haven’t done it before.”

  I shoved my brother, causing him to fall back on his own bed. “Fuck you and that little bitch in the bathroom. When I get back she better be gone!”

  Jax started coming after me. He had no clue why I was flipping out. How could he? It wasn’t like his precious girlfriend was ever going to tell him.

  I’d been played, and there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t tell my brother and break his heart. I had to walk away.

  “Jake wait. What’s your deal, man? You’ve walked in on me dozens of times. I know you’re not pissed about that.”

  “Leave me alone, Jax,” I said as I grabbed a couple things to put in my bag. “It doesn’t matter. I’m out of here.”

  He put up his hands. “Okay. It’s all good, bro. I’ll see you later I guess.”

  “Yeah,” I smirked. “Just make sure she’s gone when I get back. I don’t feel like dealing with anymore bullshit today. You should probably go stay with her tonight.”

  I slammed the door when I left. Knowing she’d heard everything I said, I walked down the hallway. I made it to the stairs before sinking down on a step and covering my head. I couldn’t believe what I’d seen. Even worse, I couldn’t understand how I’d believed every word coming from her mouth.

  When a couple needed to get by me, I exited the building quickly, hoping they hadn’t seen my face. I wasn’t a pussy, but this was too much for anyone to handle. This pain, this torturous truth I’d been faced with, had destroyed me. She didn’t just rip out my heart. She’d cooked it, and cut it into pieces again. I was lost; unable to come to grips with my actions, or the fact that I’d gone against everything I’d ever stood for.

  By the time I made it to my truck I couldn’t find the strength to drive anywhere. My chest felt heavy, and I was finding it hard to catch my breath. She’d done this to me. She’d ruined my life, and then fucked my brother with a smile on her face.

  I hated her. I hated her so much that every tear pouring out of my eyes represented the amount of apologies I’d have to say to get forgiveness, from myself and everyone else I’d destroyed out of selfishness.

  I’d put her on a pedestal only to find that she was nothing but a succubus.

  Over and over my phone rang, but I refused to look at it. I knew the number that was calling, and could only imagine the kind of lie she’d have to make up to even sound believable.

  It took two hours for me to calm down. I’d shed my last tear and turned my pain into regret. I’d prepared for having to see her, and walked in another direction to avoid it. I’d get through this, and I’d spend my last ounce of energy making sure Jax found out what a terrible person she really was. I’d make sure he was done with her, even if I had to get him drunk, and have the pussy waiting in his bed for him. I’d go to those extremes to rid her from our lives. Never again would anyone have the opportunity to come between us.

  Jax beat on my window before opening the truck door. I looked around to make sure he was alone before saying anything. “You’re scaring the shit out of me, bro. Talk to me. What’s going on with you?”

  I placed my hand on my brother’s shoulder and looked him in the eyes. “I’m sorry, man. It’s not you. I never should have freaked out like that.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Not really. I’d rather go get a beer with my best friend.” I meant it. Jax was my better half. He was the brave one. If the roles were changed he would have been able to resist temptation, because there was plenty of pussy to go around. He wouldn’t have been like me and become obsessed with what I shouldn’t ever have.

  “Now you’re talking. Let’s get fucked up!”

  We walked to the local pub and found a seat at the bar. It was a weeknight, so the crowds were minimal. After two draft beers were served to us in frosted glasses, we held them up and toasted before taking our first sips. “Here’s to us. Fuck everyone else,” I announced.

  “Yeah, fuck, em.”

  Three beers in we were involved in a dart game that was tied. Being with him like this kept the pain at bay. Jax had a way of distracting me, he always had. I used to get in trouble at school because his antics caused me to laugh and disrupt the class. I was his greatest fan, and nothing would change that, especially not some lying whore.

  After seven beers we were both in bad shape. When three sexy women walked into the bar it was like sonar radar closing in on a target. Jax whistled and acknowledge what I’d already laid eyes on. “Ladies, you’re just in time,” he said. “Come meet my handsome brother, Jake. He enjoys long walks on the park and carriage rides in the beach.”

  I knew he was drunk, so I didn’t correct him. The girls seemed to think he was kidding around. I could already tell they liked what they saw, even if inside I was a fucked up mess. “What brings the three of you out on this fine evening?” I asked.

  “We just wanted to have some fun.”

  Before I could stick my foot in my mouth and say something I’d regret, my brother did it for me. “Listen ladies, my brother’s had a real bad day. How about you come back to our room and we’ll be sure to give all three of you a good time?” He pulled his shirt up and showed them his muscular abs. “Come on, how can you resist this? Double the fun, guaranteed.”

  They giggled and carried on amongst each other. As shocking as it was they agreed to follow us home. While walking Jax seemed so into it. He talked about the two blondes, and how he could tell they were going to be the most flexible. He talked about being with both of them at the same time, and when they heard what he’d said they didn’t correct him.

  I was feeling too good to consider he was going to pull a fast one. We’d no sooner walked into our room and turned on some music when he announced that he had somewhere else to be. I tried not to think about where he was going, even though it still cut like a knife.

  Minutes later I sat on my bed with three beautiful chicks staring back at me on Jax’s mattress. “So, it’s just one of you now. We’re just wondering how you think you can handle all three of us.”

  It wasn’t my intention to want them. I wouldn’t have even hit on them if Jax hadn’t been with me. Yet, there they were, a few feet away from me with no strings attached. They wouldn’t tell me lies, or break my heart. They wouldn’t fuck my brother on my bed after sleeping with me hours before. Okay, that was actually a possibility, but they wouldn’t do it out of spite. They couldn’t hurt me, because they’d never have my heart. “You’d be surprised how much I can handle. Why don’t you come on over here and let me show you a little something.”

  I watch them deciding who was going to make the first move. It was comical to see them so willing. “We know who you are. We’ve seen you play football. If you’re half as good as you are on the field than we’re going to have a great time.”

  One of the blondes was the first to stand up. She ambled my way, not stopping until she sank down between my legs, kneeling to be eye level with me. She leaned in to kiss me, but my phone ringing stopped her. I came in the rest of the way. “Ignore it.”

  I’ll give her a six for trying, but her kiss didn’t compare to the demon who’d ripped out my soul. When she pulled away my phone started to ring again. I rolled my eyes and reached for it, thinking it had to be Jax checking on me. I put it up to my ear not even having enough sense to check the caller ID first. “Yeah, I’m kind of in the middle of something.” I put the phone away from my mouth to address the girl in front of me. “Why don’t you go over there and kiss your friends. I’ll be right with you.”

  “Jake.” I heard someone calling my name. Remembering that I had a call, I put the phone back up to my ear. “Make it quick. I’ve got three chicks across from me making out. Dude, get your ass back here and enjoy this with me.”

  “This isn’t Jax, you asshole!”

  I knew who it was right away. Startling the girls, I jumped up and began hollering. “Asshole? Fuck you!”

  “No fuck you! How could you?”

  “How could I? How could you? You ruined me. You fucking ruined my life.”

  While the girls gathered their things and left me in the room alone, I continued yelling. “What kind of person comes between two brothers like that? I thought you loved me. You’re nothing but a fucking liar.”

  “Oh I’m a liar. You told me to sleep with him.”

  “I didn’t tell you to fuck him on my bed. I heard you, Reese. You told him you loved him, ON MY BED. You spread your legs wide open and let him have his way, and you liked it. Did I even cross your mind? Did you think of me at all while he was fucking the shit out of you, or are you that evil that you didn’t even care?”

  She was crying bad, but I didn’t care anymore. I was done listening. “Jake, please. That’s not what happened.”

  “Listen to me, Reese, because I’m not going to repeat myself again. Stay the fuck away from me. We’re done. D.O.N.E. Done!”

  When I hung up the phone I looked around the room to find that I was all alone. It pissed me off even more.

  Before I could sit down to sulk Jax came back into the room. Right away I knew something was wrong. He looked right at me, and for the first time since we were kids I saw him crying. “Reese just broke up with me.”

  Chapter 25

  Reese

  This couldn’t be happening. Not after what I’d just done to Jax. How could he dismiss what we had without talking to me? What he saw, what I was doing, it had destroyed everything.

  I was so distraught after Jake walked in on me and Jax that I had to get out of there. I refused to answer my phone, so Jax had come over and tried to talk to me. He was more concerned about his brother than why I was freaking out, which I found rude. If he was there to check on me why couldn’t he shut up about Jake? I was already feeling like I’d ruined everything, I didn’t need a blow by blow of how it happened.

  After a while I told him he had to go. I was worried about Jake too, so I told Jax to find him and make sure he was okay. I had no idea he’d take him to a bar all to pick up girls to take back to their room. What irritated me the most was that Jax was happy about it. He was drunk and going on and on about one of the blondes. He’d even made it a point to let me know that if I didn’t exist he’d be right there with his brother getting some.

  I was irate. He’d never disrespected me so badly before, and in my current condition I snapped. Nothing he said could have calmed me down. He’d made it clear that Jake was about to fuck three girls. My mind went back to Jake telling me about the last time he’d been involved with multiple girls at once. The bile rose to my throat and I went crazy.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Jax. I can’t even look at you the same.”

  “Baby, I’m just kidding. I’d never cheat on you.”

  “I’m done trying to keep the peace. I want to break up.” My body was shaking so bad as I said it and watched him realizing I was serious.

  “What did I do?”

  “Jax, please don’t make this any harder. I just don’t want the same things as you. I have aspirations, and goals I want to achieve with my life. All you do is play games and worry about football. It’s not working out.”

  “Don’t do this, Reese,” he begged as he clung to my arm. “Please, baby. You don’t mean it.”

  I ripped out of his hold and put distance between us. “Yes I do. I’ve never been more sure about anything. I want you out of my life.” Now the tears were starting to fall as I prepared for the ultimate blow to his heart. “I don’t love you anymore.”

  Jax scrunched up his face and looked away from me. “You can’t be serious. We were together earlier. You said you loved me then. You can’t fall out of it that fast.”

  “I’ve felt this way for a while. I just couldn’t bring myself to hurt you.”

  “Well you picked a great fucking time. Do you have any idea how important this game is to my future?”

  I sat down on the couch and covered my face. “Yes, it’s all you talk about. I’m tired of it. There’s more important things in life than football, Jax.”

  “Oh what, like babies? Is this because I said I didn’t want a kid? Are you trying to trap me? Is that it? I’m not being a part of your psychological head games, Reese.”

  Now I was irritated. “No! This isn’t a damn head game. It’s my life and I’m taking control of it. You were a good boyfriend. We had fun together, but it’s over.”

  “I won’t let you break up with me. You’ll be calling in the morning begging me to take you back. Stop being a bitch and calm down.”