I waited until everything was certified before visiting my parents. Knowing they wouldn’t take the news lightly, I booked a return flight for the same day. Within two hours I was back at the airport, shedding more tears. I knew they’d cut me off completely, and a part of me didn’t even care. Their negativity had taken its toll on me. If I wanted to recover I needed to rid myself of everything that could hurt me.

  By November I’d dropped my classes at school and spent two weeks on location working with a choreographer for the first video. The strenuous schedule kept me from communicating with Christian, so when she called me late one night I figured it was just to catch up. I never could have imagined hearing the news she was prepared to give me.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Amber, are you sitting down?”

  “Yeah, why? What’s wrong? Are you engaged?”

  “No, it’s not about me. It’s Jax. He’s in the hospital.”

  “What? How?” I jumped off my chair and started pacing around.

  “He got sacked at his game and had to be carried off the field. He fractured his skull and -.”

  My heart pounded. “Is he…”

  “He’s going to be fine. He didn’t break it. God. I wouldn’t tell you that over the phone.” She paused. “Anyway, from what my dad and Noah said, he’s done. On top of the injury he got another concussion. Even if his head healed, he wouldn’t be cleared to play. It’s devastatin’. Jake’s been by his side this whole time. It just sucks because he worked so hard to be able to play with Jax again, and now this happened. I know I’m ramblin’. I just wanted you to know. You may pretend that you don’t care, but I know better. Maybe you could call him in a couple days and let him know you’re thinkin’ about him.”

  “Thanks for calling, Christian. I’ll definitely make sure I get in touch with him.”

  When we hung up I spent a little while heartbroken for Jax. I looked around at my tiny hotel room and felt suffocated. That’s when I knew without a doubt where my life was headed. Whether he played football or not was irrelevant. With my new career I could work from anywhere. For the most part I could make my own schedule. Nothing was holding me back from being with Jax, not medical school, and certainly not my parents. With the money I was making I could take my last two classes at another college, maybe even online.

  The video was set to wrap up three days before Thanksgiving. I worked hard, making sure that I did my best with every take, hoping that my performance wouldn’t require extra set time. In between scenes, I spent my time making the arrangements to get to North Carolina, and secure a place to rent nearby the farm. Since the entire family spent the holidays together, it was easy to arrange for Christian to pick me up from the airport and take me to visit Jax.

  She’d told me he was at home, and except for being laid up, he was doing better, but very depressed, so I called him, not to spill that I was coming to see him, but to let him know I was thinking about him.

  I spoke to his mother first, who I let know my plans. I didn’t want to come without her okay, and certainly didn’t want to invite myself to stay with him if they didn’t approve.

  Jax sounded tired when he answered the phone. “Hello?”

  “Hi.”

  “Hey,” his voice changed. “I guess you heard.”

  “Yeah. I just wanted you to know I’ve been thinking about you.”

  “My life is ruined,” I could hear him getting emotional as the line was quiet. “First I lost you, and now I’m done playing football. How much more can I take? I should have never left Kentucky, because at least I would still have you, Amber.”

  It hurt my heart to hear him saying it. “Don’t talk like that, Jax.”

  “Why, it’s true? I’m nothing but a loser. Now I’ll have to spend the rest of my life on this farm. When you get your shrink degree make sure you look me up. I’m going to require mental assistance.”

  I started to open my mouth to tell him about my new career, but I couldn’t do it over the phone. If Jax was this messed up the only thing that would help him was me there. “Is the offer still open to have Thanksgiving with you?”

  “You don’t have to ask. I already told you it was.”

  “I guess I’ll see you soon then. There’s some things I need you to know.”

  Once again I was sure he was crying. “Are you fucking with me?”

  “No. I already booked my flight.”

  “Thank you, Amber. You don’t know how much this means to me. I could really use my friend.”

  “I’ll be there. I promise.”

  Chapter 44

  Jax

  I’d hit rock bottom, feeling like my life was over, and then I heard her voice. Like the blink of an eye I had something to look forward to.

  Amber had pushed me away, and though I couldn’t blame her for making that choice, the sting wasn’t easier to withstand. I’d been struggling, in both physical and mental aspects of my life. I think in some ways I was in denial. I couldn’t let myself believe that one person could give me both joy and misery.

  Since I was confined to a bed, I was faced with the agonizing wait for Amber to arrive. During that time I ran through different scenarios in my mind, trying to come up a legitimate reason why we should get back together. With nothing left to offer her but a life on a farm, I wasn’t coming up with anything.

  Jake came in a little while later to do his daily check on me. Sometimes he’d hang around and we’d watch a movie or play cards. Even Reese had been hanging out, trying to cheer me up, not that it did much good. I’d been a miserable son-of-a-bitch since my accident. Football wasn’t just a sport for me. It was my way out of the life that my family expected me to take. It was the only thing I’d ever been good at. Now it was gone.

  “I heard someone’s coming to spend the holidays with us.”

  “How’d you know?”

  “She asked mom if she could stay,” Jake explained.

  “The whole family will be here, and I invited her a long time ago. She’s probably just feeling sorry for me and doesn’t want to be alone for the holidays. I mean, she lives on the ranch, and she’s close to Shalan and Christian. I’m sure they would have wanted her to tag along. She might not be coming for me at all.”

  “She just called you, Jax. Of course it’s because of you. Don’t be a dumbass.”

  “Jake, it’s no use. She deserves better.”

  “Deserving and wanting are two separate things, bro. I hope you’re wrong, because if anyone can fix you it’s her.”

  “I cracked my skull, dude. She’s not a miracle healer. Besides, in the next month she’ll be preparing to move back to Ohio to start medical school. I can’t change that.”

  Jake shook his head and laughed at me. “You’re stupid. It’s not your head that needs fixing. It’s your black heart.”

  “Suck my dick, and get out of my face.”

  My brother leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. “I love it when you try to act tough, little brother. You’re so cute.”

  He left me there feeling annoyed, but not before reminding me that I was giving up without trying.

  That night I didn’t get much sleep. My head pounded, probably because my brain was in overload. This visit from Amber could be nothing but a kind act of friendship. She probably didn’t want to spent thanksgiving eating a microwave dinner alone in the trailer. No matter what the reason, she wasn’t coming to be with me. The facts were as plain as day. I’d just have to do my best with being okay about it, because even a little visit from Amber was better than none at all.

  Amber’s visit had me going insane. For two days I anticipated her arrival, and what I could do to convince her to hear me out.

  Since I stayed up late worrying about life in general, I was surprised to wake to commotion outside my room. My door opened as I sat up in bed and there she was, walking toward my bed. Wearing a cute sweater and a pair of slim jeans, Amber approached me, stopping only when she was inches from my mattress. “It’s good to see you, Jax.”

  I smiled, but stayed still instead of reaching for her hand. “You look great, Amber. How have you been?” She was stunning, as usual.

  “We can talk about that later. How are you?” She reached her hand forward and ran it over my head. “Does it still hurt?”

  I shrugged. “It’s like a terrible headache that won’t go away. Some days are better than others. Because of the extent of the concussion I’m not supposed to use electronics, but it’s sort of impossible to avoid.”

  “I was worried about you. When Christian called I thought the worst. Actually I freaked out.”

  “I’m surprised she didn’t drive over to the trailer to tell you.” I wasn’t trying to pry into her social life, but wondered why my cousin wouldn’t want to talk to Amber face to face. They obviously saw each other every day.

  “I was out of town.”

  “Visiting your parents?”

  She tapped on her jeans as she spoke to me. “No. I went to see them afterwards.” She sat down beside me on the bed, and I scooted over to give her more room. “There’s something you need to know, Jax, and I should probably wait until after we celebrate Thanksgiving to tell you, but it wouldn’t be fair to keep it a secret that long.”

  “What is it?” Had she met someone already? Had someone taken her out of town to win her over?

  “Something happened about a month ago.”

  “I already know. Just tell me he makes you happy, Amber. That’s all I could want for you. I won’t act bitter about it. I know I should have stayed in Kentucky when I had the chance.”

  “What are you talking about? You think I’m seeing someone?”

  “Aren’t you?” I was confused. What was this big secret?

  “Wait. You’re not pregnant are you?” For the first time in my life that didn’t scare me. The idea of her carrying my child meant she’d be in my life. We’d have to stay close for the child.

  “I’m not pregnant, Jax.” She reached out and put her hand over mine. “I’ve been signed by an agency to star in all of the videos for Shalan’s next album.”

  “Seriously? Are you screwing with me?” She had the talent, and the looks. That’s not what I was surprised about. “What about medical school?”

  “That’s what I wanted to tell you. I’m not going to medical school, Jax, and I’m definitely not moving to Ohio.”

  “I don’t understand. What happened?”

  Amber looked away for a second, and when she faced me again a single tear fell down her cheek. “You happened, Jax. You came into my life and loved me. Do you know how long I’ve waited to feel that from someone; from anyone? I finally felt alive for the first time in forever. Then you went away, and it was like the walls were closing in on me.” She wiped her face and sniffled. “I don’t blame you for following your dreams. I wouldn’t have forgiven you if you stayed behind for me.”

  “It doesn’t matter now. My dreams are destroyed.” It was my pathetic reality. “I’m happy for you though. I can’t wait to be able to say that my ex is the hot babe dancing around on the television.”

  “You know what would be even better?” She asked.

  “What?”

  “If she was the person you live with.”

  It took me a second to understand what was going on. “Wait a minute. You’re messing with me.”

  Our hands laced together and she smiled through happy tears. “Please forgive me for me walking away from us, Jax. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was so wrong. I think I love you more now than ever before. It’s crazy, I know.”

  “It’s not crazy. I still love you too. God I miss you so much it hurts, but I didn’t have the guts to do something about it. I thought you’d reject me again, and I couldn’t take that.”

  “I signed a lease on a place about four miles from here. It’s some house that’s probably haunted by the old lady that died in it, but it was all I could find on short notice. I’ll be home except for when I’m shooting, and it’s usually just one or two weeks out of the month. I know you still have a semester left after this one, but I wanted to be close enough so you could stay with me if you wanted.”

  I couldn’t even speak. She’d left me speechless.

  “Oh God. I jumped the gun didn’t I? I should have asked you first.” She was panicking.

  I sat up abruptly, ignoring how my equilibrium was still off. “I’m not going to be staying with you sometimes, Amber. I’ll be there every night.”

  I pulled her against my chest, taking in the way it felt to have her close to me again. “If my head wasn’t so fucked up I’d already have you naked.”

  “So you’re not mad at me?” I couldn’t believe she thought that.

  “No. I’m not mad. How can I be mad when I have you in my arms again? Baby, I’ve missed the shit out of you. I can’t even tell you how happy I am right now.”

  “I can’t believe this is happening. I mean, I had hopes, and your parents told me it was a great idea, but I wasn’t sure you’d go for it. Jake said you were being stubborn.”

  “Jake’s a douche. Don’t listen to him.”

  Amber brought her whole body up and rested it over mine. “I missed this so much.”

  Words couldn’t describe how lost I’d been without her, and I don’t even think I realized how horrible it was until she was back in my arms again. “Hold up. Before I start taking off your clothes and letting you have your way with me, I need to be sure you’re not going to leave again. How can I be sure that you’re not going to get scared and give up on me again?”

  “Because everything I could ever want is right here in this room. Jax, I’m ready to fall head first into this. The only thing stopping me is you.”

  “So, do we get to have sex now, or do I have to wait a little while for it?”

  “You’re so bad.” She slapped my chest. “Your family is in the living room waiting for us.”

  “My family? You mean my parents?”

  Amber shook her head. “No silly, your whole family. They were all in on this. Even your brother knew about it.”

  “You sneaky little woman. What am I going to do with you?” Amber brought her leg over my body and sat up straight. Right away I reacted to her being so close. When she came down to kiss my lips I turned to the side, speaking loud so all of the people in the other room could hear. “We’re going to need some extra time in here. My girlfriend owes me a little TLC, and we’re about to get naked. Go on about your day as if we don’t exist.”

  Amber giggled when I turned my attention back to her. “Where were we?” She asked.

  I leaned forward to feel those puffy lips pressing over mine. I had my girlfriend back in my life. She’d changed her future to be with me, and even though only time would tell what we’d face next, I knew we’d do it together, because this time I wouldn’t let her slip away. Just when I thought I’d lost everything I realized that not only did I have the woman I loved, but she’d helped me find peace with my brother. I was the luckiest man alive.

  Epilogue

  1 year later

  Jax

  “Baby, have you seen my snow boots?”

  “I used them this morning to check the mail. Guess what came?” Amber entered the kitchen in a pair of shorts and my old hoodie.

  “You’re degree?” She’d been taking online classes to finish up, in between her busy modeling career. Even though photo shoots only lasted a day or so, everyone seemed to want a piece of her at the same time. Shalan’s first video got Amber out there, and now she was getting other offers left and right.

  Unfortunate for them, Amber wouldn’t be shooting anything for at least the next eight months, unless they wanted her on the cover of a maternity magazine. Now four and a half months along, she could still hide it, unless she was naked. I could see the little bump forming, and knew it was only a matter of time before it looked like a basketball.

  Amber waved the paper in the air. “Finally, right?”

  “I don’t know why it was such a big deal. You’re making way more money than you would being a shrink. Besides, you get to travel, and spend time at home with your sexy man.” I reached around the front of her and kissed the side of her neck.

  She turned and pressed her lips to mine at the same time the front door came flying open.

  Jake and Reese walked right in, kicking off their boots to prevent tracking in the mud. It had been snowing for two days. Our appointment to learn the sex of our child was in an hour, and Amber and I were determined to be there. We’d waited this long, and I could hardly contain my excitement. We’d asked Jake and Reese to go with us, because they would essentially be the God parents. Ever since Amber and I moved into this old house, the four of us had become close. I even got along with Reese, when she wasn’t cutting me down to try and be funny. She and Amber hit it off, especially after we’d gotten back together.

  Jake and I put the past behind us, and it was nice to have my brother back. After my injury he continued playing football, and was offered a position to play for Oakland. He turned it down, like we all knew he would. Nothing would take Jake away from the farm, not even a half-decent deal to play in the NFL. I think truthfully his leg still bothered him enough to know he wouldn’t make it very far.

  “Mom told me to tell you that you better call during the test, so she can know as soon as we do.” My brother was looking down at his phone as he spoke.

  Unlike Amber and myself, he and Reese were always early for everything. They took one look at my girlfriend and knew it was going to be a while before we went anywhere. “Dude, seriously, you said you were getting ready an hour ago.”

  Amber and I separated and both laughed. “We got sidetracked,” she announced.

  “I bet,” Jake rolled his eyes. “You’re already having a baby. Can’t the fornicating wait until later?”

  “Bro, come on, I never turn it down, especially now. I never know when she’s going to get all hormonal and try to chop it off. Hell, you better watch yourself. Just this morning she cried because she couldn’t get the hair out of her brush. I’m telling ya, it’s like a volcano up in this bitch. She’s going to blow, it’s only a matter of time.”