the worst way possible, and even though he’d always be my first love, I knew he wouldn’t be the last. No matter where he was in the world no longer mattered to me, because my future was mine to make.

  Chapter 8

  Rusty

  Day after day I would see her. Even if it were only seconds, it was enough to satisfy the constant ache. I’d

  tried several times to be nice to her, only to get shot down repeatedly. Keeping my distance was getting easier, especially when imagining being with her was less hard than the real thing. Isabella gave difficult a new definition.

  I woke up one Sunday morning and noticed that it was raining. My chores were going to suck, and I wasn’t going to be able to work with Titan until it cleared.

  Just as I’d started in one of the chicken houses, I got a call on my cell phone.

  “Hey, it’s Noah. Listen, can you head over to my old place and give my cousin a hand? She’s bitchin’ about something with the plumbin’, and I’m tryin’ to get this paintin’ done over here.”

  “Yeah, sure. I’ll head over there as soon as I’m done.”

  “Take your time, man. The longer she has to wait the more it will annoy her. After the way she’s acted for the past few months she deserves it.”

  “I’ll take care of it.”

  We hung up and I picked up my pace. Little did Noah know that I wanted to be around his cousin. He may have wanted to wait, but I couldn’t get there fast enough.

  A little less than an hour later I was knocking on the kitchen door. Isabella spotted me standing there in the rain and hesitated before unlatching the lock to let me in. I could tell that she expected to see Noah, and was annoyed that he’d called me instead. “Noah says you need some help.”

  Right away I could smell puke. She started to walk away before I could ask. “The clog is back here. I’ve tried to get it out, but it’s makin’ me sick. I’ve thrown up three times today.”

  I wasn’t going to let her know that the house reeked of it. “Hopefully I can get it fixed for you.”

  She led me to the bathroom and tossed me a towel. “Here. You look like you just jumped in the pool.”

  “It’s really coming down out there.”

  Isabella smiled, making me do the same, as if it was contagious. “Anyway, the clog is here. It’s full of hair, and gunk. I’ve tried using the scrub brush to pick it, but every time I get close I start heavin’. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve seen blood, snot, and every other kind of bodily fluid and never been bothered.”

  For a couple seconds I wondered if she could be pregnant, though I’d never seen her with a gentlemen, or noticed her going out anywhere. Besides, that was definitely not my business to ask about. Knowing her, she’d probably slap me for bringing it up.

  I sat down the towel and got on my knees to address the problem. The moment she saw me picking up the lump of hair she fell against the toilet and started vomiting. Quickly I grabbed the trashcan and discarded the wad of nastiness. Then I turned all of my attention to her. I wet the towel and handed it to her. “Put this on the back of your neck. It will help with the nausea.”

  She did as I told her, but lingered over the toilet. I made my way out of the bathroom and sat down on the bed to make sure she was all right. When she finally walked into the room her face was pale. I’d never seen her look so bad before. She sat down next to me and slowly let her head fall down on the pillows. “I feel horrible. It must be somethin’ I ate.”

  “I’ll get you some water.” I headed into the kitchen and grabbed her a bottle before returning to the room. Her eyes were closed, but opened when she heard me coming in. “Here. Sip this slowly.”

  She took a sip and sat it down on the table next to her. “Thanks. I’m actually glad you came instead of Noah. He’d give me a hard time about being creeped out so much over a glob of hair.”

  I wanted to reach over and grab her hand, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen. She didn’t know me, and as much as she reminded me of someone, I had to keep telling myself that she wasn’t. “Do you need me to stick around for a bit? I can go watch television or something. With the rain I can’t exactly work with Titan today.”

  “I don’t care if you stick around. I probably won’t be good company though.”

  “It’s fine.” I stood up and started to head out of the room. “If you need anything just let me know. I’m just going to turn on a movie.”

  Once I was in the living room I sat on the couch wondering what I was actually doing. This woman didn’t want me sticking around bothering her. Clearly she wasn’t feeling well. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to leave her.

  A couple minute later she surprised me by coming out and joining me on the couch. I pulled a blanket down over her legs and rested her head on the opposite end of the furniture. I flipped through the channels until I found a movie, and was content with whatever it might be about.

  I’m not real sure how long I was there before I fell asleep. Isabella must have dozed off before me, otherwise she probably would have asked me to leave. Instead I woke to someone yelling at me.

  It was Noah, and he didn’t look happy.

  In the doorway between the kitchen and living room he stood, both hand on his hips. “What are you doin’?”

  I sat up, realizing that I was leaning over on her knees. It was an honest mistake, but he wasn’t seeing it that way. “We were just watching a movie, that’s all. I must have fallen asleep.”

  It would have been easier to explain that she’d been sick, but from the look on her face I could tell that she didn’t want him knowing anything. “What’s the big deal, Noah? He helped me fix the bathroom and I told him to stay and watch a movie.”

  He got up in my face and pointed his finger. “You need to leave.”

  I stood up and smiled at her before walking outside. Honestly, I’d never seen Noah so upset, and certainly hadn’t done anything to deserve that type of response out of him.

  I could hear screaming coming from the house, but refused to go back in. A couple minutes later Noah came out and walked toward me. “You need to back off when it comes to her, Rusty. You do a lot around here and I appreciate it, but my cousin is off limits. I don’t’ care how many chicks you take to your trailer. Your business is your own, but she’s my business. I’ve protected her our whole lives, and I won’t have her hurt again, especially by someone that works for me. Are we clear?”

  Even though I hated what he was saying, I valued having a roof over my head, and to be able to hold a job without question. I had to abide by his rules, no matter how hard they were to do. “Yeah, I get it. Just to be clear, nothing happened. I’ve never even tried to touch your cousin.”

  “Keep it that way, man. She’s got issues with guys that you don’t even want to begin to understand. To keep the peace in my family I’ve got to be a dick about it. I hope you understand.”

  I did. Noah loved her like she was his sister. Him protecting her was an instinct. If I’d only had that kind of instinct before my life may have been different. “I do. No worries, man. I’m just going to head home.”

  That night it was harder than ever to not think about her. My mind went back to being alone with her, and how for the first time she’d appreciated my company. It may have been nothing but a few hours, but it meant more than she’d ever know.

  A knock at my door well after midnight caught my immediate attention. I grabbed a bat and headed toward the door, being extra cautious. When I opened it up and saw her standing there I pulled her inside the trailer. “What are you doing out in the rain?”

  She put her hood down and reached inside of her pocket. “I figured you need this in the mornin’. I found it in the couch earlier.” My phone was placed into my hand, but I never took my eyes from hers.

  “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

  “Look, I’m really sorry about Noah earlier. He’s got a hair up his ass when it comes to me.”

  I pulled out a chair and offered it to her. “Sit down for a minute?”

  She sat and took off her jacket. “I probably shouldn’t be tellin’ you this, but I was involved with this guy who cheated and lied to me. We started datin’ in high school and I thought he was my future. We attended the same college, and talked bout being married and having a life together. It all turned to shit when I found out he was still havin’ relations with his first love. He may have been mine, but apparently I wasn’t his. When I went home a couple months ago I promised Noah that I wouldn’t see this particular guy again, and the first thing I did was run right to him. I ran right back to his bed and gave myself to him completely. Only minutes after it was all said and done did I realize that I’d become the other woman. He actually had pictures of them hidden, so that I wouldn’t see them. Anyway, you can imagine how fucked up it made me. I had to call my little brothers to come pick me up that night. One of them gave him a good beatin’. I thought it would make me feel better, but it didn’t. That night you heard me cryin’, it was because of that. Anyway, that’s the reason that Noah’s bein’ irrational. He doesn’t trust me to make the right decisions, and even though I lied to him, he still thinks I snuck and saw Tate. He knows me better than I know myself, which is why he’s always determined to be my keeper. So don’t take it personal. It’s not you at all.”

  This was more than she’s ever talked to me before. I couldn’t let her leave, not when she was opening up like this. I reached over the table to touch her hand, but pulled away right before. “It’s not a big deal. He loves you, that’s all.”

  “Sometimes Noah loves me too much. He forgets that I’m an adult too. If I wanted to have some hot affair with you, I don’t need his permission. Not that it’s ever goin’ to happen. I’m just sayin’ in general.”

  Hearing her say that sent a jolt right to my cock. I knew if I tried to stand up she’d notice it immediately. I clenched my jaw and tried to stay calm. “I appreciate you telling me. It probably wasn’t a good idea to fall asleep next to you. I can’t imagine what he must think.”

  “He thinks we’re fuckin’. Noah has a one-track mind.”

  “We both know that’s not the case.” Not that I would be against it happening. Imagining her soft skin against my hands was something that I’d been doing for as long as I’d known her. If she knew that she’d be so creeped out that I was sure to get fired. It was something I’d have to keep a secret.

  “Of course it isn’t. I’m real sorry if it caused problems for you. I know you like to keep to yourself.”

  “I keep to myself to avoid drama, yes. That doesn’t mean that I’m not willing to help out a friend. I know we’re strangers, but I can assure you that your secret is safe with me. I don’t plan on causing you any trouble.”

  She seemed to be pleased with my response. After standing up she held out her hand. “Thanks for listenin’ and helpin’ me out earlier. For what it’s worth, it was nice to sit in a room with someone that wasn’t judgin’ me.”

  No. Instead she was sitting in a room with someone that fantasized about being with her. I don’t know what was worse.

  “It’s not a problem.”

  “I better get goin’. It’s startin’ to thunder.” I watched her putting on her jacket and walking out the door. I couldn’t help by peer through the window as she pulled away on a golf-cart.

  Isabella had confided in me. It meant that in some way she trusted me. Against Noah’s threats I had to find a way to know more about her. Even if I had to sneak around, she was worth the risk. I had to figure out why I felt so drawn to her, so I could come up with a solution to make it stop.

  Chapter 9

  Isabella

  For the next week I threw up each morning, and sometimes during the evenings. My stomach turned, and every

  single smell made me gag. It wasn’t until I was driving home after the fifth day that I realized what it could be. I almost drove my car off the side of the road into a ravine because of it.

  It couldn’t be true. There was no way. It had only been one night; one time. I turned my car around and went into the pharmacy,

  determined to prove my theory wrong. After buying three different tests, I went straight home. It took me a while to build up the courage to walk into the bathroom and pee on those sticks. A part of me wanted to just think I could wish myself not to be, and it to work.

  When I’d run out of reasons to not do it, I took two of the tests and ran out of the bathroom. My heart was racing, and I was certain that I was about to pass out. Silently, I sat on the couch staring down the hallway at the bathroom door. My fate sat on two sticks inside of it, and I was too afraid to see what they said.

  Then my cousin came barging in my kitchen door. He had company too. Behind him came Rusty, who was helping him carry this cabinet that was supposed to sit on the back of my toilet. I panicked.

  I excused myself into the bathroom, desperately trying to find a place to hide the tests. When I heard the door closing I looked out the window to see Noah standing outside on his phone. I looked down at the tests, seeing the results. A lump formed in my throat as I gathered the two stick and all of the rest of the garbage and packed it into a white plastic bag. I tied to top and ran out into the kitchen as fast as I could. Tears were streaming down my cheeks when I got to where Rusty was standing. “I need a favor before he comes in here.”

  “Sure, What do you need?”

  “Take this out front and hide it somewhere. Once he tells you to leave pick it up and throw it in the dumpster that gets picked up tomorrow.”

  “What’s in it?”

  I shoved it against his chest. “Rusty, please don’t ask me any questions. Just get rid of it. I’m begging you.”

  I heard Noah walking up the porch steps. Rusty gave me a concerned look but rushed toward the front door. He came back inside before Noah walked into the living room. To hide my sudden emotional breakdown, I retreated to my bedroom, acting like I was indisposed.

  “Just set it up for me, will ya?”

  I could hear the guys moving it around, and then the house got quiet. A knock on my bedroom door alarmed me. I opened it slowly, trying to come up with a reason to be crying. That’s when I noticed that it was Rusty. “I took care of that thing for you. I’m ridin’ back with Noah, so I’ll come back by in a few minutes to pick it up and throw it away.”

  I reached over and touched his arm. “You’re a life saver. Thanks so much.”

  “You all right?”

  “I will be. I promise.” I was lying. Nothing was going to be okay. My life had just taken a turn for the worse and I didn’t know what I was going to do about it.

  “Okay. If you need to talk you know where to find me.”

  He left without another word, which I was grateful for. The last thing I wanted to do was stand around talking when my whole life was falling apart.

  Once everyone was gone I fell to the floor and let the real tears come. I’d been careless one time, and now was faced with the most horrifying decision of my life. How I was going to be able to face my family was beyond me. Not to mention what I was supposed to do with my future.

  Both of those sticks had read the same. Two lines gave me a positive result. I was pregnant with Tate’s child, and I had no idea what I was going to do. I didn’t even know who I could talk to about it. My family would all do the math. They’d warned me about seeing him, and I lied to every single one of them. Now I was in this predicament with nowhere to turn. To make matters worse, this was going to force me to contact Tate, which I promised myself that I was never going to do again.

  If I knew anything about him I knew he’d want to be a part of his child’s life. The idea of sharing custody with me made my stomach curl. Instantly I was running to the toilet, throwing up what I left in my stomach.

  For the next several hours I cried to myself alone in bed. I’d made the wrong choices and now I was being punished for it. My parents were going to lose all respect for me, not to mention my cousin. He’d never forgive for this; for lying to him of all people.

  This secret that my brother’s had promised to take to the grave was about to bite us all in the ass and I didn’t see any way around it.

  The next week flew by. I contacted my doctor, but already knew how far along I was. I’d been with one person one time in the past year. The life growing inside of me was a result of that night, and even though it had ended terribly, I couldn’t bring myself to consider abortion. There was no way that I could go through with something like that and be able to live with myself. Life was too precious to me, and had my mother felt that way than I wouldn’t even be on the earth right now to be going through all of this.

  The ground was dropping out from under me, which wasn’t surprising considered the predicament I was in. As the days went by it got harder to accept. I knew it was only a matter of time before someone found out, and then I’d have to face the music. My secret would be out and the whole family would know. They’d never look at me the same, and I’d never be able to forgive myself. I’d pride myself on being honest, and this little lie had resulted in a life. The idea of being a mother scared the shit out of me, and being a single mother was even more frightening.

  The only thing I was sure of at this point was that I wanted my baby, and I didn’t want to have to tell Tate. I wondered how long I could get away without him finding out. My family would only be able to protect me for so long. I imagined walking down the road one day and passing him. I thought about my child seeing his father, and them having them same eyes.

  With everything going on inside of my head, I refused to hang out with my cousin and his fiancée. After a week they were starting to ask questions that I didn’t have answers for. Unfortunately, with everything on my mind I’d forgotten about going dress shopping with Shalan and aunt Van. They showed up at my house on a Saturday morning and I was in the bathroom throwing my guts up.