I’d experienced what it felt like to be jealous of another person, and was hell-bent on making sure it never happened again.

  Chapter 14

  Christian

  It would have been nice to be able to sleep without interference. God knows I needed the rest. What I required more than sleep was to find resolution to my current situation.

  In the middle of the night I got up and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water. While standing alone in the dark room I took notice of all the little sounds the old house made. Each time something creaked I felt the need to jump and look around, making sure there wasn’t anyone there. Finally when I knew it was my nerves I headed back up to the bedroom and locked the door behind me.

  Never in my life had I felt more alone. This wasn’t about having friends anymore. I’d been violated and couldn’t comprehend what I was supposed to do next.

  For the rest of the night I sat there in that room with a small light on, crying, fighting with my reservations, and struggling to understand what was to come.

  In the morning I heard my mother’s voice even before she knocked. I sat up realizing that I’d dozed off. The sun was beaming through the light colored curtains as I climbed out of the bed to unlock the door.

  From the moment I looked into my mother’s eyes I knew I had to lie to her. It was impossible to look that woman in the eyes and tell her that someone had hurt me in a way that I wasn’t sure could be repaired. As determined as I became to keep it a secret, the moment her arms reached around me I lost it. She held me tight, never asking me a single question until I let it all out.

  After time had passed she handed me some tissues from the nightstand. “I wanted to come over last night, but dad and I didn’t get home until late. Then Ethan showed up and-.”

  “What? Ethan was here?”

  “I thought you knew he’d come looking for you. Honey, please tell me he isn’t the reason for all of this.”

  I shook my head and looked down at my legs, covering an obvious bruise before she could spot it. “He’s not. Ethan had nothin’ to do with my problems. Trust me, if he did you’d be the first to know.”

  She moved the hair away from my face, but I still refused to look in her direction. “Please talk to me. I can’t have both of my girls miserable like this. It’s killing me. Your dad and I are here for you, no matter what you’re going through. I hope you know that. Nothing is more important to us than you kids.”

  “I know, mom. I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”

  “Are you sure? You know, I had a terrible time in college. It’s when I was dating your uncle Ty, and he had his accident. I had one friend, who ended up not being that great after all. Anyway, I just want you to know that I get what it’s like for you. You’re not alone, Christian. I’ve seen the way Ethan looks at you. He was worried last night.”

  “Mom, Ethan and I are just friends, if we’re even that now. It’s a long story and I can’t think about it. Please tell me he left already.”

  “He did. Your father made sure of it. He’s convinced that Ethan was the reason you came home last night.” My mother giggled to herself. “Sorry, it’s funny how your father gets about you girls. I feel sorry for the men that ask for your hands in marriage. They’re going to have to go through hell for him to approve.”

  I wanted to smile, but my pent up emotions wouldn’t allow it. “If we even find men that want to be with us.”

  “Don’t say that. You may not want to indulge me with what’s going on in your life, but I’ll always be here, Christian. God didn’t give me you kids if he thought I couldn’t handle it. Whatever it is, you’ll get through it.”

  This made me so upset. Desperately I needed to tell someone what had happened to me, but for the life of me I wasn’t able to spit it out. The pain inflicted on me both emotional and physical was draining to think about. Even though I’d come home for comfort, I knew it was time for me to leave before my mother pried the information out of me, forcing me to relive what occurred. “I have class soon so I better get goin’. Thanks for checkin’ on me, mom. I appreciate it.”

  She leaned over and kissed me before standing up. “I love you with all of my heart. No matter where you are, you need to remember I’m only a phone call away.”

  “Thanks.”

  After she’d left the room I got up and dressed. My intentions were to go back to my house and sleep the day away. For the second time I was skipping my classes. I sent an email to professors telling them that I’d encountered a family emergency. Luckily, since my grades were always good, they offered my assignments through the internet, allowing me to submit my work online. I still didn’t know how I’d be able to keep focused, but at least I had the opportunity to not fall behind.

  As I was leaving the ranch I spotted my dad in his truck. He pulled up next to my car and his window slowly rolled down. “Good Mornin’, darlin’. You alright?”

  “Yeah, dad. I’m fine.”

  “You sure?” I could tell he was giving me a once over. “Your mom and I are worried. Next time you come home instead of goin’ to gram’s.”

  “Okay.”

  “Tell that boy to treat ya better so he doesn’t have to chase you down again.” Even though my dad was speaking about Ethan, I thought of Seth chasing me down.

  Without explaining my bout of shock I pulled off of the property and took off down the road. My dad would go to my mother and together they’d try to fix me. I wish it were that easy to make all of this pain vanish, but I wasn’t going to kid myself. This would haunt me for the rest of my life, and no matter how hard I tried I’d never be able to forget it.

  I’d stopped crying about a mile from the house, and as I pulled in I was determined to get some rest and then make a few calls to find a professional to talk with. As ashamed as I was, I knew I couldn’t go through it alone.

  I’d no sooner stepped inside of my bedroom when I saw him sitting there. His hands were on his knees, but his focus was on me. Slowly I backed out of the bedroom, praying he wouldn’t stand up too fast.

  “Chris, wait. Let me just talk to you.”

  After locking myself in the bathroom, I pressed my hands against the wooden door, praying he couldn’t get through it.

  I could feel him knocking on it as the warm rush of tears poured out of my eyes. I wasn’t just afraid of seeing him again. I was petrified that he was here to do what he’d done before.

  “Why won’t you return my calls? I don’t know why you’re being such a bitch. Come out and talk to me. You can’t push me away forever.”

  “I told you before that I didn’t want to see you, Seth. You need to leave.”

  “I can’t stop thinking about you; the way you taste, and how good it feels to be inside of you. You probably don’t know this, but I’ve wanted you for a while now. I sit behind you and watch you chewing your pens, imagining those teeth biting into my skin as I’m fucking you.”

  I cringed, closing my eyes and praying for this to be another nightmare. “Please stop it.”

  “I can’t. I won’t let you walk away from this. We’re so good together.”

  “I hate you. Don’t you get that? I’m scared of you, Seth.” I cried harder. “Please leave me alone. Why are you doin’ this to me?”

  “To you? You’re the one being a damn dick-tease, putting out then pretending it never happened. You came on to me you little closet slut.” He punched the wood right at my face, making me jump out of my skin. “Open the fucking door.”

  I backed away, while reaching into my pocket to retrieve my cell phone. I had one bar of battery left, and knew it was just enough to call Ethan. As mad as he probably was at me, I knew he’d come to my rescue.

  It rang once before he answered. “It took you long enough.”

  “Shut up and listen to me. I need you to come to my house and help me.”

  “With what? You said we were done, Chris. What the hell is going on with you?”

  “Who are you talking to?” Seth yelled from outside of the room.

  “Please,” I begged. “I’m so scared.”

  Just then I heard someone on the other side of the door. Becca spoke and I started to relax. “What are you doin’?”

  “I came to talk to Chris, but she won’t open the door.”

  “Make him leave, Becca. I don’t want to talk to him.”

  I heard her ordering him out of our house. When the front door slammed she knocked. “Chris, honey, it’s just me now. Seth’s gone.”

  “I have to go,” I told Ethan.

  “Wait!” I hung up on him without responding.

  Slowly I cracked open the door until I saw Becca waiting on the other side. “Hey.”

  Her eyes widened when she looked me in the eyes. “Oh my God. What’s goin’ on?”

  She pulled me into her arms and comforted me while I sobbed. Becca was kind, getting me a glass of water and some tissues while I let it all out. Once I’d finally calmed down I knew I had to explain. After taking a deep breath I began to tell her what happened.

  “It started the other night when we all went out. I met Seth and he started hittin’ on me. I thought he was nice, and easy on the eyes. When he came back to the house we hung out some more, and then one thing led to another. We ended up in bed, which is somethin’ I’ve never done before. Then it happened again the next day.”

  “He obviously likes you.”

  “Yeah, if that’s what you call it.”

  “What do you mean? You can tell me.”

  I sighed, hoping I was making the right decision. “He took me to an abandoned house and forced himself on me, Becca. Seth raped me,” I admitted.

  “What?” She stood up and put her hands on her hips. “Seth may be a lot of things, but he’s no rapist. I don’t know what your problem is, but callin’ someone out like that is pretty fucked up.”

  I couldn’t believe it. She didn’t believe me. I’d spent the better part of the day holding it all in and when I finally want to come clean the person listening tells me I’m lying. “It’s true. I wouldn’t lie.”

  “I’ll tell you what I know, Chris.” She pointed to the exterior door. “That guy you had me kick out is one of the nicest guys I know. His ex would do anything to get back with him, no matter how many times he screws up. Do you honestly mean to tell me that he’d rape you when he could be with any girl he wanted? You’re pretty, but you ain’t worth that kind of trouble.”

  “I wouldn’t lie about somethin’ like this. I swear.”

  “We just met, so forgive me for not bein’ able to trust your word. I’ve known Seth for years, and he’s never been accused of such madness. I think you’ve had a hard time makin’ friends because you can’t keep your stories straight. People don’t want to be around someone who starts drama where it’s not needed. I was here when you took him into your room and let him stay overnight. I know you fucked him more than once because we could hear you. Obviously you liked it. He’d have no reason to rape you.”

  I was a blubbering mess. I’d struggled with making friends for so long, and now I regretted it, because obviously they were never going to accept me. “I have bruises from where he held me down.”

  “You could have done that to yourself. Please get out of my face before I say somethin’ I might regret later. If I were you I’d keep this story to yourself and do your best to get back into Seth’s good graces. Otherwise you’ll end up looking for another place to stay for the rest of the semester.”

  With that she walked out of my room, leaving me all alone.

  Chapter 15

  Ethan

  It wasn’t just the phone call that had me worried. Her voice was raspy and I could tell she was upset. Since I still had no idea what was going on, I left my class and rushed over to her house.

  I don’t know how many times I beat on the door before Becca finally answered. She gave me a dirty look after seeing it was me. “She’s pretty popular today. I should warn you to be careful around that one. She’s liable to ruin your life too.”

  I furrowed my brow while wondering what she was talking about. “Whatever,” I said as I moved by her toward Christian’s room.

  I tapped on the door after realizing it was locked. “Chris, it’s me. Open up.”

  I could hear her walking across the floor and stopping a few feet on the other side. “Ethan?”

  “Yeah.” It was upsetting she had to ask, as if she was expecting another guy.

  Finally the latch unfastened and I walked inside, finding her hiding behind the closing door. She looked so bad, worse than I’d ever seen before.

  I reached my hand out to touch her face and she quickly retracted. “Don’t.”

  I threw up my hands, surrendering to her order. “Okay, I won’t touch you. What gives? When you called you begged me to come save you, now I can’t even touch you.”

  “It’s not you, I swear.” She headed over to her bed and plopped down on the mattress. “No one can save me.”

  I headed in her direction, sitting down right beside her. “Why do you keep sayin’ that?”

  “Because it’s true. Please don’t make me talk about it.”

  “Should I go?”

  “No!” She replied quickly. “I need you to stay.”

  For the second time I moved my hand over to touch her. She shoved it away, distancing how close we were sitting to one another. “I’m not goin’ to hurt you, Chris. Why are you pushin’ me away?”

  She covered her face and began to sob. I didn’t get it. She wasn’t a crier, yet for the past couple days it seemed like all she was doing. I’d obviously missed some significant happening in her life, because I couldn’t figure out what could possibly cause her to become so distraught.

  I made a third attempt to touch her, this time on her shoulder. At first she jerked, but I refused to pull away. “I’ll never hurt you,” I reminded her.

  Despite the fact that I still had no inkling of what was going on, I accepted her body when it fell against mine, and I held her tight when she lost control.

  Christian never mentioned her bedding being gone, so I refused to talk about it. For two days I’d struggled with finding the words to say to her. With her in my arms, in such a terrible condition, I knew my revelation was going to have to wait. This wasn’t the time to confess that I’d been lying about my feelings for years. Right now she needed her best friend.

  After some time had passed she’d gotten quiet. I moved my arms away to reveal that she’d fallen asleep. It was another suspicion to warn me that something was very wrong. Then I started thinking about what it could be. She’d left that note out of nowhere, and now she was running away, and avoiding my calls. It was like she was having a hormonal imbalance.

  That could only mean one thing.

  She was pregnant.

  A part of me that wasn’t feeling terrible for my friend became overwhelmed with hope; hope that this could be a new beginning for us. Sure, a child would change things, and we’d have to figure out how to finish school and care for a child, but we had huge families, and our union would be celebrated; maybe not by her father at first, but I’d change his mind.

  I’d come to the conclusion that she’d been afraid to tell me, and that’s why she was freaking out so much. After she rested we’d be able to talk about it, and I’d finally let her know that she’d always had my heart. I was prepared to nourish her, to prove that I’d do anything to take back all of the times I’d pushed her away.

  Shortly after I’d dozed off myself I felt her stirring. It caused me to tighten my hold on her, and that’s when she jolted out of my arms. I sat up on the bed watching her head to the far side of the room, while hugging the front of her own body. “What is it?”

  “Just stay away from me, Ethan. Please. You can’t touch me right now.”

  “I get it, okay? I understand now. I don’t know why you couldn’t tell me before, but I get it. Now, please come over here and calm down. I promise I won’t touch you.”

  Her eyes widened, “What did you say?” She asked in just a whisper.

  “I said I won’t touch you,” I repeated.

  Christian sank down on the floor, and began to bawl again. I rushed to her side, more concerned for her latest breakdown than what was actually freaking her out so much.

  “Talk to me, babe.”

  “I can’t. I can’t talk to anyone. I tried. It’s no use.”

  “You can tell me anything.”

  She shook her head, refusing to look in my direction. “That’s where you’re wrong. Trust me when I say that you don’t want to know this. It’s my burden, and I’ll take care of it on my own.”

  Imagining her aborting our child made my blood boil. “Why would you even say that? How could you think I wouldn’t want to help you through it?”

  “It’s none of your business, Ethan. You should just go. Talkin’ about it only makes it real. You don’t understand how much I wish it never happened. I should have known somethin’ like this would happen. I should have seen it comin’.”

  I’d never heard her talk to me like she was. In all of the times where I knew her true feelings for me, this was a shock. She was pushing me away when we finally had a reason to move forward together. It all ripped through me like a knife, dull enough to make the pain last inevitably longer than it should.

  “I won’t let you go through this alone, no matter how much you fight me. I know you’re pregnant, Chris. That’s what this is about. You think I don’t want -.”

  “Pregnant?” She interrupted. “You think that’s what this is about?”

  I was shocked. “What else could it be?”

  Her lips quivered as she looked up at me with desperate eyes. “I’m not pregnant Ethan, and now I don’t even know if I’ll ever want to become a mother. I wouldn’t want to watch my child go through somethin’ like this.”