“It’s that spunk that I think is fascinating. You don’t hold anything in. Sometimes you’re so brutally honest that it’s painful.” I continued to laugh after explaining, and she finally joined in. This was pure enjoyment for me. I needed this kind of connection, and it reminded me again why she was so different from Simone.

  Then she did something that I wasn’t prepared for. Her smile faded away and she peered into my eyes with some kind of intent that I’d never seen from her before. “Today has opened my eyes to the person behind the mask.”

  “Is that a good thing or bad?” She smiled and cackled to herself. “I’m still decidin’.” I took a sip of my tea, never taking my eyes from hers. “Let

  me know when you’ve reached a verdict.” “Okay.” This half-smile formed at the corner of her lips and

  she looked down at her plate. “Doesn’t it gross you out that I’m pregnant?”

  “Why would it? You’re still you.”

  “I’m about to get terribly fat. I already have killer mood swings, and most of the time I have puke in my hair from mornin’ sickness. Sorry for rainin’ on your parade, but I’m not very desirable.”

  “It’s true. You are going to gain weight. Some days you may become so crabby that nobody wants to be near you, but the morning sickness will soon pass. You’re going to get this glow to you, and as your body transforms from a young woman to a loving mother, you’ll rediscover yourself in ways you never knew possible.”

  “Is that what happened with your wife?”

  I laughed. Simone was a happy woman when she carried Sydney. “No. I read a lot.”

  “You read pregnancy books?” “In med school I did.” “What? You went to med school? Were you going to be a

  doctor?” “A veterinarian. I had my own practice that I ran with my

  dad. He retired, and I took on the whole thing. That’s why I can’t go back. I ruined my father’s legacy without a single apology.”

  She changed the mood by throwing me a compliment. “I can see you in one of those white lab coats. I bet you were a little sexy.”

  Her comment honestly made me blush. I’d never heard her compliment me in that way. “You think I’m sexy now, after everything I’ve told you?”

  Isabella folded her hands and shot me a ornery grin. “Maybe.”

  “So old men can be sexy?” Something was happening between us. I could feel it, though I had to wonder what the reasoning behind it was.

  “You’re not that old.”

  “You didn’t answer the question.”

  I watched her sipping the tea up from a straw. “I’m not goin’ to.”

  I waved for the waitress to bring us our check. It was going to be a long drive back to Kentucky, and since I wasn’t full of rage anymore it was certainly going to drag.

  I paid for our meal and we started walking out to the truck. While I kept my eyes focused on where I was heading, she asked something that stopped me dead in my tracks. “You must hate me. I wouldn’t blame you for it. I’ve been so shitty to you. If I’d have known...”

  I didn’t let her finish. “No. Of course I don’t hate you.” I paused and looked down at my hands before proceeding. “It’s the opposite actually. Listen, I chose to keep my life a secret. I suppose I scared you with my stalker tendencies. I can assure you that it wasn’t on purpose. I just didn’t know how to go about getting you to notice me.”

  Her cheeks reddened as she looked away, seemingly embarrassed at my confession. “Doesn’t it bother you that I’m ten years younger? I mean, when you were in elementary school I wasn’t even born.”

  I let out a chuckle in light of her question. “If you haven’t noticed, I am a man. Though I try to be a gentleman in most circumstances, I’d have to say that having a younger woman is sort of every man’s dream, at least once.”

  I realized right away that they could have been construed as a come on. Before I could retract the statement, or at least rephrase it, she asked a question that changed everything.

  “So, I was wonderin’, are we goin’ to drive home tonight, or get a room somewhere? To be honest, I’m kind of tired.”

  I never saw it coming, and wasn’t positive what she was implying.

  Chapter 13

  Isabella

  I couldn’t believe that I’d said it. One minute I wanted to be as far away from him as physically possible and the next I was asking him to spend the night out of state in a hotel room.

  To say that I was confused would have been an understatement.

  There was no denying my attraction to him, though I wasn’t sure if it was out of feeling sorry for him, or something else all together. Obviously I’d found him attractive before, and I think that’s why it was so confusing to me.

  Was my sudden interest in him something that was building, or something that had come on for my utter guilt of what he’d endured?

  Rusty scratched his head, and I could tell he had mixed feelings about my question. “We could get a room with two beds, for sure.”

  Right away I realized he was trying his hardest to make me feel comfortable. Little did he know that I was fighting a losing battle with my conscience. “That’s what I thought, too.” Far be it from me to give him false hope about hooking up. I was in no condition to lead him on, but I was also the one sitting silently imagining what it would be like if we did do something.

  “Yeah, I guess it would be fine if we stayed somewhere local and made the drive in the morning. I apologize again for bringing you so far from home. My intentions were in the right place, I can assure you.”

  I smiled, still wondering if he was blowing me off, or being kind in fear of how I’d react. “If I had any doubts about my decision, they’re all gone. I’m goin’ to have this baby. Even if I’d made it inside of that building, there was no way I would have been able to go through with it. The decision to make the appointment wasn’t my highest moment. You can imagine that it’s been difficult for me to cope with this news.”

  “I can understand how one would think that an abortion is an easy out.”

  I appreciated his sympathy. “Thanks. It means a lot that you aren’t lookin’ at me like I was a monster.”

  He reached across the table and touched my hand. I didn’t pull away for two reasons. The first was that I knew he was being genuinely kindhearted. The second reason was because his touch gave me chills throughout my body. “I would never see you that way.”

  I had to look away when the heat of his words overwhelmed me. I could feel my heartbeat increasing, and knew that my reaction was only verifying what I could already feel was happening between us.

  After our conversation I felt even more eager to be alone with Rusty. I wanted to know everything about him, and this night, being away from home, was going to give me the chance.

  We drove a for a while before he pulled into a nice hotel. He started to get out of the truck and stopped to say something to me. “Wait here. It’s probably best if you let me pay for the room. I don’t want your cousin knowing that we’re together, so go ahead and call someone at the ranch. I don’t care what you tell them. I sent Noah a text this morning when I followed you. I knew I wouldn’t be in any condition to work either way it went, so I told him that I had a family emergency.”

  “Clever. He’s probably going to ask you about it.”

  “I’ll make up something. Just take care on your side.” He walked away, leaving me alone to think up a good excuse that would keep me away from home. After a few minutes I had the perfect idea.

  Can you get Rusty to check on my house tonight? I had to drive all the way to West Virginia today to meet with our partner company. It was last minute and I’m just going to spend the night here. I’m not sure if I turned off my coffee pot. –Bella

  He responded immediately.

  I’ll do it. Rusty took the day off. The house hasn’t burned down, so that’s a good sign. – Noah

  Okay, thanks. See you tomorrow then. - Bella

  Rusty came outside with a key card in his hand. “You ready?”

  I climbed out of the truck and followed him inside, where we took an elevator up to the fourth floor. Once inside of the room we both plopped down on the two beds and laid there in silence for a few seconds. “I’m so tired,” I announced.

  “Yeah. It’s been a long day.” He hopped off the bed and started walking toward the door. “I’m goin’ to run out and find a place to get us some waters. Do you want anything else?”

  I sat up and looked at him. “Do you want me to go?” He shook his head. “Nah. Just relax.” “Okay. I think a toothbrush would be nice. Do you want

  some money? You paid for the room. The lease I can do is buy you a toothbrush.”

  He laughed at me. “I’m pretty sure the hotel has toothbrushes if you call housekeeping.”

  I watched him leave before getting up and going in to use the bathroom. After I was done, I started the shower. Rusty would be at least fifteen minutes, so I had time to clean up and crawl into bed. I could sleep in my bra and panties, and make him turn his head when I got up to dress in the morning.

  The shower felt wonderful after such an emotional day. While I stood there letting the beads of water run down my body I thought about Rusty. It was possible that he’d used the store as an excuse for some alone time.

  The man had been a mystery up until a couple hours ago. I could only imagine that his head would be a little messed up. For so long he’d kept his past a secret. Telling me could have opened up wounds he thought had healed enough to go on.

  I felt so bad for him. Even though I wasn’t yet a mother, I still couldn’t imagine what it would be like to watch my child die, and not be able to do anything about it. To some she took the coward way out, but I felt like I would have done the same thing. Her mind wasn’t on Rusty when Simone took her life. All she wanted was to be with her daughter again.

  I hadn’t meant to start crying again, but that’s exactly what began to happen. Waves of tears started pouring out of my eyes until I let my body sink to the tub bottom. I brought my knees up to my chest and let the sobs continue.

  I thought about that man being so in love with his family, and what it was like to wake up one day without them. My heart ached, and I knew that everything I’d ever thought about him had been untrue. This man wasn’t just running, he was doing his best to get by. Meeting me had changed something in him, and now after all this time he was beginning to feel again.

  Whether I wanted to admit it or not, there was this connection that I felt to him. It wasn’t just because he’d tried to save me from making a terrible choice. It was more. When I needed him, he’d always seemed to be there. He’d been trying to know me for a while and I’d pushed him away.

  I thought he was a creep.

  Little did I know that he was yearning for a friendship. He longed to feel needed by someone again. Whether he picked me because I looked like her, or for other reasons, I had to help him. I wanted to do it.

  Whatever I was feeling for this guy needed to be addressed. My head was spinning with such confusion.

  Time got away from me, because the next thing I knew the bathroom door was opening. “Iz, are you all right?”

  “Yeah,” I stood up and turned off the water. “I’m just finishing up.”

  I don’t know why I tried to play off being upset. He’d obviously heard me crying, or else he wouldn’t have asked. “I got you a t-shirt and some shorts. They aren’t anything special. The pharmacy was selling them.”

  I stuck my head out from beyond the curtain and looked at the clothing in his hands. “Thanks. You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I figured you’d want to be comfortable when you slept.”

  He left me alone to change, and when I came out into the room he was staring out the large window. He turned to acknowledge my presence. “I figured they’d be huge on you.”

  I looked down at the oversized top and rolled up shorts. “It’s fine. They feel nice.”

  His eyes traveled to my chest, where my hard nipples made it obvious that I’d left my bra off. I could feel my cheeks getting warm as I looked up at him. He met my gaze and smiled.

  Since it made me uncomfortable, I crawled under the covers on one of the beds. “I’m so tired that I could go to sleep now.” Since it was just starting to get dark I knew it was still pretty early.

  Rusty sat on the edge of his bed and started taking off his boots. “I feel the same. Do you want to watch a movie?” He stood up and pulled his shirt over his head, then dropped his jeans, leaving me to stare. Even though he’d still had on a pair of boxers, it left little to the imagination. His chest was perfectly sculpted, as I’d already known. The V in the front of his shorts caught my eye. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He made Tate look like a scrawny teenager. “Iz, did you hear me?”

  “Huh?” I looked up realizing that I’d missed everything.

  “I asked you if you wanted to play cards.” He held up the deck that he’d just purchased.

  How was I supposed to reply when he knew I’d been mesmerized by his body? The room became quiet as I brought my feet to the floor and stood up. Our eyes stayed fixed on one another, and I was beginning to shake as I took a step in his direction. “I don’t want to play cards.”

  He watched me take a couple more steps, breaking that distance between us. “What do you want to do then, just go to bed?”

  I licked my lips as I brought my face closer to his. “I’m suddenly not tired anymore.”

  To be honest, I have no idea what had gotten into me. I’d never come onto a man in my life, and here I was taking advantage of the situation. Heaven help me but I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to feel what it was like to kiss him, to feel his lips kissing me back. I needed to feel what it was like to be wanted by a man again. Pregnant or not, I had needs that I’d been neglecting.

  Our lips brushed for the first time and I closed my eyes, preparing to go further. He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me away, turning his head while looking pained. “I can’t.”

  I felt rejected. “I thought you liked me.”

  “I do.” I started to back away, but he pulled me closer. “It’s not that, I can assure you.”

  “Then what?”

  Rusty looked away and closed his eyes. “Isabella, I do want you. It’s just that I haven’t been with anyone in a very long time. I don’t want you to do this because you feel sorry for me.”

  “I don’t want you to want me because you miss your wife and I remind you of her.”

  At the same time we both said, “I don’t.” It may have been a lie for both of us, but it didn’t matter. The moment was already happening.

  We both sort of smiled and looked away again. Rusty lifted my chin and looked deeply into my eyes. “You deserve to feel wanted.”

  “So do you.” It was the truth. He needed to feel alive again, because he was. “We’re both adults. I know this is unexpected, but we’re in this hotel together and we’re both obviously attracted to each other. I’m not sayin’ that we have to make love, but -.” His lips were on mine before I could answer. My hands found his hard chest and I ran the palms of them over his skin. Our mouths connected several times before I found the courage to use my tongue. It was as if I needed to test the waters before jumping right in.

  This man was so fragile. He’d confided in me, and it had caused us to connect on a level that I’d never experienced with anyone before. I thought I knew Tate, but really our childhood relationship didn’t compare to this at all. I craved to be touched by this man, who in turned yearned to feel something real again. If all we had was this one night and nothing else, I wanted it to be memorable.

  We both pulled away to catch our breaths. I ran my hands over the elastic to his boxers. He pulled away, as if he was embarrassed that he was forming an erection. “Sorry. I’m not – .”

  “Shh.” I pulled the elastic toward me and let my hand slide down beneath until I felt his warm, smooth skin with my fingertips. “Close your eyes.”

  He did as I asked and I leaned forward brushing my lips over his. Right away I felt his body beginning to tremble. He began shaking so bad that I couldn’t ignore it. His eyes shot open and I took one step back. “Are you okay?”

  He just stood there staring at me, like he’d done before when I thought he was a stalker.

  “Rusty?”

  He came at me, shoving our lips together, and pulling us both down on one of the beds. It was so sexy to be with a real man, someone older that was still nervous. The more I fought with myself over my actions, the more I knew I wasn’t going to back down.

  Chapter 14

  Rusty

  I couldn’t believe that she was on top of me, pressing those perfect lips against mine. Her hands remained

  on my chest as our tongues mingled together. I hadn’t felt this way in such a long time, but worried that at any minute she was going to stop.

  For so long I’d felt as if I’d never be able to feel something for anyone again. I’d given up hope that good things could happen for me.

  I was afraid to keep closing my eyes, in fear of her not being there when I opened them back up. I was scared to death that it could have all just been a dream. For so many nights I’d imagined what it would be like to touch her soft skin, to smell the fragrance of her body lotion, and to feel the way her lips felt when they pressed over mine.

  Now it was happening, and I couldn’t slow down my trembling body. My nerves were taking over, and I wasn’t sure whether to stop or push on.

  When I knew that it was apparent to her again, I pulled away. She lay there under me on the bed, waiting for me to respond in some way. “Sorry. I just need a minute.”

  Isabella reached up and ran her fingers through my hair on the sides. “Do you want to stop?”

  I moved my head slowly from side to side. “You’re asking a man whether he wants to stop kissing you.”

  She shrugged. “Yeah, so?”

  “You already know the answer to that. It’s just...it’s hard to not feel like I’m cheating. I know it sounds ridiculous.” I looked down, ashamed to break the moment with my emotional guilt.