Once in college we’d set out with a common goal to reinvent ourselves. It had worked so far for me, but not so much for Christian. I can’t say I wasn’t happy about that. Secretly I wanted her to remain untouched. It’s the reason why I knew I wasn’t ready to commit to her. I couldn’t be selfish and keep her for myself. I had to let her live.

  In all of my attempts to do the right thing I’d somehow forgotten how precious our relationship was. I comforted myself with other women to prevent her from wanting me. I’d given her every reason to seek attention from another guy.

  Being in the shower with her had been a mistake. I couldn’t look into those green eyes and picture them peering into another guy’s eyes the way they did mine. I couldn’t touch her skin and imagine that someone else had consumed every inch of it. I certainly couldn’t hold her hands any longer after wondering where they’d recently been.

  This was a catastrophe. I needed to be alone; to dwell in the mess that I’d made of what could have been our future. Selfishly I knew I couldn’t tell her my feelings. She was too messed up over what she’d already done. Tangling more stress into the mix would be a dick move. Keeping her at a distance was all I could bring myself to do. I had to calm down before I was able to put on a brave face and pretend that she hadn’t just cut me into tiny pieces.

  Hearing the door open and close let me know she’d left. More than anything I wanted to run after her. I needed her to know I’d never let her go. She had to know that every moment of every single day I was thinking about when we’d have a life together. My buried feelings had been forced free and now I struggled with the outcome. We still had two years of college; two years to make mistakes and find ourselves again. If she knew I returned her feelings she’d forget about what was important. I couldn’t let her lose focus. Somehow I had to get over this, and be the friend she needed, because losing her completely wasn’t an option either.

  When I got up to retrieve my shoes I found the note. Her words caused me more confusion. Did she really think I wanted a life without her in it?

  It made me angry, so much that I crumpled up the note and tossed it across the room. My next move was to call her and tell her off until she told me where she was so I could drag her ass back to my bed. Suddenly I didn’t care about Seth and what they’d done together. All I wanted was to remind her how important she was to my life.

  The phone rang with no response. After a while it went straight to voicemail. I kept calling it, even when I’d gone out to look for her. I coasted every street from my place to hers with no sight of her anywhere. She obviously didn’t want to be found. It was the middle of the night. She’d be able to hear my car coming down the road and hide. I slammed my fist on the steering wheel out of frustration. By the time I’d reached her front door I didn’t care who was sleeping. I banged on it hard, waiting to be let in.

  Becca answered in her pajamas. She was clearly not happy that I was standing on the porch. Instead of asking me what I wanted she simply opened the door and motioned for me to come inside. I burst through Christian’s bedroom door only to find the room vacant. After looking around for a piece of paper I noticed the used rubber in the trash can.

  Sitting down was inevitable as another wave of jealousy hit me. Then I looked down noticing the messed up sheets and became enraged. I couldn’t take it. The image of that dude fucking her on the same bed that I sat on was like a kick in the balls. The reminder still so apparent, I reached down and began ripping the linens from the bed. Once I’d stripped everything off, I flipped the mattress completely over. I had to rid it of any reminder of Seth.

  Since Christian obviously wasn’t home, I grabbed the sheets and blankets and left with them. After tossing everything in a local dumpster, I drove home still heated from everything that had transpired. With no sign of her back at my place I was left to sit awake all night, both annoyed and worried at the same time.

  One way or another I’d have to get over my anger. I needed her more than she knew, and the fact that there was a chance that our friendship was over was making me sick. I wouldn’t stop until she knew the truth.

  I couldn’t.

  Chapter 11

  Christian

  I was a blubbering mess when I left Ethan’s house. My hair was still damp, making the shivering worse. When I heard his car coming my way I ducked behind a hedgerow to prevent being discovered. He couldn’t know how much he’d hurt me. Ethan had made it clear that our friendship couldn’t be anything more, and since I’d screwed up and slept with Seth, someone he clearly hated, I knew I’d damaged our already strained bond.

  My phone rang until I shut it off, but not before seeing I had more messages from Seth. He was begging to explain everything to me, going on and on about how he and Mila were not together. To be honest it didn’t even matter to me. I couldn’t trust him, or his lunatic girlfriend. Drama wasn’t something I was used to, so it was important to stay out of it.

  Once I’d shot him a quick text simply telling him to leave me alone, I continued walking back to my house. It was still dark out, even though I knew the early morning sunrise was only hours from showing its face. While the town slept, I was left to sob alone, without a single friend to call.

  When I heard another car heading in my direction I ducked back behind a vehicle in case it was Ethan again. This time the driver didn’t keep going. They stopped and I heard the sound of the door shutting and footsteps heading in my direction. I peered around the car only to come face to face with Seth. The shock of him being the one person to find me made me uneasy. “What are you doin’ here?”

  “I might ask you the same. What the hell are you doing out in the middle of the night? I thought you were with a friend.”

  I shook my head. “I was. It’s a long story.” Frankly, I didn’t even want to explain it, especially with him.

  “Come with me. I’ll take you home.” He held out his hand to motion for me to join him.

  I wrapped my arms across my chest and stood still. “That’s not a good idea. I told you that we had nothin’ left to talk about.”

  He seemed frustrated, gritting his teeth to hold back a boast of something he’d regret. “Look, just let me take you home. It’s dark, and who knows what could happen to someone who looks like you.”

  I rolled my eyes and walked toward his car. “Sayin’ that won’t get you back in my pants.”

  Once we were both inside I appreciated the heat being on. My frigid fingers started to warm up as we took off down the road, except we weren’t headed in the direction of my house.

  It was too early to panic, so I simply asked. “Where are you takin’ me? Did you already forget where I live?”

  “I know where you live, but you’re coming back to my place until you listen to me.”

  “No, I’m not. Turn this car around and take me back, Seth. I mean it. I’m not in the mood.”

  He drove faster, ignoring my demands. He even locked the doors to prevent me from opening them. I think that’s when I started to freak out a little bit. The only thing keeping me from screaming was the fact that he’d been wonderful when we were together. I had to take a second to think about his feelings.

  “Why couldn’t you just hear me out?”

  “I’ll listen, Seth. I will. Just stop drivin’ so fast. You’re scarin’ me. Why can’t we talk at my place?”

  “It’s too late for that. We’re here.” He pulled into the driveway of a dark house. It most definitely wasn’t decorated with letters like a frat house.

  “Where are we?” I asked.

  “Come with me. You’ll be fine.”

  While leery I followed Seth into the house. As soon as we got inside I began to worry. This house wasn’t lived in. He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into another dark room. He let go of it and illuminated the room with a lighter. I got one quick look before it became dark again. The stairs were falling apart, and the paint was peeling off the walls. In the middle of the floor was a mattress covered with bunched up blankets. “Oh my God,” I started backing up. “Tell me you’re homeless and you’re not here to kill me.”

  The sudden fear of being in terrible danger hit me like a ton of bricks. Before my eyes were able to adjust to the darkness enough to find my way to the front door, he was taking hold of my hand again, jerking me into his chest. “I’m not going to kill you. I said we’re going to talk, and then you’ll see that I wasn’t lying. You’ll see how much I want you, Christian.”

  “Don’t call me that!”

  “Why? It’s your name?”

  “Please turn on a light. You’re scaring the shit out of me, Seth. This ain’t funny at all. I promise to listen to you, but get me out of here first.” I knew I was starting to beg, but this wasn’t normal. People didn’t go to abandoned buildings to have serious talks. It wasn’t right, and the longer we stood there the more upset I was getting.

  Seth took me by the waist and pulled me forward. He tugged me down on the mattress and sat next to me. The outside light finally gave me a little visibility. He was staring at me, and I felt uncomfortable being alone with him. “You’re so beautiful. I’ve watched you come into class for weeks, waiting for the day that you noticed me. I knew I’d have you if I was patient. Girls like you are worth the wait.”

  That was enough for me to hear to become terrified.

  “Why are you doin’ this?” I was getting choked up with my words. There was no explanation to the ill feeling that I had. This guy had never put me in harm’s way until this moment. If this was some sick joke it was working. I was afraid. “Please take me home. I promise I’ll forgive you.”

  Seth pinched my cheeks with one hand and forced me to look in his direction. His widened eyes sent chills over my spine. The trembling was no longer from being chilly. I was shaking in fear of losing my life to a psychopath. “Is that how you talk to the guy who you slept with a few hours ago? Do you know how good it felt when you wrapped your lips around my cock in that movie theater? I could have fucked you right there in those seats. I can’t stop thinking of the way your pussy tastes. I knew you’d be sweet.” His fingers trailed between my legs, dragging over my pussy. I shuddered, repulsed by his touch.

  “Get off of me.”

  Seth’s strength came into play after that first rejection. He clenched my wrist, preventing me from freeing. When I felt the force of his hold I immediately started to try and push him away from me. This only angered him more. He grabbed my other wrist and pinned me down on my back. I turned my head to the side, still trying to wriggle away. “Calm down. Stop teasing me.”

  “Teasin’ you?” Was he crazy? “I want to get away from you. This ain’t funny, Seth. Let me go. Get the fuck off of me.”

  He started laughing. Then I felt his tongue licking over my cheek. The smell of alcohol became apparent, and I wondered how much he could have consumed in the time since I’d seen him last. I closed my eyes and flipped my head around to make him stop. He pinned my thighs with his legs, pressing all of his weight over me.

  My cries were unheard, but I still continued. He attempted to kiss me and I moved my head, determined to fight him off. When my sobs remained he brought both hands together and held them with one of his, while using his other to reach into my pants. I felt him there, touching me without permission. “Why are you fighting me? You know you like it. You gave me this pussy without a fight earlier today.” He entered me with more than one finger. I gasped in between screams then felt his mouth covering mine. I tightened my lips to keep his tongue out. When he relaxed his own I bit down and pulled. He tightened his grip on my wrists and shoved his fingers as far inside of me as he could. The gentle guy I’d slept with was gone. This person didn’t care if I was begging him to stop. He was on a mission to sleep with me, and I was going to fight until I was free.

  “What the fuck did you do that for?” He yelled.

  “Get off of me.” I spit in his face, waiting and prepared for him to hit me.

  Instead he leaned forward wiping my own fluids over my cheek while whispering in my ear. “I like it when you fight. It’s almost as sexy as watching your lips devouring my dick.”

  The bile rose to the back of my throat as he adjusted once more, removing his finger only to shove it in my mouth. I tried to fight it, but he thrust it in so fast I began to gag, not from the taste, but from it being forced halfway down my throat. When he removed it I coughed and turned to the side in case I had to throw up.

  Seth used those seconds to flip me around and hold me down with the weight of his body. He tugged on my pants, pulling them off of my ass. I scream and yelled, begging for him to stop what he was doing. The taste of my tears filled my mouth as I cried out feeling him entering me. Time froze, and in that instant I knew he wasn’t going to let me go until he finished what he started. The pain, feeling wretched and dirty, followed by the sounds of him getting off on ripping the skin of my asshole as he continued pumping his hard shaft inside of it caused me to lose sense of what was actually happening. I don’t know if I was in denial, or the whole thing was just too tragic for me to be able to accept. No matter which way I tried to understand how I’d gotten to this point it all kept coming back to the fact that I’d let this man sleep with me. I’d let him have his way. I’d given him false hope, and now I was getting the brunt of his brutal display of anger. If Seth couldn’t have me he wanted to make sure that nobody else would ever want me again.

  While crying hysterically, I waited until he slowed down. The moment he pulled out of me I twisted around, sending him down next to me. With my pants at my knees I got up and started to run in the direction of the door. I refused to look back in fear of him being right behind me. My hand made contact with the doorknob the exact second that I was being spun around.

  “Please, don’t. Just let me go. You don’t have to do this. I’ll listen to you, I swear. I’ll do anything. Seth, please don’t,” I repeated over and over.

  He grabbed my face hard and pushed his lips over mine. I continued crying silently begging that someone would come to my rescue. He was too big to overpower, and I was honestly afraid of what would happen if I fought him too much.

  Once he pulled away from his kiss, he put his lips up to my ear. “Stop fighting me. I know you want this, just like you let me have it earlier. Spread your fucking legs like a good girl. My dick’s been craving you since we left the theater.”

  I was bawling. Snot ran down over my lips. I couldn’t see anything but his shadow in front of me, but knew I was trapped. “Please don’t hurt me, Seth. I’ll do what you want.” He shoved me harder against the wooden door, lifting me up against it. When I refused to wrap my legs around his waist he pulled me away and then slammed me back against it harder. The back of my head immediately began to throb. I dug my hands into his shoulders, feeling him placing my legs behind his back. I raised one hand and slapped him hard across his face, dragging my nails from his cheek to his ear.

  He yelled out loudly and shoved himself inside of me before leaning his head down and biting the skin under my chin. The new waves of pain were agonizing, so much that I wished I’d just pass out. He pressed his lips over mine again, and this time I refused to fight him. I’d done my best to break free, but he was double my size.

  The time that passed in the house all seemed to blur. Seth forced himself on me for hours until he couldn’t get hard anymore.

  I don’t remember him leaving. Had I blacked out? How could I not recall his releasing me from his hold?

  The sun was just beginning to rise when I became coherent again. My pants were clinging onto one ankle, and my shirt was torn and tattered. With shaking hands I managed to pull up my underwear first. After getting both legs back in my pants, I pulled them up and did the best I could covering myself with the fabric of my ruined shirt.

  My purse, which had somehow ended up across the room, was left untouched. I found my phone inside, but stared at it wondering who I should call. My parents would never understand. My roommates weren’t close enough for me to trust them, and there was no way I could call Ethan, not about this.

  Before exiting the house, I found an old bathroom. The plumbing was off, but I managed to wipe off a mirror enough to take a look at my face. The person that stared back at me was unrecognizable.

  Chapter 12

  Christian

  When I crept out of the bathroom I was able to get a better look around the old house. It was obviously used as a fraternity house at one time. Posters still hung in the rooms, and there was even leftover furniture in some.

  Even though I knew I was alone, I took my time going down the stairs. My body ached with each step, and a metallic taste reminded me that I was pretty beat up, on the inside and out.

  A few pictures were left on the walls, and where the mattress was left on the floor was a large area rug that had seen better days. Part of the ceiling had caved in where the dining room was, but I decided not to look any further. The less I knew about this house the better, because I knew it was going to haunt me.

  After doing my best to hide my ripped shirt, I began to trek in the direction of my house. Students jogged by me, and some were on bicycles. None of them noticed my condition, and if they had they never stopped to ask if I was okay. I kept my head down low as I marched down the sidewalk, focusing on every part that hurt.

  When I arrived at my house I’d gotten lucky that no one was around. I entered my room and locked the door. The first thing I noticed was that the blankets were off of my bed. I searched the room, not finding them anywhere. Since they were the last of my priorities I started removing my clothes.

  While standing in front of the mirror I peered at the reflection looking back at me. Tears filled my eyes as I touched each injured sore area, reliving how that particular ailment had occurred. Vomit rose to my mouth, and I hauled into the bathroom to puke. After throwing up for a few minutes I turned on the shower and climbed in. Much like the one I’d taken at Ethan’s house, I sunk down to the floor and held my knees up to my chest. Bawling wasn’t the answer, even if I was unable to control my emotions.